The Price of your Heart: I'll take your kiss
by manaika
Summary: Made for lj's 30kisses, list Nu/acquisition. Shinpachi and Sanosuke deal with their love, their lives and with the changing times. Appearences of Shiranui. #17: How can you regain something you lost?
1. 01: Be mine

**Shinpachi/Sanosuke 30kisses arc**

**Theme set list/restriction**: Nu/acquisition

**Summary**: Made for 30kisses, list Nu/acquisition. Shinpachi and Sanosuke deal with their love, their lives and with the changing times. #01:i When your heart aches from secret love and burns with subdueddesire and the one you long for is sitting across of you with a smile on his face, there is only one thing left to do. /i

**Warnings**: for this one-shot it's shounen-ai, yaoi, lemon, slight SM, cursing. For the arc it's gonna be shounen-ai, yaoi and everything around it, including lemons, cursing, boshin war themes, a bit of SM, but without violence or abuse themes,- you know-it's more fun that way. At least for Sano. Even though the warnings sound dark and angsty, it's still Shinpa/Sano, that means, that if there will be any angst, it will be only because they are for once acting their age. It's set in the times of the boshin war, later meiji restoration and government (read author's note), alas I should mention it with everything that comes with it.

Disclaimer: _I do not own Hakuoki, or any of it's characters. The creators do. My muse owns the idea of the fic, myself the work and the time I put into writing it. Credit me at least those, ok?_

Also, please read the notes. I won't be posting them in the second shot.

Notes – please read

The idea to claim Shinpa/Sano at 30kisses came as I was already writing this one-shot. I got it, as other one shots started attacking me, in a wave of inspiration (thank one abusing muse) and I thought to myself „Why not try to make it 30kisses?" So I went to look if there isn't any theme set list fitting to them. There was. I ronically, it was taken from the „Ferrengi book of acquisition" from Star Trek. Talk about historical Japan. But anyway, I claimed them and so here I am. Also, as soon as I claimed, this one shot got another wave of inspiration and gained something concrete, a theme, a purpose. I'm eternally gratefull for that.

But before you start reading, there I are a few more „introductional" things I would like to share. Please read them. They won't appear in the next posts. I will put them into a special post at my journal, made extra for this occassion, including the chronological order of the oneshots. I will tag it and add it into the links list. Keep your eyes open for it. There will be links to the 30kisses arcs, under the arc name, and under 30kisses will be the link to informations about the arcs.

1. As I already mentioned, some of the one shots will be set in the meiji era, which Shinpachi had come to see alive (historically the only one of the shinsengumi besides Saito). Depending on how season 2 developes, it might partially, but not necessarily divert from the series plot (especially concerning Harada – I have a suspicion of what will happen with him and I'm basing a few events of the one shots on it, but there's no guarantee that my suspicions get confirmed).

2. I'm studying classical archeology. It shows. I'm a neat freak in historical accuracy, so I will do my best to make everything historically as accurate as I can. However, I'm not an expert on japanese history and the majority of my informations are either from wikipedia, other animes, or my best friend (who had one semester of japanese history), so it's fairly possible that there will be inaccuracies or even huge mistakes. If you notice some, correct me. This also includes japanese clothing. In this case I'm open and listening to any lecture. If there is some expert on japanese history, or this particular era, and wants to, or is willing to offer some information, or help me out, I'll be more than happy. I would have someone concrete to turn to with possible questions. It would help me out a lot. And since there will be long time spans between my updates, the questions won't come that frequently. ...At least I suppose. You never know when my muse will start abusing me and I make me write ten fics a day.

3. Updates might take their time. The possibility is very high. I don't have much time, but I'll be able to compose an one shot here and there. I have 7 free hours one day betwene two lectures. I'm spending them at the library (like now). When there won't be any seminar to work on, I will have plenty time to write one shots. So there should be no problem with it. Also, I feel a new wave of inspiration. It feels like I'm breaking free from my chains and somehow right now I feel like I could write anything. I have even started to work on paused fics, f.e. my kyou kara maou fics. I'm actually almost at the point at returning to writing Complicated as Love. So yeah, the chances are high. /lj-cut

This one shot is set during the Shinsengumi time in Kyoto. They hadn't left for Edo and became hatamoto yet. Some time before Toba-Fushimi. Around episode 9, or 10.

**Be mine**

It was a starry night. A starry night making the darkness of the skies seem to be made of velvet and the shine like a billion of diamonds. He always thought that the stars in Kyoto shone brighter than in Edo. Maybe it was because they saw. They saw and knew. Knew what he didn't know. He glance to his side to take in the image presenting itself to him. A perfect face, tan skin, long hair, full lips and eyes that could match any star by their brightness. Eyes of gold, hair of ruby, skin of bronze and a light drunken flush playing on high cheekbones. The smell of sweat, musk and wind filled his senses and he couldn't but inhale deeply, wondering when it started. When did he start feeling like this? It seemed like forever. Maybe always. Only the stars could know.

But tonight he would put an end to it. He would put an end to it and let something new start. He would risk and pray that he would gain, instead of lose. Because if he gained, he would become rich, richer than the emperor himself. If he lost, he would lose everything. Everything. His life would hold no meaning anymore. And so with a wish upon the stars, he raised his cup of fine sake in a silent toast. He had treated the other out, wishing, hoping...

His companion turned to him with a wide smile on his face and they brought their cups together. Their eyes met and somehow, through some instinct, maybe intuition, or perhaps even a divine vision sent by the stars above, Nagakura Shinpachi knew, that he could only gain. There would be no loss tonight, only victory. It could have been that instinct, intuition, the divine vision, but it could have been also something in those golden eyes, that convinced him so.

-x-

As he took in the drunken flush, the glazed look in the skyblue eyes and that almost ridiculous smile from ear to ear, Harada Sanosuke couldn't but smile back gently. As Shinpachi approached him earlier the evening to ask him out for a drink or two, he was admittedly, mildly surprised. Things haven't been going well between them for some while now and at some point they stoped going out for a drink regulary. And if he was honest to himself, Sano missed it. So it had been a state of a pleasant surprise his long-time friend brought him into and he couldn't but accept. Sincerely, what threw him off more was, that Shinpachi had decided to treat him. Of course, he had done that before, not less than Sano, but something in his eyes was off.

And that was the point when Sano understood. And he continued to understand it even more as the evening went over into night and with every passing moment the night brought. He finally understood the faraway look, so unfamiliar in those blue eyes that were always wide open, cautious about reality, as if not to miss any single moment of life. He finally understood the brooding mood. And he finally understood why Shinpachi had been avoiding him. But he didn't say anything, because he just knew why he asked him out tonight and why he decided to treat him.

So he waited. He waited for his friend to bring up the topic that, as it now came to Sano, had been looming over them for so long. And he couldn't but wonder when it started.

Was it at one of their battles, when they saw their wounds and silently worried about the other? Was it at some night just like this when the stars were bright, the night long and the sake good? Or was it at that examination when Shinpachi decided it was time to show off, but wasn't allowed to?

Truth be told, Sano didn't know. And he found he didn't care the slightest. What was important was now. And that was Shinpachi sitting across of him, smiling dumbly at him, raising his cup in a silent toast, preparing himself for what probably seemed to him like the biggest step of his life.

And Sano waited.

ox*xo

Shinpachi poured his fellow another cup and sighed loudly in content.

„It has been quite a time since we went out like this, no? I've really missed it!"

Sano nodded and took a sip from his drink. „Yeah."

„I've missed being with you like this."

Sano paused. Then sipped. Then smiled. And waited.

„Sano, there is something I wanted to tell you." His tone was serious, but soft, in a way somehow like the morning breeze, that brought the new day.

„What is it Shinpachi?" It wasn't an actual question. It was more like a soothing sentence urging one forward, taking away any nervousity and doubt.

„I...I was avoiding you these past weeks."

„Yes?" Another small urge, more of a nudge. A little ‚Just go on, I'm listening, I'm here with you, I won't leave. Go on.'

„Yeah, I..." Shinpachi paused. It was a contemplating silence, searching for the right words to say, to express his innermost thoughts. This time Sano didn't say anything, silently waiting, not pushing his companion, letting him take his time to find the words coming deep from his heart. „I needed to sort a few things out."

„What things?"

„Certain feelings of mine."

„Yes, that's something you were never good at." It wasn't a sarcastic or ironic remark, neither was it teasing. It was just simple assurance and understanding, accompanied by a caseful smile.

„Anyway, I..." Shinpachi looked into Sano's eyes. Suddenly blue pools lit up with burning fire and the short-haired male exclaimed: „Ah to hell with it. You know what I mean anyway!"

And simple as that, he kissed him.

It wasn't sweet or gentle. Neither was it rough, or hard. Instead, it was desperate. It was a kiss of a desperate man who longed for only one thing in the world. Him.

Sano couldn't but grinn self-consciously from ear to ear into the kiss. He had never thought about imagining how Shinpachi would kiss, and he didn't know what he would have imagined it like and it was something he would probably never know, but after this kiss, this sheer passion pouring into him, he didn't care about dreams he never had. Here was the real thing, the opportunity, here was Shinpachi giving himself to him, and what was more, expecting him to return it.

So Sano did. He opened his mouth invitingly and not sooner he did, a wet piece of flesh needily slipped inside and devoured him with a force it almost swept him away. He vagualy thought that no one had ever kissed him like this. This demandingly, this dominantly, not letting him have a thing to say in it. He felt his hands shake and clutch at the black kataginu Shinpachi wore, his breath hitch and heart somewhere up his throat. It litterally took his breath away.

He never met anyone who could give and take something at the same time like Shinpachi did. It was as if the man was desperate for it so much that he would be able to give up anything for it. Anything. And he would do even more to get it. He was almost demanding, hungry, but also begging, reguesting, wishing.

And moved by these emotions, this devotion Sano knew the older male had, but never expierienced it on his own person, he couldn't, but return everything he recieved. Like an equal. An equal in life, an equal in pain, an equal in desire, an equal in love. He laid everything he had into the kiss, summoned all of his experience gathered through years and as he felt Shinpachi pull him near, nearer than they were ever before, he knew he did his job well.

Their tongues danced with each other, first cricling each other, then playfully teasing, and then battling a fierce battle. Sano playfully nudged Shinpachi's tongue with his own, while he moved near, so that they were hip on hip, hand casually placed on the nape of Shinpachi's neck, gently stroking the sensitive skin, earning small shudders of pleasure from the other male, smiling mischievously into the kiss, up for a bit of sensual teasing. He never expected Shinpachi do what he did next. He seized Sano's arm into a clutch that was almost painfull and would for sure leave at least a small bruise, and yanked him forward, into his lap, where he felt a bulge pressing between his cheeks.

Stunned by this sudden force and dominance he couldn't but sit there for a split moment, without moving, just with the thought, that he was caught, bound and held captive without any means of escape, flashing through his mind. But then, as he overcame his mild shock and decided that giving himself voluntarily was better than being forced to and started kissing back almost meekly, he found he wasn't sure he actually wanted to escape.

ox*xo

They stumbled into Shinpachi's room like a pair of dogs in heat, ripping the clothes from each other's body, months of awkward tension boiled up finally granted release. Sanosuke slammed his partner in crime into the thin wall, kissing him fiercely. He felt strong hands gripping his hips, bruising them. And suddenly he was the one pressed into the wall, his back aching from the impact, gasping as a calloused hand carressed his scar. Another gasp passed his lips as he felt a sneaky hand find it's way into his pants.

„Like hell I'll let you!" he ripped Shinpachi's pants down, his own hand sneaking around the wet hardness of his...what was it? Partner in crime? Friend? Lover? He didn't know, but right at the moment he couldn't have cared less.

Shinpachi gasped and through his gritted teeth chuckled wickedly. „You'll have to."

„Fight me for it!"

This caught Shinpachi by surprise and he was thrown down onto the floor with a loud thud, Sanosuke right over him. He grinned.

„Che. Afraid?"

Startled, Sano paused for a split second which Shinpachi used to flip them over and get a hold of Sano's wrists in an iron grip.

„Cheater!"

„That's why you love me so!"

They were both panting heavily, drenched in sweat and with an aching arousals.

„Besides, it's not like you were fighting fair."

Sano grinned. „Let's call it a draw."

„With me over you."

„Which reminds me: What are you going to do now?"

„Huh?"

„In order to get something done, you will have to release me."

Shinpachi gritted his teeth. „You bastard..." Suddenly he smirked. „Hmph. Then I'll release you."

And he did. Before a surprised Sano could realize what was happening, his pants were flying to the other end of the room and Shinpachi was about to pin him down again. Like hell! He bolted up and strangled the shorthaired man's hips, hands pressing the broad shoulders into the floor.

„Gotcha!"

They were both naked, two muscular bodies in all of their glory, their sweat glinting in the moonlight like luxurious body oil. Their arousals were hot, hard, thick and throbbing, their pulse flying, heartbeat racing, bodies pushed to their limits. With Sano sitting on him, Shinpachi had a wonderfull view of the man. His throat went dry at the sight of the hard length and his own arousal throbbed mercilessly under the well-shaped ass. Spasms of pleasure shot through him, unreleased need mercilessly attacking him. Sano was grinning victoriously, like a giant cat that ate the canary, and, oh, kami-sama, it just called to be wiped out. Shinpachi smirked.

„Not yet!"

He sat up abruptly, hands throwing Sanosuke backwards, hips moving simultanously, pushing the redhead backwards, legs trapped underneath him. Sano shouted an obscene curse as his head hit the ground, his vision fading to black for a split moment. Shinpachi used that moment to seize the arm of his best friend, flip him over and hold him captive by his own body. His knees on Sano's thighs, his arm pulling Sano's arm up, while his hand pressed Sano's muscular back forward, pressing him into the ground. He would have bruises, but to Shinpachi they would be only proof that the man belonged now to him. Of course, Sano could free himself, but it wouldn't be before Shinpachi buried himself deep inside of Sano, pressing into the hot tighteness...

He heard Sano's pained scream as he did that, burying himself inside with one swift move.

„Shinpachi!"

They were panting even harder than before, their chests rising rapidly, pulling Sano's back upwards, Shinpachi's chest slamming against it, pressinng him down even more. Their breaths became one, their groans of pleasure wantonly escaping from deep within their throats together.

„I win." Shinpachi breathed a grin spreading across his features.

Sano gritted his teeth. „Because you are a bastard. Now get out of me so I can teach you some manners!"

Shinpachi gave a low laugh. „Do you really want that?" And with that he thrusted forward. Sano screamed in pain, while Shinpachi arched his back in pleasure.

„Imagine that yes, I want you out of me, now!"

„Too bad for you, that I'm having no intention of getting out of you untill I get to come at least five times." And he thrusted again and earned himself another scream.

„Damn, you're so tight..."

„Trust me, I know that! It doesn't happen to me every day that I get a dick stuck up my ass!"

„I feel that...Had sex with man yet?"

„That's not the point, you ass..."

Shinpachi chuckled. „Don't worry it'll get better..." He thrusted again and Sano flinched.

„I don't see how!"

„You'll see soon enough. At least it worked with Heisuke."

„How comes Heisuke into thi-" that was as far as he came as a wave of pleasure hit Sano as suddenly as a strike of lightning and he screamed, arching his back. He didn't even notice how he freed himself from Shinpachi's grip, the force of sheer pleasure driving his body.

„What the..."

„Want me to do that again?" Shinpachi whispered huskily into his ear, hot breath tracing his damp skin like finest silk. The smell of sake filled his senses and he remembered how wonderfull Shinpachi looked with that drunken flush on his cheeks, his eyes slightly clouded, look faraway, almost melancholic...Sano wondered if he had looked similary in Shinpachi's eyes.

Then another wave of pleasure shot through him, from gut to toe and through his whole body and he stoped caring.

„Say it! Say you want me to do that again!"

Oh and how Harada Sanousuke wanted him to do that again, but there was no way in hell that he was admitting it. He bit his lip hard enough to draw blood.

„I won't!"

„Say it!"

„No!"

„Are you sure?"

„Yes!"

„Fine!"

Originally, Shinpachi wanted to stop if he didn't get Sano to beg, but suddenly he found that he simply didn't want to stop, not for a second. And to say, make Harada Sanosuke beg was not something that could be achieved within five minutes. It might need hours, days, months, maybe even years and there was no way Shinpachi was waiting for so long. He had waited just enough.

So instead of stoping he went all out, taking Sano in hard and fast thrusts, slamming the strong body into the ground. He barely heard Sano's screams of pain and groans of pleasure, lost in his own need and lust. He wanted this for so long...he wanted Sano's strong body shaking underneath him for so unbelievably long... And now he had it and he could do with it what he wanted and he was enjoying every moment of it. And he would make Sano enjoy it as well.

Shinpachi had no plans of stoping until they were both too tired to move. Subconsciously, he went even faster, his body going far beyond it's limits, only the force of pleasure driving it forward. He felt Sano's shudders underneath him, he felt the breath quicken, the moans increasing and he knew it wouldn't take too long for them to come. He griped Sano's hips and pulled him up, hand sneaking around him and taking hold of the arousal coated richly in precum. Sano screamed out in pleasure as he threw his head back, red hair flying around him like a lion's mane. The following groan was more of an animalistic growl, than any sound a human would make, even when in the midst of his pleasure. That wildness, that strength and Shinpachi had it all underneath him, bent to his will...

It made his feelings even more deep than they already were, deeper than it was possible, and he felt like he was about to burst from their overwhelming power. He sped up his strokes and thrusts and Sano's back arched to the point where Shinpachi wondered if it was even physically possible. All Shinpachi needed to do to mark him was bend forward and sink his teeth into the exposed neckline that was right there, just waiting for him to claim it. So he did just that and his reward became another growl.

He thought it was not possible for them to became hotter and harder, but he was proven wrong and it felt like the end of the world, but even then it took several more strokes, a whole eternity as it seemed, before Sano came, with an expression that was far beyond what Shinpachi had ever imagined in his wildest and rawest dreams. It was an expression of the most basic instinct a human had, one of rawest and purest nature, but all the more wild and unbound, free and completely like Sano. He tightened in his climax, squeezing Shinpachi painfully, to the point where it was more agony than pain, pure torture, driving him over his edge in the same instant. Their visions went white as they came with two loud screams.

Shinpachi was almost sure they passed out for a moment. But it couldn't have been for too long, because as he came to himself their bodies were still hot and sweat-drenched, their breath uneven and heartbeats fast, still not calmed down. Oh sweet afterglow... He wanted to stay buried in Sano forever, because it felt so good being glued to him by his own sweat, blood and cum. However that was most-likely not happening.

„Get out."

„Give me a second."

Their voices were hoarse, exhausted from intense and loud screaming and moaning. He knew Sano would be the vocal type, he simply knew it, and he was proven right. Finally Shinpachi found enough strength to pull out of his best friend and he rolled over on his back, arms spread wide. „Phew..."

He took a look at Sano and as soon as he laid eyes on him, his cock twitched. A flush was covering the handsom face, the hair was disarray, the dark strands all over the tan body glinting in the moonlight, sweat covering him like an invisible sheet. It made Shinpachi want to devour him all over again.

„How can one man alone be so alluring?"

He asked it more himself, but he still got an answer. Well, more a counter than an actuall asnwer.

„How can one man be so unsateable?"

He raised an eyebrow and followed Sano's look. „Oh." He was getting hard again. „Hmph. Like you don't."

„Most of the time, I do it only once the night."

„Liar."

„Honestly."

„Sure."

„Really."

„Like hell."

Sano sighed. „Suit yourself. But I'm not letting you do it again."

„Oh come one. Like you didn't like it..."

At Sano's gaze Shinpachi's breath hitched. It was so cold and hard, but so intense and so absolutely _arousing_...

„I'm not saying that I didn't like it. I'm saying that I'm too exhaused to move."

„Hmmm..." Suddenly Shinpachi grinned and sat up. „Let me make it better."

Sano looked almost worried as he saw him move towards him. „Hey, what are you..." but as soon as the hands touched his back and started rubbing circles into it, the protest faded into a content sigh. „This is more like it..."

„See? I told you I'll make it better."

„Just shut up and move lower. Oh yes, exactly there..."

Shinpachi half-expected Sano to start purring like a cat as his hands moved slowly, working out the knots of the abused back. For a little while they were silent, simply enjoying the intimate contact. Sano was slowly relaxing into the soothing touch and the features that were contorted with raw pleasure mere moments ago were now calm and content. The breath evened out and for a moment Shinpachi thought the man had fallen asleep.

That was when Sano spoked up, something occuring to him.

„Say Shinpachi..."

„Hm?"

„What did you mean with ‚at least it worked with Heisuke'?"

The movements stoped for a moment until they continued, this time a little stronger. „I and Heisuke fucked several times."

There was no surprise in that chiseled face, only a small nod, just a confirmation.

„Figured as much. Nothing more?"

„It's not that I feel something special for him... I mean, I do like him, but not like..."

„Like me?"

Hesitating silence. Then „Yeah."

„I hope you at least let him know that."

Shinpachi nodded. „Of course he knew. He knew it all along. He knew it even before I told him. He knew it before I kissed him. He knew that every time I take him, I want to see you instead of him."

Sano pulled himself up on one arm to look straight into Shinpachi's eyes, hard and unforgiveable. „I hope you told him that before you took him!"

Shinpachi looked away. „I didn't have to. He beat me to it."

His mouth slightly open, the hard look disappearing from his eyes, Sano blinked.

Shinpachi sighed. „We were out drinking. You were with some woman and I was, as he so nicely put it, moping around. As we returned...I don't know who started it, but suddenly I found myself in his room, kissing and undressing him. I don't remember much of it, only that I have been imaging it to be your lips, your body, your breath. I don't even know anymore if I actually saw Heisuke under me until he spoke up. It was right before I penetrated him."

„_Shinpa-san, I don't mind you being in love with someone else while screwing me around, but I'm not going to be a substitute."_

„It was then that I saw him in a whole new light. That brat knew all along. And still he let me do that to him. But it helped. It helped me get over you. Not that I ever stoped...stoped...I ever stoped, uh..."

Sano sighed heavily and rolled his eyes. „It's alright, I get it. You don't have to say it if it makes you uncomfortable."

Shinpachi nodded. „Yeah well, the point was, that even if I didn't stop...feeling for you, I stoped moping about it. I could move on, even carrying those feelings."

Sano didn't say anything, just silently lied down again, letting Shinpachi ressume the massage.

They were silent for another while while Shinpachi's hands stroked the broad back steadily. But it was his turn to ask a question, even if he originally thought about letting it skip. It was Sano's fault either way. He had asked his question, and Shinpachi answered. Now it was his turn. Fair was fair.

„Say, Sano?"

„Hm?"

„You didn't answer my question."

„What question?"

„If you had sex with a man yet."

„I had."

The strokes stoped abruptly.

„With you."

The strokes didn't resume. Sanosuke turned slightly to be able to look at Shinpachi. „Let me guess: You're wondering whether this was my first time with a man, but for some stupid reason you can't bring yourself to ask."

The look on Shinpachi's face spoke volumes. Sano sighed.

„It's not like I wasn't experimenting with men, but it's been a while. I always prefered woman. And also, most of the time, I was the one in charge. I have been in this position only once or twice and as I said, that had been a long time ago."

„Was that why you were so reluctant?" Shinpachi's voice was silent, serious and if Sano didn't know better, he would say that his partner was apologizing.

He chuckled. „I wasn't really reluctant. I just thought it was more fun that way."

The look on Shinpachi's face made him burst out laughing. „Did you really think I would let you drag me into your room and strip me if I was _reluctant_?"

Shinpachi gave him a look of murder. „You little slut..."

Sanosuke laughed. „Now, now. Don't get too rude. Or I really won't let you take me again."

This got Shinpachi's attention. „I thought you don't want to..."

„You really don't think Nagakura, do you? How could I not want to repeat such mindblowing sex?"

„Sano?"

„Yes?"

„I love you."

„Love you too."

ox*xo

In the morning they were the last to arrive at breakfest.

They stumbled into the room with Shinpachi slumping onto the floor and Harada limping over to his place.

„G'monin'..."

As soon as Heisuke laid eyes on them, he burst out laughing. Shinpachi groaned. Figures that Heisuke would know. He had been in the state Sano was in now several times. Of course he would realize what happened the moment he laid his eyes on them. Shinpachi stole a glance at Sano. The other man wasn't in a laughing mood.

„Good morning." Kondou greeted them politely, then frowned. „Sano, you seem to have trouble walking. Did you hurt your ankle?"

Harada smiled. „No, it's just a small muscle ache. Didn't sleep in the right position."

This resulted in another laughing fit from Heisuke.

„What's so funny?"

„Nothing, nothing." Heisuke tried to wave it off.

„Were you two drinking again?" Hijikata inquired in a strict voice.

„Nothing much really. Just a few rounds in my room." Shinpachi answered and Heisuke was rolling on the floor.

„I wonder if Okita slept at all the night." Saitou said in a serious voice and everyone looked at him. Sano choked on his food and Shinpachi's mug crashed onto the floor. They didn't realize until now, that at least their room-neigbours had to hear them. And of course, it had to happen that Shinpachi's neighbours were Saitou and Souji.

„Huh?" Kondou-san raised his head in surprise. „Souji didn't sleep?"

„The two of them were too loud. At least I had trouble falling asleep."

„Well, if Hajime-kun couldn't concentrate on falling asleep, then I wonder how Souji took it." Heisuke said in between another fit of laughter.

„Maybe I should check on Souji." Kondou-san stood up, but was stoped by Harada.

„I should go and check on him. After all it was me who couldn't keep quiet." Gods forbid that their captain checked on Souji. The brat would make for sure hints and opposite to common belief, Kondou-san was a sharp man who wouldn't take long to figure out what exactly happened in Shinpachi's room the night.

„That's really nice Sano-san, but you are hurt and I am the captain. As such it's my duty to check on my subordinates."

„That's really not-"

„It is. Don't make me order it. Now if you excuse me." And Kondou-san left to check on the sleep-deprived and wicked Okita.

As soon as he was out of sight, Heisuke chuckled. „Man...You really had to be loud..."

„I am still surprised they didn't wake the whole headquarters up." Saitou said, then turned to Harada. „If it isn't much of a trouble, keep it down next time. Sleep is important for the body and for the mind."

„Especially for the body I guess..." Heisuke added with a mischievous smirk. „Though, it's probably good for the mind either to be blown out for a while..."

„Heisuke, you are such a brat sometimes."

„Ara, Sano-san, don't you agree with me?"

„Of course he agrees." Shinpachi said with a smirk. „He knows exactly what you mean, don't you, Sano?"

„How could I not, after those ‚rounds' in your room."

„Then Nagakura-san isn't being very nice to Harada-san." Everyone turned to the smiling Chizuru as she said that. „He shouldn't be treating Harada-san like that after what he did." She admonished half-heartedly. „Can't he see how tired Harada-san is?" Everyone stared at her. How did she... Suddenly Sano, who really should've been offended, laughed. Of course she knew. Woman always knew these kind of things.

„See, Shinpachi? Even Chizuru-chan agrees with me."

„Che. That's just like you, taking aid from a girl."

„Yukimura-kun is right." Saitou said, taking a sip from his tea. „Respect is to be deserved."

Heisuke laughed. „Exactly like Hajime-kun says. You should earn yourself Sano-san's respect. Maybe make it up to him?" he winked.

„You're right." Shinpachi said. „Maybe another few ‚rounds' in my room would help? My treat."

Harada put his head into his hand with a very heavy sigh. He will never hear the end of it.

„Would any of you care to explain to me what is going on here?" the silent voice of the demon vice-captain made them all but shut up. His gaze settled on Sano, piercing through him. The redhead opened his mouth but shut it immediately after that. Then he opened it again. If it wasn't for the situation, Shinpachi would've teased him for acting like a fish.

„Well, you see Hijikata-san," he spoke slowly, searching for the right words. „Last night we shared in Shinpachi's room a few rounds as said..."

„What rounds exactly?"

Suddenly the door slid open, revealing Kondou-san, with such a serious gaze on his face, that it startled everyone in the room. Not many of them had seen their captain with such an expression, and those that did, didn't remember when was the last time.

„Nagakura. Harada. My office. Now."

Sharing a look, the two men in question slowly stood up and without any words of protest they obediently, as no one knew from them, followed their leader. They weren't away for five seconds when the demon-vice's eyes narrowed dangerously.

„I'm listening."

As if on cue everyone looked at Saitou. Resigning, Saitou started, carefully chosing his words, to break the news to their vice-captain gently, purely for the sake of the two in question. The nickname ‚demon vice' wasn't for nothing. „Hijikata-san, as you might have noticed, Nagakura-san and Harada-san have shared a few ‚rounds' in Nagakura-san's room."

„Meaning they were fucking like rabbits until the Sun rose."

Everyone's look snapped to the door, only to see green eyes sparkling with mischief.

„Souji!" Heisuke exclaimed. „Shouldn't you be resting?"

Hijikata would have been also asking that, if there wasn't for the previous statement of the auburn haired man. „What did you say?"

Okita decided to answer Heisuke's question first. „Since I couldn't fall asleep again, I thought that I might as well join the fun." Then he turned to Hijikata. „After all, having the chance to explain with every detail what those ‚strange sounds' that Sano-san made in Shinpa-san's room meant, won't occur twice in life. I'm sure next time they will be more carefull."

„Are you saying that..."

„They were doing what you refuse to do with me since I caught this cold, yes."

„Souji!"

„What? It's not like it's a capital secret..."

„I knew it! I knew it!" Heisuke exclaimed. „Yes! Shinpa-san owes me!"

Everyone turned to him with questioning gazes. Saitou chose to explain. „Toudou-kun and Nagakura-san were having a bet. It was about whether the two of you...were doing the same things they have been doing until recently."

„Hajime-kun!" Heisuke exclaimed. „That wasn't very nice of you! That was supposed to be a secret!"

„It's also not nice laughing at one's pain."

„Huh?"

„That's true Heisuke-kun." Chizuru joined the conversation. „You were laughing at Harada-san's limp earlier."

„I wish I could've seen that."

„Shut up Souji."

„Enough!" almost everyone jumped at that and they turned to the source of voice only to see one very pissed Hijikata Toushizou. „Toudou. If I understand correctly, you and Nagakura were..." he hesitated, searching for the right words.

„You might want to call it ‚being and item', Hijikata-san." Souji offered with a smirk. Hijikata shot him an annoyed look, but accepted nonetheless.

„That you and Nagakura were an item."

„While he was madly in love with Sano-san, who on the other hand-"

„We know." Saitou stoped him.

„Right. But as it seems, last night Shinpa-san decided, that it was time to stop moping and start acting."

„And Sano-san's limp is the living proof."

„Exactly like Souji says."

Hijikata eyed them for a long minute and then gave a resigned sigh. „Well, I guess that since Kondou-san is dealing with them right now, my interogation won't be necessary."

ox*xo

„I really have trouble believing this."

Silence.

Kondou-san gave an exasperated sigh.

„I thought you both were grown-up, mature adults who know how to behave responsibly, even if they show it rarely. Right now, I am tempted to believe the opposite."

„But why? You have never had a problem with Hijikata-san fucking Souj-"

„Shinpachi!" As Shinpachi fell silent under his raised voice, Sano couldn't but feel triumphant. It was good to know that, even after submitting to him like that, he still had the power to shut Shinpachi up with just one word.

„I'm not having a problem with you two being together. I don't have a problem with unit captains and officers in any kinds of relationships. If I had, we wouldn't come up to the half of our current numbers. What bothers me is, that you forgot where the boundaries of fun ended and seriousness begun, something that has never happened to you before, no matter how much havoc you wrecked. But I can't have four tired unit captains in the midst of such conflicting days as now. There is much to do and I need each of my men in their best spirit. Also, Souji is trying to get better, but with you two keeping him up all night I don't see it happening in the near future. As I said, I need each of my men in their best form. And if your relationship will be preventing it..." he trailed off, but there was no need to continue. Both of them understood where those words were heading. He had a point, Sano guessed, but he doubted that Shinpachi would be fine with it. Not after he just got what he had wanted for months, maybe even years.

True enough.

„Kondou-san! I know you are our captain and you can give us any order you want and I know you have never misused it, but if you are going to order me to break up with Sano, I'll lea-"

„Shinpachi!" Really, Sano understood how his partner felt, but what he was doing was still over-reacting. How could one man be so hot-headed? Thankfully, Kondou-san understood it as well.

„I didn't say that. I said ‚if'. I'll let it slide this time, but if this is going to happen again, and unit captains will be complaining about you two being noisy, making them unable to sleep, I will take action."

Harada nodded. „Yes, sir."

„Untill then, you have my best wishes. And now Harada-kun go and get some rest. Nagakura-kun will take over your patrol today. I doubt that with such a heavy limp you would be able to take care of any disturbance, should there one occur."

„Kondou-san, that's really no neccessary. I have been in worse conditions. I can take care of myself."

„I know that. You can take it as a punishment."

Their eyes widened and fists clenched. Taking it easy on a warrior, even if he was wounded, no, especially if he was wounded, was abasing in every way. And Sano had been in worse conditions before and it never prevented him from doing his work effectively. For his friend to be degraded in such a way only because one relocated muscle was something Shinpachi was not willing to tolerate. „Kondou-san, you-"

Before Shinpachi could say something stupid and get himself into another trouble Sano would have the honour of getting him out of, which, due to his current condition, he lacked every will to, he gritted his teeth, swallowed his pride, and bowing his head obediently, he said: „Yes, sir."

„Sano!"

Kondou-san nodded his head.

„Dismissed."

Sano stood up, and yanked the frozen Shinpachi up, ignoring the startlement in his expression, and dragged him out. „Come."

Once they were out, Shinpachi freed himself from Sano's grasp and lashed out. „How could you have said that so simply?"

„And what other choice did I have?"

And just like that, Shinpachi shut up.

„He's our captain and we have to follow his orders. And it was also my fault. I wasn't exactly stoping you from banging me through the matt and the floor to the other side of the world."

„Still, you could've protested at least this much."

„What would have been the point?"

Shinpachi didn't answer.

Sano turned around and headed to his room. He understood Shinpachi's point. Ordered to home confinement by your chief just sucked, but an order was an order, whether you liked it, or not. And a little rest, maybe an hour or two of sleep wouldn't hurt.

That was when a sharp pain shot through him and instinctively he leaned on the wall for support.

„Sano!"

He groaned.

„Fuck you Shinpachi. Next time it's payback. Where did I leave my mind when I let you do that the whole night?"

„I blew it out, remember?"

Sano had to laugh.

It was stated as a joke, but the voice was laced with something that suspiciously resembled an apology. He turned to Shinpachi.

„Don't worry about it. I'll manage. And it's not your fault. I could've stoped you at any time."

He looked directly into his partner's eyes and after several moments of hesitation, Shinpachi sighed resigninly and nodded. „Alright. Should I walk you to your room?"

„That won't be necessary. Go and finish breakfest. I'm not really hungry anymore."

„You sure?"

„Yeah."

Shinpachi nodded. „Alright."

A moment of awkward silence passed between them where neither knew what to say, or what to do? What do you say to the guy you shacked previous night into a mass of flesh, sweat and cum and told him that you loved him? What do you do when you see that he's in pain because of it, but his pride and honor as a warrior is perventing you to take action?

And what do you say to the guy who looks so lost, wanting to help you, but not being able to? What do you do to assure him you're alright?

There was only one thing both could do.

They kissed. It wasn't a rough kiss, filled with lust. Yet it was neither a gentle ghost of touch. It wasn't needy, nor fleeting. It wasn't passionate. It was just a sure press of lips against lips, giving and recieving in turn. It was there. It wasy real. It was right.

Sano was the first to break it. „'Till then."

Shinpachi nodded. „Go get some rest."

„Yeah."

With that Sano walked off, his steps sure and straight, but Shinpachi saw he was struggling for it. With a pang of guilt he swore to himself to be more considerate next time. There were other ways to have fun during sex, without needing to be rough, while not being exactly gentle either. He smirked. He was looking forward to that.

*-*xox*-* The end *-*xox*-*

There.

Hope you all liked it. ^^ I was doing my best.

R&R

Mana


	2. 08: Meet me there

So. Another shot is up.

AN: Historically, Harada has died of his wounds two days after the battle. I'm using this piece of knowledge.  
Also, Shinpachi never reached Aizu because something kept always getting into his way, so he had to turn around.  
Last but not least I would like to thank Bellatrix... for the help and inspiration. Set after episode 18 (6th of 2nd season)

**Meet me there**

Nu#08: You can't make a deal if you're dead.

-o-x-*-x-o-

The first thing he knew was pain. Even before he came fully to his senses there was this feeling of stabbing, burning, hot pain. It felt like his whole body was in pain, suffering, aching. Burning, on fire. Hurting.

Slowly, his senses started returning and he found his lids fluttering open, then falling closed again.

So heavy...

He was still tired...

He wanted to sleep...

„Nice to see you awake, pretty boy."

He knew that voice. It was the last thing he remembered before this stabbing pain. It was there with him as this sheer suffering begun, it was there even before that...He opened his eyes again and tried to focus on the person he found sitting next to him.

„Shiranui..."

Were just his senses deluded or did his voice sound really so weak right now? It was then that he realized how weak he actually felt. And then, with the memories of the fight, of the gunfire, of explosion a pain, it came to him.

„Am I dying?"

„Looks like it."

Harada Sanosuke felt a smile curve his lips upward sharply. It felt bitter to him.

„In the end you are but a weak human."

„Certainly can't argue with a demon about that..." he heard his thin, fading voice and smiled some more. Somewhere he always hoped death would be less painfull. And he certainly hoped it would have come a bit later to him. Just by a bit. Just by as much time as it required to get to Shinpachi and give him one last kiss.

Shinpachi...waiting for him at Aizu...for gods knew how long...

„How much time has passed?"

„Two days since we killed Koudou."

Two days...Shinpachi might not be even alive anymore with those fierce battles going on. But still, something inside of him told Sano, that his lover was still out there, alive and terrible for his enemies. At Aizu, where their promise was. A promise Sano couldn't keep. He hoped Shinpachi would understand. That he wouldn't throw a tantrum. But then again, in these past months after they left the Shinsengumi, Shinpachi had grown up a little. Matured. Bit by bit, from a boy to a man. Even if he was older than Sano, oldest after Kondou and Hijikata, it seemed sometimes that he was still lost like a child, searching for his home, searching for the place where he belonged. However, that changed in these past months. It almost seemed like Shinpachi finally found that place. He didn't need Sano anymore to hold his hand, keep him in check and run after him to excuse each of his mishaps. He wouldn't loose himself anymore.

At least Sanosuke hoped so. Not that he could change anything about it, that is. A warrior knew when death came to claim him. For Sano it was now. Even if seemed like he had still so many things to do, still so much left to live...  
„At least I repaid my debt..." he coughed and turned to Shiranui. „For Koufu..."  
The man didn't look happy.  
„And what about your debt for me nursing you?"  
Sano smirked bitterly. „I wonder if I have the time to repay you..." his voice was even weaker than before.  
„You still remind me of him..."

Before Sano could react to the comment, he felt lips descend on his own. Ironically, the first thing he could think about was, that it weren't Shinpachi's lips. Shinpachi's were rough, these were sharp. They felt hard against his own lips, dry and chapped from two days of dieing, waking only to the last moments to feel the life slipping slowly away. At least he wasn't alone. Even if weren't Shinpachi's lips, even if they were hard and cold, even if the kiss was laced with despair, they still were there. With him.

The kiss went on for what felt like forever. It seemed like Shiranui didn't want to let go, almost as if he was afraid of what it would mean, what could come to pass. But finally, after a small eternity of peacefullness, a moment of calm before the lightning struck, he pulled away and crimson eyes met with eyes of the color of a golden sunrise, hidden behind a thick layer of clouds.

„Too much. You remind me too much of him."

„Takasugi, was it?" his voice was almost reduced to a mere whisper now.

„Yeah."

„How do I remind you of him?"

Even if he knew it was none of his business, and he could have probably already guessed the answer, it was something he wanted to hear before his ears would cease to hear forever. Instead of answering, Shiranui carressed with calloused fingertips his lips and to Sano's surprise, a smile graced the handsom features.

„Your tongue. Your tongue reminds me of him."

„Tongue?" In spite of that it could have been as well his last moment, Sano couldn't help but be sarcastic. „Of all the things you could say, it's the tongue? Not even the lips, but the tongue?"

„Shut up Harada. What I meant was that he used to talk like you."

„All smooth and sweet?"

„If you weren't dieing, I would kill you for daring to be this cheeky with a pureblooded demon."

„You might as well. Then I wouldn't be in so much pain anymore."

„Any last wishes?"

„What is this? A moment of mercy?"

„You shouldn't question these things."

„True..." Sano's voice faded and the light chuckle that was forming in his throat turned into a weak cough. „But since you are asking, I guess I would have wanted to apologize to Shinpachi for not being able to keep my promise. And I would've liked to hold my spear for one last time."

„I can't help with the latter, since you threw it into the epicentrum of a small explosion and I would have to spend at least a week for searching all the splinters to put it again together."

„You would actually do that?" Sano cut him in, but Shiranui ignored it.

„But I could help with Nagakura. Will you be able to hold out until dawn?"

„I think...I could find a few spare powers."

„Then do that. Wait a little and I'll grant you your wish. My promise as a demon."

Sano closed his eyes in the ghost of a nod. As he opened them again, said demon was gone with the shadows.

ox*xo

It was a restless night. Nagakura Shinpachi couldn't fall asleep. For a while now a restless buzz running through his body and an unsettling feeling in his gut have been making him tense. Something wasn't right tonight. Something was happening. Something that shouldn't be. And for some reason an image of Sano kept appearing in front of his mind's eye, so Shinpachi couldn't but have a bad feeling that it had to do something with his restlesness. Something had to happen to his partner. Something bad.

Suddenly there was a presence next to him. A presence that had not been there a moment ago. A presence he didn't feel approaching. Swift like the wind he drew his sword and spun around. What he saw surprised him.

„You?"

„Yeah." Of the shadows, Shiranui Kyou stepped out. Shinpachi didn't lower his sword. He couldn't bring himself to trust this man. Shiranui didn't comment on it. „You know why I'm here?"

The unsettling feeling was back and sense of dread spread through him. „Is it Sano?" Really, what other reason could the demon have to look him up?

„He wants to see you. Said he needs to tell you something."

Shinpachi frowned. Since when couldn't Sano walk or talk on his own?

„Then why isn't he here himself?"

„He has his reasons." Was the court answer.

Shinpachi still didn't trust the demon.

„How do I know it's not a trap?"

„He's dieing you idiot."

In shock, Shinpachi even dropped his sword.

„Right now he is waiting for you, fighting the unevitable only to be able to see you one more time. Do you want to make the lost fight be in vain?"

Vain. That one word alone was enough for making something deep within Shinpachi explode. He seized the shirt of the demon in an iron clutch.

„Bring me to him, now!"

Shiranui laid a hand onto his wrist. „Follow me."

With that he disappeared.

ox*xo

„I'm back. And I've kept my promise." Shiranui announced as he entered, a slightly swaying Shinpachi following him. He was still lightheaded from earlier. As Shiranui pulled him along it had been like the ground disappeared from beneath his feet. There was only air around them and Shinpachi had been feeling light and weightless. He remembered that for a moment he wondered if this was what birds felt like. Then the ground had been there again and he had been standing in front of an old, broken hut.

„Where are we?" he asked, leaning onto the nearest wall for support.

Shiranui went to stand in front of the window. He looked up at the night sky. The darkness was slowly fading and the stars were paling. Dawn would come soon. Perhaps in a half an hour.

„It used to belong to a man I knew. But that's not what I have brought you here for. Someone's waiting for you."

That brough Shinpachi back to reality. For a moment he had almost forgotten why he came here in the first place. He looked around the room frantically until his gaze settled on the figure lying on the matt, pale and fading.

„Sano!"

He didn't remember crossing the room, but suddenly he was kneeling next to his partner.

He looked dead.

Except that his chest was still rising and falling. Flatly, slowly, weakly, but it still was. He was still alive. Golden eyes opened, but instead of a sparkle there was mist clouding it, making it fade into darkness. Sano smiled weakly.

„Yo."

Shinpachi found himself at loss of words, so instead he just took Sano's hand and grasped it tightly. It was cold.

„Sorry I couldn't make it to Aizu, even though I promised..." His voice was weak, reduced to only a whisper and Shinpachi saw that he was struggling for every breath. He couldn't stand it. It hurt so much to see his partner so broken...so wmithout hope...

„Don't worry. I couldn't reach it myself. It seems like they are really keen on preventing us reaching it. We had to turn around." Looking at this weak and broken man struggling in his last fight made his decision seem convenient. „But I will find a way! And then I will fight for our dreams!"

Sano smiled almsot sadly. „You still are such a child...I wish I could've seen you grow up..."

„Mother henn." Shinpachi said simply and raising Sano's hand he laid his forehead against it. And he realized he didn't want to come what came next. „Don't die." It came out as a harsh demand, spoken in a loud and strong voice without a trace of doubt, but at the same time laced with pain and sadness. „You must not die, do you hear me? You must not! You can't!"

A sad smile was his answer and he understood that no matter how he begged, his wish wouldn't be fulfilled. Death wasn't that generous. Nothing could change it. Nothing except...

Shinpachi's eyes widened. That's right. That time, the evening of their leave, Sannan-san approached him and...

His hand went into his pocket and pulled out a small bottle of red liquid. He had always wondered why he just didn't throw it away. Now it seemed like fate.

„No."

The voice that said it was strong. His look went from the bottle to Sano.

„No." Sano repeated it again and added: „I am not drinking it."

„Why?" He didn't even need to ask. He understood Sano's reasons. He felt the same. But still... „Why not?"

„Because you would never forgive me and Shiranui would hate me."

Shinpachi had already opened his mouth to retort that if he wasn't able to forgive him for it, he would never offer it, but the second half of the sentence made him change his words midway.

„What does it matter what he thinks?"

And again he knew the answer before it came.

„It simply does." And as their eyes met something in Harada's look made Shinpachi's eyes widen and then look away. He felt hurt. But he felt not an ounce of regret from Sano.

„You're going to die."

„Everyone dies one day. You said it yourself."

It was true. Those were his words. But back then he didn't think he would come to see Sano like this. „I know! But I...I don't want you to leave like this!" Not without fighting with him by his side. Together. Their promise. „I don't want you to die! Not just yet!"

„It's too late..."

„Not yet!" Shinpachi inhaled deeply. „If you say you are dying then what does it matter if you drink ochimizu? You won't be able to move by day and it leaves you only a little more time to spare. A few more nights with me." He spoke rashly, hurriedly, as if afraid that the next word wouldn't be already heard. „It's like a rebirth."

„A rebirth into death." Again there was sarcasm in Sano's voice, but the redhead started to wonder if it really was at his last moment. Judging by Shinpachi's look it might as well have been, but the hope in those skyblue eyes betrayed it.

„Then so be it." Shinpachi said. „For a little more time, a spare moment of being together. That's not so bad, is it?"

He could live. With Shinpachi. For a few more nights, a little more time to spare. Just as he had wished.

Suddenly the voice that has been quiet until now, spoke up.

„We could visit the grave together."

They both looked at Shiranui, who hadn't moved an inch for the last half an hour from his spot next to the window. A sliver of light appeared on the horizon like a thin string creating a silken web of a future. It was dawning.

„You could come with me. I'm sure he...would have approved."

Silence. Then there was a smirk.

„Only if you come with me to China."

„China?"

„I have always wanted to go there...see our neighbours and wreck a little havoc..." Actually there were many more things Sano didn't have the chance to do yet... And if he was honest with himself, he didn't want to die. Not if he could have at least a little more time to spend with Shinpachi. And got to China with Shiranui.

„It's a deal then. Now drink it. I won't hate you."

They looked at each other. Then the first strays of sunlight finally touched the sky and carressed the demon's tan face through the open window.

„Alright."

The morning came.

Shinpachi undid the lid and pulled Sano up into a halfway sitting position and let his head rest against his belly. He brought the bottle to the dry lips, but suddenly there was a hand on his wrist.

„Shinpachi..."

„What is it?"

„Kiss me."

„I don't think now's the right time for tha-"

„I don't care. Kiss me. Kiss me or I won't drink it." His eyes were hard and determined as Sano looked up at him, but his voice was getting weaker and weaker with every uttered syllable. There was no time to hesitate. So Shinpachi leaned down and pressed his lips against Sano's. He flinched at how cold they were. Dry. Lifeless. He felt shallow breath on his cheek, the inhales slowly dying out. He wanted to pull away and get over with it, finally pour the life-sparing liquid into Sano and then regrett for the rest of his life turning his loved one into a living corpse. A corpse. A corpse, but still living. Living. Living. But as he tried to pull away, but Sano summoned the last specks of his strength and pulled him near again.

„Sano..." he needed to drink it now. Shinpachi felt the remains of life pouring out of his partner and slowly the body started to go limp.

The last words came out almost inaudibly. „Meet me a Aizu, Shinpachi..."

„Sano!"

A tremble shook through Sano and Shinpachi's eyes widened in horror. It was too late. There would be no China, or Aizu. No more nights and kisses. Nothing just dull emptiness. His whole world started to break apart. But that was when Sano, with the last remaining strength he had, seized the small bottle and downed the content in one go.

The liquor was bitter in Sano's throat and his insides felt like burning. He was vagualy aware of someone holding him firmly. He realized he was screaming. Fire was everywhere around him, inside him, eating him up. It felt like it would last forever. But then it was suddenly over and instead of pain, there was numbness. Everything that had been alive burned down and poured out of him, leaving him empty. Like a shell. Dead. And yet he was breathing, his heart was beating, he felt warmth around him. He opened his eyes and looked up into blue eyes. The look in them said that his own weren't golden anymore. He smiled bitterly. Shinpachi noticed it.

„Sano, I..."

„Shinpachi."

And as always when Sano used that tone, Shinpachi shut up. But it didn't stop him from looking guilty, as he finally seemed to realize the impact of his wish. But he forgott that even if he convinced him, in the end the final decision to drink it was Sano's and Sano's only. Sanosuke could think of only one thing to do. He kissed Shinpachi again.

This time the kiss was gentle and warm as sunlight joined into the intimate touch. Slowly their lips started moving against each other in an affectionate gesture of assurance that it was alright. They were together. Here and now at the beginning of a new day.

The light of the morning was pouring into the room and slowly Sano felt himself getting tired. He sighed into the kiss and pulled away, leaning his head onto Shinpachi's shoulder. A few strands of his hair fell into his face an dhe noticed it was red again.

„Rest now."

„Yeah. I'm not a creature of the day anymore. And before you even open your mouth, no. It is not. Period."

Shinpachi simply had to smile.

„Right."

They stayed a little longer in their embrace, enjoying the feeling of being in each other's arms, basking in the feeling of hope. Hope for a morning to come

„I have to go now. Or else the men will think their commander deserted."

„I know." Sano sat up and detached himself from Shinpachi. „Take care of yourself."

„Yeah. I'll come back tonight."

„If I decide to bring you here."

They looked both at the intruder who decided to disturb their moment ever so rudely.

„You will." Shinpachi stated and Sano had to sigh. Really now...

Shiranui smirked. „No need to get jealous there. The pretty boy is all yours."

„You bastard..."

„Shinpachi."

„What? He is!"

„Shinpachi."

„What do you see in him anyway?"

„Shinpachi."

„I mean he is all arrogant and-"

„Shinpachi!"

Silence.

Broken by a silent laugh as Shiranui approached them. „The pretty boy has you wrapped around his finger." He stood by Shinpachi and yanked him up. „Come. I'll bring you back to your beloved squadron. Go and get yourself killed."

„Bastard..."

„Shinpachi!"

Shiranui laughed again and started turning. Before they could disappear, Shinpachi turned back to Sano and called with a wide grin on his face: „See you at Aizu!"

The soft „Yeah." he didn't hear anymore as Shiranui disappeared with him in the light of the morning.

Sano shook his head. Show offs.

-o-x-*-x-o-

That's it for today folks! Hope you liked it!

To the scene where Shiranui disappears and pulls Shinpachi along with him, as he is holding him: I don't know if demons can actually do that – take people with them as they disappear, but it was never mentioned they can't. So, since it's fan_fiction_, I say they can.

That would be all. 'Till next time!


	3. 13: A weekend of Eternity

This one is set in Hakuoki Sweet School Life. Enjoy! ^^ 

Disclaimer:_I do not own Hakuoki, or any of it's characters. The creators do. My muse owns the idea of the fic, myself the work and the time I put into writing it. Credit me at least those, ok?_

**A weekend of eternity**  
Nu #13. time is a highly limited commodity.

„Waaah, I'm late again!"

Nagakura Shinpachi cried out desperately, as he took a corner sharply with lightning speed. Not that he wasn't used to being late for work, it was just that today he needed to be early. So why, why on this day didn't his alarm clock go off? It always went off and he always ignored it. So figures that in the day he wouldn't have ignored it, it didn't go off. He made another sharp turn around the corner, to the main street. Sometimes he wondered why he didn't get himself a car. Yeah, right. He lost his money on various bets. No other choice then, he had to run. He still had 15 minutes. Even though it took him from his current position to school at least 20.

„I'm going to make it!"

That was when a flash of red went by him, but he didn't notice until a door was showed into his face.

„Yo, handsom! Why the hurry?"

A cheerfull voice greeted him and golden eyes winked playfully.

Shinpachi lit up like a light-bulb. „Sano!"

Yes! With a ferrari it would take them 5 minutes to school.

„Get in." Harada Sanosuke, his fellow teacher and beloved boyfriend, said with a smile.  
„I love you!" Shinpachi exclaimed as he climbed in and made himself comfortable in the expensive car.  
Sano laughed and put his hand on the control lever. He stole a glance at Shinpachi.  
„Seatbelt."  
„Worrywart."  
„Seatbelt."  
„Pussy."  
„Seatbelt, or I'm turning the engine off."  
Shinpachi sighed, but resigned. Arguing with Sano about safety in a car had no sense. He was being just too responsible. So he took the belt and hooked it around him.

„There."

Satisfied, Sano pulled away from the sidewalk and they ressumed their way to work.  
„You know," Shinpachi sounded, „I can't cease but wonder how a guy with a ferrari can be such a responsible driver."  
„It's exactly because of that Shinpachi. Imagine I would loose control over a car this strong."  
„Why did you even get yourself a ferrari in the first place then?"  
„Because I like red?"

This was where their argument always ended. The day where he could win an argument against Harada Sanosuke had yet to come. Sano changed the subject to a light small talk.

„So? Got up early today too?"  
„I overslept."  
„You don't oversleep only when I'm over, Shinpachi."  
„I have always wondered how you can be fit as fiddle so early in the morning."  
„Expierience."  
„Right."  
„If I remember correctly, you have an exam in first period."  
„That's why I was hurrying so. I can't come late for a test I'm giving out. The kids would complain about having less time."  
„And Hijikata-san would have your head."  
„That too."

The vice-director of their school, Hijikata Toshizou, was nicknamed 'demon'. For an obvious reason. And he hated slack offs.

„You on the other hand have already finished exams with your classes, didn't you?"  
„Yeah. I've got the majority of the tests already corrected."  
„I wonder how you are able to do it this quickly..."  
Sano laughed. „I operate at normal speed Shinpachi, something you should know by now. But since I have a smaller amount of exams to correct, it takes less time. I just let them write them relatively early. It leaves me more time to correct them and the students have less to learn."  
„But you work them all the more hard."  
„No one has been complaining."

That was true. There was no student that ever complained about Harada-sensei being a slave-driver. His main subject was PE, but he also taught a part of the classes history. He might have been hard on his students, but he always stayed fair and polite and showed respect even to first graders. And he joked a lot during lessons and the class seemed always more relaxed after an hour with 'Sano-sensei', as other teachers have noticed. And his subjects had the best results in the entire school, which showed just how skilled he was as a teacher.

Being handsom helped a lot too. Dark red hair, a firm, muscular body, long, well-shaped legs and an ass that would make every straight guy crooked as a barrel of fish hooks. Yes, Harada Sanosuke was good-looking. He even got first place on the anonymous poll „Which teacher would you want to have sex with the most?" He go 69 percent of the votes. The joke was, that the absolute majority their school was male, with a single female in one of the first grades (and what exactly possesed him to do such a poll, in what seemed to be an all-boys school with exceptionally male teachers, he didn't know). And 73 percent claimed to be straight.

„If you keep staring at me like that, I'm going to stop the car and ravage you here and now and then we won't make it to school at all today."  
Shinpachi gulped. „That would be troublesome, since this is the last chance to have that exam..."  
„Yeah..."  
„And Hijikata-san would be really upset..."  
„Uh-uh..."  
„So I really should stop staring?"  
„Wise choice."

Hijikata, the demon. Their vice director. Teacher of classical literature at their school. The second most popular teacher. Second probably because he frowned too much and was being a slave-driver. If he wasn't so strict, he would be at least as popular as Sano, maybe even more. It was just that no one would want to shack up with a guy they were afraid of. Scared that he would kill them in their sleep because they scored B minus on their last test, or something. Better not let their guard down.

The most popular rumor currently was, that at night, Hijikata-san would transform into a vampire who would suck up all of your blood after he exhausted you for hours. To add the effect, when Hijikata-san transformed his eyes became a glowing red and hair burned to white with all the fierce determination to make you suffer. Needless to say, upon hearing the rumor, Hijikata-san did actually turn into a worse demon than he already was, and even without the white hair and glowing red eyes it was something no student, or teacher in that matter, ever wanted to expierience again. Though nothing could deny the fact that he also was a skilled teacher and there had never been a problem with the subjects he taught.

Not that Shinpachi was a bad teacher. He was just a known slack off and lazy ass. And the target of many jokes for the entire school population. Not that he minded. He took it quite light-heartedly. Actually, it even kind off flattered him to be considered a funny guy. And if the classes still passed his subjects, everything was peachy. He hoped they would pass this one. He had been instructed to make it more challenging, because the students couldn't reach the expected level at this pace.  
He sighed. No one would let him do as he liked.

A chuckle broke him out of his musings.

„A penny for your thoughts?"

„I thought that I should stop distracting you."

„We're almost there. And I never said something about distracting me. I just told you not to stare."

Shinpachi shook his head and sighed. Still no victory there.

„Ah, I've been just thinking about our last poll."

Sano smirked as they drove through the school gate.

„That one."

„Yeah, that one." Shinpachi smirked back.

„And?" Sano asked as he pulled into an empty parking lot. „What do say to the results Nagakura-sensei?" he undid the seat belt and turned to Shinpachi with a cat-like smirk on his face. „Satisfied?"

„Satisfied that the sexiest teacher of the whole Hakuoki high is shacking with me?"  
Shinpachi asked as he buried his hand into the mass of ruby red hair and pulled the man just a bit more near. „Hell, yeah." He whispered.

Sano smirked. „Right. I would advise you to be."

„Or else?" Shinpachi quirked an eyebrow an amused smile on his face.

„Or else." Sano nodded absolutely and closed the distance between their lips.

It was no secret that the two of them were dating. They tried to keep it one at the start, but they couldn't help it and they were too careless and then that wicked Okita from class 2C caught them, no matter that he was a-loping, and by the end of the day, the whole school knew. But it had never really been a problem. Kondou-san was a fair and accomodating principal and he acknowledged both of their abilities too much, for him to fire them. And since then it was alright for them to be kissing in Sano's car, or behind the gym, or in some empty classroom, or...

„Hey!"

They broke apart as Shinpachi jumped upon hearing that voice.  
„Hijikata-san!"  
„You have one minute untill the bell rings."  
„I'm going to be laaaateee..."  
Shinpachi jumped out of the car and dashed lightning speed into the building.  
Sano took a look at his watch and slowly got out of the car.  
„That was quite evil of you, Hijikata-san. There are still seven minutes left."  
Hijikata smirked. „I just couldn't resist. It's too easy to tease him."  
„I know, Hijikata-san, I know." Sano nodded with an understanding smile on his face.

ox*xo

Sano watched the grumbling Shinpachi enter the teacher's room, a huge stack of papers in his hand. Sano sighed. From the amount of it, Sano took the hint, that it wasn't only one class Shinpachi had to write an exam with today. He looked at his remaining stack. The tests had to be corrected untill Monday, which was just three days away. Such a pity. He was actually hoping he would get to spend the weekend with Shinpachi, sice it wouldn't be possible the next week. Shinpachi always went to his family for Christmas Holiday.  
The thought of not spending time with him privately before that always made Sano a bit gloomy. He stole a glance at Shinpachi. As he looked at the annoyed face, an idea crossed his mind. Maybe there still was a bit hope.

He stood up and approached the table of his boyfriend.

„Shinpachi..."

„Yeah?"

Sano took a look at the stack. „How many of your classes had today their mid-term exam?"  
Shinpachi scoffed. „Seven."  
Maybe it was to mention that he had a total of ten classes.  
„And out of those three other classes, you have corrected a total of..."  
Shinpachi ducked his head, not being able to look at Sano. „One?"

A sigh escaped the redhead as he leaned onto the desk. „I guess that means no weekend together this year."  
„I'm sorry..." blue eyes looked up at him apologizingly. „It's not like I don't want to, I just..." he looked at the mountain of papers. „Don't have the time..." he looked at Sano again. „It's not that I praticulary want to visit my family during the holidays..."  
„I know. But at least you have a family."  
A sigh. „Hear something from them lately?"  
Sano shook his head. „I could be dead for them already."  
„That sucks, man."  
„Not really." Sano gave Shinpachi a smile. „At least I don't have to deal with their accusing looks."  
Shinpachi grumbled. „Yeah. So you leave to deal me with my parent's disapproving looks, huh?"

Sano chuckled. „Well, you can't choose your family." He leaned down, his lips ghosting against Shinpachi's ear. „But, you can..."

Shinpachi smirked. „Choose your friends, I know..." he turned to an equally smirking Sano, bringing their lips just and inch apart.

„Friends? I thought we were more than that..." hot breath ghosted across his lips and Shinpachi shuddered.

„I apologize. I meant boyfriends..."  
„Boyfriends? You have more? You naughty, naughty boy..."  
„Oh, babe. You know you're the only one for me..."  
„Am I now?"  
„Uh-huh..."  
„I'm happy..."

And they sealed their lips in a gentle kiss.

„Get a room, you two!"

Shinpachi jumped and promptly feel from his chair and Sano turned casually around to face their demonic colleague. „You wanted to say 'empty class', Hijikata-san."  
Hijikata Toshizo shook his head. „Honestly. You're worse than those horny, hormon-driven teenies from class 2B." He gave them a look. „The next period will start soon. You should get your things ready."

With that he walked away, leaving them to themselves.

Shinpachi let out a sigh of relief and Sano chuckled. „If I didn't know better, I would say you are scared of Hijikata-san."  
„I just have a great deal of respect for him."  
Sano smiled and looked at the clock. „He's right, though."  
Shinpachi took a look at the clock too. „Yeah." He stood up and laid his hands on Sano's hips, to pull him near. „I'll miss you..."

Sano smiled and carressed Shinpachi's cheek. Shinpachi leaned into the touch. „Then what do you say to this? I'll spend the weekend at your flat and do the chores for you, so that you can concentrate on your work. And..." he leaned in, a wicked smile on his face, „Maybe you'll get a reward for working hard." He nibbled on Shinpachi's lips. „What do you say?"  
Shinpachi gasped. „I..."

A weekend of work.  
Sano helping him work.  
Sano spending the weekend.

A whole weekend with Sano.

He looked at the redhead with hopefull eyes.  
Sano smirked. „Is this the part where I am to be a responsible boyfriend and say that it maybe isn't a good idea?"  
Bright blue eyes widened.  
„I wish I could be that reasonable when you look at me like that."  
Blue eyes litt up. Sano smiled.  
„I'll drive you home after work."  
That was when the bell rung.

ox*xo

Later the afternoon, the red ferrari pulled into the garage of the apartment complex. As it pulled into the first empty parking lot, Shinpachi let out a content sigh.

„It could be like this every afternoon."

„You could just move in with me. My house is big enough for the both of us. And you could earn some spare money renting the flat."

„We've had this subject already, Sano."

„I know. You don't want to hang on my purse and be independant. I understand the reasons and I would even agree with them, if you didn't spend the majority of the weekends at my place and hang on my purse regardless of your pay, which you, might I remind you, gamble away at horse-races."

„It's not my fault that the numbers don't work like they should! I always count out the highest probability of a win!"

„And how many times did you stake on that highest probability?"

„Statistics side with small numbers."

Sano resisted the urge to bang his head against the wheel.

„You're sometimes like a small child."

„Do you have to always have the last word?"

„Since my IQ is higher than your's, yes."

And since it was Shinpachi who counted it out, he really had no good excuse.

x*x

Shinpachi opened the door to his apartment and held it open for Sano. „Make yourself home."  
Sano entered the small flat and headed straight for the kitchen, while undoing his tie.

„Coffee?"

„From you? Always." Shinpachi grinned. Sano smirked as he stood at the counter and switched the coffee machine on.  
„I have always wondered..." Shinpachi approached him and put an arm on either of his sides, trapping him effectively „How a PE teacher could make such a good coffee. Isn't it unhealthy?"  
Sano smiled. „For your information, coffeeine is healthy. Especially for the skin."  
„So if I drink enough coffee, my skin is going to be smooth like a baby's bum?"  
Sano laughed. „More like you'll have an overdose and die of a heart attack. Which I wouldn't maybe mind as much..."

It would be a lie to say, that he didn't expect the slap on his ass.

„You bastard..." Shinpachi whispered into his ear, letting his hand carress the spot where it touched it not-so-tenderly just a moment ago.  
Sano chuckled. „Says the one who does the slapping."  
Then hand went lower.

„I'm sorry...Can I make it up to you?"

Normally, Sano would whisper huskily „Why don't you try?" and they would end up between the sheets, naked and moaning. Normally. But not this time.  
„Sorry. I'm afraid you'll heave to earn yourself the honor, first."

Shinpachi withdrew, a puzzled look on his face.

„Did you think that I would come over and have sex with you from now untill sunrise?" Sano took the coffee and poured it into a mug. „If I did that, Hijikata-san would have both our heads. How about you go to your room and do your work, while I prepare something for dinner, hm?" He pressed the mug into Shinpachi's hands.  
Two blue pools looked up at him disappointed.  
Sano patted Shinpachi's cheeks with a smile, that would shame the cheshire cat. „If you're going to be a good boy now and go do your work, you'll get a reward later."

„Sano?"

„Yes?"

„You planned this, didn't you?"

Sano smirked. „I don't think you need to know the answer to that, Shinpachi."

x*x

In the end, there was nothing left but to get some work done, if Nagakura Shinpachi wanted to have at least a small shack with his boyfriend. Who could have known that Sano could be so uncompromising? But since he was running out of time and he really had to do finish it untill Monday, when they had that damned conference. Seriously, what was up with Hijikata-san in these matters. As if they couldn't do it during the holidays. Mid-term closure was in January.

Shinpachi looked at the stack and sighed. Figuring that no matter how long, or how intensely he glared, the papers won't gain life and correct themselves, he took one from the top, laid it in front of himself, switched his red pen on and started. This would be a long weekend.

Fifteen minutes later, as Sanosuke stirred the stew, a loud yell could be heard through the house: „HOW THE FUCK COULD HE GET THIS RESULT? IS EVERYONE THE HELL RETARDED?"

Sano shook his head and returned to stirring.

It's going to be a long weekend.

ox*xo

A soft knock on the door interrupted his work. He looked up and came in sight with the head of his boyfriend, poking from behind the half-opened door.

„Dinner is ready."

His eyes lit up.

„Great! I'm starving!"

He leapt from the seat, the abandoned test glaring lonely from the center of his table. Sano shook his head. Seriously, what was it with his boyfriend and food?

He followed him into the kitchen.

„I made a stew. I hope you like i-" As he entered the kitchen he found that further talking wasn't necessary. Shinpachi already found the stew, a plate and a spoon and was showeling the food into himself.  
„Do you like it?" It was really nothing but a rhetorical question, said in a purely ironic tone, but Shinpachi, in his almost childish zeal and innocent happiness from such a simple act as eating, didn't notice it and he turned to Sano, cheeks like of a hamster and nodded enthusiastically.

„If foof! Sans fo ooin! A la or oof!" And he returned to eating.

And seriously, only Sano was able to decipher the inarticulate sounds as „It's good, thanks for cooking, I love your food." He shook his head, but he couldn't prevent the small smile from spreading. Somewhere it was kinda nice to know that your cooking was loved and praised. Even if it was done in such a primitive way.

He took his own portion and sat down across of Shinpachi.

„How's work progressing?"

This time Shinpachi had enough decency to swallow first.  
„I've got the half of one class ready."  
Sano nodded. „Will you be able to make it 'till Monday?"  
To his mild surprise, Shinpachi laid down his spoon with an almost gentle smile playing on his lips. „If it wasn't for you, I would say no. But somehow I have the feeling that with you urging me forward, I will."

Sano smiled. „Only you are able to give a mushy answer to a perfectly normal question." He said it teasingly, but his own tone was surprisingly gentle.  
Shinpachi gave him a smile and went back to eating. He paused only for a small moment to say silently, not looking up at Sano: „I'm happy you came over."  
Sano smiled. „Yeah. I am too."  
The rest of the dinner they ate in silence.

ox*xo

After Shinpachi finished his shower and went to his room, Sano was already lieing in the bed, reading a book, but really just waiting for Shinpachi to join him, because as soon as Shinpachi crawled between the sheets, he closed the book and turned to him, smiling mischievously.

„Ready?"

Shinpachi smirked. „Yeah, I just finished showering. As I see, you are ready too."

„I am." Sano smirked back.

Shinpachi edged towards him. „So. And did you manage to get something done with your own work?"

„A little, but since I'm almost finished with everything, it doesn't hurry."

Shinpachi touched his hip ever so slightly. „Doesn't it, now?" Blue eyes locked with him. Sano's smirk widened an inch. „Not really, no."

„Then..." Shinpachi drew close, „you won't mind if..." his breath was ghosting over Sano's neck. A flush spread across the cheeks of them both, „I do this."

And with that the lips descended onto his skin and a wanton sigh escaped Sano.

It was always a small wonder what Shinpachi could do to him, without even really trying. Most of the time he had his body under perfect control, but when Shinpachi started touching him...  
„We have all the time of the world now..." Sano said as he pulled his lover above him. „Untill the morning comes."  
Shinpachi's smile was a strange mix of gentle and wicked and caused a bunch of butterflies, that suddenly decided to break out of their shell, that suddenly appeared in Sano seemingly out of nowehere, go rampant somewhere low in Sano's stomach.

„Untill the morning comes...Sounds great..."

Sano just shook his head with a smile gracing his lips, the self-same lips that were claimed a moment later in an intense kiss.

„Do I get my reward now?" Shinpachi mumbled into this kiss and nibbled on Sano's bottom lip. To answer, Sano broke the kiss and offered his neckline to the lips instead, an offer that was taken upon instantly.

„I don't know...Did you work hard?"

„Not only that. I still am..." Shinpachi said as he nibbled in the crook of the neck, biting and sucking.  
„Hmmm, yes, I can feel that..." Sano moaned. „Keep it up and I'll give you a reward you didn't even dare to dream of in your wildest dreams." He whispered huskily.  
Shinpachi grinned and licked the fresh wound. „Oh babe. You know how to spurr me on. I'm completely wrapped around your little finger."  
Sano' s voice was hoarse as he answered. „You don't seem to be protesting much."

„I like your little finger." Came the simple answer. Then Shinpachi decided to elaborate. „I like each of your fingers. I like your hands. Your arms. Your chest. Your legs. Your face. Your eyes, your lips, your ears, your neck, I like every inch of your georgeous body." While saying this, he abandoned the neckline and his lips started exploring a well-known territory. A territory tha was already claimed as his and needed reclaiming because it was still wild and unbound.

„I love to hear that..."

Shinpachi kissed the chest, paid the nipples extra attention, then went ober to the abdomen, dipped his tongue into the navel and snaked his was lower and lower, untill it wa sjust an inch away from his destination. He raised his head to take a look at the face with features contorted in pleasure. There was a feverish blush covering the cheeks, the throat and the chest, sweatbuds glistening in the pale moonlight like stardust, a haze was clouding the eyes of golden sunset.

Shinpachi bent down and sucked.

Sano cried out in pleasure and was more than ready to loose himself completely in passion, but suddenly there was a hand covering his mouth in a total turn-off.

„Keep it down!" Shinpachi hissed. „We're not at your house. Behind these walls are people sleeping. I sure as hell am not keen on making them wake up in the middle of the night and come over complaining, and interrupting, like last time."  
Sano's eyes sparked and Shinpachi could feel a grin forming against the palm of his hand. Then there was something wet and hot sliding against it and with a small shriek of sartlement, Shinpachi let go abruptly. Sano licked his lips.  
„Why? I thought it was fun. The look on Shinkawa-chan's face was absolutely worth it."  
Shinpachi gave him a glare that could have frozen hell.  
„And besides, you weren't really complaining as I was screaming your name."  
„That was before I realized that I'm not the only one hearing it."  
Sano chuckled. „At least they know now I'm not to have. Some of your neighbours have been eyeing my butt lately."

Shock was written all over Shinpachi's face, but before he could even think of a reply, his face was between the palms of Sano's warm hands and he was yanked down into a passionate kiss.

„If you are complaining that I'm too noisy, then how about you give my mouth something to occupy itself with?" Sano mumbled into the kiss and really, what was Shinpachi supposed to reply to that?

What, besides returning the kiss with equal passion?

ox*xo

Shinpachi's plans for Saturday were as it follows: Sleep untill noon, make love to Sano, catch something to eat, make love to Sano, take a long hot bath with Sano, cuddle on the couch with Sano, make love on the couch with Sano, take a shower together with Sano, go out for dinner with Sano, return home together, make love untill late in the night and go to sleep. With Sano.

However his plans got crushed by the selfsame Sano, whom his wanted to spend his entire Saturday with, as he was mercilessly kicked out of his comfy bed at motherfucking 8 in the morning, got dragged into the kitchen, eaten a light breakfest and before he could fully wake up, he was sitting behind his table, a pot of hot coffee within his reach, the abandoned exam glaring at him almost accusingly for leaving it only halfway corrected. How he had gotten behind his table in the first place, he didn't even remember, but he had this growing suspicion it was also the work of Sano. The coffee gave him away.

He growled. He showers his boyfriend with all of his attention and love and what does he get? A housewife. Serioulsy. Harada Sanosuke and responsibility. Shinpachi vagually remembered Hijikata-san saying once they were semantics. Shinpachi was kinda starting to agree. He seized the coffee and took a big gulp. However, as soon as the hot liquid touched his taste-buds, every anger and annoyance poure dout of him. Coffee made by Harada Sanosuke was heaven. And in heaven, no one was angry.

He looked at the sheet again and sighed.

Yeah, okay, Sano was right. He needed to get this done. So he took another gulp, took his red pen and ressumed what he had started yesterday.

As he was halfway through the next stack, there was a knock on his door. He grumbled and answer as his pen lingered over a result. It was correct, but something was weird in the consecution.

„What is it?"

Sano poked his head in.

„Lunch."

Shinpachi's eyes widened and his look flew to the clock hanging above his dresser.

„It's already this late?"

Sano laughed. „This is rare. For you to be as caught up in your work as to forget about lunch."

Sano approached the table and sat down on it.

„I made your favorite."

Droll started to collect at the corners of Shinpachi's mouth.

„Extra spicy."

Shinpachi gulped.

„And I went to buy sake."

Judging by the face Shinpachi made, he was somewhere between cloud 9 and heaven. He looked at Sano with admiration in his eyes. „Whatever did I do to deserve you?"  
Sano laughed. „I'm asking that myself."  
Shinpachi closed his pen and stood up. „This can wait. I'm not missing my favorite food. And a cup of sake."

„The sake is for the evening."

„Evening?"

„Yeah. Nothing good is running on TV, so I thought we could make ourselves comfortable."

„Fabulous idea. Now, where's the food you mentioned?"

x*x

Afternoon was just as the morning filled with work for Shinpachi. After lunch he sat down to work again with another cup of coffee from Sano and three hours later, he didn't even notice how, with the work from yeasterday and this morning, half of the pile was done. And if he counted right (and since he was a math teacher. There was an 83 percent probability that he did count right), he should be done by tomorrow evening.

He stretched in his seat and allowed himself a little rest.

That was when there was a soft knock on the door and Sano came in.

Shinpachi raised one eyebrow.

„What is it?"

„I've been thinking that I could use another cup of coffee. Want some too?"

Shinpachi looked at his empty mug, then at the clock and finally at the stack. Even if the half was done, there were still 4 classes, each of 20 people, left.

„Yeah, that would be nice."

Sano nodded and turned to leave the room, but Shinpachi's voice called him back.

„What?"

His boyfriend extended his arms towards him, like a giant child that wanted attention.

„C'me 'ere."

Sano smiled and approached him, and once in reach, letting himself be pulled into a warm embrace. Shinpachi put his cheek onto his lower abdomen and for a moment Sano felt like some pregnant woman in the third month.  
He carressed the surprisingly soft mop of hair and a content sigh escaped Shinpachi.

„Hey, Sano."

„Hm?"

„You know I love you, right?"

Sano smiled. „It's rare for you to say that."

„But you still know it, don't you?"

„Yeah, I do. You let your actions speak."

He felt Shinpachi smile against his stomach. The small while in which they stayed just like that, basking in the warmth of the other, felt to them like a whole eternity.

x*x

After dinner they made themselves cozy on the carpet of the living room and took out the sake. Shinpachi opened it and poured it into two cups, then raised his in a silent toast. Sano mimicked the action and then they drunk.

After the bottle was half empty, they were lieing on the carpet, t-shirts in the far corners of the room, touching whatever skin was in their reach, kissing heavily.  
Shinpachi carressed the strong arms of his boyfriend, massaged his broad shoulders and wondered, not for the first time, how all this strength and wildness could submit so easily to him.

He bit down on the shoulder and Sano cried out in pleasure. Shinpachi nipped on the abused flesh gently, almost excusingly and listened to Sano's wanton gasps.  
No matter how rough their sex was, no matter how hard or deep Shinpachi took Sano, every bit of it was filled with consent. And not only because Shinpachi would never ever hurt Sano intentionally. If Sano didn't want it, he would have no restraints to show it and in the end Shinpachi would end with a concussion, maybe even a week worth of hospital. Sano would totally end him. They both were strong and trained, but Sano, as a PE teacher, had more training than the math teacher Shinpachi. More muscles. More strength. Just by a bit, but that bit was enough for him, to have the upper hand against Shinpachi.

And it was this, Shinpachi mused, as he pushed one finger inside his boyfriend and heard the moan of pleasure, that awed him to no ends, as he was given control so freely.

Yeah, sometimes they fought for it.

But it was never a real battle.

If Sano wanted to top, he simply topped, without needing to fight for it. Really, a simple hint was enough for Shinpachi to catch the drift.

But now Sano wanted it to last long, he wanted it drawn out, so that even the last specks of pleasure felt like eternity and the last shudders last forever. He didn't want it to stop.  
Another finger was pushed in and Sano bit his arm to stiffle the groan escaping him, now reduced to a helpless sob.  
Sano was vocal. Very vocal. When they wanted to have wild and unbound sex, they always ended up at his house, where the space between him and his neigbours was not reduced to a five inch thick wall, but extended to several feet of free space, a fence and thick brick walls.  
But now they were at Shinpachi's place so moaning was not allowed.

Shinpachi bent down to place soothing kisses along the neckline, but Sano only sobbed more. And as Shinpachi withdrew the fingers and slid inside, he abandoned his abused arm for the shoulder of his boyfriend and bit down hard enough to draw blood.  
Shinpachi cried out in pain, but it was nothing compared to the pleasure he felt as the tight, velvety heat seemed to envelope his whole being.

He made it just as Sano wanted it: Long and drawn out lovemaking, full of raw emotions like lust, but also filled with deep feelings of devotion and love. It seemed to last forever but then it was coming to an end, and it felt like the end of the world, like a tsunami playing with them, drowning them, sweeping them away. And yet they lived, they survived, they were there, floating, and it hurt so much, but at the same time it felt so infinitely good...

The aftermath felt like lying on hot, burning sand, soft and comforting beneath them, on an empty beach, far away from the world of living, where there was just the two of them in the remaining waves of pleasure. For a long while an occassional shudder wrecked their bodies, shaking the remaining pleasure away, untill they were empty and there was nothing else, but them, in purest nature.

They were panting, the need for air making their lungs ache and their chests burn. There was sweat and cum everywhere.

Finally, Sano sounded, his voice rough from holding everything back.

„We need a bath."

Shinpachi nodded. „Yeah."

„You're drawing it."

x*x

Sano let out a content sigh as he slid into the hot bath, the water soothing each of his abused muscles. Even when quiet and silent, Sano could be vocal.

„Have I ever mentioned that I love you?"

Shinpachi just chuckled and shook his head over the antics, as he slid in too, right behind Sano, pulling him into his lap. But he had to admit, that it really, _really_was something to sigh contently about.

„Yes, just like I like it..."

Sano chuckled and turned his head just enough to be able to look into those endlessly blue eyes.  
„Singing your own praises?" he smirked.  
„Just judging my work." Shinpachi winked.  
Sano smiled amusedly. „Right."

They kissed.

Somehow it seemed as if they weren't able to get enough of each other tonight, as Shinpachi's hand run down Sano's sides and carressed the wound on his stomach, ghosted over the sensitive flesh.  
There was a tongue inside his mouth, exploring the territory it already knew by heart, but it never stoped being exiting and new, there were hands in his hair, long fingers playing with the locks, occassinally a fist pulling at them gently, there was breath ghosting against his cheek, hot and cold at the same time and it was just so arousing to sit there, in the water, leting himself be touched.  
So he touched back, running his hands across the torso, the chest, the abdomen and lower, much lower, between the legs and it was it needed for his armfull of Sano to moan. And the best thing was, he could. Because the bathroom was isolated enough. At least enough for the moans allowed to be just a bit louder.

They gasped for air in unison, as their bodies joined another time, the force of pleasure taking their breaths momentarily away. And again they lost themselves in the waves of pleasure, as hot water drove them away from the shores of order and rationality, to a world where there was no gravity, just floating on waves, or on clouds, neither of them really knew, completely weightless.

It lasted long, too long, longer than any of them could bear, but they still did and it felt like the end of the world, but it wasn't and then there was just black emptiness.

ox*xo

Later they laid on the soft bed, which neither of them remebered how they got there, an empty bottle of sake on the nightstand next to them. Both of them were completely spent and exhausted, holding each other close in a tight embrace, basking in the warmth and comfort of being together. Peace. Everything was peacefull. There was no fight, no battle for survival, no adrenaline rush, no running away, no rush, just the calm and content of the moment. One small moment in a whole eternity. Everything was blissfully silent untill Shinpachi spoke up.

„Hey Sano...I've been wondering..."  
„Hm?"  
„Why do you care so much for me?"

Sano lifted his head to look at Shinpachi with a questioning gaze on his face.  
„I mean, you cook, you shop, you help me work...You even buy me sake. I have never done anything for you..."

„I have never asked."

„Neither have I and yet you still..."

He was silenced by a finger on his lips.

„You are doing much more than you realize, Shinpachi."

„Huh?"

Sano chuckled and instead of an answer he gave the perplexed Shinpachi a lingering kiss, almost like the ghost of a touch, but still there, still clear against his lips.

As they parted Sano carressed Shinpachi's face with a loving look in his golden hues.

„Much more."

Shinpachi looked at him, still with a question in his eyes, but accepting the answer.

„If you say so..."

He too lifted his hand to carress the handsom face above him. Sano leaned into the touch and laid his hand onto Shinpachi's. Their eyes met.

„Yeah. I do."

ox*xo

Sunday morning Shinpachi managed to correct the majority of the tests. There were only two more classes left, around four hours of work, give or take. As Sano stuck his head in to call him to lunch he was halfway through the next class. Somehow the work went faster than it did on Friday. But as he saw Sano, something came to him.  
„Are you coming to lunch?"  
Shinpachi smiled. „Yeah, I'll just finish correcting this test."  
Sano smiled. „It's rare to see you work so hard."  
„I have a good personal trainer."  
Sano laughed. „Just don't take too long, the food's gonna get cold."  
And with that he was out.  
Shinpachi's brows furrowed just a little.

Fifteen minutes later, as they ate the delicious miso-soup Sano conjured up, Shinpachi sounded.

„Hey Sano?"

„What is it, Shinpachi?"  
„Have you gotten down to work in these past two days at all?"  
„Not really, but I don't have much left. A few hours will be enough to finish it."  
„It's Sunday noon."  
Sano paused.  
Shinpachi laid down his spoon.  
„Listen, I'm almost done. You don't have to prepare dinner today. Instead, how about you sit down and finish your work. You can even go into the study, if it helps you to concentrate. Take your time and after you finished, we can go and have dinner outside. My treat."  
Sano stared at Shinpachi for several moments. Then a smile spread across his face.  
„Thanks."  
„Naah, I should be the one to thank you, really. Eat up and go work. I'll clean up."  
Sano had no words. All he could do was take Shinpachi's hand and place a gentle kiss on the knuckles.

So after they finished eating, Shinpachi took the dishes, stood himself to the sink and started washing. Sano just placed a small kiss onto his cheek and went into the study.  
After Shinpachi cleaned up, he went to get his papers he had so calculatively placed into the living room and sat down at the kitchen table. It was a weird feeling to be working in the kitchen. As he was finished with the class he had been correcting, he yawned and remembered that since he banned Sano from the kitchen, no one made coffee. So he decided to take this task upon himself.  
Fifteen minutes later he was knocking onto the door of the study. No one answered. He knocked again. No answer.  
Carefully, he entered.

„Sano?"

His boyfriend was sitting behind the desk, frowning in concentration. He tiptoed to him and took a peek across the broad shoulder.

'Physical Education notice, Class 2C, Okita Souji'

Sano was tapping his pen.

Shinpachi knew that expression. Whenever Harada Sanosuke had this expression of someone who was deep in thoughts, no one could make him snap out of it. So he put the coffee next to him, on the exact spot Sano always had it on and watched. Sure enough, Sano's hand went automatically to grasp it, take a sip and place it back, to the exact spot Shinpachi placed it on. Without looking up from the paper. Shinpachi had to smile. When it came to some things, Harada Sanosuke was more like a machine than a human.  
Silently as he came, he left the room, pausing only to look at Sano as he took another sip, without ever looking up. Supressing a chuckle, Shinpachi exited the room, returning to his own work.

x*x

Sano stretched in his seat.

He had finished almost all of his work and there were only a few more papers left. He decided to allow himself a small break. He loved Shinpachi's study. There was no place on Earth where he could concentrate better than here. Which proved to be troublesome in some cases, especially when both he and Shinpachi worked in the room at the same time. Yes, he was concentrating alright, but it couldn't be exactly called 'work' what he was concentrating on.

He chuckled.

He and Shinpachi had been together for over 20 years now (Shinpachi kept track of the exact number), and sometimes they still behaved like they behaved the first month into their relationship.

Sano stretched again and let his look wander around the room. Then his eyes fell on something on the table he didn't remember placing there.

A plate.

And a cup.

He looked at it and frowned. He did remember drinking coffee and he still had the vague taste of a sandwich in his mouth, but he didn't remember how it got there in the first place... Not that there were many possibilities where it could have come from.

He took the plate and the cup and went to the kitchen.

Shinpachi was sitting at the table, his own mug next to him, a huge stack of corrected papers at the far end of the table and in front of him a single sheet of paper.  
He was quietly mumbling to himself.  
„Summary of the semester...Let's see..."

Sano tapped the doorframe.

Shinpachi looked up and his eyes lit up.

„Sano!"

He stood up.

„Done with work?"

Sano shook his head.

„Almost. Just taking a small break." Shinpachi took the plate and the cup from him and started washing. „But you seem to be finishing just now."  
„Yeah, I'm doing the summarizing."  
Sano pressed himself against Shinpachi, laid his hands on the sink, one on each of Shinpachi's sides and put his head onto the broad shoulder.  
„I believe I haven't thanked you for the sandwich yet."  
Shinpachi smiled.  
„You always get hungry when you concentrate so hard, so I thought I could make you something to bite on."  
„Thanks."  
Shinpachi just waved it off.

„Will you be ready soon? I'm getting a little hungry and there's this nice restaurant just down the street." Shinpachi asked as he rubbed the dishes dry. As soon as he placed them back into the counter, Sano turned him around and leaned in.  
„I'll be done in an hour, the latest."  
Shinpachi put his hand on his boyfriend's hips. „Wonderfull. I'm looking forward to it."  
Sano grinned. „Me too."

And they sealed it with a kiss.

x*x

They enjoyed a fine dinner and a light conversation and then they had a few drinks, after which the walk down the street became a small task, but it wasn't anything that would have prevented them from finding their way to the bathrooom _and_into the bed.

The lovemaking that night and left them both boneless, melted into two piles of formless goo.

And as they laid in the bed, a good deal after midnight, the alcohol drained from them their heads emptied and minds blown out, from both the hard work and the intense coupling, they felt themselves light and at total ease like floating on a cloud.

„Sano?"

„Yeah?"

„I'm glad you came over."

A drained chuckle left Sano's throat and he turned his head (which was a tasl on it's own) to look at Shinpachi with two sparkling golden eyes.

„Yeah, me too."

Shinpachi grinned.

„Let's repeat this another time, ok?"

Sano grinned back.

„Any time, sweetheart, any time."

After all, they had a whole lifetime for it.

x*x-ox*xo-x*x

Omake

As they stumbled Monday morning into the teacher's room, both with goofy smiles on their faces, seemingly floating instead of normally walking and Hijikata-san spotted them, they knew the storm was about to break out. But actually, they couldn't have cared less. And true enough, just as the 'demon-vice' laid his eyes on them, he lashed out.

„What have you two been thinking? Today's the conference! We have to discuss the closure and if you two are unprepared it doesn't-" he was cut off by a folder Shinpachi showed into his face. „What's that?"

„A weekend of work, Hijikata-san."

Not really believing his colleague's words, them demon vice opened the folder, and stoped believing even his sight. He was openly gaping. Then he slowly turned around to Harada, who was just setting on some coffee. The redhead noticed the look his superior gave him and turned to answer with a wink.  
Hijikata-san then closed the folder without a single word and handed it back to Shinpachi.

„I apologize."

With that he turned around and went to his table. He stoped only to ask: „Just tell me one thing: How have you managed to concentrate on work with Harada around? Otherwise you behave like a hormon-driven teenie girl around him."

There were around a dozen of answers that Shinpachi could have given to that. But he said neither of them. Instead he just smiled and turned to Sano.

Sano, pouring the coffee into three mugs, approached Hijikata and laying one mug in front of him, said secretively: „You know Hijikata-san, the time left for work is always limited, but..." he approached Shinpachi and handed him a mug as well, brushing his hand not-so-accidentaly over his. „With the one you love you always have an eternity. And the time spent there is never lost."

oxo-x-*-oxox*x*xo-ox*x-ox*xo-x*xo-ox*x*xoxo-*-x-oxo

So, that's it for the Christmas fic of Shinpachi and Sanosuke.

On this place I would like to thank **tokio_fujita**, **rainstream16** and **kitsunekyubi44** on lj for providing me with informations about Hakuoki SSL and **Bellatrix Sauciata** for inspiring me and supporting me with her reviews and messages, and also all the other reviewers that gave my story love and support.

I will probably change a few of things in the SSL dimension, so it might partially divert, but it won't be too much and just minor things.  
I'm making Harada teach, besides PE, History too, becauce a) It was my favorite subject at middle school b) because I can c) practical reasons. But I won't integrate this subject too much, and it will be mentioned by the way, so the main subject stays PE, just as otomate stuff meant it to be. 


	4. 22: Being a child, becoming a man

I'm not so sure about this, but I like it...kinda... Review and tell me if you did, ok?

Set between Heisuke's leave and Abura-Kouji.

**Being a child, becoming a man**  
#22. Knowledge equals profit.

-*

Almost a year has passed since that night. The night of bright stars, good sake and the beginning of their relationship. In short: It had been 8 months since Shinpachi fucked Sano silly. And Sano still hasn't gotten his payback. Not that they never had sex after, no, on the contrary: They had plenty of sex. It was just that, no matter how many times they fought for it and no matter how many times he won, Sano always found himself on the recieving end. And all because Shinpachi used dirty tricks to get what he wanted. If Sano didn't know better, he would say that Shinpachi was afraid of succumbing to him. Which he had no reason to, given Sano's vaste expierience in this field.

Speakin'o'ich, maybe he could talk Shinpachi into it and get him out of his gloomy mood. He was hanging around like some lifeless ghost since Heisuke left a few days ago. Seriously, what was it with his boyfriend in everything that concerned that kid? It was as if he thought he needed to protect Heisuke from everything evil in this world. Even though from all the shinsengumi, he knew the best, that kid could take care of himself.  
Seriously, all Sano heard was „Damn that Heisuke, damn that Heisuke, damn that Heisuke and damn that Heisuke." And honestly, he was getting tired of it. Shinpachi's attention that used to belong to him for eight months straight, went to someone who wasn't even among them anymore.

To be honest, it pissed Sano off.

Yes, he understood it. Yes, he gave his lover enough space to mourn, no matter what little reason he had for it, since the brat was probably doing great. But somewhere, there was a line that hinted the border between endless patience and blind tolerance and Sano seriously pondered if he hadn't crossed it already, without noticing.

Shinpachi was his boyfriend, damnit.

Alright, yes, he and Heisuke have been screwing for months before he came around, Sano knew it and acknowledged it, fine. What was most deffinitely not fine was, that even thought they weren't screwing anymore and Shinpachi belonged to Sano now, he thought of him constantly, in these past days. What reason was there to mope for an ex-boyfriend who left to become a man, Sano did not know. One would almost think it was more something to celebrate. Only Shinpachi acted like it was the end of the world. But as Sano found him one night in his room, looming over a white hairband that could have belonged only to one person, lost and forgotten, Sano decided, it was just enough.

„Shinpachi!" Shinpachi looked up at him. „What are you doing there?"  
„Oh, Sano. Yo. Nothing. Just a bit reminiscing."  
Something deep inside of Sano snapped.  
He seized Shinpachi by the collar of his kataginu and forcefully pulled him up.

„Snap out of it you moron!"

Shinpachi gave him a look of utter bewilderment. Seriously, he hadn't expected Sano to blow up.  
Sano sighed and let go of Shinpachi, regaining the control over himself. As Sano let him go, Shinpachi fell flat on his ass, in shock over his boyfriend's outburst even forgetting to regain his composure. Sano kneeled down to him and looked deep into his azure, almost child-like eyes.  
„I understand, you miss Heisuke. It's alright, really. You want to reminisce, fine. But among that reminiscence, aren't you forgetting something?"  
Shinpachi didn't answer, just continued to stare at him.  
„What about me?"  
Shinpachi still didn't answer.  
„All I hear from your lips are 'damn' and 'Heisuke' in various combinations. What about my name?"  
Shinpachi stayed silent.

„I feel forgotten."

„Sano..."

That was as far as Shinpachi came as Sano kissed him.

-x-

For a while, the stunned Shinpachi couldn't do anything, but sit there in shock and startlement. But as he felt thos lips move against his, the tongue demanding entrance, he found himself complying. He felt himself being gently pushed backwards, untill his back met the soft fabric of the mattress. And he still didn't do anything. The sudden dominance that Sano showed, threw him off and he felt helplessly caught. Trapped.  
Not that Shinpachi didn't know how dominant Sano could be, he had showed it to him not once, but Shinpachi had never let him. Because he was afraid. No matter how much it stung to admit it, it was true: he was afraid. He knew that Sano would never intentionally hurt him, he knew how expierienced he was, but whenever Sano would win a fight and land over Shinpachi, a sudden wave of distress would hit him and he would pull something that would make Sano land on his backside and Shinpachi would take him, not accepting any of the protests.

But now...

Now was something completely else. The way Sano held him, touched him, kissed him, made something deep inside him break. He found that if he rolled them over now, it wouldn't end well. It wouldn't make him feel good. It just wouldn't feel right.  
So instead of defending himself, he sighed and put his arms around the strong back, pulling his lover near.  
For a small moment Sano hesitated, but then, without any word, he continued what he had been doing: Placing kisses along his jawline, stroking his hips, grinding his growing arousal against his own.

Shinpachi moaned.

He felt hot breath on his neck and suddenly there were teeth biting that sensitive spot just behind his ear. He couldn't help it, Shinpachi bucked his hips, his hardness meeting Sano's. Sano threw his head back in pleasure and a lustfull scream left him.  
But he quickly bit his lips, remembering to keep their lovemaking silent.  
They looked at each other, both panting in unison, trying to catch their breath that had been blown out by the pleasure that surged through them.  
„Is this alright?" Sano asked and Shinpachi knew this would be the only time tonight he would be asking that.  
He hesitated only for a split moment.  
„Yes."  
A small smiled graced Sano's lips as he bent down and captured Shinpachi's between them.

Slowly they undressed each other, enjoying the intimacy of that act, like they never had before, untill they were completely naked in all their glory.  
Then, their eyes met.  
Slowly a hand went between his legs and two fingers suddenly pressed against his entrance.

Shinpachi tensed.

It was really happening. He was goint to be submitting to Sano and he wasn't even putting up a fight. He gulped. The fingers probed and Shinpachi gave a startled yelp. He knew it would hurt, he had heard Sano and Heisuke cry out in pain and so he braced himself. Not that he wasn't accustomed to pain, or couldn't bear a little of it, but somehow, for some unknown reason, this was different.  
Something wet touched his ear and he startled again.  
„Relax..." Sano's gentle voice blew hot breath int his ear and Shinpachi shuddered a soft moan leaving his lips. „If we are going to do this, I need your assistance. Don't force yourself."  
Shinpachi tried, but as those fingers pushed a little farther, to his embarassment, a silent whimper left him. He heard Sano sigh against his ear and Shinpachi couldn't but think that he probably had less complicated virgins in his life. Even if Shinpachi wasn't really a virgin anymore.

„Look at me, Shinpachi."

So he did.

Golden eyes locked with his and a shudder went through him. They were intense like the mighty Sun itself. Shinpachi gasped as a surge of want shot through him.  
Sano didn't say anything, just carressed his hair and pushed those two long fingers inside him. It didn't hurt as much anymore.  
Sano kissed him as his fingers wormed their way further inside, stretching him. It stung a little, but it wasn't as bad and Shinpachi felt himself relaxing more and more.  
„Sano..." he whispered into the kiss and he felt a smile form against his lips.  
„It's gonna get only better, Shinpachi..."

And just like that, Shinpachi believed him.

The two fingers withdrew and something else, something larger and harder pressed against him. But instead of tensing up, he found himself spreading his legs further, squirming in anticipation.  
And Sano, biting his lips to prevent any sounds escaping him when the force of pleasure would squeeze him painfully hard, pushed in.  
Shinpachi moaned, his whole body heating up with passion, enveloping him whole. It was so vivid and intense, he didn't even notice, that it hurt a little.

Sano, meeting no resistance, started thrusting deeply into Shinpachi, but keeping a pace slow enough for Shinpachi to adjust to the intrusion. He was being considerate, but at the same time he wasn't treating him like he could break any time. Sano was really good at this...  
And suddenly sheer lust exploaded in Shinpachi and he couldn't stop the cry of pleasure that broke out of him. He knew what that ahd been, but he never would have thought that it could feel like that...

There was a desperate whimper above him and then there were teeth sinking themselves into his shoulder painfully. It seemed Sano liked how he was feeling also.  
Features contorted in pleasure, sweat covering the tan skin, blood full of heat and passion...

I the middle of his daze, Shinpachi wondered, why he had never noticed, how much it suit Sano to be on top. So handsom, mature and gentle, it looked ten times better than the other way around. Somehow he could understand why woman on the streets turned to get a second look and why he was so wanted, even if the Shinsengumi were something akin to public enemies in Kyoto. Because for the one he loved, Harada Sanosuke would bring down the Sun and the Moon, no matter what it took.

Shinpachi cried out as Sano hit his sweet spot again, taking him with those deep and steady thrusts. Shinpachi felt like he was burning, set on fire by the blazing passion, that was Harada Sanosuke. He found himself wanting it to last forever.  
Sano was hitting his sweet spot over and over and over and Shinpachi wondered how much longer he could bear it. And yet he wanted it to go on untill the end of time. He didn't want it to end. But he knew it would come to an end very soon as he felt pleasure building up deep inside him, clenching his muscles and everything inside him...  
And a few thrusts later he came, white liquid spilling over their tan skins in a contrast of colors and emotions, when pain met pleasure and everything burst and exploaded untill there was nothing but sweet emptiness. He vagually felt hotness filling him and he heard a cry that no one would be able to supress, a cry of raw and pure, unbound nature as Sano came deep inside of him.

For a while they were just lying there, panting like they had fought a billion of those Choushu dogs, letting their hands roam each other's bodies, just for the sake of doing something. But soon Shinpachi felt his eyelids growing heavy with exhaustion and the colors and emotions he had felt a few moments ago faded into the dark peacefullness of oblivion.

And then he didn't know anything anymore.

-x-

Sano regarded the peacefully sleeping Shinpachi next to him. His features were relaxed and he seemed calm. Finally, Sano thought, his partner would get some peace. He just hoped this would make feel Shinpachi better, not worse. But if he was to judge it due to the moaning, Shinpachi had been feeling very good. At least Sano did enjoy himself.  
Shinpachi had been very responsive, in a way, Sano didn't expect him to be. To say, it had been an interesting expierience and Sano knew he would remember this untill his dying day.

He looked over Shipachi again and basked in the image of the sleeping face. Shinpachi looked so calm right now...Sano wondered why he never noticed how georgeous Shinpachi was when he slept. He let his eyes wander as he took in every detail of the handsom face, the strong body, the tan skin, the hands calloused from years of fighting...

Suddenly his eyes fell on something in Shinpachi's hand. Something white. Carefully, not to wake Shinpachi, he freed it out of the softened grasp and regarded it. Heisuke's hairband. Had Shinpachi been holding onto it the whole time? He looked at his lover, then regarded the band again. He contemplated throwing it away, but he found himself putting into the pocket of his hakama, with the thought of returning it to Heisuke, once he would come back.

ox*xo

It seemed, that Sano's 'method' helped, because after that night, Shinpachi returned back to his normal self. He was goofing around again, joking with their friends, teasing everyone and giving Sano all of his undying attention. Even if it was true, that sometimes he looked like he missed Heisuke, whenever Sano would appear next to him, his face would light up and they would end up in either his or Sano's room within an hour, tops. Everything was seemingly alright again. Sometimes it felt like the calm before the storm, but for Sano it was all the more a reason to enjoy it to it's fullest. If a moment of peace was rare these times, then he wouldn't be a fool to throw it away. Because when the storm came, it came with thunder and lightning, horrible and murderous.

Deep in the winter of that year, he was proven right.

It had been one of those nights. One of those dark, eerie nights, when something clutched at your heart so strong, that nothing remained, but the feeling of helplessness and fear, and no one would be able to understand why.  
Sano hadn't been sleeping well that night, despite having been devoured by Shinpachi since the late evening untill an hour ago. That was what helped him to relax the best, and yet...  
He couldn't get rid of this forebroding feeling of danger taking residence somewhere deep inside his gut. And when Shinpachi opened his eyes, he knew he wasn't the only one.

„Can't sleep?"  
„Something bad's going to happen."

Shinpachi looked at him, eyes sharp and focused.

„Yeah. And I have this bad feeling, that I won't like it."  
Sano frowned and opened his mouth to reply, but he was cut off by the sound of approaching footsteps.  
„Nagakura-san?" came from behind the closed door.  
„Come in."  
„Excuse me." The door slid open, revealing Shimada. He bowed in respect. „Hijikata-san wants everyone to gather."  
There was it: the catastrophe came. They looked at each other seriously and nodded.  
„We'll be there shortly."

-x-

But what greeted them, was out of everything they could have foreseen.

„Saito?"

„What are you doing here?"  
He had left after all. Left along with Heisuke, following that damn tanuki.  
„As of today," Hijikata spoke „Saito is returning to the Shinsengumi."  
Now, this was really suspicious. Saito wasn't one to turn like the wind blew. When he made up his mind, he made it up and followed his heart and his beliefs. No way it would change on a whim. Heisuke was the same. They all were the same in this.  
Sano turned to Hijikata. „What's going on here?"  
Kondo-san answered his question instead: „Toshi had Saito infiltrate Itou's group."  
That would explain it. But why didn't Sano know about it? Wasn't he the unofficial advisor? He heard Souji's and Shinpachi's complaints in the background, but he didn't really pay attention, still dumbfounded.  
„You see, it was top secret!" Kondou-san said apologizingly. „Sorry I couldn't tell everyone!" He gave an embarassed laugh.  
Alright then, Sano understood. Besides, he was probably just too used for them telling him everything.

After Chizuru-chan discreetly excused herself and left them to military talk, Saito told them everything he learned. As he progressed, the bad feeling that had been raging in Sano's gutt the whole evening, intensified. And he didn't need to look at Shinpachi, to know what look he would see on his face. He too understood where this was heading.

The door slid open again and it revealed Chizuru with cups of hot tea, just as Hijikata spoke the final words: „It's time we had Itou-san meet his demise."

„You want to declare war against the Imperial Mausoleum guard?"

„We have no other choice." Kondou-san said.  
They all knew what it meant, even before Shinpachi voiced it.

„What about Heisuke?"

Silence filled the room for several thick moments.

Finally, Hijikata answered: „We will have to kill him if he attacks us."

There was a soft gasp from the door and Hijikata stood up, his form leaning slightly forward and his shoulders down, like there was some heavy burden on his them.

„Hijikata-san!"

He violently pushed the rest of the sliding door aside and left slowly and heavy silence reigned the room once again. The topic hung in the air and filled the room with it's thick essence, suffocating them under it's weight. And yet no one dared to speak, no one wanted to say it out loud.

Heisuke was their enemy now.

Suddenly Chizuru's voice sounded through the room, cutting the air like a sword.  
„Are you serious? Is everyone alright with this?"  
No matter how Sano fancied the girl, she sometimes just didn't understand... How could she think that everyone was alright with it?

„Of course not." Kondou-san answered courtly. „Deep down, even Toshi wants to save the kid."

The kid. True. Heisuke was always their little kid. Even if he was Saitou's age, even if he was in fact a man, even if he was in many ways more mature than Shinpachi, who was the oldest among the unit captains, for them he was and always would remain a kid. Their kid.

Kondou-san stood up, Harada following his example. He...They needed to get out. Get out and somehow deal with this whole mess, so that by tomorrow, they could be done and over with it, prepared for the unevitable.  
As Sano passed Chizuru, he looked at her and the words he spoke, came from the depth of his heart.  
„Everyone wants Heisuke to come back."  
And with that told, he left, Shinpachi trailing behind him lifelessly.

That night no one slept.

The next hours were spent with preparing themselves, and the new day the morning brought dragged itself. Time passed slowly, too slowly. Sano watched Shinpachi closely, readying himself for what was surely about to come – an outburst or a a breakdown of any kind. But nothing like that happened, the whole day Shinpachi's eyes were focused on the task he had in front of him, like the whole thing didn't concern him the least.

It made Sano worry.

So he decided to do the only thing that seemed to work against a moping Shinpachi.

That night, he came into his room, fully intent on getting Shinpachi over it. Over his depression. Over Heisuke. Over everything.

He found him sitting on the floor just outside his room, staring into the dark nightsky.

Sano opened his mouth, but then he thought better of it and closed it. Instead, he sat down beside his partner and joined him in watching, letting just his presence provide assurance the other male.  
But the comfortable silence soon grew into a heavy one, as the topic hung above them again. They couldn't avoid it anymore, no matter how much they wanted to.

„Shinpachi...About Heisuke..."

Sano prepared himself, ready for anything his partner would throw at him in an angry fit, be it words, or heavy objects. He expected that Shinpachi would throw a tantrum. He didn't expect Shinpachi to just sit there not facing him and stare at the pale moon's light. He didn't expect to feel a tremble when he put his hand onto the broad shoulder. And what he absolutely didn't expect was Shinpachi's azure eyes shining like the deep blue of the ocean's salty water, as he turned to look at him, so sad and lost, like a child. Another thing Sano didn't foresee was those two strong arms wrapping themselves around him, clutch at the back of his daimon desperately as Shinpachi leaned on him with his full weight. And all Sano could do was brace himself and hold what was left of the man upright. The last thing he didn't except were silent, weak words passing Shinpachi's lips in a broken whisper:

„Save me..."

That was when Sano understood. Shinpachi's feelings weren't about wanting to protect Heisuke. They weren't about mourning him, or wanting to save him. They weren't even about missing him. No. Nothing of that was about what Shinpachi felt towards Heisuke, because Shinpachi himself didn't know it. He felt torn. Torn between his current lover and past feelings, those intensity he had underestimated. He had felt more for Heisuke than he had thought. And he discovered it when it was too late. After he couldn't change anything anymore.  
Sano's grip weakened and Shinpachi kipped forward, right into Sano's lap. Sano felt him trembling, but he didn't do anything. The realization of hit him like a wave of icy water, temporarily numbing his senses, filling him with only a feeling of cold emptiness. Shinpachi had loved that kid. And now he felt like he had to choose, except he couldn't. Because it was too late. So he was left with a choice he wasn't sure he wanted.  
Sano found himself biting back a lump in his throat. It hurt. The knowledge about his lover's feelings was like a punch below the waistline. Or a sword into the back.  
And suddenly he had to wonder if this was how Heisuke felt. Knowing that the one he's with, loves another. Did he love Shinpachi like Sano did? Or even more? Maybe that was the real reason of his leave, the real reason why he didn't...couldn't tell Shinpachi about it. Did he leave them to themselves? Or did he say the truth and Sano was simply assuming things?

He didn't know.

But, as he looked at the trembling mess on the ground, the once rough and proud warrior, there was one thing he knew for certain: It was worth it.  
Everything they had been through in their relationship, good or bad, happy or sad, every moment and breath, was worth it.  
And Heisuke had known it.

And finally Sano understood how Heisuke felt.

He leaned down to Shinpachi and put a hand on his shoulder, gently forcing him upright again. Two saphire orbs, shining like the azure ocean, looked at him.  
Sano didn't say anything, just pulled Shinpachi into an embrace.  
There was a small intake as Shinpachi drew a breath, ready to say something, Sano assumed to be an explanation, Shinpachi thought he owed him. „I..."  
However, there wasn't need for one. And so Sano did the first thing that came to his mind, he could do to comfort and assure Shinpachi, that everything was alright:

He kissed him.

A gentle touch of lips against lips, sure and there. He could feel Shinpachi relaxing, leaning against him, letting himself be at rest, for once in his life.  
The stayed like that for a while, just sitting there on the cold floor, their lips locked in a gesture of assurance and comfort, until Shinpachi chose to break it. Instead he laid his head on Sano's shoulder, his hair soft against the sharp nose. A shiver shook them both.

„Sano?"

„Hm?"

„Will you hold me a little?"

Sano smiled against the soft strands of brown hair and planted a gentle kiss in them.

„Yeah."

ox*xo

Not an hour later they laid in Sano's room, sweating and spent, with just a thin blanket covering their naked bodies.

Sano watched Shinpachi, who was in a light slumber, thinking about how...submissive the other male had been. How he wanted Sano to take him, he had been almost desperate for it. Wanting to be held and lead. Like someone who needed guidance. Sano sighed. He was still such a child.  
Even now in his sleep it seemed that the sharp masculine features, hardened with fight and age, softened into a shape that looked innocent and woke in Sano the need to protect, even if he knew, that when the other male woke, he wouldn't need it, being hard and merciless.  
His eyes scanned over the softened features, illuminated by the moonlight, making them glow silvery.  
Sano's eyes suddenly caught something white sticking out from underneath his matt. A sudden sense of misgiving filled him and he reached for it, slowly pulling the object out from the confinement he had put it into several months back. It didn't belong to him. He always got himself wider and shorter bands. This was long and thin, but strong enough to hold thick, messy hair in place, even in hard fights.

It was Heisuke's.

Sano remembered the moment when he took it, instead of throwing it away, because he wanted to return it, when they would meet again. Like holding on onto a hope, that was lost long ago. He should have know then and there how foolish he was being. He glanced at Shinpachi. He was resting peacefully, snoring lightly. It was almost as if he didn't know what awaited them just an hour later, as if he didn't know about the fight they would be leading, as if he didn't know, whom they'll be facing.

Ignorance.

Sano looked at the hairband again, white, long, thin and strong.

He ripped it in half and threw it away, into the darkest corner of his room and with it the foolish hopes from several months ago. Heisuke had made his decision and it was about time for them to accept it.  
He looked at the nightsky. It seemed the stars were covered in shadow, like they knew what awaited the world they watched from the heavens tonight.

That was when he heard footsteps approaching his room. With a small sigh he took his spear, in simple acceptance of the decisions that brought this fate upon them.

The door slid open and Shinpachi's azure ocean eyes opened.

It was time.

He rose to his feet and they got ready together. Before they left the room, Sano turned to Shinpachi and looked him straight into the eyes. Gold met saphires. The shining, ocean was gone, the jewels were sharp and strong. And with one last kiss of assurance onto the rought lips, they headed out, together.

And from the darkest corner of the room, a lost and ripped hairband was watching them lonely.

-*

Other notes:

1) I have no idea if the piece of clothing Sano wears is actually a daimon, there was no picture. Correct me if you know the right answer.

2) Also, I'm not sure if Shinpachi was really the oldest of the unit captains – at least he was the oldest of those that were featured in Hakuoki. But in Hakuoki there were seven and historically, there were at least ten and I have not found informations of the rest. If you know something about this topic, please inform me. 


	5. 30: Orchid's bloom

This was supposed to be a short drabble, a cute little fluffy piece. Now look at it. *sigh* But still, it would be a such a waste to write just a little drabble on them. I want this challenge be worth it.

Author's notes

I'm not entirely sure where this idea came from. But suddenly I had this striking urge to write it, so I did. I hope you like it. But first, there are things you should know. Don't ask, you'll see why.

1. Ran means Orchid in japanese.  
2. When I write „5 in the morning", please don't imagine 5 o'clock. The time meassure mentioned in this fic is all taken fromthis entry, for which I thank the wonderfull **tokio_fujita**, who has hellped me a lot with this shot. You're the best! *hugs*  
3. Juban is the undercloth for a kimono, fundoshi si the underwear, or loincloth. Ryotei are fancy restaurants. The „procedure" as it is written out was also explained to me by tokio_fujita. I owe her really much for this shot.  
4. The foreign word that Sano uses, „saya", is my japanese transcription of the english world „sire".

Set shortly after Shinpachi and Sano got together, which would make it sometime during episode 8. Let's say end of July 1866. (They got together that summer).

**Orchid's bloom**  
#30. No good deed ever goes unpunished

„We should go out sometimes."  
It was a hot summer day and a heat wave was currently ruling over Kyoto that left everyone, even the most obstinate individuals unable to move and go out untill evening as his lover threw these words between them. Harada Sanosuke looked up from inspecting his spear, the only task that wasn't in the current conditions that hard to accomplish, one eyebrow raised. He saw that his friend, his partner and lover Nagakura Shinpachi has stoped polishing his sword and those brigt blue saphhires that were his eyes were watching him intently.  
„Seriously, all we ever do is fuck."  
Sano raised a second eyebrow and Shinpachi hurried to elaborate. „Not that it's bad, it's just that...I thought it could be refreshing to go out and do stuff together."  
The two of them had gotten together this summer and so far, Sano found nothing to complain about. Even if Shinpachi was rough around the edges, to Sano's surprise, he proved to be a good and attentive boyfriend. He was treating Sano like he was the only human in the whole world and gave him all of his undying attention. Even Heisuke, his previous lover, didn't seem to matter. It seemed that for Shinpachi everything was about Sano.

Like now.

It was true, they hadn't gotten much time together lately, even though nothing essential was going on. Maybe it was because of that damned heat wave that hit the city and not even the Choushu dogs had a sliver of energy to cause an uproar.  
„It's a custom in the west, I forgott how it's called. Something with orchid."  
„Wait, I think I heard of it. I believe it's called ran-no-deboo."  
„Yeah, that's it. Ran-no-deboo. People dress up, go out, eat dinner in a fancy establishment, hang out and do stuff together, have a good time... How about it?"  
Sano eyed him for a few moments. „Just the two of us?"  
„Yeah, just you and me."  
Why not, Sano thought to himself as he watched Shinpachi look at his half-polished sword. He himself was getting more tired of these days of doing nothing than of the actual heat and a bit of change would sure do him good. Go out into the city and relax. With Shinpachi.  
He smiled. „Sure, I would love to."  
Shinpachi's head snapped up and blue eyes sparked.  
„Really?"  
„Yeah."  
„That's perfect! Are you free tonight?"  
„I have no plans so far, no."  
„Wonderfull. We could meet at six at dusk? Then we have a plenty of time untill curfew and can do a lot of stuff."  
„Fine with me. We can meet by the gates."  
For some reason, Shinpachi looked very pleased with himself. „Alright. By the gates at six."  
And with that he went back to polishinig his sword and all that was left for Sano to do was watch the happy face of his lover, softened by the expression of simple joy into innocent, almost child-like features. He shook his head and went back to inspecting his spear. He'd better finish this quickly. He had some other duties he had to tend to and he had to finish them in less than four hours. Better get started.

X*-ox*xo-*x

With everything he had to do and with the enormous heat, the day passed very fast and it almost seemed like it hurried to see the evening, rushing toward it like the wind. At least Sano got that feeling, as he suddenly found himself in his room, duties finished, pulling out his blue kimono and couldn't supress a mischievous smile from spreading across his face. Shinpachi said dress up, so he would.  
He smirked. He knew he looked good in the garment, the dark blue accenting his hair and bringing out his sharp features. It had been a long time since he'd last worn it, but it still seemed to be in a perfect shape.  
He dropped his doufuku, hakama and fundoshi and undid his bandages. Tonight he would go without them. Tonight there would be no memories binding him. Tonight he would be Harada Sanosuke, plain and simple, loved and held in Shinpachi's arms.  
He put on the juban, then pulled the kimono over and paused a little, enjoying the feel of it on his body. He had almost forgotten how comfortable it was. Then he took the beige obi and tied it around himself, fastening the garment, while noting that the color complimented his eyes. Good to know that even back then when he had been buying it, he had a good taste.

Now only the final adjustement and he would be ready.

He reached behind himself and his hands found the white band holding his hair together. He tightened his hold around it, pulling it down and he felt a few strands fall into the left side of his face, softening his accented, sharp features. All-in-all it gave the effect of a chiselled, strong man, hidden behind an invisible curtain of something that could have been mystery, secret, past, but also something entirely else, left for the other's imagination. In other words, the perfect outfit to meet Shinpachi.  
Now.  
He slipped into his sandals and headed out.

On his way to the gates he met Heisuke.

When the kid saw him, his mouth fell open and a sound of surprise left it.  
„Sano-san!"  
Sano mentally patted himself.  
„Heisuke. Nice evening, isn't it."  
The boy was unable to reply but with another dumbfounded „Sano-san!"  
„Yes, Heisuke?"  
The expression the kid wore was really starting to get amusing. Totally out of it, like struck by a lightning, Sano found himself comparing. He smiled just a bit.  
„Sano-san!"  
He resisted the urge to laugh. He could have stood there and watched Heisuke the whole evening, if he wasn't supposed to meet Shinpachi. Time was playing a prank on him, he decided.  
„Heisuke, if you don't close your mouth, something might fly into it."  
With that Heisuke finally regained his composure and closed his mouth. The next thing that followed was that his eyes wandered Sano up and down and the again untill they stoped at his face and wide tyrquise eyes met his own sparkling golden. And the only thing Heisuke was capable of saying...  
„What's with the get-up?"  
„I and Shinpachi are going out. On a ran-no-deboo. It's a western custom."  
„Oh, really?" Heisuke checked him out again. „Yeah, well, have fun."  
Sano supressed a laugh and winked at him. „We sure gonna! 'Till then!" And with a casual wave of his hand, he ressumed his way to the main entrance.

He met the next person right before the corner to the courtyard, only this one drew Sano's attention to him as he let out a low whistle. It was Souji.  
„You look like sex on legs, Sano-san!" he exclaimed loudly enough to be heard in the offices nearby, but it didn't bother him the slightest. Sano laughed. „Like a walking bundle of pheromones, or something. Do you think Shinpa-san would allow me to borrow you once in a while?" Sano flashed him a smile, not wasting his breath to ask if he already didn't have Hijikata-san for these things.  
„Why don't you ask him?"  
And with that simple reply he turned the corner.

The final thing that convinced him that he was dressed for the occassion perfectly, happened, as he passed Saito, who was training in the courtyard.  
The otherwise stoic, silent and composed man Sano knew him to be, stoped training and turned to take a second look as his fellow unit captain passed him on his way to the gates. His expression remained unchanged, but it still made Sano grin from ear to ear. Now he was convinced that Shinpachi would like his outfit.

Sure enough, as he arrived at the main entrance and Shinpachi, who was already waiting there, spotted him, his eyes widened and he eyed Sano with the expression he had, when he was being treated to good food and expensive sake and the main course had been just laid in front of him.

Sano's smile widened.

„Like what you see?" he asked as he was close enough to be heard and he saw Shinpachi gulp. He took his sweet time to answer the question, so Sano used it to take a close look at his lover, as he came near.

A beige kimono, a few shades lighter than Sano's obi and light, greyish-brown hakama covered the muscular frame. Also, he skipped the bandana and the brown hair fell freely into his face in an unruly mess. And as he came to stand right in front of him, Sano noticed that he had to look up to meet those dazzling blue eyes,- a thing that was not necessary this morning. He looked at Shinpachi's feet and frowned.  
„Geta?" he looked up to meet the sparkling blue eyes. „Aren't you tall enough?"  
This tore Shinpachi out of his dream-like daze and he grinned impishly.  
„Not for you. Come on...At least tonight I want to be above you Just a bit."  
Sano shook his head, smiling in spite of himself.  
„You're horrible."  
„And yet you still agreed to go out with me." Shinpachi said as he leaned down to brush their noses together and laid his hands on Sano's hips to pull him near, just by a bit, teasing.  
Sano contemplated telling Shinpachi that he wasn't wearing a fundoshi, but decided against it. It was meant to be a bit of a surprise, since he was sure Shinpachi would expect that he would put one on. He still had enough controll over his body not to give himself away just yet.  
He smirked and opened his mouth to make a smug reply, but a high voice from beside them interrupted him.

„Oh my."

Sano tensed up immediately as he recognized it.  
„Is this supposed to be a ran-no-deboo?"  
With a deep breath to calm himself down, Sano turned to meet grey eyes.  
„Is there a problem with it, Ito-san?"  
„No-no, of course not!" The man waved his hands frantically. „I heard about this custom of the western worlds, but I've never seen it myself. I've never thought I would see someone of the shinsengumi practicing it."  
„Since it's a western custom, it might be apropriate."  
„I never said it wasn't. Please excuse me now, I wouldn't want to disturb you and I have some duties to attend to. Do have fun." And with that he left. Sano scowled as he watched the military advisor walk away and muttered a silent „Tanuki."  
„You don't like him much, do you?" he heard Shinpachi ask, but he didn't turn around, just continued to watch the retreating form.  
„I just have a bad feeling about him. He's up to something, I know it." He watched the figure of the slender man untill it disappeared behind a corner. Only then did he turn around to face Shinpachi. „Ah well, who cares? Let's get going before you tear this kimono off of me. They way you were eyeing me earlier said you weren't really far from it."  
Shinpachi gave an embarassed chuckle. „Yeah. Let's go."

They headed for the city.  
It was a nice, warm evening, the heat of the day faded away and the moon cooling down the air with it's calming presence. People were on the streets, giving the evening life and rush. Everything was peacefull.  
„Where are we headed?" Sano asked as he walked next to Shinpachi, flushed against his side, their hands intertvined.  
„You'll see."  
Sano gave him a quizzical look. Shinpachi smiled.  
„Oh, I'm sure you'll like it. It's not that much farther away, anyway."  
Sano decided not to ask.  
They were in the commercial area of Kyoto, full of nice places with fine food and establishments made for the people to enjoy themselves. As they walked, they passed several ryotei and the smell of fine food made Sano's stomach churn.

Fancy establishments like that, with such a long tradition were known to serve good food and they never ceased to remind Sano that his budget was way too low, in spite of him saving up. Another wave of wonderfull smells alerted Sano that they were nearing another one and he instantly knew which it was. It was considered one of the best ryotei in town. He had never eaten there, because it wasn't something in his price range, but judging by the smells, he chose to believe the people who actually had the necessary money. They said that the food was delicious and the sake like a king's.

As Shinpachi turned to head inside, Sano froze.

„Shinpachi."  
„What is it?"  
Golden eyes locked with azure pools as Sano spoke. „Do you know how much this costs?"  
Shinpachi waved it of. „It's gonna be okay, don't worry."  
„I don't have enough money."  
„Who said you'd be paying?"  
„You are not making any sense."  
Shinpachi raised an eyebrow. „I'm treating you to dinner here. What doesn't make sense?"

For a moment it felt like Sano's mind stoped. Shinpachi couldn't seriously have said that he would pay two dinners at this expensive place, could he?  
But before he could have the oportunity to think it over, he was pulled inside.  
„It's alright, it's alright, don't you worry about anything." He heard Shinpachi saying, but he wasn't really paying attention. As they set their foot in, instantly a hostess was by their side, greeting them and gesturing one of the annai. They were led into one of the private rooms and seated and in his state of mild shock, Sano only vagually heard the question if they would fancy company, or enjoy themselves alone and Shinpachi's answer that they were fine like this. The following sentences went past him, but the clinking of coins brought him back to reality as Shinpachi dropped a money-bag onto the table. A huge money-bag. A really heavy one. Sano didn't even notice he was gapig.  
„The best your establishment can give us for this." He heard Shinpachi say and his words finally tore him out of his mindless state.  
„Shinpachi!" he hissed as he watched the annai bow and take the money-bag. „That's a fortune!"  
Shinpachi scowled and crossed his arms over his chest. „So?"  
Sano frowned at the carelessness. It bordered arrogance and he didn't like it. „If you have enough money to pay for two dinners here, you should maybe spend it more wisely."

„Even if I was saving it up for this special occassion?"

Sano's head snapped to stare at Shinpachi wide-eyed.  
Shinpachi sighed heavily. „Listen. It's custom that on these ran-no-deboos one person treats the other. And it's not polite for the other person to inquire how much it costs." Sano didn't have any reply to that. „So. Are you willing to enjoy the dinner, or are you going to continue bitchin' over shit?"

For a few moments Sano stared at him like he'd just fallen from the skies to his feet. Then, figuring that it was the best thing he could do, he laughed richly.  
„Alright, alright. I'll be enjoying myself." He leaned forward, eyes sparkling like diamonds and whispered huskily: „Any other requests, _saya_?"  
The way the foreign word sounded, rolling from Sano's lips like that, chased goosebumps over Shinpachi's skin and he had to gulp as his throat went suddenly very dry. All he managed to reply was a weak: „Not for the moment, no."  
„Just let me now, if there's anything I can do for you." Sano said in a deep, velvety voice, throwing him one subtle wink as their food arrived.  
Shinpachi gulped again and wriggled in his seat. This would be a long evening.

X*-ox*xo-*x

The dinner had been one of the best in his entire life, Sano reflected later on, as they left the place. The food had been delicious, melting on his tongue as he ate and the sake...he couldn't stop drinking. He had no idea how much of it he'd consumed, he lost count somewhere after the fifth bottle they drank together. His head was now pleasently empty and an occassional chuckle left him as he walked next to Shinpachi, leaning slightly on him.  
„It's a beautiful night, isn't it?"  
„Yeah, yeah, very beautiful."  
„The stars are so bright..."  
„Your eyes are brighter."  
„The moon's happy."  
„What?"  
„The moon's happy."  
„Sano, how much cups did you have?"  
„Don't know...many. Why do you ask?"  
„Because you're more drunk than I am."  
„Oh, really?" he smirked and golden eyes sparkled at him from behind a drunken haze. „Be glad. It means I'm more open now..." He stoped and turned to stand before Shinpachi, looking at him with those bright, sunlight golden eyes, his smirk widening into a full-blown grin as he leaned in, just a tiny bit.

Teasing.

Challenging.

Shinpachi's lips curved upwards into a sultry smirk and he tilted his head down. „Open...?"  
„U-huh..." The challenge was still there in those bright eyes.

Daring.

Inviting.

„Shall we test that theory out?" Shinpachi's voice was rough, laced with want as his hand traced down the back, his finger feeling the soft fabric, moving downwards and traced the rim of the obi, giving it a small tug, and stoping to rest there. Sano found himself wishing they would move a bit lower, just a few inches, just a little bit... He didn't even notice how he licked his lips.  
„As you please, saya." Although he felt his lips moving and heard himself speaking, his own words sounded so far far away... But everything stoped to matter then and there as Shinpachi's lips descended on his own.

Sano clutched the beige kimono, trying to hold onto the last bit of reality as temptation flooded through him, urging him to let go, let himself be swept away...  
He felt himself stirr as a surge of pleasure went straight to his gut.  
Gasping, he broke the kiss, remembering where he was and what he was, or rather wasn't, wearing.

„I think..." he took a deep breath, calming his senses with the fresh late evening air, „We should start heading back."

„Nonsense." Sano's eyes widened as he heard the unexpected reply and already opened his mouth to protest, but Shinpachi interrupted him before he could let out a single syllable. „The night is young! And the crufew isn't anytime close." his partner grinned, then gestured to the nearby stairs. „Look, there's the beach. Wanna take a walk?"  
Honestly, Sano didn't know what to think of it. So he just stood there, lips still moist, from the intimate touch, slightly parted, gaping at his partner. The only thing he managed was a pathetic „What...?", but Shinpachi didn't let him continue even that, as he seized his wrist.  
„Come on, I'm sure the stars you were just adoring are even brighter there!"

And with that he headed towards the stairs leading down to the beach, pulling the dumbfounded Sano along.

„Wait, what are you..."  
„It's alright, it's alright, just follow me..."

A cool breeze of carressed them and they both involuntarily shivered. Shinpachi pulled Sano near, and a pleasent tremble went through him, as the warmth of Shinpachi's body, contrasting with the ocean's chilly air, wrapped around him. He leaned in, seeking more of the warmth.

Then he gazed up into the nightsky and smiled.

„You were right."  
Shinpachi looked at him questioningly.  
„The stars are even brighter here."  
Shinpachi smiled. „See? Told you so. But I know about something even more bright, brighter than any star up there, brighter than the Sun itself."  
„Really?" Sano looked at him, a soft smile on his face, already guessing the answer, but asking anyway. „And what would that be?"  
„Your eyes." He leaned down and their lips met again, hot and wet, wanting.

Sano gasped as strong arms snuck around his waist and flushed him against an equally strong body and he moaned as one of those large, calloused hands stroked his back with light touches, but never went bellow the obi. He was panting harsh breaths into Shinpachi's mouth and he felt pleasure building up in his gut. He reminded himself that he was on a public beach in nothing but a kimono, a garment which was known to hide the absolute minimum of an arousal, so he summonned every remaining bit of his willpower and struggled in the warm embrace, trying to break away.  
Only, his lover wouldn't let him.  
Shinpachi pulled him even more near, almost crushing his chest and all Sano could do was clutching the back of the kimono, like it was the only bit of sanity left in the world.

„Shinpachi..."  
„Yes, say my name like that..."

And then there was a burst of white behind his eyes and he screamed in pleasure, just as at the same time Shinpachi broke away from him, wide eyes staring in shock at him. Sano was panting harshly, torn between embarassment over losing controll like that and tearing Shinpachi's clothes off of him now, not caring about any consequences. Shinpachi looked between their bodies, to where he grind them together a moment ago and stared in awe. Then slowly a predatory smile settled on his face.

„Why, Sano...no underwear?"  
„Shut up. Get us back. Now."  
„Why back?"

Now it was Sano's turn to give Shinpachi a surprised look and startle at the mischief in the azure eyes, wondering what his lover was up to. And then there was a hand between his legs and rational thought bid him sayonara.

„Look, no one's here." Shinpachi whispered in a husky voice and Sano's legs shook. „We're on an empty beach, in a secluded part, at night, with just the stars watching. What does that make you think of?"  
Though Sano's rationality already left him, he still had enough mind to decipher the message and if his body wasn't flushed with the heat of passion, he would have paled.  
Oh no...  
Shinpachi's hand found the neckline of his kimono and went to stroke what was underneath it.

Sano stoped caring.

He leaned into the touch, while soft gasps passed his lips. He felt the obi being untied and heard how it fell to the ground as cool breeze hit the exposed skin of his chest as the kimono fluttered open. As Sano felt the soft fabric of Shinpachi's kimono, the tought that it wasn't fair, passed through his intoxicated mind and his hands went to work on the knot on the sash of the hakama eagerly.  
Finally the pants fell to the ground and the kimono unfolded, revealing the muscular body, the strong abs, and the rock-hard length. Sano licked his lips as his eyes settled on it and a sneaky hand went to stroke it, earning a soft moan and a small arch of the back from Shinpachi.

Suddenly a wicked idea came to him and Sano sunk to his knees.

Shinpachi watched him through dazed eyes confusedly, but Sano ignored it. And without much ado, he took Shinpachi into his mouth.

The reaction was immediate. Shinpachi groaned in pleasure and threw his head back as a hot sensation pulsed through his gut. Scorching fire was everywhere, around him, inside him, burning everything he was into ashes.  
Sano sucked on him and his hips moved by themselves, thrusting into the warmth of the wet cavern. A skilled tongue swirled around him and then there was low pressure pulsing through his veins. He groaned and he felt his legs shaking, barely standing upright. Then there were Sano's strong, calloused hands supporting him, but it just burned more, like a blazing fire.

„Sa-no..."

There was low rumble around him as Sano chuckled, and a tremble shook Shinpachi as he felt the vibrations from deep inside the throat of his lover. Then there were sharp teeth gently biting down and a scream errupted from Shinpachi as a flash of white blindness rushed through him.

„Sa...no..."

Another swirl of tongue and Shinpachi gasped. He felt a strange pull bellow his waistline and pressure was building up, his muscles slowly tightening. He struggled for the remains of his sanity, as he tried to pull away from that hot, inviting mouth, but to his clouded surprise, Sano pulled him back and took him in even deeper.

„Sano..." he spoke in a desperate, broken voice, „Please...I need...I will...you...have...to..."

Ignoring his halfway coherent mumblings, Sano sucked hard on him and it was almost too much. But Shinpachi held back in the last second, clutching desperately at what was left of his mind and cried out a desperate cry.

„Sa...no...pl...ea...se...I...am...go...na..."

Shinpachi vagually realized there was a smile around his length and then Sano bit down again, sinking his teeth into the hard flesh, biting gently at the blood-filled vein and the pressure was too much. Shinpachi didn't know anymore as his world went white from searing pleasure and burning passion and it felt like he was being torn apart. His hips moved frantically, thrusting hard and fast into the hot wetness...

When he came to himself he was lying in the sand, his hakama around his ankles, kimono dishelved underneath his back, feeling pleasently empty. The first thing that came to his mind was, that it had been one of the strongest releases he ever had. He didn't even know that Sano was so skilled at that... It was then that he realized there were choking sounds coming from just beside him. He bolted, every relaxed muscle coming to life in the blink of an eye.

„Sano!"

Indeed, is redheaded lover, the one who gave him the single most amazing blow-job ever, was holding a hand in from of his mouth, coughing.

„Oh fuck, I'm so sorry!"

He hurried to sit next to his lover, putting a hand gently onto the broad shoulder.

„You jerk..."

„I'm sorry, I'm so-"

Golden eyes cut him off as they looked up at him. There was laughter in them. Then he noticed the upwards curl of the lips and heard the soft chuckles behind the coughs.

„It's alright, you just startled me." Sano said between coughs and before Shinpachi could reply, the swollen lips were claiming his.

It was maddening, feeling the hard lips, tasting himself in the hot mouth with the tinge of fine sake in the background...Shinpachi wanted more of it, wanted more of this man here in front of him. He seized the hips in a bruising grip and pulled Sano into his lap, pressing their chests tightly together, feeling him.  
The hardness of Sano's erection was pressing against his muscles and he felt himself getting hard again. The the kimono ghosted around his hands and without any second thought, Shinpachi brushed it off and it slid to the ground, into a pile of soft fabric.

Naked, Sano seeked warmth in the strong embrace. Even though the night was warm, the seawind carressing his body, was cold, chilling the heated skin. Shinpachi stood up, hakama and kimono falling into the sand, right next to Sano's as he pulled him upwards. He pulled away and found golden eyes, the sunlight in them clouded with mists of lust and darkend to the shade of sunset.  
„We need a bath." He said, voice roughened through screaming, calling out for the one he was yearning for.  
The spark returned to the clouded eyes and Sano smiled crookedly, ignoring the fact that he himself was still painfully hard, instead looking forward to what was to come. „Good idea, saya."  
His own voice was roughened, deformed by the swell of his throat and lips and the sound of it made Shinpachi's breath hitch and heart spead up.  
„Then let's go." He spoke, bt his voice sounded so far away and so foreign to him, so he said no more.

A few moments later they were bathing in the salty waves of the sea, cooling their bodies down, cleaning themselves. Neither of them said a thing, just basking in the other's presence, untill Shinpachi spoke, something occuring to him.  
„Say, Sano?" his voice was back to normal, the abuse wearing off, leaving it just a bit rough.  
„Hm?" Sano asked as he sunk his whole body up to the chin into the water, cooling himself.  
„Where did you learn that? You know...uh..."  
Sano blinked.  
„I mean, no way you were doing that for the first time in your life."  
Sano regarded him with a blank expression for several moments. Then he spoke. „Remember? I told you I had a few boyfriends a long time ago."  
Shinpachi remembered. „Yeah, you have mentioned that." He hesitated for a heartbeat. „Who were they?"  
„Are you asking me to tell you about my past flames?"  
Shinpachi looked away. „I know this might not be the best oportune moment to ask this, but I would like to know. You don't have to answer though."

For a while there was silence and Shinpachi already thought that Sano chose the second option, but then he spoke up, suprising him.

„I was sixteen when I first came to Edo. I was sent in the service of the Naitos family to work as a maintenance man at the daimyo's second residence. Untill then I was living at Matsuyama. You can imagine how much expierience I had to have."  
„Minute?"  
„Next to zero, actually. So the first thing my comrades did, was to take me to the red-light district." He looked away, but Shinpachi knew, he wasn't avoiding eye contact. It felt more like reminiscence and in the next moment, he was proven right. „She was young. Didn't have much more expierience than me. She was charming."  
„Your first time?"  
„I still blush when I remember that. She was so sweet and her skin was so soft...I visited her several times. I thought it was a destined love."  
„What happened?"  
„I grew up." Was the simple answer and Shinpachi didn't press. „But that wasn't your question, was it?"  
Shinpaci nodded.  
„The first guy...was actually the daimyo himself."  
„What?"  
Sano smiled smugly. „Hey, I was an attractive man, full of the charm of youth. Who could ever resist? But to be fair, he startled me with it. He called me to himself one night. I didn't think much of it at first, even though I was surprised. He treated me to sake and poured cup after cup. As you can imagine, my tolerance was way lower than it is now. I was quite loose by the time he started touching me."  
„Touching..."  
„I was quite surprised, but it felt pleasent. Actually, I was even flattered that I'm attractive enough to wake such desires in him. But what was between us, were just touches and realeases on nights when the pleasure district was too far. It never went all the way. By then I was sure I prefered woman." He smirked. „But I learned several good things while I was with him, like the one I applied on you earlier. He was an old, expierienced fox and I was in the age when your basic desires take over your body. It went like that for a year. Then my service was over and I went back home, where I had just a few girls. I stayed there a while, but I got tired of it soon enough. Also, the air was becoming thick there. So I went on a journey and after a while I arrived at Osaka and met Tani-sensei." There was an innuendo in that sentence that was hard to miss.  
Shinpachi's eyes widened. „You and that...bastard?"  
Sano frowned at him, indignantly. „Hey!"  
„What? It's true!"  
Sano sighed again. „I know how you think about him, Shinpachi, but I owe him a lot. If he hadn't taught me to fight with the spear, I would have never come so far. You know where my sword skills stand."  
„Yeah, well, they are better than that bastard's were." Shinpachi sneered.  
„No, they are not." Sano tried to cut him off, but Shinpachi ignored him in his outrage.  
„And you have been shacking with him!" the last part came out almost accusingly.

Sano shook his head. „I knew you would see it like this."

Shinpachi froze.  
„I had no one else to go to when I was itching for a bit of love and for some reason or another couldn't go to the pleasure district. He was my friend and my teacher. Besides, it's all in the past. It's not like I can change it. Don't try to say you were a saint for your entire life. You aren't a saint even now, Shinpachi. So don't go accusing me."  
Golden eyes met his azure ones in an intense look, that lasted for a long while, like they were meassuring his heart and his soul, until Shinpachi broke it, sighing. „Alright, point taken. And what was then?"  
„You know it. After all it's not so long ago. He died. And now I have you."  
„Don't tell me these are your only expieriences with the same gender."  
„Why couldn't they be?"  
„It's just that..."  
„You imaging under 'a few boyfriends' more than two persons?"  
Shinpachi nodded.  
„Well, there aren't."  
They were silent for a while.  
„Say Sano? And who did you let..." Shinpachi searched for words.  
„Let do what you are doing? Spreading my legs and pounding me through the matt?"  
Shinpachi just nodded, his throat oddly tight, his insides clenching in anxiousness about the answer he could already guess. But what came surprised him.  
„None." Shinpachi's eyes widened and his mind didn't even process the next words. „That is, if you don't count fingers."  
„But you said..."

„I lied."

The simple admition made Shinpachi stare in utter shock. Sano didn't meet his eyes and this time, Shinpachi knew, he was avoiding them.  
„I don't know what made me do that, but I lied. Not that I didn't have plenty of oportunities to let myself be taken the way you take me, but when the decisive moment came, I always asked myself if I want to give my virtue really that cheap."  
„And yet you had your first time with a geisha."  
„I loved her! At least back then, those were my emotions. It was different. If I was with a man it was just to let off steam. And for that purpose a hand or a mouth were enough. To submit myself only for it to finally happen? That wasn't enough of a reason for me."  
„So that means..."  
„That you are special, yes."  
Their eyes met and Sano smiled. After a few heartbeats, Shinpachi smiled back and took Sano into his arms, pulling him up from the water.  
„One last question."  
Sani sighed heavily, but encouraged him anyway.  
„Were you struggling for real, or just for fun?"  
„A bit of both. I wasn't afraid, if that's what you're asking. It was more along the lines of stalling. I needed to think it over for one last time, before it was too late and this was the best way I came up with to gain a few more moments. It wouldn't give me away, it would be fun and it would get us excited for whatever would follow. But at that point I had already made my decision. I wanted to be with you." Golden eyes bore themselves into blue hues and Shinpachi's breath hitched. Without any other word, Sano's lips locked with his and a skilled tongue demanded entrance.

Shinpachi obliged.

Their tongues danced together, swirling around each other, sucking gently, making their bodies shiver from want. They both felt getting hard again and as Shinpachi grind their hips together, Sano moaned into his mouth. The ocean was gradually cooling against their skin as it was heating up with passion, the contrast of heat and cold waking sensations inside them that made their knees weak and bodies melt.  
Sano felt a hand squeezing his ass and he gasped as two fingers found his entrance, pressing against it.  
„Shinpachi..."  
One finger pushed in, moving forward just by an inch, but nonetheless, the sensation was overwhelming and Sano moaned loudly as his head fell back. Teeth found his neck and bit down gently, then sucking on the abused spot, drawing sharp pants from him as he gasped for air. A tongue licked it's way up his neck and lips nipped gently on his earlobe before they carressed his ear and he felt hot breath come in a sultry voice as Shinpachi spoke: „You can let it all out tonight. We're alone, and no one can hear us here. You can moan from want and groan from pleasure, you don't have to bite your lips, making them bleed. I want you to scream my name as loudly as you can when you come for me, Sano."

The sound of his name, said in a low whisper, overflowing with lust and want, was too much for Sano to bear and he let out a desperate cry as jolts of pleasure pulsed through him, one by one.

Suddenly he found himself on his back, wet sand rough underneath his skin as waves were washing over him. Through half-lidded eyes he watched Shinpachi descend on him and he spread his legs further, in an invitation for the pressure he felt between them.

First one then two fingers stretched him, preparing him, curling inside of him and then there was pure bliss. He heard himself groan, but his voice sounded allien to him and he felt his knees bend in pleasure. And then he was empty and it felt so wrong, so bad, it almost hurt and he didn't even care as a desperate whine passed his lips. But then he felt a press, sure and firm against him and he was being filled again, no longer wrong, but right, as an inferno errupted within him, the cold waves around him, in a futile effort to extinguish.  
Shinpachi was fully inside him, filling him to the core, filling his entire being, possessing him with his endless passion. And then there was another jolt, stronger than any before as their skin rubbed together as Shinpachi drew back and thrust forward, moving in a slow pace, along with the waves, letting the flood drive him.  
Sano groaned as sheer lust washed through him like the waves around him. He didn't even feel their coldness anymore, just the sensation of being swept away remained. Suddenly white pleasure exploaded behind his eyes and he didn't even hear himself scream, not being able to feel anything but the force of sheer pleasure as Shinpachi hit that one spot with the precisity of a swordsman.  
And just as it faded away it was there again and again and again and Sano was screaming, crying and sobbing and strong hands were roaming his body, as if trying to soothe him, but bringing just more of that raging passion with them.  
It lasted longer than they were able to bear and when the end came it was like a strike of a lightning, strong, fast and deathly.

The next thing Sano knew, they were lying in the ocean and the waves were cleaning them, as if wanting to feel at least a little of the scorching passion, to warm their coldness and to fill the emptiness of the sea. Or were they just doing them a favor in a silent thank you for blessing them with their love?

At this point, Sano didn't care as long as they got clean without needing to do a thing for it. He absolutely refused to move. Next to him Shinpachi was panting like he'd run up the Mount Tennozan and back.  
„Sano?" he asked between gasps and Sano grunted a response. „Do you think Hijikata-san would mind too much if we spent the night outside the headquarters?"  
That made Sano bark a laugh. „Why not try it?" He couldn't believe how hoarse his voice was. Had he really screamed himself raw?  
„I don't want to commit seppuku just yet."  
„You weren't protesting a few weeks ago."  
„At that time I didn't feel so good like now."

Sano's laugh faded into a cough at the light implication. Shinpachi was always an, as the westerners called it,_genoterumanno_about their coupling. Easy and light, but not ignoring it. He smiled.  
„Yeah, back then you were out for blood, that's true."  
Shinpachi scoffed. „I mean, Hijikata-san was bitchin' over everything and the three of us couldn't even go celebrate without him ruining the mood. I couldn't even be happy about a wonderfull lover without him spoiling it."  
„Ah, yes...we were celebrating with Heisuke the...newest developement in our relationship, weren't we?"  
„And he treated us."  
„I don't even remember the half of what happened."  
„Yeah, you drunk plenty of sake that night. Less than tonight though..."  
Sano's eyes sparked. „Tonight is special." Came the simple reply. „Back then I was in a good mood. And it's not like you were any better. You were more drunk than I was."  
„And Hijikata-san had to deal with that."  
Sano chuckled. „I admire his patience. Sometimes I wonder how he manages to cope with us."

„Hey."

„Hm?"

„Maybe we should be back before crufew at least tonight."  
Sano nodded, then looked at the skies. „We still have a little time untill then." He turned to look at Shinpachi, eyes twinkling. Shinpachi grinned.  
„I guess so..." he leaned down and Sano wrapped his arms around the broad shoulders, burrying his hand, salty and wet from the sea, in the bush of hair, pulling his lover close.  
He felt and equally wet hand carress his face, wander into his half-undone hair and pulling the hairband out, then tossed it somewhere behind them. Sano could only imagine how his hair would look like in the morning, but he found he couldn't care less.

Suddenly, a look Sano couldn't quite place passed through Shinpachi's eyes and they became serious.  
„Sano?"  
„What is it, Shinpachi?"  
„Something just came to me."  
„Yes?"  
„Considering everything, I'm your first serious same-gender relationship, ain't I?"  
Sano raised an eyebrow to conceal the small smile curling around the corners of his mouth. „Got a problem with that?"  
„No, by the name of the gods, no! It's just...another motivation for me to make everything right."  
Sano smirked. „Sounds good."  
Shinpachi grinned back. „It does, doesn't it?" dropping his voice an octave, he leaned down more, their noses brushing.  
„Why don't you start?" Sano asked in a whisper, parting his lips ever so slightly.  
Without any other word, Shinpachi closed what little was left of the distance between them.

X*x

It felt like a whole night of lovemaking.

They ended up doing it two more times, while the sea washed over them, the water getting higher and higher by the flood, untill it was washing their faces, making their eyes burn with salt.  
Shinpachi lifted himself up on one arm and looked at the man bellow him. Sano's body was relaxed, seemingly asleep.  
„We should move higher, or else we'll drown."  
Lazy eyes opened and another wave washed Sano's face. He nodded.  
Somehow they managed to drag themselves several feet away and the dry sand stuck to their bodies, rough against the skin softened by water.

Sano's head was resting on his shoulder, his body pressed against him, his breathing calm and the rhytmical beating of his heart softly beating against Shinpachi's chest. The ruby hair was almost black, darkened with wetness and heavy by water as it reached his backside. Shinpachi couldn't help himself as he reached out and fingered one of those damp locks.  
„It has really grown long."  
„Yeah...But I still can't beat Hijikata-san or Saito with it."  
„You actually grow it out for that purpose?"  
„No. I like it long."  
„Well, it suits you."  
Shinpachi felt a smile form against his chest where Sano's head was nestled. As he watched the handsom face so peacefull, his hands started absentmindedly roam the strong body. Oh, how he loved this man... It made him crazy, it made him insane, it drove him mad and yet he couldn't let go. Harada Sanosuke was addictive and loving him meant loving him for an eternity.  
His hand went lower, massaged the small of the back, the moved downwards, ghosted over the round backside, stroked the shaped thigh untill it came to the poples and traced circles into it.

He didn't even notice what he was doing untill a small moan escaped Sano and he stirred against Shinpachi.  
Shinpachi startled, his hand stoping momentarily, coaxing a discontent whine out of the georgeous man. Shinpachi grinned and pressed the spot. Sano whined softly. And as his hand started rubbing circles into the knee and Sano moaned louder, Shinpachi had to supress a victorious scream.

He found a weak spot!

He felt the hardness of a growing arousal press against his hip and his grin widened. Sano's hand clenched into a fist and two golden, lust clouded eyes looked up at him.  
„Get. Us. Back."  
Shinpachi smirked.  
„Why should I? As far as I can tell we're very comfortable. And... I still owe you a favor for earlier."  
Sano raised an eyebrow, a silent question in his hazy eyes.  
Shinpachi didn't answer.  
Instead, he shifted his body and gently guided Sano to lie back in the sand. Sparkling azure eyes locked with sunlight golden and his lips descended on the hardened, pulsing member of his lover.  
Sano cried out in pleasure as hot wetness enveloped him whole.

It felt like eternity.

Those amazing things Shinpachi did to him, seemed not to have an end, the burning sensation all over his body lasting forever and when the end came it had him turned into a breathless pile of muscle, bones and hair.

It wasn't untill much later that they returned to the headquarters.  
The Moon was already descending from his zenite, a sign that the Sun was chasing his transculent light away, bringing the brightness of a new day.

X*-ox*xo-*x

When they walked the empty streets, Sano was leaning his whole weight onto Shinpachi, drained and exhausted, unable to walk properly. Because of their current height difference, Sano's head was resting against Shinpachi's shoulder, while his arm was perched comfortably across the broad shoulders. It actually felt nice. Like two lovers in a gentle embrace, resting together after a long day.  
Shinpachi grinned as he thought back to earlier the evening. How wonderfull Sano looked in the light of the candles in the ryoutei and how nice he smelt as they walked side by side. And then those sounds he made as he squirmed underneath him...And all Shinpachi could do was take him again and again and again, until neither of them could take it anymore. Needless to say, while Shinpachi felt immensely satisfied with himself, the more gentle and caring part of him worried about the flaming redhead. Had he tired him out too much? Had he overdone it?

As if reading his thoughts, from beside him Sano gave a grunt.  
„Shinpachi?" his voice was rough, a shadow of the resonating baritone that commanded his soldiers in fights.  
„Yeah?" he asked, worry coloring his voice.  
„This was the best night of my life. We should repeat it sometime soon."  
Shinpachi smiled and planted a kiss into those ruby locks. „Yeah."

X*x

When they passed the main entrance to the headquarters, they found someone waiting for them.

„Good evening."  
„Sannan-san?" Shinpachi asked in mild surprise and Sano raised his head.  
„It looks like you had fun." Sannan-san smiled and his glasses glinted mischievously.  
Sano smirked, but the tiredness in his eyes made it look gentle, like a smile. „How's Hijikata-san doing?"  
Sannan-san gave a strained chuckle. „I guess you could say he's boiling."  
Shinpachi scratched the back of his head sheepishly.  
„But he said, that due to the circumstances, he'll let it slide this time."  
Shinpachi's sigh of relief was audible in the empty court yard.  
„I'm glad."  
Sannan-san inspected them with sharp eyes.  
„You two should go rest. I was informed that you both are on patrol five in morning."  
Shinpachi smiled crookedly. „That resembles him."  
Sannan-san didn't waste his breath agreeing.  
Shinpachi glanced at Sano, who was half-asleep against his side. And when he thought about it, he himself was pretty tired.  
„You're sleeping in my room tonight."  
Sano just nodded.  
Then he bowed to Sannan-san. „Thanks for waiting for us."  
„It's nothing. Go and lie down for at least a little."

They trotted away and Shinpachi half-dragged Sano to his room. The redhead was asleep as soon as his head touched the matt.

X*-ox*xo-*x

The morning found Shinpachi too soon. The light was shining behind his eyes as his mind started slowly recovering. The warmth of a body resonated next to him and soft, rhytmical breathing was ghosting against the shell of his ear.  
He opened his eyes and stole a glance. From the looks of it, he was the first of them to wake up, since Sano looked still fast asleep, heavy and dreamless. Peacefull. Calm.  
Shinpachi smiled and looked up to the morning sky.  
From the angle of the Sun, it was time for breakfest. He smirked. He knew he could rely on his stomach. It was the best clock after all.

He sat up and looked around. They ended up in his room after they came back and it was where he was now.  
Good.  
What was bad was, that they were still in the clothes they changed into yesterday evening. He hoped they weren't ruined. Shinpachi rather liked this kimono and it would be a shame if Sano had to throw away his. It suited him so much...

He glanced at his lover, asleep next to him.

Gently, he brought his hand to the shoulder and shook it once, twice. „Sano."

No reaction.

He shook a bit harder. „Sano."

Nothing.

Shinpachi sighed. It looked there was no other way...

He leaned down and brought his lips next to the ear, skin brushing against skin. He mouthed a 'Sorry' and then took a deep breath.

„SANO!"

After he did that, he abruptly drew away, jumping back two feet to avoid that viscious kick that greeted him whenever he had to wake Sano up.

But now no kick came. Nothing moved. There was no alert face. Not even a hint of a sleepy expression rounded with a mop of red hair. Nothing. Just a small snore as Sano simply slept on.

Shinpachi gaped.

First thing that came to him was whether he shouldn't check if Sano still was alive.  
But then he heard the soft snores indicating that yes, Sano was breathing and when Shinpachi looked closely he could see the body rise and fall slightly with it, so there had to be a different explanation for his lover's incapability to wake up.

Shinpachi's features softened.

Had he really exhausted Sano yesterday so much? Maybe he should go to breakfest alone and save up some food for his lover, while letting him rest just a while more. He nodded to himself.  
He dressed into his regular clothes as silently as possible and left the room, heading for breakfest.

X*-ox*xo-*x

As he entered the room, everyone looked up at him.  
„Shinpa-san!" Souji exclaimed delightedly. He looked like the cat that caught the canary and was planning on enjoy every moment of devouring it.  
„Souji. Shouldn't you be resting?"  
„I already feel better! The eye-candy yesterday did good."  
For some reason, Saito was showelling the food into himself, his eyes not moving from the plate and Heisuke was grinning to himself and, even from the distance Shinpachi could tell, supressing chuckles.  
Shinpachi's eyes narrowed, but he decided not to comment. He knew his ran-no-deboo with Sano was probably the on-going topic this morning and he had a feeling that if he joined the debate, he would never hear the end of it. And Sano would kill him. After what could be labeled as a sleepless night, Sano's morning mood was never peachy. More like homicidal. So deciding that today he would be a good boy, he sat down and started to eat his portion.

At first it wasn't that hard not to drop smart comments and restrain from teasing Heisuke. He concentrated on his food and thought about how to make Sano feel better. But after a while, the chuckles and the signplay that Heisuke and Souji seemed to develope during the night, got really annoying. It was like they were having a really good laugh at his expense and he didn't even hear the joke. It was really frustrating, but he still tried to endure. But after Heisuke burst out laughing at a very peculiar sign Souji made, he had just enough.  
He slammed his chopsticks down and demanded: „What's going on here?"  
Souji bit back a chuckle. „Oh, sharper than usually, Shinpa-san?"  
„Yeah, I bet his blade got a lot sharpening yesterday." Heisuke mumbled audibly enough for the whole room to hear and get the hidden meaning. Souji's grin widened.  
„Of course there had to be a lot of sliding yesterday, no?"  
„Better bet."

Shinpachi's fist was clenching as he listened to the two certified brats talk. He already opened his mouth to retort something, but Saito cut him in.

„Where is Sano-san, by the way?"

For some reason, Okita burst out laughing. Shinpachi decided not to ask. Instead he turned to answer Saito's question.  
„He's still sleeping. I tried to wake him up, but he didn't budge an inch."  
„Harada-kun didn't?" Kondou-san asked startled. „That's rare. Usually he's always on alert."  
„It seems he's really tired." Souji said and Heisuke didn't hesitate to connect.  
„Bet Shinpa-san's to blame? Whatever did you do to Sano-san?" he asked, his voice shaking slightly with supressed laughter.  
„Is Sano-san even alive?" Souji asked, his voice strangely wavering.  
As if on cue, just as Shinpachi wanted to get up and teach the brats some manners, a shadow appeared behind the door and a moment later no one else but Harada Sanosuke entered the room and cut off every word Shinpachi had already on the tip of his tongue. The others were left staring. Not only did he still wear his kimono, but his hair was also down, though it seemed that he washed out the salty water out of it.

„Sano!"

He bowed and entered the room, sitting down next to Shinpachi, who was scratching the back of his head.  
„Sorry for not waking you for breakfest..."  
Sano shook his head and took a bit of the fish.  
„I wanted to save up a little for you."  
Sano nodded and took a bite.  
Shinpachi watched him. „Are you angry?"  
Sano shook his head, but otherwise stayed silent.  
„Are you sure? Because it's unusual for you to be so silent."  
Sano sighed soundlessly and looking at Shinpachi, he circled his hands around his neck.  
Shinpachi raised an eyebrow.  
Sano mouthed something, but Shinpachi didn't catch it.  
„I don't think I understand."  
Sano rolled his eyes, then finally opened his mouth to speak, but what came out was less than a whisper.  
„I lost my voice."

For several moments silence reigned the room.

Then like an explosion of horror Shinpachi exclaimed: „What? But yesterday you were alright!" His mind was in a state of utter shock and all he could do was stare wide-eyed at his lover.  
Sano just watched him intently, piercing his golden eyes into him.  
Shinpachi's mind refused to wander that way, so Souji did it for him.  
„Well, Shinpa-san, that has to mean, that whatever happened during the night, caused Sano-san to loose his voice."  
It would be an overstatement to call the rosey tint around Sano's cheeks a blush, Shinpachi reflected. But it wasn't far from it, either.  
„Souji!" Shinpachi exclaimed, just for Sano's sake, who couldn't defend himself right now. After all, as Sano said, it was proper manners for a man to defend a...whatever.  
Souji just smiled. „That's alright, Shinpa-san, I don't need the details."

Before the conversation turned into a bloodshed, Saito spoke up, diverting the attention: „Sano-san, it's unusual to see you dressed like that." For a reason Shinpachi still didn't understand, Souji laughed again. Everyone ignored it.  
Sano just pointed at the food in front of him and shook his shoulders.  
„You didn't want to miss breakfest, so you thought why not?" Shinpachi guessed and Sano nodded.  
„And what's with the loose hair?"  
„Couldn't find tie." Sano rasped.  
„Oh." And suddenly Shinpachi remembered. „Oh! Oh...Oh-oh."  
Sano raised an eyebrow.  
Shinpachi scratched the back of his head. „You see, we might have actually left it at the beach. It's probably swept away by the flood, by now though."  
Sano sighed soundlessly, then waved his hand. He still had several of those things, so no harm done there.

„But doesn't that mean, Harada-kun, that you won't be able to conduct rounds?" Kondo-san asked. „You will need your voice to order your soldiers."  
Sano blinked and shook his head resolutely.  
A weak „I'm fine" followed by a „They know their orders" faded into a cough. Shinpachi rubbed circles into his back, trying to ssothe it away. Sano smiled at him gratefully.  
Suddenly there was a cup of hot tea in front of him.  
„Harada-san shouldn't try to talk." Large brown eyes looked up at him. „It could get worse. Drink this tea, it will help you."  
After a small dumbfounded moment, Sano smiled at her thankfully, and took a sip from the hot liquid.

Somehow, they managed to spend the rest of the breakfest in silence. After Sano drank his second cup of tea, they both got up, ready to head out into the heat.  
But before they could leave the room, Saito stoped them as he seized Sano's wrist. Sano looked at him, raising an eyebrow. Without any word, Saito unbound his scarf and handed it to Sano.  
„It's important to keep your throat warm. I take it you don't own many scarfs, coming from Iyo Matsuyama."  
Sano took the scarf, regarding it. As his hands touched the fabric he noted it was soft, fluffy and warm. He would be a formless, melted pile once they got back, with the heat wave returning with the Sun, but he accepted it nonetheless, greatfull for the bit of help.  
He nodded in thanks and wrapping the scarf around his neck, he followed Shinpachi out, into the heat of the day.

X*-ox*xo-*x

The town was unusually peacefull that day, Sano noted as he walked the silent streets with his unit, already changed into his regular clothes, the blue haori fluttering slightly behind him as he walked. It wasn't just the drained silence, caused by the enormous heat and exhaustion, but actually honest, serene peace. It kinda felt like holiday, lazying around and doing nothing really important, just watching the life pass by.  
Sano himself was in a lazy mood. He noticed that he was moving slower than usually, the lack of speed reflecting in the barely moving haori, that wasn't carrying itself on the breeze he left behind like usually. On hindsight that may have been caused by the ache of what felt like his entire body, but was really limited on the area reaching from his back to his knees. And in spite of it being entirely Shinpachi's fault, Sano couldn't bring himself to be angry at his lover. Because even if he was in pain, it felt good to him. Somehow he felt relaxed and he knew that when the next morning came, he would feel refreshed like he hadn't in years. It was just the effect that coupling with Shinpachi had on him.

His unit was also a treasure. He was comanding them with his hands, a language they perfectly understood, since he often used gesticulation as an emphasis to his words. He could feel their amusement behind him, but they weren't making fun of him. Only occassionally a cheeky remark fell, but if anything, it made Sano only chuckle.

On their patrol they entered the commercial area of the town and something deep inside of Sano's stomach fluttered, at the memory of yesterday, still fresh in his mind.

But it seemed that he wasn't the only one who remembered.

A walk down the street was all it took for whispers arising in the whole area as people started talking to each other in hushed voices, while turning to take 'subtle' looks at him. He caught the words „Harada-san", „Nagakura-san", „together", „ryotei" and „beach" in this order from several directions and he knew that their ran-no-deboo was gossip topic number one. To say, he wouldn't be surprised if it reached Shimabara by nightfall. And to add it, behind his back, he heard his men desperately trying to supress their snickers. So much for loyalty...  
Sano supressed the urge to sigh heavily. He would never hear the end of it. But maybe he should have thought about that before he cried drunken words out into the night and let himself be dragged to the beach. Of course it would cause gossip spread faster than wildfire and he could be sure that as the time for the evening patrol came, he would need to barricade himself in his room for a week to save at least a bit of his dignity – it was Souji's and Heisuke's turn to patrol this evening.  
And it was all Shinpachi's fault.

„Sano!"

Well, speak of the devil.

A murmur went through the crowd and the whispers turned into full-blown talk, the people not even trying to hide their gossip anymore. Shinpachi made a face like he downed a cup of one of those western spirits and approached him.  
„Seems like we're hot topic no. 1."  
Sano nodded.  
„I guess that means no Shimabara in a while..."  
Sano raised an eyebrow.  
„Kidding." Shinpachi waved his hands deffensively with a grin. Then he turned serious again. „How's your throat?"  
Sano coughed symbolically.  
„Right. Sorry."  
Sano just should his shoulders in a 'What can you do?' manner.  
Not finding anything he could reply, Shinpachi changed the topic. „So. Anything suspicious?"  
Sano shook his head.  
„Yeah, me neither. Looks like everyone but us is taking a break."  
Sano smirked.

Suddenly Shinpachi fidgeted. „And then there's...I mean, I...Ehm." Sano raised an eyebrow at him. Shinpachi, obviously not finding the right words, decided to let his actions speak. He seized Sano's wrist and turned to the tenth unit. „I'm borrowing your captain for a while!" he exclaimed and without a second look, he dragged Sano behind the corner. Sano would have protested loudly, if he could have, but since his throat was still rather sore, he settled for jerking in Shinpachi's grip.  
„Will you stop that?" Shinpachi turned to him with sharp eyes. „It's...It's important, ok?"  
This stunned Sano for the necessary moment Shinpachi needed to pull him to a deserted alley.  
„There, that's better."  
Sano gave him a sharp look.  
Shinpachi smiled excusingly. „Sorry..." then his smile fell and he looked away in something that, at least for Sano, resembled embarassment. Now, this was new.  
„I wanted to apologize to you properly." Shinpachi begun straight away. „It's my fault you can't walk properly and that you lost your voice. I'm sorry I exhausted you this much. And you even lost your hairband because of me. No, don't wave it up dismissively. If it continues like this, soon you'll have to buy a new set. So I kinda..." from the pockets of his hakama, he withdrew something long and dark golden, which somehow reminded Sano of his obi from yesterday, only a lot thinner and a shade or two lighter. „I kinda went and bought this." Shinpachi said as he presented it to him. And Sano suddenly understood. „It's a hairtie. You know, one of those fancy ones. I bought it for the rest of my money."

Needless to say, Sano was more than surprised. He stared at Shinpachi in utter bewilderment, then his eye settle on the tie and back to Shinpachi. Every bit of sour mood and annoyance dissolved into nothing, his heart clenching in his chest. He ached to say something, anything to express his gratitude but his throat constricted painfully, though he guessed it had little to do with the soreness.  
„I thought it matched your eyes and went with your obi, so I bought it for...you know...you can wear it next time. Since it had it's price I'll be carefull when removing it. This way you won't have to..."

That was as far as he came as Sano kissed him, his feelings overtaking him for a moved moment. He never expected Shinpachi to go this far and it felt like someone was proving him wrong over something he didn't even know he thought and he suddenly saw Shinpachi in a whole knew light. His lover has risen several levels higher in his eyes.

And he understood that this was why he loved Shinpachi so much, this was the reason why he submitted to him so willingly – the appreciation that Shinpachi often showed. This simple act of respect and acceptation towards him, made Sano see how much Shinpachi wanted him and what he was willing to sacrifice, for him to just stay.  
Sano took the hairtie and tucked it carefully away as he broke the kiss.  
„Thank you..." he whispered, bringing their foreheads together.  
Shinpachi s miled. „Your voice is stronger."

Sano chuckled weakly and kissed Shinpachi again.

Whistles sounded from the other end of the alley, where the tenth and the second unit of the shinsengumi were huddled in a big, energized bundle of cheers, but they both ignored them, leaving Shimada to deal with it. What were corporals for, after all?  
Sano smiled into the kiss as Shinpachi flushed him against his body.  
Yes, it were actions like this that showed the depth of their love. They would stick together, he was sure. And he didn't even need western customs, fancy restaurants and heated nights at the beach to know this.

A kiss was enough.


	6. 11: Your sad smile will guide my heart 1

Notes  
Jo is a wooden training staff. Similar to what a boken is to a katana, the Jo is to the spear.

Set after the Abura-Kouji incident, during episode 11.

**Your sad smile will guide my heart, part 1**  
_#11. Why ask when you can take?_

Things hadn't been going good lately.

That was all Harada Sansouke could think, when he looked at his lover of a year and half, standing there in his room, hands crossed on his chest, a frown on his face. The recent events of the Abura Kouji incident were really unfortunate for the Shinsengumi...and for their relationship.

„About the rasetsu...how long do we plan on using them?"

It was all about this again. And just after everything has settled down too.

„I'm not saying I wanted Heisuke to die..."

It was Heisuke all over again. Heisuke against them. Heisuke at their side. Heisuke dieing. Heisuke drinking ochimizu. Not that Sano didn't understand Shinpachi. His lover was strictly against the use of ochimizu, and Sano was inclined to feel similary. What it did to people...what it turned them into...

„But there's always a chance you get killed when you go killing others. But we aren't even allowed to die here!"

To say, for Shinpachi Heisuke drinking ochimizu was unmeassurably worse than Heisuke dieing.  
It was really annoying.  
Sano couldn't hear it anymore. It was like they went back by half a year, when Heisuke left for the imperial mausoleum guard and Shinpachi's world was resolving sorely around him, Sano forgotten.  
It wasn't fair.

„I understand how you feel, but Heisuke decided to become a rasetsu of his own free will." He said while trying to distract himself with inspecting his spear.

Shinpachi had a serious problem with accepting the kid's decisions. Especially if those decisions weren't involving him. Sano wasn't fool enough to think it would change, but he at least hoped Shinpachi would realize how...thoughtless it was of him and be more considerate.

„So what?"

Wishfull dream.

„Sano, don't tell me you're alright with that messed up unit!"

Of course not!

„No." But this wasn't about that damn unit at all. This was about them, Heisuke and Shinpachi's confused feelings. Even if his lover tried to deny it the best he could. „But it's not my place to decide whether it's right or wrong." He looked away. One day, they would have to face the truth. One day he would have to face his real feeling towards Heisuke. And Sano dreaded that day. Because he didn't dare to guess what those feelings were.

„Screw that!" With those final words, Shinpachi stormed out of his room, probably heading for some sake stand, to contemplate that a dead Heisuke would be better than a rasetsu one. Sano felt disgusted with himself as he was inclined to agree. That kid was nothing but trouble. Without even trying.

Sano watched Shinpachi's retreating back untill it disappeared behind a corner.

„I wish I could get as upset about it as you..." he muttered quietly to himself and put down the spear. Because for him, it just simply testified that Shinpachi's heart was split in half and things were not yet decided. And he prefered to know about these things rather than run away from them.

ox*xo

This was why he had always prefered woman. Woman were easier to deal with, more understanding, and just as mysterious and satisfying. Men were...too much like onseself, too hot-headed and spontaneous, always hurried to act.  
He could kinda understand Kondo-san, when he frowned disapprovingly upon male relationships in the Shinsengumi. Their captain didn't have anything against the principle of it, he worried because of the possible outcomes. When a woman was hurt, she attacked the feelings of the one that hurt her. A warrior could swallow that. When a man was hurt, he attacked the body, venting the feelings with punches, untill he couldn't anymore, or untill his oponent bled out. Which was something the Shinsengumi could not afford.

Come to think of it, Sano hadn't been to Shimabara in a while. Since he'd gotten together with Shinpachi, to be exact. Not that he had something against free love, but never when he was being serious. And what he had with Shinpachi was serious. Or had been. He wasn't sure anymore. Not with Shinpachi acting like that.  
And to be honest, he missed it a little – the softness of a woman's body udnerneath him, the velvety heat enveloping him,...

And so eight at dusk found him standing at the gates of Shimabara.

ox*xo

Shinpachi always thought that Sano's smile was sad. Not his smirk with the sparkling eyes, or the grinn with the twisted gleam in them, but his smile. The truest smile Harada Sanosuke had was the one that didn't reach his eyes. Or rather the eyes reflected the sadness of that smile. He had asked Sano once why it was so sad, and the answer he recieved was the customary „Happiness comes to those that smile."  
He didn't ask after that.  
Perhaps there was a story behind it, one that was painfull to remember. Shinpachi knew for a fact that Sano's life was full of such stories. He wanted to know more, but he never could find the courage to ask. Maybe he didn't want to hurt Sano...or he as afraid what he would hear.

And yet he found himself drawn to that man, like a mott to a flame and he wasn't so sure that he wouldn't get burned. Harada Sanosuke was a dangerous man. But also very gentle and kind. The first time Shinpachi had laid eyes on him, when he entered the small dojo back at Edo and he had been there, training with his Jo, moving with the grace of a wild lion, Shinpachi knew that was it. That was the one. Love at first sight. Now if only the speaer wielder would see it the same way. He wasn't even sure how he had managed it.  
And now he had that love for him, he had what he wanted, finally they were together and yet look at him. Here he was, drinking sake in the courtyard, alone, after he had been out in the city for some, alone, sulking about what was supposed to be long dead history, alone, instead of just being with the love of his life.

Because Heisuke was a brat.

_„Heisuke decided it of his own free will."_

Then he didn't like Heisuke's own free will. Even though he wasn't sure why.

Because it didn't count him in?

What the hell...  
He sighed. Maybe Sano was right. Maybe he should finally accept the decisions made by that kid. Heisuke had no reason to consult him. And Shinpachi had even less reason to demand it from him. He should grow up. He should finally stop moping and get a good shack with Sano. All he ever wanted after all, was for the red-head to notice him. And now he wasn't noticing the red-head, for someone who noticed him back then. The sheer irony made him laugh.  
He stood up. It was time to put an end to it. Sano was the one he wanted, the one he even had and he knew he hadn't been a good lover lately. It was time to change it.  
He went to the room of his lover and tapped the frame three times.

„Sano?"

No answer.

„Sano?" he asked louder this time and slid the door open.

The room was empty.

ox*xo

Sano was whistling quietly to himself as he returned to the headquarters. He was still within curfew, so it was alright. He felt refreshed and sated and light, like a giant weight had been lifted of his body. The girl he had been with had been one of his frequent visits, before he got together with Shinpachi. A nice creature with impossibly long legs and many tricks up her expensive sleeve. Needless to say, this was the first good night he had since Abura Kouji.  
But after he turned the corner to his room, it turned into something horrible.

Shinpachi was there.

Sitting at the porch.

_Looking_ at him.

-x-

To be honest, Shinpachi didn't know what he should be expecting as he didn't find his lover in the room. Sano didn't tell him that he had something to do and they weren't on patrol. Of course there were many possibilities and for the better part of the hour he kept waiting for Sano, Shinpachi thought about them all.

But as Sano turned the corner, all of Shinpachi's questions were answered.

He read it in Sano's look and in the dopey smile that fell as his eyes met with Shinpachi's.

It was like a sword into his back.

„Where were you?" he asked, despite knowing the answer. He needed to hear it.  
„Shinpachi, what are you doing here?"  
Shinpachi stood up and approached Sano, a small, fake smile playing on his features.  
„I thought I could be a good lover to you."  
It was almost funny to watch how the fearless Harada Sanosuke took a step back.  
„Make it up to you, you know. I know I was an ass lately. I wanted to apologize and show you how much I love you."

Sano looked like he was about to turn on his heel and run. Shinpachi grasped his wrist and saphire eyes bored themselves into golden. They were close now, their breath was mingling, their noses were barely touching and Shinpachi could smell the scent of betrayal in Sano's clothes. He practically reeked of brothel.  
„Where were you?" he asked again, the fake smile gone.  
„I..." Sano's eyes were wide and Shinpachi could feel him trembling.  
„Where?" he demanded.  
He saw Sano gulp. „Shimabara."

One word.

One weak whisper.

Shinpachi turned and ran.

-x-

No matter how Sano wanted to run after him, he couldn't. He was frozen to the spot. He had not expected this. As he saw Shinpachi waiting for him, on his porch, it had been like a bucket of cold water poured over him. And as he heard the reason why his lover was waiting it was like a stab in the heart. He wanted to get angry, he wanted to shout at Shinpachi that it was his dman fault, but he couldn't. The guilt as he saw the expression on the handsom face was too strong. He couldn't but answer the demand, confirm what Shinpachi already knew, feeling that he owed him as much honesty. And the expression of utter betrayal...

Shinpachi had trusted him.

And when he was put to a test, Sano betrayed him.

He felt sick.

He knew he should go after Shinpachi, but he wasn't sure if he could face him. With a heavy sigh he went inside his room and slid the door shut. Maybe tomorrow would be a better day. Maybe Shinpachi would have calmed down untill then and they could talk.  
With a heavy heart Snao laid down and closed his eyes.

He didn't sleep for a single moment.

ox*xo

To give him some credit, he tried. He tried to talk and apologize to Shinpachi in the morning, but the other male just turned around and left when Sano opened his mouth. That had been a few days ago. And since then he hadn't done a single thing to win Shinpachi back. Because Sano was sure he lost him. And probably to Heisuke.  
Things weren't going great.  
At least his ksills weren't dropping, he noted ironically as he did another turn and hit an imaginary oponent into the head with his Jo, but was stopped by a boken and indigo eyes watching him intently.  
„Saito..."  
„Your form is leaking despair."  
Sano dislodged his Jo from Saito's boken and took an aim for the man's chest, but before he could thrust, the tip of the red wood was pointing at his neck.  
„And you are off guard."  
With a sigh Sano stepped back and they bowed to each other.

„Did you want something?"

He asked when they were sitting next to each other, just outside the training room.

„Sano." Saito started right off. „For many seasons now, you have been a good friend to me."

Really? To say the leats, Sano was surprised. He had no idea that the bluenett viewed him as such.

„When I needed advice, I knew I could always count on you."

That was at least true. But Saito wasn't the only one. People somehow always asked him for advice.

„So I came now to offer some."

Huh?

„I know you are a wise man, with the heart at the right place, so people naturally come to you, when they have a problem. It makes me wonder where do you go, when your heart is troubled."  
For some it would be weird to hear such words pass the stoic male's lips, but Sano knew better. Saito was a deep person. And he was very much capable of saying cheesy words. But out of his mouth, they never sounded cheesy. Rather, they resonated in your soul.  
He looked away.  
„Most of the time I can come up with something on my own." Was his answer.  
Saito read righ through him as he asked: „And now?"

Sano didn't answer.

„Sano, I know I'm not good at giving advice. That I know how to give a good explanation doesn't propose that. But it still pains me to watch you mourn like that. You should talk to him."

Sano snorted. „So I take it everyone knows."

„You're hardly subtle. And I'm Shinpachi's neighbour."

Of course, Sano remembered.

„Sucks to be you then."

Saito ignored the sardonic tone.

„I don't know your reasons and it's hardly my place to judge you, but I have to say it surprised me. I never saw you as the cheating type."  
„Never thought I am one, either."  
„You probably had your reasons and I doubt that Shinpachi was innocent in it, though I admit that I don't know the story. You both made mistakes and you paid the price. But you shouldn't let them destroy what you two had."  
„That's easier said than done. I tried Saito, I tried. Kami knows I tried to approach him." Suddenly Sano felt, what he thought he wouldn't feel in this case: Anger. He felt it grow and well up inside him very suddenly. And before he knew it, he was barking at Saito. „And he just turned away, playing the kicked puppy!" he slammed down his fist onto the wooden surface of the porch so hard it cracked. Saito just watched. „I'm sick of this, I'm sick of him! It's his fault, either way! Do you know what I've been going through for last three seasons? Since Heisuke left, to a few days ago, all of what left Shinpachi's mouth was his name! I'm not someone who's letting that happen!"

„So rather than talking about it, you decide to cheat on him."

„What the hell do you know?"

„Nothing."

This made Sano stop mid breath. He felt all of the anger pour out of him, as he heard Saito speak, a dull ache taking place in his chest.  
„I don't know anything about love and relationships, but I know you and I know Shinpachi and I know what you two mean to each other." He hesitated. „And I know for sure that you have absolutely no need to be jealous of Heisuke."

Sano's eyes widened. Jealous? Was it really...?

„You might not be aware of this, but the first time, Shinpachi saw you...I haven't been there to see it with my own eyes, but Okita told me and later Heisuke confirmed it. They said that,..."

_„The first time Shinpa-san laid his eyes on Sano-san, it was like a a peasant spotted a god he wanted to worship for the rest of his life. Too bad that sano-san didn't notice him at all."_

_„Shinpa-san always looked at Sano-san like he was the only man in the room, hell, in the entire world. It's a pity that Sano-san never really saw that."_

Sano looked at Saito in awe. The ache in his chest was unbearable.  
„Personally, I think that the main reason why he started taking his meals at the dojo back then, was you. He always wanted to be close to you."  
„It's...really curious. I don't even remeber how we first met. The first I rememeber of him is that he challenged me to a fight. A training session of course. What I rememeber the most is, that he knew I use a spear. Not many bothered to rememeber untill I showed the Jo it into their face."

„He wanted to know more of you."

Sano nodded.  
„After that he invited me to sake. I accepted. We've been buddies since then." His chest felt like exploading from the pain.

„He wanted only you."

Yeah, Sano finally saw that, as bits and pieces of the years spent together with Shinpachi started to sink in. Their conversations, their fights, their friendship...  
„He has been courting me..." Sano laid a hand on his face, the loss finally dawning on him. „And I ruined it...I betrayed his trust..."  
„It's not late yet. You still can go and talk."  
„He won't listen!"  
„Then make him!"

It was rarely that Saito raised his voice, but the effect was enormous. It woke the dead from their stupor, even if it was barely an octave higher than usually.

„You are giving up without a fight!"

Sano could just stare. But damn it, if Saito wasn't right! Damn this whole mess! Damn that dull ache! Damnit all and damn him if he just sat here and didn't do a thing about it!

He nodded. He couldn't spend the rest of his life regretting what he ruined without trying to rebuild it.  
„Yeah. Fuck, shit, you're so right."  
Saito heaved a relieved sigh.  
Sano looked at him. „You were so right...In everything. I've been jealous, haven't I? And I didn't even notice. That's...just ridiculous. So ridiculous it's sad."  
He was surprised to hear a chuckle leave Saito.  
„You're finally being more yourself." The male turned serious again. „What are you going to do now?"  
„Well, I can't leave it like this, can I? I'll try to talk to him again. I want that idiot back, damnit!"  
„And if he refuses?"  
„Then I'll just have to deal, huh? Can't mope my life away. Happiness comes to those that smile, after all."  
Saito smiled.

„That's right." Saito's hand went into his pocket and withdrew a small object, hanging on a thin thread. He gave it to Sano. „Here."  
Sano eyed it. „What's this?"  
„It's a good luck charm. It was of good service to me, now it might help you."  
Sano raised an eyebrow at him, but Saito remained stoic.  
„I want to help a friend."

Sano nodded at him.

„Thanks. Even if you say, you aren't good at giving advice, you helped a lot."

„Oh, I've been just through my fair share of male relationships. I speak of expierience, nothing more."

Sano looked at him blankly. „I do not want to know."

And they both burst out laughing.

ox*xo

It was easier said than done, though. Even if the conversation with Saito helped a lot and Sano felt the spark of determination in him again, there was still this nagging guilt inside of him that made it really hard to look into Shinpachi's eyes. He even went for a fee cups of sake to pour himself some courage, but as he stood in front of Shinpachi's room, in the dead of the night, clutching the charm in his pocket, he felt rather like he needed to empty his bladder with all the sake in it.

Ah hell! He was not going to piss his pants because Shinpachi was being a drama queen!  
He raised his fist and knocked.

No answer.

„Shinpa-san is training."

He spun around to come face to face with Heisuke.

Since the kid turned into a rasetsu he had this wicked pleasure of appearing behind one from nowhere. Sano hated it. He would have complained to Heisuke, but now he had other things to worry about.

„Training? This late?"

Heisuke nodded. „He had been doing that since..." he trailed off, not wanting to finish the snetence. There was no need to either way. „He can't sleep, you know."  
Sano blinked. Was it just him, or did the kid look really...sad?  
„It was me, wasn't it?"  
Sano's eyes widened slightly. Could it be that Heisuke actually had a clue?  
„It was my fault that you two broke up, wasn't it?"  
Sano shook his startlement off. No. He can't let Heisuke blame himself for something that was entirely Sano's own fault.  
„Heisuke, you must be misinformed. I was the one who cheated on Shinpachi, not he on me."  
„Yeah, but the reason was me, wasn't it? He was going on about me, like a broken record, wasn't he? He was neglecting you."  
„But that's Shinpachi's damn problem, not yours. He has to learn to accept that you are an adult responsible for your own actions and life and that it's not something he can control. You don't have to let him in on anything. You don't owe him a bloody thing. If anything, he owes you."

Heisuke didn't say anything.

Something occured to Sano.

„Heisuke, why did you leave?"

The grown-up kid just looked at him.

„I want to hear the truth."

Heisuke sighed.  
„Several reasons, I suppose. And if you're asking if it had to do anything with you and Shinpa-san being together...Maybe. I don't know, honestly. See, the only thing I knew were the Shinsengumi. You are all a bunch of fine guys, really, but...I wanted something to compare, perhaps. I wanted something new. At least I kept telling that myself. Maybe I was just tired of seeing the same things every day, the same faces, the same scenes...you two kissing under the first sakura bloom..."  
„You loved him, didn't you?"  
Heisuke shook his shoulders. „Does it matter? He always loved only you. But if he could spare me a few moments of fooling around, I was content with that. But it seems I messed your love-life up with it. I'm sorry."  
„Don't be. It's Shinpachi's fault for not knowing what he wants."  
„But we both know that he wants you. Maybe I left because I wanted to be happy for the two of you."  
„Heisuke..."  
The kid snorted. „Now look what it turned into. It backfired some bad."

Sano smiled ruefully.

Heisuke watched him for a moment.

„ARGH!" Sano looked at him startled at the sudden outburst. „I'm fucking sick of this!"  
Before Sano could inquire, he was seized by the arm and dragged away.

ox*xo

Suddenly Sano found himself being thrown inside the training room.

„There's someone here who wants to talk with you!" Heisuke shouted at the stupified Shinpachi. „Clear it out, so we all can breathe again!"

With that he stomped of.

The two of them just looked at each other for a long time.  
Then, without an other word, Shinpachi ressumed his training.  
Sano stood up, his chest oddly constricted.

„We need to talk."

Shinpachi didn't say anything.

„I..." Many times Sano had thought about what to say to Shinpachi once he stood in front of him and he just couldn't come up with the right words, but now that he was here and opened his mouth, the words just poured out of him. „I was jealous. You were acting like Heisuke was the center of the world and I was left, cast aside, like some dirty rag. I know I should have told you like I did last time and not go to the first Geiko I could think of, but I can't undo it now, can I? I'm sorry, but I can't! All I can do is to beg you for forgiveness and ask you to understand me, at least a little." Shinpachi didn't say anything, just continued training, the cuts in the air becoming more and more sharp. „I understand you are upset, I know it was wrong of me, but I still want you back! At least...at least tell me what I can do to...to get you back, at least...at least look at me when I'm talking, damnit!"  
Suddenly there was a quick, sharp movement and another tip of red wood was pointed at his neck, saphire eyes glaring at him.  
Sano's breath hitched.

„Please, Shinpachi..."

He carefully stepped around the wooden training tool and came to sand directly in front of his...really, what was Shinpachi to him now? He didn't think it mattered. What mattered was, what he wanted them to be.  
Slowly, tentatively he leaned forward, untill their lips were brushing in a gentle kiss.  
For a moment it looked like Shinpachi was going to lean into the touch of his lips and return the kiss, but that was when Sano found himself on the ground of the training room, pushed away by those strong arms that used to hold him so gently, Shinpachi staring at him with a disgusted look on his face.  
„You are such a fucking slut!"  
He was, wasn't he?  
Before Sano could contemplate upon that fact, he was seized up and dragged outside, again.

„Come!"

People really had it with dragging him somewhere and then throwing him on the ground, he couldn't stop from thinking, as he hit the grass of their compound, several moments later.

„Now take a look!"

Shinpachi's voice was harsh as he said it, full of supressed emotions. Sano took a notice of his surroundings. They were at one of the yards of their headquarters. Why did Shinpachi bring him here?  
He raised an eyebrow at the brunett and Shinpachi pointed his figer to what was before them.

„There!"

Sano looked. It was their flag, the Shinsengumi flag proudly rippling over them in the gentle night breeze. For some reason, Sano felt even worse than before.

„What does it read?"

Sano looked down, didn't answer. Shinpachi forced his head up by pulling his hair. It hurt, but it was nothing, nothing compared to the hurt that was in his...and in Shinpachi's heart.

„What does it read?" Shinpachi demanded again.

„Sincerity." Sano whispered.

„Yeah. And do you know what that means? Truth! Honesty! Be a honest warrior, be a honest man!"

Shinpachi let go of him and Sano had to hold himself upright on his arms, his body no longer able to support it's weight. He felt so tired... He had hurt Shinpachi so much...  
His lover, was he still?, screamed in frustration and a fist connected with Sano's shoulder in a fit of rage. Sano didn't budge an inch. This was how men vented their anger, after all. And since Sano was the source of this hurt, he would offer his body for the punching bag, if it made Shinpachi feel better. Maybe then they could talk.  
But the next blow never came. The fist against his back trembled. And the next words was something he didn't think would hear.

„I know it's my fault."

Sano turned his head in shock. But it was an even greater shock for him to see tears fighting their way out of tightly shut eyes.  
„I know...I haven't been fair to you. Of course I should have known...it would hurt you. And you...you always prefered woman, you told me so..."  
„It still wasn't right to cheat. I also wasn't fair to you. Instead of talking..."  
„But you did! You did talk. You tried to bring me to reason."  
„But I never told you my feelings."

Shinpachi's hand was cold on his shoulder. It meant he was angry. But it seemed that this time he was aiming his anger at himself.

„I'm sorry." They both said in unison and their eyes met.

And for a single moment, things were like they were before.

„Shinpachi..." Sano started, but was cut off.  
„I need time. I am a possessive person, I can't forgive you so easily. I need time to think it through."  
Without waiting for an answer, Shinpachi left.  
Sano looked at the flag, his fingers carressing his lips. Shinpachi had pushed him away. He needed time.

But they didn't have time, did they, he thought to himself as he heard gunshots in the distance.

*-ox*xo-*-ox*xo-*-ox*xo-*-ox*xo-*

AN: The last scene was supposed to be a hint to the anime scene where Souji drinks ochimizu to avenge Kondo-san, but it doesn't have to be strictly seen that way, since Kondo-san didn't have an ounce of appearence in this shot. I think that hearing a gunshot in the dead of the night wasn't so uncommon those days, so it should be ok.


	7. 10: Your sad smile will guide my heart 2

The last part might differ slightly, since I wrote it several months ago. But I have to say I feel higly accomplished. I have written two shots in one day. It gives me hope.

Set during Toba Fushimi, episode 12.

**Your sad smile will guide my heart, part 2**  
_#10. Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer_

He had been right. They didn't have time to spare.

After Kondo-san's injury and the incident with Okita that no one dared to name, things were a chaos and before they knew it, they were caught in the middle of Toba-Fushimi. For two weeks now Sano had been waiting to get off Shinpachi's shit list, was waiting for another chance. Not that he had much time to wait, that was. The SaCho alliance had been moving lately and the Shinsengumi had their hands full with trying to subdue them.

And now this.

Sounds of battle were coming from everywhere, audible even behind the thick walls of their headquarters. The tenth unit was supposed to be in reserve, coming to aid wherever it was necessary. It made Sano crazy. He was here behind the walls and out there his comrades were dieing. Maybe Shinpachi was dieing.

He thought of Shinpachi.

He thought of their fight.

He thought of the charm Sano gave him, before Shinpachi headed out, the one he got from Saito to bring him luck with his beloved.

Kami-sama, he was so pathetic...

A sudden commotion caught his attention.

A messenger had arrived, reporting now to Hijikata. The man was familiar to Sano. A sense of dread filled him and as he listened to the man talk, his blood froze.  
„Second unit reporting! Rushed into battle...Completely...surrounded...weapons...wide range...Need back-up." And he fainted. Sano saw the blood soak the man's sky blue haori a deep shade of red.  
He saw Hijikata shake.  
„I'll go." He announced.  
Hijikata looked at him.  
„The second unit is essential to the shinsengumi with their fighting skills, we cannot afford to loose them."  
Hijikata eyed him for a few moments. Then the comander nodded.  
„Go."  
Sano bolted out of the gates and upon his command, the whole unit was following him.

ox*xo

He was such a fool, Shinpachi thought, as he parried the blade of another enemy. Blood was everywhere, the men around him were dieing and he himself didn't know if he was alive, or just moving automatically. He let his emotions get the better of him for a moment, he acted too hurriedly and now his men were paying with their lives for it. He was such a wretched leader... He wanted to forget, just for a single moment forget that he still hadn't talked to Sano, that he hadn't told him how he loved him and forgave him, even when he had the chance...

The charm in his pocket felt heavy as lead.

Now it seemed, that he never will tell him that. Even if the back-up they requested should arrive soon.

Because he was such a fool.

„Sorry, everyone!" he shouted, his wounded soul seeking forgiveness by those he made suffer. „Your friggin' reckless unit captain's gonna drag you through the pits of hell!"

„C'mon, that's nothing new!" he heard his corporal, his friend of a long time say. „An unit captain shouldn't talk like that!" Of course Shimada knew what he had been through. This was his way of telling him to get his act together, that it would be alright. He wasn't alone. Shinpachi smiled gratefully.  
A reckless fool like him didn't deserve to have such a friend.

The enemies were rounding on them and they stood side by side. They were surrounded. With no means of escape. The only way out for them, was to break through.  
And so Shinpachi lead them, lead them with a raised sword and they clashed with the enemy. Almost there.  
That was when gunshot errupted and he heard the last groans of his mean, when they fell, shot down from a distance that seemed impossible. Shinpachi was shocked. The latest weaponry that the SaCho disponated with was frightening. And that was when he knew this was it.

They were dead.

He would never see Sano again.

He would never tell him...

And just then a familiar spear appeared from behind the corner and bored itself into the son-of-a-bitch that was pointing his gun at Shinpachi.

He couldn't believe his eyes.

„Shinpachi!" the strength of the familiar voice resonated through the street. „The tenth unit will guard your back! Now go and wreak some havoc!"

The relief of hearing that voice was impossible to describe.

Even in spite of the distance between them, Shinpachi knew he was looking directly into Sano's eyes as he grinned victoriously. Sano was here. With him. They were together again. Nothing could stop him now.

He cut down the enemy he had been struggling with a minute ago with a warrior's cry, new determination pounding in his veins as he lead his mean to safety.

And he knew then, that no matter what, Sano wouldn't leave him. Never again. Not anymore.

ox*xo

They lost sight of each other in the battle, but Sano stabbed every enemy he saw, did everything in his might to assure Shinpachi's safe return to the headquarters, even if he knew they were fighting against the odds. How did things become like this, he wondered, as he parried an oponent's sword. Where was the time of the dream, that careless time of long nights, bright stars and expensive sake?  
He looked around.  
The half of his men was already gone and SaCho soldiers were getting more and more by the minute. He cursed. If Shinpachi managed to break through and clear a path for the headquarters, it should be done by now. Right now he should be on his way back to the quarters. If not... Sano stopped the thought right there. No time to think about that. He needed to get his men out.  
„We're going back! Everyone stop fooling around and finish their oponents off! We have more important business to do than to play around whole day!" he bellowed and a chorus of agreements resonated through the air. He smirked. The day where the tenth unit of the Shinsengumi went down was yet to come.

On their way back, they met Saito. The captain of the third unit had also considerably less men than he started with, Sano noted dully.  
„How did it go?" he asked, as their backs met, their weapons turned to the enemies.  
„We couldn't do anything." Saito pressed out of himself.  
Sano barred his teeth at how much truth that sentence hid. It could be the catchword for the entire day. But they still kept fighting as it was the only thing they could do. There was nothing else left for them.

Somehow they managed to break through the SaCho and return to the headquarters with a handfull of men, where Hijikata-san and Chizuru greeted them.  
Saito explained the situation, but Sano only had eyes for the wounded man that was drapped across his back, with the thought that it could have been Shinpachi. Everyone who died could have been Shinpachi.  
Where was he?  
Why wasn't he waiting for him at the gates?  
Maybe because he wasn't back yet?  
Sano paled at the thought at what that meant.

„Shinpachi!" He needed to confirm it. „Shinpachi isn't back yet?"

„No..." Gen-san answered him and it was like a stab into his heart. The sound of explosion errupted in the distance. He couldn't but look away, the pain of what that meant too strong.

ox*xo

Everyone was gathered in the conference room, listening to Saito's report, as they were deciding on their next steps. Everyone had frowns on their faces at the thought of what might be with the most reckless and hot-headed unit captain as Saito described the range of the newest weaponry.

„Two of three bullets hit their targets, even from considerable distances."

Sano tried to imagine it.  
„If a volley of them came firing from above all at once..."  
It was impossible. He closed his eyes, trying to chase away the images in his head. No way...  
„It'd be horrible." He heard Chizuru say. „Does that mean that Nagakura-san and Shimada-san are...?" she trailed off, not able to finish the sentence, afraid to say it out aloud, to accept what it meant.

Sano thought about accepting the fact that he would never kiss Shinpachi again. Never tell him... Words unsaid piled up in the back of his throat and made him sick and want to scream.

Shinpachi...

„Yo."

The word cut through the silence of the room like an explosion. Everyone looked up in disbelief at the source of that cheerfull voice.

„We just got back."

„Shinpachi?"

Sano knew he was gaping, but he didn't give a damn. He resisted the urge to pinch himself.

„What's with you?" there mild humor in Shinpachi's voice, as if the sheer relief of being back from the nightmare made the face that everything had been real easier to bear. „I'm not a ghost. I've still got my feet." He tried a joke and that was when Sano finally believed it – Shinpachi was alive and well. Well enough to joke.

His lover sat down.

„It was a nightmare." He started and Sano's smile fell. The battle had been horrible and even if they could forget it for a moment, nothing could undo the slaughter and terror it brought. „They had it raining iron bullets at us. There was no way we could break into their headquarters." There was no way, huh? Sano saw Shinpachi's expression as the clear, blue eyes opened, realising what had been the stake and the cost. „In the end, I sent a bunch of men to their deaths."

No one said anything, no one found the right words to make it better. Because there were no such words in the face of truth.

An explosion that errupted really near the headquarters tore them out of their reverie. Smoke was dragging along the ground.

„It looks like we no longer live in an age of sword and spears."

The truth of that statement hit Sano like a bucket of ice, as he watched the blood seep through the vice-commander's bandages from how hard he clutched his sword. The times were changing, a new age was knocking on their doorstep and there was no room left for the Shinsengumi on the wheel of the turning time. They lost. All that was left to do, was fight 'till the end.

„We are going to retreat." Hijikata-san announced, to everyone's surprise. „But we haven't lost yet!" he pounded the hilt into the wooden ground resolutely like he was stabbing the Heart of the SaCho alliance with it. „They'll pay for this."

The determination made everyone nod in agreement, ready to follow their vice-captain...no, their commander, Sano corrected himself, wherever he lead them. But it couldn't erase the seed of doubt that had planted itself in Sano's heart. After what he had seen, he felt rather sceptic about the outcome of this war. But maybe it was just his current pessimism. If Hijikata-san, with all of the burdens and responsibilities he had to carry nowadays, still had enough determination to be ready to see this through, Sano was too.

ox*xo

He was resting against a pillar, waiting for the orders for retreat to sound, once the reinforcements arrived and the rasetsu unit announced the path was clear, when Shinpachi approached him.  
„Sano."  
He opened his eyes and raised his head to look at his comrade.  
„Shinpachi."  
„May I?" the brunette asked, gesturing to the ground next to him.  
Sano nodded and straightened a little to give Shinpachi more space.  
Once the other was seated, companioble silence settle between them, like it used to be, but not for too long.  
„Did you want something?" Sano asked.  
Shinpachi nodded. „Yeah." He turned to look into Sano's golden eyes. „Sano, I..." he trailed off, searching for the right words. „Concerning our conversation at the back yard..."  
Sano felt his heart speed up, beating with hope.  
„As we were out there, fighting and with a rain of iron pounding into our bodies, I realized that..." he trailed off as a presence appered beside them. Their hands reached for their weapons instantly.  
„It's me."  
They relaxed at the familiar voice.  
„Saito?"  
„I'm sorry to disturb, but it's an urgent emergency."  
And upon seeing the serious expression on the otherwise stoic and collected face, they knew it was.

„Yamazaki was here. The Yodo clan betrayed us, they sided with the SaCho."  
They both froze with shock.  
„Hijikata-san is out there to get Yukimura-kun and Gen-san back, Yamazaki went after him to prevent a possible disaster, but he said he needed back-up. Possibly someone strong to subdue Hijikata-san. There's no telling what our commander will do with the current emotions in his heart."

Shinpachi and Sanosuke bolted up, hands grasped tightly in their hands.

They have seen the expression on their commander's face during the battle. The expression of utter sadness and despair for loosing those that had been with him for so long...

But nothing could prepare them for what they came in sight with as they arrived at place, Gen-san dead in the puddle of his own blood, Yamazaki bloodied and barely cosnscious in Chizuru's arms and Hijikata-san looking like he was about to collapse under the giant, invisible weight that pressed on his shoulders, as they slumped.  
„Hijikata-san!"  
„What the hell happened?" Sano really wanted to know. This was the worst scene he had come across that day and that spoke volumes.  
„Take care of Yamazaki." Was the answer and Sano had trouble believing that the rough, low voice belonged to the demon-vice Hijikata.

As Shinpachi obliged and the severeness of the wound on the back of their ninja spy was revealed, they gasped in horror.  
„This looks bad."  
„Vice-comander, what exactly happened here?" Saito asked as he looked at the dead body of their comrade, of the one who had been so old and wise and now dead.

„I never thought I would sacrifice a subordinate for my own survival..."

None of them eve rthough that and yet today it had happened too often to count. Half of their men was dead, another half uncertain. A unit captain was dead, their best spy and medic probably dieing. And their tall commander, who had always been like a rock in the hurricane, looked so...tired of life. Sano wondered what else would encounter them at the end of this dark day. Though, he wasn't sure if he wanted to know.

ox*xo

He and Shinpachi took their wounded comrade as the others proceeded to dig a grave for the fallen one. They had been ordered to go to Osaka for medical treatment and meet up with Kondo-san for further orders. The weight of their wounded comrade was heavy between them, his presence reminding them of what was and what could have been.

„Have you...have you two made up?" A weak voice interrupted Sano's thoughts and they looked between them in awe. They didn't expect Yamazaki to say a word. He shouldn't even have strength left to do that.  
„You shouldn't talk." Shinpachi said. „Save your breath and strength."  
„Have you two...made...up?" Damn it, that guy was stubborn as hell. It was probably better they gave him an answer and let him have his peace.  
Juts...what was the answer?  
They looked at each other.  
What would happen now?  
There were still unspoken words between them, words that needed to be said.  
„You should...talk...it out." Yamazaki was panting, his voice getting weaker. „Don't...don't let...not like this..."

„Yamazaki, you really should shut your trap and rest." Shinpachi tried to reason.  
„We are alright with each other." Sano found himself saying. He looked deep into Shinpachi's eyes, searching for confirmation...for certainity. Shinpachi just stared at him for a long moment. Then there was a smile and a nod.  
„I'm glad..." After this, Yamazaki said no more.  
Words were still untold between them, but things were alright. They would pull through. They would get the time to say what was untold.

ox*xo

They didn't find the time untill on the ship that would sail them over to Edo. With their supreme commader gone, the rasetsu unit annihilated, their best men wounded, it was meaningless to continue the battle. A few hours of rest before the fight would continue it's viscious existence.

Sano found Shinpachi in one of the rooms, just standing there, eyes cast somewhere into distance. However his look focused again as Sano stepped in, closing the door behind himself.  
He approached Shinpachi and laid a hand on his shoulder. For a while nither of them knew what to say. They Shinpachi pulled out a small object out of his pocket and showed it into Sano's face. It was the lucky charm.  
„You gave me this, yeah?"  
„Yeah." Sano breathed, wondering what this was about.  
„It felt heavy in my pocket. It kept reminding me of you. It kept reminding me...that there's still something I haven't told you, still something left for me to do. It probably saved my life. Thank you."  
Sano couldn't but smile.  
„Saito will like to hear that. He made me accept it, saying that he's sure it will bring me as much luck as it brought him. I don't really think he believes in such superstitions, but it seems to have served a purpose. I'll have to thank him later."  
Shinpachi put it into his pocket again.  
And before he could stop it, word were pouring out of Sano. „I was afraid you would die. That I would hear about your death a minute later. I was afraid. Afraid that I would lose you without telling you how sorry I am and how much I love you."

Their eyes met and Shinpachi was surprised to find Sano's shining.

„So I'm telling you now: I'm sorry I made you mad. I love you. I'm sorry I cheated on you. I love you. I'm sorry I hurt you. I love you. I love you, Shinpachi and I'm truly sorry for everything. I might be a fool, but I'm not stupid. What happened to Yamazaki can happen to any of us." He put his arms around the broad shoulder and he felt strong arms encircle his waist. „And I don't want it to happen without you knowing all of this."

„He isn't dead yet."

„Yes, yet. Be reasonable Shinpachi."

Shinpachi didn't say anything just looked away. „Sano I...I know I've been an ass. I know you have always prefered woman and I know you love me. It's true that it wasn't right to cheat on me, but right now I can't bring myself to care. Right now the only thing that matters is that you are safe and in my arms. That you aren't dead. That you didn't die out there, like the many men I led today..."

Sano felt the hold around him tighten and he returned the squeeze with equal strength.

„Sano?"  
„Yeah?"

„Let's always be together."

Sano smiled one of those sad smiles. „Yeah. Untill death do us part." Shinpachi tensed and Sano stroked his back calmingly. „And Shinpachi?"  
„What's it?"

„Promise me, that it won't be you to go first."

Sano swore he felt the lump that formed in Shinpachi's throat as he realized what was Sano asking him. But Sano wasn't backing down.

„Promise me you won't let me see your death." Their eyes met again, Sano's full of sincerity. „I don't want to live longer than you."

„That's a selfish request."

„Your's wasn't any better."

„That's true." Then Shinpachi nodded. „Alright. If I can ask something selfish, you should too. It's fair. And after all, it seems we have only little time left. We should be doing selfish things more often, now that we can die any moment."

They smiled at each other.

And as if on cue, as if there had been an agreement between them, they said in unison, their voices sounding like one:

„I love you."

And then, they kissed.

A sure press of lips against lips, real and honest and there, sure as the new day come. They held their breath, savoring the moment within them. The only noise around them was the squeeking of the wooden bricks, the whisper of the ocean's waves and the faint sound of Chizuru's chatter from the room next to them. Everything seemed alright, like they were at the beginning of a random day.

The sound of shattering brought them back to reality and they broke apart.

It came from the room next to them. The only one who could have dropped it, was Chizuru, because Yamazaki was lying in the bed. But Chizuru rarely dropped anything, only when she startled, or got surprised. What it meant in this case, they didn't dare to guess. There was the sound of rushed footsteps and then a moment of silence.  
And then a heartwrenching cry of agony that shattered their hopes into a million tiny pieces of shards, just like that mug moments ago.  
Sano buried his face in the crook of Shinpachi's neck, while taking hold of the front of his kataginu and Shinpachi gritted his teeth and clutched the back of Sano's dofuku. They didn't need to hear it, to know what happened.  
Shinpachi felt a single drop, hot and wet fall into the crook of his neck and slide down his chest, pausing only above his heart and Sano heard a small hitch of breath, a choking sound pass the gritted teeth, just by his ear.

-x-

Not an hour later they were up on the deck, staring at the bandaged form of their comrade, bound to the board that would carry it down to the bottom of the sea.

Yamazaki was dead.

All Sano could think of was, 'it could have been Shinpachi.'

All Shinpachi could think of was, 'it could have been Sano.'

Together, not saying anything, just seeking assurance by the other's presence, they took the board and pushed it over the rail. They watched as it slowly disappeared into the sea, fading away into the blue depths.

Shinpachi's voice broke the silence, rough with emotions, rough with what he had seen, rough with what had happened, rough with loss and pain.

„A bunch of our comrades have died fighting for the Bakufu. It's like they've died in vain."

Come to think of it, out of everything they were doing, what wasn't in vain, Sano contemplated.

But right now he didn't have the strength to think about it. For now the only thing he focused on, was standing upright. His knees felt weak and he didn't want anything, but his mind wander into darkness, forgetting just for a while everything that had happened.

But he couldn't. Their comrades deserved to be remembered.

If it had been Shinpachi and not Yamazaki floating to the grounds of cold water, Sano would have wished in a moment of weakness to forgett everything about him. But at the same time he knew, that the thought of forgeting, would have hurt more than any pain the loss of his beloved could have given him. Because Shinpachi's existence was everything Sano would have left of him. And this thought alone drove him forward.  
Everything had been real. And even if it now seemed like a nightmare, many things that happened have been good. And it were those good things that were worth fighting and dieing for. And Sano knew their fallen comrades would have agreed, dieing in vain or not.

Sano stared into the water, colored by the sunrise into a deep azure hue, much like Shinpachi's eyes.

And he decided.

He would stay with Shinpachi, fight next to him, fight for him. And for him, he would die. And Sano promised himself to make sure, it wouldn't be in vain.


	8. 04: Wearing the attire

**Rating**: Older Teens...(16 and above?)?  
**Warnings**: Kissing between males, groping, instant hard ons. Also mild spoiler.

Set the night before heading to Koufu and a bit into Koufu. End of episode 13 and start of episode 14 (1st and 2nd of Hakuoki season 2, Hekketsu-roku).

**Wearing the attire**  
_#04. War is good for business. _

It was really frustrating. Really frustrating. Seriously. He encountered something this frustrating only rarely, which was to say, that as an unit captain of the Shinsengumi he encountered mostly frustrating things. But none of them were as much frustrating as this. And the more he thought about it, the less he got it. Alright, he got the gist of it, but the details faded a little. And that was another thing to say, that as the unoficial advisor of the commander he should get the details, without them needing to be spelled out. He sighed. It was the frustration, he decided.

But back to the topic. The source of his frustration. The image in the mirror. Him. Harada Sanosuke. Hot-stuff-wet-dream Harada Sanosuke, with the strands of the long mane that once adored his head strewn across the room, or lying limply on his shoulders, almost pathetically, his image nowhere near his usual „sexy mess". Now it was just plainly dishelved.  
And he still didn't get it. Alright, new uniforms were nice and well, but why were they ordered to cut their hair, Harada Sanosuke did not know. It was something his usually sharp mind couldn't phatom. And now look at this. His hair was a disaster, strands of the deepest ruby lieing abandoned on the ground, staring at him accusingly. Cutting them with a sword was a bad idea.

He sighed again.

He should have gone to Shinpachi right away. After all, his lover was the only one of the unit captains who trimmed his hair on regular basis and surely had actual scissors for that purpose. He could have saved himself a lot of trouble and not turn into a laughing stick if he went to Shinpachi first place. But no, Sano had to go and assume, actually _assume_, that cutting his hair would be one of the easiest tasks to manage. Even wise people could make mistakes, it seemed. With a last sigh he stood up. Shinpachi would have a field day.

*-oxo-*

He tapped the doorframe twice before he slid it open a few inches and stuck his head in.  
„Shinpachi?"  
The figure curled on the matt stirred and with a stretch turned over. „Whuzz't?" Lazy eyes opened drowsily, but as soon as they settled on him, all sleepiness fell from the instantly as they widened with shock.  
„What the bloody hell, Sano?" he sat up abruptly. „You look like a bunch of rabid Choushuu dogs with hair fetish stormed you! What happened?"  
Sano approached his lover defeatedly and sat down facing him. „I tried to cut my hair."  
Dead silence fell over the room for several moments. For a few seconds it looked that Shinpachi wanted to laugh very badly, but then wisely enough without any further comments, he settled for a simple „Okaaay..."

Sano eyed him. „Help?"

Shinpachi actually had the nerve to snort. „Is that why you came to me in the middle of the night?" Without waiting for an answer, snickering under his breath, he stood up and approached a drawer, withdrawing a pair of scissors and a comb.  
With a „Sit still," he then plumped down next to Sano, an amused smile still playing on his face.

Sano felt the occassional brush of calloused fingers on his face as Shinpachi combed his hair and cut the strands mechanically, with trained movements, his touch sure. Sano felt himself relax and lean into it, his previous frustration drained, exhaustion taking residence in him instead. Only, he wasn't allowed to relax, apparently, as Shinpachi forced him upright again. „I told you to sit still." The tone of the voice surprised Sano. „If you keep angling your head, it will be crooked. It's already a mess, don't want to make it a bigger one." Shinpachi sighed. „Seriously though, have you ever even held scissors?" Sano chose not to answer. Shinpachi wasn't done either. „With what did you cut it, with a sword?"  
It was meant ironically, but as Shinpachi saw the face Sano made, his movements stopped. „Damn...I hit home, did I?"  
Sano tried to look anywhere but Shinpachi, which proved to be slightly difficult, since he wasn't allowed to move his head. Then there was hearty laughter and finally Sano tunred to look at his lover with a raised eyebrow.

„Oh Sano...Sorry..." Shinpachi shook his head, still chuckling. „I should have realized..."  
He adjusted his head again. „Well, at least you came to me, instead of choosing to end up bald. Now relax and leave it all to my skilled hands!"  
Sano would have shaken his head, if Shinpachi hadn't ressumed his work. Instead he closed his eyes and muttered an unusually humble „Thanks."

Shinpachi didn't reply, just smiled.

*-oxo-*

He should have really gone to Shinpachi from the start, Sano decided after a while, as he felt Shinpachi work on his hair. Not only did he prove to be quite capable at it, but also... it felt good. His hand in Sano's hair, fingers combing through it gently, ocassionally tugging at it, checking the length...  
Just like now, he was sitting in front of him, pulling on the strands gently, a thoughtfull look on his face.

It felt really nice.

And he looked hot, concentrated on one thing, a serious expression adorning him... Sano gulped and asked himself silently if Shinpachi knew just how...handsom he looked now. Sano felt his body heaten as his blood rised and a low pressure building somewhere in his mid section. He groaned invardly. Not now...tomorrow they were heading to Koufu and the next few days would be hard, he needed to be fit and awake. And neither fit nor awake could be achieved with spending the night in Shinpachi's room. Distraction, distraction...

„Done."  
„Huh?"

Thankfully Shinpachi didn't notice the dumbfounded look Sano gave him for a few moments, too busy being proud about his masterpiece, the smug bastard. Speaking of which...

„And? How does it look?" Sano asked and Shinpachi handed him a mirror.  
„You tell me."

Sano regarded himself in the small mirror and found himself gaping. Was that really him? He found it quite hard to believe after what he had seen an hour ago in his own room.  
„It's perfect..." he looked at Shinpachi to ask him how the hell he achieved that, but he found his lover's eyes wide and...shocked?

„Hey, what's the matter?"

Shinpachi startled. „Ah, nothing, nothing." He took the scissors and the comb to put it away. „I'm glad you like it!"

Was that just him, or was the red on Shinpachi's cheeks a flush? He smiled. Good to know that he wasn't the only one affected.

„Yeah, thanks."  
„No problem."

It was good that both of them knew it was gonna be a hard week, or else they would have probably already jumped each other. But judging by the way Shinpachi eyed him, that wasn't entirely excluded.

„It really suits you."  
„Uhm, thanks..."  
He should really go, Sano thought, but somehow his legs decided they were too weak to move. Damn.  
„Sano..."

Suddenly there was a tap on the frame and both of them jumped, Shinpachi's hand reaching for his sword in an instant.

„Shinpa-san?"

They breathed out at the sound of the familiar voice.

„Heisuke."

The kid stuck his dishelved head in, the purpose of his late visit apparent. Sano didn't even blame Shinpachi for looking so defeated.

„Ah, Sano-san, you're here! Should I go? I can come back later."

Sano's legs finally found the strength to stand up. „No need, we just finished."  
Heisuke gave him a very long look, his cheeks flushed. „You look good."  
Sano smirked. „Thanks." He ruffled the messy hair. „You're gonna too, in a while."  
Heisuke chuckled. „Yeah... Actually, Sannan-san offered to help, but, uh...I didn't...yeah." he scratched the back of his head. „Anyway, I refused and decided to try it myself. I came this far before I decided to leave the rest to someone who does this more regulary."  
Sano could relate.

Shinpachi just laughed and ushered the kid in. „It doesn't look that bad, actually. Only the ends need a trimm."  
Sano decided now was the time to scram. He tapped Shinpachi's shoulder lightly and as his lover turned to him he gave him a small peck on the lips. „I'm off. Need sleep. Thanks again."  
„No prob." Shinpachi smiled. „See ya in the morning."  
„Yeah."

With that he stepped out and slid the door behind him shut.

x*-*-oxo-*-*x

Sano hated the uniforms.

He hated them. He had lost every understanding of a western man once he had gotten into it. He could barely move. They were scratchy and smothering around the neck and the only thing he could do, was to keep adjusting the damn collar. And they did nothing to conceal the hard-on he had when he saw what they did to Shinpachi's body. He took a deep breath and told himself to calm down. He was not sixteen. He was too old to get hard just by seeing the body of his lover accented in the best places so nicely. He was lucky that Shinpachi's ass was hidden by the coat, or else... Sano stomped the thought out before it could finish forming in his head. Heisuke had been eyeing him weirdly already the whole morning.

He decided that a bit of the early morning air would do his head good and walked out of the room, looking around for distraction. That was when he spotted Chizuru. Perfect. The girl looked genuinly puzzled, probably wondering how come she wasn't the first one up as usually. Sano smirked.  
„Yo, Chizuru!" he greeted her. „Pretty early, isn't it?"  
He almost laughed at the face she gave him when she spotted him. The startled sound she made was almost too much. Sano snickered and she hurried towards him.  
„Why are you dressed like that?" She seemed to like it. He smirked.  
„It's Hijikata's orders." Heisuke joined them outside, probably tired of Shinpachi's showing off.  
„Well, since it's a western war, maybe these uniforms are more fitted."

At least someone made profit out of this damn debacle that Japan has gotten itself into. Though Sano doubted that selling a few uniforms brought much money. Rather the gun market was a gold mine, as he had heard.

„That's true." It was really hard to ignore Shinpachi, as he was inspecting himself, looking for all the world like he was born into that...that...tight thing. „These uniforms are more suited to guns."

And to your legs, Sano thought and he had to supress the urge to gulp at the sight, painfully aware of the tighteness around his throat (and in his pants). „These damn buttons!" he adjusted the collar again. „They're so tight it's painfull!" It seemed that karma hated him today, because as if on cue, Chizuru bent down to analyze how exactly the small pieces worked. Seriously, if it was anyone else, Sano would have thrown them across the yard. It was absolutely not helping his current 'condition'. And they didn't even head out yet. How he could bear the next days within Shinpachi's close proximity, he didn't know.

Thankfully, his lover didn't seem to notice as he was trying to grab a fistfull of Heisuke's hair, the uniform accenting his every move. Sano gave up on adjusting the collar and undid the top buttons, sighing. This would be a long trip.

x*-*-oxo-*-*x

It was a long trip. Somehow Shinpachi's mood got worse and worse and halfway to the Koufu castle, he was ready to kill. The mood in the group has also reached a low point and everyone was on edge. There was always some uproar, mostly caused by the new recruits and Hijikata-san wasn't sleeping again. And to add up to it all, Kondo-san was still in Hino, which was worsening the group's morale only more.

„Seriously..." Shinpachi started his rant before he even sat down with his share of lunch. They were a few days of march from Koufu and were currently resting for lunch break in the shadows of the trees of the nearby forrest. „Kondo-san can't treat his like a holiday."  
Sano did his best to lighten Shinpachi's mood, but without any result. Rather it seemed, the more he tried, the worse it got. And sadly, that seemed to be the case with the troup's morale, Sano noted, as another fight broke out between the soldiers.  
For the lack of anything better to do, he rose to help Shimada out trying to break the quarrel, blocking Shinpachi's complaints to Hijikata out. He didn't have the patience anymore. Thankfully Shinpachi averted the rest of his annoyance towards the recruits and he helped Sano and Shimada calm the two hassles down and Sano breathed a sigh of relief. Finally peace. For now.

However, not for long, he thought as he cast a glance at Shinpachi. His lover looked like he was about to start another one of his rants, probably something about how Kondo-san was not managing this well. Before that could happen, Sano seized the strong arm.

„Come." Was his only word, as he dragged him deep into the forrest. He would lift Shinpachi's spirits now, no matter what it took. There were ways to make Shinpachi release the tension and spare Sano.

As soon as they were out of sight, Sano threw Shinpachi against the nearest tree, ignoring the dumbfounded look.

„Sano, what..."

„Shut up, Shinpachi. You're being a royal pain in the ass lately. I'm putting an end to it, now."  
He fumbled with Shinpachi's fly and once again decided that he hated the new uniforms.  
He gave a frustrated growl.  
„Damn these uniforms! The only one's who get something from this business are the westerners, I swear! Seriously, what's wrong with hakam-"  
He stoped mid-speech as he felt a hand on his wrist. He looked into two azure eyes.

„Sano, are you sure? You need to walk...it's still a long march to Koufu."

„Who said you would be sticking it up my ass?"

Finally the button came open.

Shinpachi's eyes widened.

„Wait, you can't possibly mean..." he trailed off.

Sano smirked and sunk ot his knees.

x*-*-oxo-*-*x

A while later Shinpachi was slumped on the ground, pants around the ankles, his member still slick from Sano's saliva, not able to think, much less find the right words to complain about their commander's leading skills.  
Sano wiped his mouth with a smirk on his face. This would shut Shinpachi up for a while. Even if Sano had now a big, aching problem in these damn tight pants. Western clothing was a real pain. He missed his hakama.

He looked at his lover.

Shinpachi looked like death warmed over, only this time in a positive sense. A post-coital flush was covering his cheeks and neck and he looked in complete bliss.  
And out of everything he could have said...

„I think an ant is trying to crawl up my ass."

Sano snorted. „Well, I hope when it does, it doesn't die. You would be a major pain again and my efforts to get you into a better mood, would have been a complete waste of time." He said sarcastically.  
Shinpachi chuckled.  
„Yeah..." A calloused hand went to carress his face and Sano leaned into the touch. „You don't know how much I wanted you since I first saw you with that hair..."  
Well, that was another thing he didn't expect Shinpachi to say.  
„You look so...so fucking hot it burns."

Sano had to laugh at the comparison.

„Do I now?" he laughed. „Well then, I'll have you know that your ass looks so firm in that uniform that it gets me an instant hard-on whenever I as much as cast a glance."  
Shinpachi grinned. „Really?" he moved and suddenly a wave of heat washed through Sano, as the large hand pressed just...there. „Like this?"

„Oh dear gods, yes..."

It didn't even surprise him that Shinpachi had absolutely no problems with undoing his fly. Sano hissed as the cold hand touched his heated skin and Shinpachi started stroking him.

„You're still angry." He noted between gasps. „Your hands always get cold when you're angry."  
Shinpachi grinned. „I'll just take your heat then. You are always so hot..."  
Sano gasped as Shinpachi's thumb graced over the vein. „Figuratively or litteraly?"  
„Both. You always have such an enormous body heat. Even in the dead of winter you are always like a heart."  
„Oh?" he was panting now, as Shinpachi's strokes spead up. „Is that why we had more sex in Winter than in Summer?"

Shinpachi chuckled. „Maybe. I hate the cold."

„Yeah, me too." Sano's reply came out more as a moan than an actual sentence.  
„I always thought that Kyoto had a merciless Winter. Even worse than Edo."  
Why were they having this smalltalk as Shinpachi was getting him one off, Sano did not know.

„I bet you that in Matsuyama it never snows."

Sano chuckled, but it got drained in another moan. „No. It only rains." In spite of being in the throws of pleasure, he found himself remembering. „But it's warm. It cleans. It feels nice to stand in the rain and let yourself be washed away..." Just as the pleasure sweapt him away now.

„Did it rain when you got this?" Shinpachi's thumbs traced his scar and Sano moaned and leaned into the touch as the cold hand traced sensitive skin.  
„Yeah." He breathed and moaned, not even sure why he was replying. Maybe of the lack of anything better to do? Or maybe he just needed a distraction. „It was warm. It made me think. It made me want to find myself. I left on the next day."  
„It's a good rain then." Sano didn't get a chance to reply to that, as Shinpachi's hand made this very pleasent move and he was screaming. God, how by Enma, could be Shinpachi so fucking good...

Shinpachi's cold hands were roaming his body now and he let his eyes slide shut as he leaned on him with his full weight.

„I think I understand your smile now." Shinpachi said seemingly randomly, but Sano had the suspicion that it had something to do with the conversation that Sano was vagually aware they were having.  
Somehow he managed a reply. „I'm glad. My mother taught me to it." Happiness comes to those that smile, that's what she had always said. But come to think of it, she didn't have much reason to smile. Sano almost laughed, as another wave of pleasure washed through him. Funny how he never bothered to spare a thought to his family, but remembered his mother now of all times.

„Tell me. Tell me more about your family."

Alright, enough. This was getting ridiculous.

„Can we please not talk about my family now?" Sano groaned as that skilled hand cause bursts of white explode behind his eyes.  
Shinpachi chuckled. „Yeah, sorry."  
„Why does it matter anyway?" Sano asked between a gasp and a groan.  
„I want to know where you come from." Shinpachi leaned forward to whisper into his ear huskily. „I want to know what's behind the man I know you are." He nibbled at the sensitive skin and all Sano could feel was heat, merciless heat of a raging inferno of pleasure within him.  
„You already told me a few things, but that's not enough."  
And cold. A cold hand enveloping him, making him shiver, forcing more heat into his body...  
„I want to know everything."  
Sano smiled a dazed smile. „Unsatiable."  
Shinpachi laughed and bit down.

*-oxo-*

A while later, Sano was half lying atop of Shinpachi, aftershocks of his orgasm still jerking with his body occassionally.

Oh Kami-sama, how much he had needed this... These had been some tense days and he didn't even realize how desperate for release he had been. Damn uniforms.  
He tugged on Shinpachi's coat.  
„I hate this."  
„Huh?" Shinpachi sounded genuinly puzzled. „I thought you liked how I look in it."  
„No, I hate it because it gives me a hard on. It's too frustrating."  
Shinpachi actually had the nerve to laugh.

And suddenly Sano found himself speaking, once again without thinking first. What was it with him and pillow talk?

„My father was a samurai. A lower class, so he always was looking at his sons as his only hope of attaining respect." Sano remembered it very clearly. Why now of all time? He kept asking himself. His childhood was nowhere near as pleasent as he felt now. „But after I couldn't even properly hold a sword at the age of ten, he..." Sano smiled sadly. „Let's just say he laid his hopes into my more promising siblings." He had never been a good sword wielder, Sano recalled. Not that he couldn't handle one, it wa sjust that his skills were mediocre at best. His forte was rather the long, pointed, precise and agile spear.

Shinpachi didn't comment his sudden willingness to share, simply accepting it. „Are you the oldest?"  
„No, second born." He smiled a little. „At least the burden to bear wasn't as heavy. But I still have a great feeling of debt towards Tani-sensei, even now that he's dead. If it wasn't for him...I would have never found myself."  
„I see."

That was all Shinpachi said and Sano thought that maybe it was time to change the subject and get a payback. If he could tell Shinpachi about his family, then Shinpachi could give him back in kind.  
„You are born in Edo, aren't you?"  
Shinpachi however, either didn't take the hint, or wasn't willing to share. „I like Kyoto more. The stars are brighter and the sake is tastier."  
„Matsumae resides in Hokkaido, doesn't it?" Sano pried more and this time he got at least somewhat of an answer.  
„I have never seen it. Neither has my father." He seemed to be done then and Sano didn't ask more.

They fell silent for a few moments, when Sano spoke up again.  
„Maybe after everything is over we could go see it together?"  
„You and me?" Shinpachi asked.  
„Yeah."  
„I would love to." He said and turned to Sano with a sparkle in his eyes. „But only if we go to Matsuyama after."  
„Let the rain wash it all away?"  
„Yeah."  
Sano smirked. „Sounds like a plan."  
„After this madness is over..."  
„If we come to see those days at all..."  
„We will. We have to. For us."  
Sano looked deep into Shinpachi's eyes.  
„Yeah."

For a while they just stayed like that, enjoying each other's presence and the few peacefull moments they were able to steal. Unfortunately, it was too good to last forever.

„We should head back before the others think we deserted."  
„Yeah." Shinpachi breathed.  
Sano carressed the ice-cold hands.  
„You should try zen. Meditation is good for the equilibrium. You'll be less pissed and more calm."  
Shinpachi chuckled. „What would you do with me then?"  
Sano smirked. „Probably leave you, because it would be boring."  
„Thought so."  
Sano smiled and patted Shinpachi on the shoulder.

They stood up and adjusted their uniforms in silence. Neither of them wanted to really go back and deal with their commanders and with the odds they were facing, but they were warriors. They had to. They got the uniforms, after all.

With one last lingering kiss in the dark depth of the forrest, they headed back. Together.

This time, it was Shinpachi who broke the silence.

„Sano?"  
„Yeah?"  
„I think the ant up my ass just died."

For several moments there was dumbfounded silence, disturbed only by the chirping of the birds. Then a small smile cracked the handsom features.

„Idiot." 

*-x-*-*-oxo-*-*x*-oxo-*x*-*-oxo-*-*-x-*

Notes  
I wrote the „family conversation" in a spontaneous outburst and I actually thought aboout cutting it, but then I decided against it and left it there. It might seem a bit out of place there, but it has a meaning. (And I liked it too much to erase it, so there.) This, like no. 11, will have a sequel, where I'm going to get back to it and...well, you'll see. Dunno where the termit came from, though.  
And in case you're wondering, Harada was born in Iyo on the island of Shikoku to the clan of Matsuyama


	9. 09: Monday Sorrows

Notes

Another SSL shot, 2nd in the arc, features Harada-sensei and Nagakura-sensei in their everyday life as teachers. Here I have to mention that english is not my first language, therefore many of the terms used in school, as the names of the gym utensils, are not known to me. I took a dictionary and translated them how I best found fit. If you find words that are incorrect, or not used in that sense and know the correct term, please tell me. I'm going to need it in the future.

It's set more or less directly after the first one, the first day after Chirstmas break. In the last part they have been writing with the kids their mid-term exams. I wrote it before I got the information that the school year in Japan starts in April and ends in March. However, there are always some exams written, so you can take it that they were some random tests, or season-exams (if a thing like this doesn't exist, I'm borrowing artistic licence and making it up). I'm also aware that there isn't a Christmas break in Japan, but it suited the mood, so you can take it as another artistic licence.

**Monday Sorrows**

_#09. Hear all, trust nothing_.

„So how was Christmas? I never got to ask yesterday." Sano spoke up as they were riding in his ferrari to work, after a few days of Christmas break.

Shinpachi had been away for the days, visiting his family in Tokyo and yesterday evening he appeared on Sano's porch with his suitcase, looking worn out and tired of the long travel (even despite the bullet trains being extremely fast) with his arms outstretched to his boyfriend.

Not that he hadn't been expecting Shinpachi, he just thought that his boyfriend would stop by his apartment first and come to Sano's place much much later.

It had been a nice surprise.

They used the time to make up. And it did not involve much talking.

So it happened now, that after a wonderfull night they were driving in his car to work, Shinpachi's suitcase in the luggage compartment, talking about their Christmas.

„How do you think?" his boyfriend grunted. „I had to sing crappy songs, eat fancy food, that didn't reach your by far, and listen to my parent's complaining how I finally don't grow up and don't get a girlfriend instead of staying with, I quote, that gay person. Seriously as if they didn't know you had a name." He huffed.

Sano smiled sadly.

Shinpachi's parents were catholic and they were strictly against his relationship with Sano. But at least they were with him, which could not be said about Sano's parents. Shinpachi seemed aware that the conversation was heading into the wrong direction, so he turned it around.

„And you? Had someone over?"

„Nope." Sano shook his head. „Just me. But I went to the Christmas party at the Dojo that Kondo-san has hosted."

„Ah, yeah. How was it?"

„As every year: We drank cheap sake, ate food bought at the conbini, listened to old music, talked about work..." It was the same every year, the same drinking party, the same guests, the same music, the same conversations... One would ask himself why he bothered, but at least he wasn't alone. „After I got tired of it I went home, opened your present, thanks by the way. I seriously needed that."

„It was the only thing I could think of that would make you feel at least a little better."

„A weekend at a wellness hotel? Of course it would! You know what a massage I got? I couldn't walk untill last friday."

It was a good thing that Shinpachi was from a fairly wealthy family. It wasn't everything in life, but it was certainly helpfull when they needed a bit more money than usually. If he didn't gamble it away before they could put it to use, that was.

„And you? Did you like your present?"

„Oh babe, you don't know how I squealed as I opened it."

„Really?" It was stupid, so Sano had felt a bit unsure about it, but he knew Shinpachi needed it and that he would prefer rather something practical over something expensive and commercial.

„Yeah. I needed a new razorblade so much..."

Sano smiled. „You mentioned it awhile back."

„And that aftershave is like silk. You always buy me such practical things I can't afford..."

„Because you gamble your money away."

„Because I have to pay the rent, the electricity, gas and water and still want to save up, was what I wanted to say, but I guess one could put it your way too."

Save up to gamble, Sano added in his mind, but he voiced something else.

„My offer still stands."

„Sano..."

He knew Shinpachi was tired of hearing it, but Sano was tired of being alone in that big house too.

„Look, if we just moved together we could split the costs, make some spare money renting your flat, and we would get to spend more time together."

The topic came up sometime during the late summer, when they took a week off from work and spent it together, before the next semester started and there would be no more time. For some reason, Shinpachi didn't like the idea, even though Sano found his boyfriend would profit the most of it.

„And my parents would come and kill us for practicing heretism."

Usually that was the reason he gave.

„Since when do you care?"

„I don't. I'm just not sure if it's worth the trouble."

Sano's body jerked with shock as he heard the last sentence. Unfortunately, his hand jerked too and the wheel was yanked sharp left, so they almost drove onto the sidewalk. But fortunately, having the reflexes he had, Sano caught himself and regained controll fast enough. He pulled to an empty lot at the sidewalk to calm down his heart again, ignoring Shinpachi's squeak of distress.

„What the fuck was that?"

„I almost crashed, but nothing happened it's alright, but anyway that's not the point. What?"

„What what?" Shinpachi was looking at him like had just grown another head. Which was understandable, since this was the first time it happened that Sano almost crashed. Sano never crashed. Sano always had his car under control. Untill now, when he heard words he never thought he would hear.

„What you said just now."

„What did I say just now and Sano, are you sure you're alright?" Shinpachi was giving him a very worried look.

„No, I'm not." Besides the fact that he almost crashed, he wasn't sure he heard right. „Why wouldn't moving in together be worth the trouble of going through a bit more of your parents grumbling?"

„That's it? That's what you're worrying about? Sano you almost shrotted your car!"

Shinpachi stared at him.

Sano stared right back.

Shinpachi sighed.

The shock had already worn of and so he could muster a reply, without hyperventilating. „Ah well, you know. They are already cursing like old sailors when the topic of the two of us dating comes up and yeah well, I know there could be several advantages, but when I think about it, it seems to me like too much trouble for a small thing."

Sano didn't actually believe his ears.

„A small thing? Twenty years woth of dating are a small thing?"

Shinpachi paled as he heard the betrayed tone of Sano's voice. „Wait, wait, wait a sec there!" he raised his hand as if trying to stop the trail of thoughts in Sano's head. „I didn't mean it like that! I mean moving in together! I mean, it's just, I mean, argh damnit Sano!" he teared at his hair, while Sano just watched him. „We spend the entire day working together, we spend the weekends together. We are together 76,2 percent time of the week. That's almost three times more than a regular couple and 1 point 5 times more than a married couple. And well...spending the evenings of the workdays together... I get home and sleep untill the next day and I can't imagine you doing something else."

Sano looked away.

„Actually, I go over the lessons for the next day..."

„That's not my point."

He knew that already, alright. But Shinpachi didn't get what Sano meant.

„Yeah, yeah I get it. I just thought you would find it nice to have company when you sleep till the next day."

„I'm too tired for sex on workdays."

Sano felt his annoyance growing.

„Have I said a word about sex?"

„Huh?"

Sano sighed. Seriously. What was it with his boyfriend and using a brain?

„Nothing, just forget it." He started the engine again to avoid a possible outburst of frustration Shinpachi tended to cause more often than not, but his boyfriend laid a hand on his wrist.

„Wait." The blue eyes were serious as they bored themselves into golden. „What's your problem?"

Sano didn' t look at him, his eyes fixed on the key. „No problem."

„Sano."

Why did Shinpachi never get a hint? Fine, he wanted to hear it, he got to hear it.

„You just don't get it, do you?" Sano didn't bother hiding the annoyance anymore.

„Right now I'm as lost as I can be." He looked like that too with those big blue eyes staring at Sano hurt.

„Why do I put up with you, remind me again."

„Good sex?" Shinpachi tried a joke, but Sano decided to use it as a rebut.

„And there's the problem."

Shinpachi looked utterly mortified.

„You've got a problem with our sex life? Oh god, am I becoming frigid?"

Sano groaned and banged his head against the wheel. „You know, I never really understood how you passed your final exams at college." No matter how much he tried, Shinpachi always seemed to misundertsnad him. He was a teacher damnit, he was supposed to know how to explain things! He sighed invardly. „Sometimes I get the feeling that there's only air between your ears." No helping it when the student was dumb, he guessed.

„Am I becoming boring?"

„For fuck's sake, no!" This was getting ridiculous.

„Then what?"

Sano tried again, this time through examples. „Look, it's as you said. We are working together, but besides a few seconds during the breaks, we don't get much time alone. And on the weekends all we do is have sex and eat, in this order. Nothing against routine, but seriously, when was the last time you took me out?"

„The weekend before Christmas."

„Yeah, an hour at dinner and then we went home and had sex."

Not like that, jerk. He meant a date.

„In other words, you need cuddly time."

Sano was gripping the wheel very tightly and the leather squeaked.

„Shinpachi. If we weren't sitting in my expensive car and I wouldn't want to dirty the seats with your blood, I would kill you right now."

„Alright, alright, I get what you are saying, but I still don't think it's worth the trouble. If you want to we can go on a date any evening you want to, so that can't be the problem. I may have be an airhead sometimes, but I'm not stupid. What's it really?"

Honestly, he didn't know. He had been feeling weird lately and stupid thoughts were going through his head every day.

„Christmas depression?" he offered. He had been alone after all. He hated being alone for Christmas. Weird thoughts always came to him then.

„You went to see your parents, am I right?"

And then there was that.

„Yes. No. Yes. Kinda."

Shinpachi raised an eyebrow. Sano sighed.

„I went to the house. I don't know what possessed me, but I was lonely at home, so I went for a walk. Then the thought that I could at least check if my parents are still alive crossed my mind, so I went. I got as far as to the front door, but I didn't enter. Something just held me back."

He didn't see his parents since he left for Tokyo University. He didn't bother paying them a visit after he returned to Kyoto to teach at Hakuoki High. But that didn't mean he never checked on them.

„How does it look?" Of course Shinpachi knew. They had known each other since High School and Shinpachi had helped him through some nasty things. There was no point in hiding it.

„It's even in a worse shape than last year. The windows are completely broken, the walls consist of more cracks than wood and bottles of cheap sake are all across the yard. Oh, and the doorlock was somehow removed."

„Kami-sama..." Shinpachi breathed and Sano couldn't but agree.

„Yeah. And I was confronted with the sight on the 24th december." When one was supposed to be with his family. Only for his family, he was dead.

„Sano..."

„Don't." Sano knew what his boyfriend wanted to say, but he didn't want to hear it. Instead he continued. „I thought about going in, but then I heard my mother's drunken talk and my father's mumbles and I found I couldn't face it. Not only would I be making a fool of myself, but get even yelled at and rejected again." He was an unwanted child after all. „So I thought, yeah they are as alive as they can be and left. I took a last look and I caught my father watching from behind the window."

His father had never told him as his mother in actual words that he wasn't welcome. Maybe that meant something? He never could get a clue what his old man was thinking.

„And? What happened?"

Sano shook his shoulders. „Nothing. I left."

„Oh."

„Yeah." What else was there to so say, after all? But back to the topic at word... „And don't misunderstand me, but after I'm still trying to cope with it, you go and say that living together with me isn't worth the oh-so-big trouble of your parents complaining. You've got a hell of a timing, really."

„...Oops?" Shinpachi offered.

Sano didn't even find the strength to be annoyed anymore. And it was only short before 8 am.

„Well, I guess an oops is more than I could have expected from you."

„Sano..." Something seemed to sink through the thick skull though, he noted at Shinpachi's next words. „I'm really sorry. I didn't realize that it could hurt you. I thought that as a practical person you would see it the same way as I. You know, paying for the migration service, all the paperwork around it, and on top of it all, having to deal with the bitchin' of my parents, because of five evenings which would be mostly spent sleeping and doing a little left-over work..."

„I see your point." Sano didn't need to hear that again. He got it already. The problem was something entirely else. „But you don't see mine. It's not about the trouble, it's about being together. All I ever see of you is at work, or 60 hours in the bed. Sometimes it feels like this relationship lost it's spark."

He was probably exaggerating a little, but it was the only way to make Shinpachi finally understand what he was trying to tell him.

„You can't possibly mean that."

„I'm just saying how I feel. Didn't you hear? Talking about your problems with your partner is recommended for a working relationship." He was sick of being alone in that big house (even when he bought it, it seemed rather small) and they were together twenty years, twenty fucking years and they were still living at separate places. Sometimes he felt like the virgin maiden waiting for the prince to finally jump over his shadow.

„And what do I do?"

„Oh I don't know." His annoyance was back. Yay. „You said you're not stupid, so try using those braincells you claim to have. I'm out of ideas." He settled for staring ahead, because he had the feeling that if he would just look at Shinpachi, he would tear his head off.

„You think moving in would help?"

Yes, was the original reply he wanted to give, but he chose an elaborate one. Something to do with teacher syndrome and explaining things for the upteenth time to a dumb student, he guessed. „Look, we are together twenty years and we reached a stand still. The logical thing to do would be to take the next step." And he couldn't resist the need to punch Shinpachi into the gut with his next words. „And as a math teacher, logistics are your speciality. But it seems you're either too convenient, or too much of a chicken."

Shinpachi was silent for a while. „I'll think about it."

Sano nodded and started the engine again, not sure if he should feel annoyed or accomplished. He somehow always dreaded it when Shinpachi said he'll think about something. Creatures with such a feeble brain shouldn't be allowed to do that.

„Sano."

„What now?"

„I love you."

In spite of himself, Sano found himself smiling. Damn him. Even if he was a creature with a feeble brain, somehow Shinpachi always knew when he needed to hear those words. That was probably why he said them so rarely.

„Me too."

„We'll figure this out, I promise."

Sano found himself ruffling Shinpachi's hair before he took hold of the control lever and they ressumed their way to work again, falling into familiar patterns. Somehow their arguments never lasted long. Because most of the time, Shinpachi would back off and let Sano have his way. All in all, despite being a stupid oaf, Shinpachi was a good boyfriend. Those twenty years just proved it, right?

„Say Sano?"

„Yeah?"

„Now that you mentioned it... I heard about an 80ies party being held at the bar we sometimes go to."

He meant a gay bar nearby. Sano had frequented it in high school too, but back then with different accompaniment.

„Ah, yes, I heard about it too." Of course he heard about it. He was the first that the bartender had told.

„Wanna go? It should be a Saturday, sometime next month." Sano had to supress a grinn. It seemed that something really did sink into that thick skull. „You like the 80ies music, right?"

Like? He loved it!

„It's the music of my youth, Shinpachi."

„I'm just a year older than you, you know."

Yeah, right. They were in the same class at high school, after Shinpachi dropped a grade. He had been a great friend, and back then, that had been something Sano needed: A friend. Sano found himself chuckling. „Those were some crazy times back then..."

„Worth a bit remembering, don't you think?"

Not everything had been bad after all. With Shinpachi a door had opened and suddenly he hadn't been alone anymore. He found friends, a boyfriend...he wondered what had happened with that one.

„I would love to, Shinpachi."

„Good. So it's a date."

„So it is."

„Hook line and sinker."

„Excuse me?"

Shinpachi grinned. „You are smiling again."

Was he? Damn jerk of his boyfriend for manipulating him so easily!

„Why you..." suddenly Sano smirked, an idea coming to him. „You seem to be forgetting something, Shinpachi."

„What?"

„That I'm at the wheel and I could, I don't know, for example yank it anytime right and crash into the nearest wall. I could make it look as an accident and then be rid of you for the rest of my life." That didn't actually sound as bad prospect... „Oh, dolce vita..."

„You wouldn't want to murder your darling sweetheart." Why not? He said so now, didn't he? „And I'm not talking about myself." That made more sense. However, he was wrong. Sano smiled wickedly. „I have enough money for the repair, don't worry."

„Oh."

Exactly.

„Then how about we make a deal? I keep my trap shut and you don't kill me."

„The best idea you had today Shinpachi. And it's not even 8 am."

„It's always such a pleasure riding with you."

„Trying to have the last word?"

„I'm not succeeding, am I?"

„Nope."

„Thought so."

„The wheel is in my hands."

Blessed silence fell.

They were five minutes from the school when Sano remembered suddenly.

„Ah, no, I take back what I said. There's something I needed to talk to you about. Work related."

If there was one thing he could give Shinpachi credit for, it was not mixing private life and work together. They were either boyfriends or colleagues, so his tone was strictly collegiate as he replied. „Sure, what is it?"

„Wait a minute."

And the car pulled to the sidewalk again.

„The correction exams will be written this week, won't they?"

It was rhetorical question, but Shinpachi answered anyway.

„Yeah. So?"

„There's someting I wanted to ask..." Sano said as he was rumaging through his case. „I have noticed that...where...ah here it is." He took out a paper. „I wanted to ask if Okita Souji will be retaking his math exam."

Shinpachi wondered why Sano would need to know who passed and who didn't pass a math exam, but he didn't bring it up as it struck a chord.

He frowned. „Now that you mention it..." Shinpachi took out his notes and rumaged through them. „Where is he... Okita...Okita... here you are! Yeah. He left his paper empty."

Sano frowned. „Did you have the feeling that the current lessons are something he couldn't manage?"

„His grades have been dropping..."

„That wasn't my question."

„I know what you're getting at. I didn't give it a thought untill now, but that you brought it up, I thought it was strange. Okita is a slack off, but he never had problems with his grades. He is a bit of a genius, being good at anything he does. But to the end of the semester...like he's got no clue."

That was a nice comparison.

„Yeah. He didn't pass his Japanese History exam."

Shinpachi's head snapped to him.

„What? I thought it was his best subject."

„No, his best subject is PE. But he almost didn't pass that one too."

Shock was written all over Shinpachi's face.

„What? How's that possible? Everyone passes PE. Especially with you teaching it."

„Well, he almost didn't. He has been especially clumsy this term." Which was weird, since Sano knew him from Kondo-san's dojo. That boy had never been clumsy. Come to think of it, he hadn't seen him at the dojo for a while. „It's like he's a different person."

„Different person?"

„Yeah."

„What now?"

„Nothing. I'm his homeroom teacher, so I'll take necessary action. Thanks for informing me."

„No prob."

ox*xo

They arrived at school with enough time to spare for Sano to make coffee and Shinpachi to read the morning newspaper. As they entered the room, they greeted Hijikata-san, who was smoking at the opened window. Their demon-vice only shook his head as he saw them in their Morning-routine-after-a-night-at-Sano's-place-version (the only one when Shinpachi had enough time for the newspaper. The other two were staying at his place, where he never set the alarm clock, so they arrived with a total of five minutes to spare, thanks to Sano's ferrari, or they spending the nights separately, which Shinpachi had no chance on arriving early).

„You two should just marry. This looks like a scene out of a daily soap rather than a routine Monday morning."

„No, this is a routine version 2 Monday morning." Sano replied with a smirk and laid the coffee next to Shinpachi, then sat down at his own desk. „Tell that him, though." He gestured to Shinpachi. „He's the one who has such a big problem with moving together."

„I told you I'll think about it." Shinpachi mumbled from behind the paper.

Sano shook his head and turned to Hijikata, sipping on his coffee.

„How was your holiday?"

„Boring." Hijikata replied stoically and Sano burst out laughing.

„No colleagues to annoy you, huh?"

„With no students to piss you off and work finished, I see your problem." Shinpachi didn't look up from the newspaper as he said that, but the humor in his voice was evident. „Get a hobby, Hijikata-san."

Hijikata growled. „You two..."

Sano chuckled. „Now, now, we're just teasing you."

Soon the other teacher's and the students streamed in too, and it was time for the first day after the break to start.

Sano decided that his class needed a praise. Almost everyone aced their tests and in the rating they had surpassed Shimada's class 2B, scored even higher than that fish Ito's 3rd years and they were equal with Shinpachi's 2A, which had such straight A students as Saito and Yamazaki. And how Shinpachi got to be the homeroom teacher of the best class at Hakuoki High, Sano did not know. Probably something to do with Hijikata being stuck with the first years. Sano envied him. He had the only female of their school in his class.

But his class wasn't so bad either, he decided as he stepped in and everyone stood up.

„G'mo'nin' Sano-sensei!" the chorused and he gestured them to sit.

„Class, today I wanted to discuss with you the results of the exams."

They paled. Sano smiled.

„Well done."

A whisper went through the class and everyone was staring at him.

„We are on equal points with 2A."

Heisuke bolted up in surprise.

„We beat Saito?"

That caused an explosion of cheers errupt in the room. Sano let them bask in the joy for a while, before he tapped the board and the class quieted down. All but one.

„That means that Shinpa-sensei won't be able to tease you for being stuck with such irresponsible slack offs as us, doesn't it?" Okita Souji spoke and everyone chuckled.

„Shinpa-sensei should look into the mirror when he says those words." Heisuke commented and another chorus of laughs echoed. The two partners in crime high-fived.

„Talking about irresponsible slack-offs, Okita-kun..."

Sano watched with satisfaction as the boy flinched.

„This wondrous result is not thanks to your genius skills. You will be retaking all of your exams, as it seems. Including PE."

„I thought I'd pass that one."

„I don't like your result." Sano raised an eyebrow. „Or do you admit being stupid and clumsy?"

„Che. I could beat the whole teacher body at any time."

Sano clutched his hand and resisted the urge to throw the spare chalk he kept in his pocket at the kid. He had been doing that too often lately, his target mostly the cheeky brat in front of him. He should stop that. The poor kid didn't need more brain-damage than he already had.

„Then prove it. Or I'll make you eat those words."

The class chuckled at that and Okita scowled.

„Furthermore," Sano continued without taking notice of the boy in the rage of his puberty, „Toudo Heisuke."

„Yes?" the kid looked worried and Sano smiled encouragingly.

„I would like to highlight your work of the last quartle of the year."

The kid blinked.

„Huh? Me?"

„Yes, you. I have recieved praise on you from Ito-sensei, Shimada and even Hijikata-san. Your grades are getting progressively better and you work hard. Keep up the good work." He turned to the whole class. „Some of you," his eyes flickered to the still scowling Okita for a moment, „should take an example from Toudo-kun. Moving on, if some of you want to retake the tests, or have the feeling that they didn't do their best," Sano's eyes flickered to Souji again, „please do so in the next two weeks. It's January and to the end of February, the final exams will start. The corrected papers will be handed to you at the begginning of the given lesson. Do any of you have questions to this?"

And so the class went on. They discussed the preparations for exams, the upcoming field trip and the class representative held a voting concerning the newest discussion around Valentine's Day. After that the bell soon rung and the students bolted from their seats, probably hoping they still could catch the cafeteria before the next lesson started.

Sano shook his head. Youth these days... Heisuke passed him on his way out and Sano suddenly remembered there was still an open issue to be discussed.

„Toudo Heisuke, for a word please."

The kid turned around with a puzzled look and approached the desk.

„What is it, Sano-sensei?"

Sano waited untill the door closed behind the last student.

„Heisuke."

Heisuke blinked at the lack of honorific. It wasn't that they weren't informal with each other, but never outside school.

„Sano-san?"

Sano eyed him. „You are good friends with Souji, right?"

„We hang out, yeah."

Sano nodded. „That means that if Souji was behaving strangely, you would notice, right?"

Heisuke's eyes narrowed. „Strangely?"

Sano's eyes bored themselves into the kid. „I see you know what I mean."

Heisuke looked away. „Yeah, I have noticed that Souji is...strange lately. Stranger than usual." He frowned contemplatingly. „He's still the same, but...something has changed."

This perked Sano's attention. „What has changed?"

Heisuke shook his shoulders. „Dunno...I would say he's grown too serious, only...he's still being a walking disaster as always and acts as the brat he is, alright."

„I see..." Sano looked away thoughtfully. What could this strange behavior of his once best student mean, he had no clue. But he would be damned if he didn't find out.

For a few moments there was a contemplating silence until Heisuke spoke again, something occuring to him.

„Maybe that's it..."

„What?" Sano raised an eyebrow at him.

„He acts so." Heisuke looked at him. „I mean, it's all it is: An act."

That was what Sano called an idea. „Are you saying something could be troubling him?"

„Most likely." Heisuke hesitated, then finally added: „Last time he stayed over night I beat him at Tekken."

Tekken would have been the last thing to worry about, but untill this moment, Sano would have sworn to whoever asked, that if Souji lost at that game it was on the day that hell froze over.

„It seems it's more serious than I thought."

„Why are you asking anyway, Sano-san?" Heisuke asked.

„Because Souji didn't pass either his math, history and classical literature exam and made PE for D-."

„What?"

Sano nodded. „I told so, didn't I? He's retaking all of his exams and I'm not satisfied with the grade he got at PE." He looked at Heisuke. „Heisuke, as his best friend, could you keep an eye on him? And if you find out something, or if anything in your opinion strange happens, could you tell me? If something's up, I would like to solve it before it becomes a major issue."

Heisuke nodded. „You should probably ask this Hajime-kun and Yamazaki too. They use to hang out with us and..." Heisuke smirked, „I think that Hajime-kun has a thing for Souji."

Sano chuckled and nodded. „I'll do that. Thank you, Heisuke."

Heisuke nodded and turned to leave, when Sano remembered something.

„Oh, and Heisuke! I heard from Ito-sensei that you are contributing to an art challenge. Congratulations."

Heisuke scratched the back of his head embarassedly. „Thanks! It's not like I have many chances to win, but I kinda thought, why not..."

Sano smiled. „Ito-sensei praised your work and said you had a lot of chance."

Heisuke blushed and scratched his head embarrassedly. He quickly found a way to change the subject, though. „But Sano-sensei, I thougth you were avoiding Ito-sensei if possible."

„Whatever personal issues I have with out art teacher don't matter, if one of my class is a little genius at painting. Keep up the good work."

„Yessir!" Heisuke grinned from ear to ear and seemingly flied out of the class, his spirits raised. Sano smiled. This was the part of teaching he loved so much.

ox*xo

He made a short stop at the teacher's office and grabbed himself a sandwich he had prepared in the morning. He would spend the next four hours at the gym, he needed energy. He felt a presence behind himself and then lips pressed into the crook of his neck.

„Yo. Grabbing energy?"

He had to give it to Shinpachi, it seemed that blockhead had thought over at least over a part of their conversation. He turned around and came face to face with sparkling eyes.

„Yep." He replied. „I'll finish this and head down."

„OK, don't let yourself be disturbed. I have to prepare for the next lesson anyway. See ya in three hours?" He asked with a hint of unsureness in his voice. They always spent the hour before lunch together, but it seemed that after their morning conversation, Shinpachi wasn't sure he was welcomed.

Sano smiled assuringly. Even if Shinpachi was working to get on his shit list, there was no reason for him not to come to the gym as usually.

„If you don't decide that you'd rather spend your free hour with something better than me, yeah." Sano winked. Shinpachi's face lit up.

„But babe, what could be better than you?"

„That's what I wanted to hear." It seemed the good mood was finally returning to him, Sano noted as he ate his food.

Shinpachi grinned. „You're so full of yourself..."

„Seen into the mirror lately?" Sano asked as he took another bite, supressing chuckles.

Shinpachi smirked. „By the way, I haven't congratulated you yet to the results."

Sano grinned from ear to ear. „I win." Was his only reply.

Shinpachi rolled his eyes. „Yeah, yeah, I know. You are equal with the best class, you even beat Ito's third years, yadda, yadda." Shinpachi waved it off, seemingly annoyed, but then he smiled. „Congrats though. I won't spoil your fun being a sore loser, besides, your class has some real geniuses."

At the mention of geniuses, Sano frowned. It startled Shinpachi.

„Something the matter?"

„Okita."

„Aaah, yes..." Shinpachi recalled their morning conversation. „Have you spoken with Heisuke?"

„Yeah."

„And?"

„He'll keep an eye on him and tell me when he notices something. I'm also intending to talk to Saito and Yamazaki about this."

„If you want to, I can ask them. They're in my class, after all."

Sano nodded. „That would be great."

Shinpachi sighed. „I guess talking to Souji would do wet shit, huh?"

The corners of Sano's mouth pulled downwards as he chewed on his sandwich. „Yeah." He swallowed the bite down. „If anything, it would just put him on alert and he would be too cautious around me. I want to talk with him only after I have something concrete I can pin him with. Anything else wouldn't do a thing." With that he took the last bite of his sandwich and stood up. „Alright. Up I go. There's only ten minutes left and I still have to change." He gave Shinpachi a small peck on the lips. „See you."

ox*xo

Two double-hours of gym were no fun, Sano decided. And especially not when you trained a bunch of hormon-driven teenies. Monday morning. Two hours with 2A were alright. But two classes with 2C after that were too much. Why had he gotten the most impossible, most crazy, most raging class of the whole Hakuoki high? One hour with them and he was ready for the senior club. He was getting too old for this job...

„15 minutes break!" he announced as he looked for the tenth time at the clock in hopes the time for the break came. This time it did. The students streamed out immediately, either for the changing rooms to lie down on a bench and rest, or for the cafeteria to buy themselves an energy drink. Sano, slumping onto the wooden bench, asked himself if he shouldn't join them.

Then he felt a familar presence and every tension poured out of his shoulders.

„Yo."

A warm smile spread across his lips as he heard the voice of his boyfriend. He was too tired to care about what he had said to his lover in the morning. Now he was just happy to see him.

„Yo."

Shinpachi brought their lips together and sat down next to him, handing him a bottle of water. „Figured you would be out of it."

„Thanks." Sano said and drank the water in small sips. Then he leaned his head on Shinpachi's shoulder and sighed heavily. „I don't get it."

„Hm?"

„I make them run laps, I make them jump over the buck, I make them climb the ribstall, and they still have enough energy to throw stupid jokes and be wiseass. Did we have this much energy too, Shinpachi, when we were their age? I don't remember."

Shinpachi chuckled. „Well, it was a long time ago. And we're not getting any younger."

That was true. And back then they had other things to worry about than abbundance of energy. Which was really ironic, because now they seemed to be lacking it.

„Our mid-life crisis will be starting soon." He said suddenly.

Shinpachi pulled a sour face. „Oh joy..."

„Maybe it has already started and we were too busy to notice." If he thought about it, they should be already mostly past it.

„I hope you're joking."

„I'll grow grey hair soon."

„That would be a shame..."

„Maybe I'll dye it."

„Please do."

„We'll get old and rusty. You'll be on a walking stick and I in a wheelchair."

Shinpachi looked at him quizzically.

„What's with you today?"

„It's Monday." Was Sano's simple reply.

„Oh, yeah, right. How could I forget? But I have good news."

„Hm?"

„Lunch will be soon."

„Oh thank god..."

„It get's even better. A coffee will be waiting for you."

„Don't tempt me."

„And the best thing comes now: You won't be returning to the gym untill tomorrow."

„Have I finally died and found myslef in paradise, I wonder..."

Shinpachi chuckled. „Feeling better?"

„Yeah." Sano raised his head and took another gulp of the water. Slowly the students started coming back, greeting Shinpachi-sensei while they were at it. It was nothing new that Shinpachi was visiting him an hour before lunch at the gym. He did so every free hour he had. And somehow it came so every term that he had at least one day of the week an hour free before lunch. Kondo-san was too kind...

The bell rung. Sano took a last gulp of the water and stood up, taking off the hood of his jersey. „Alright gentlemen! I hope you had enough energy drinks!" he whistled and everyone stood themselves into a straight line. Sano took the attendance notice and a pen and Heisuke stepped forward, but something was off. „Class 2C, PE attendance, Okita Souji missing."

Sano frowned. „Okita-kun is? Why is that? He hasn't excused himself."

„Sano-sensei, I think he has snuck away."

Shinpachi watched the vein popp at Sano's head and his hand tremble as it clutched at the pen so that Shinpachi feared that it would snap. It was the last one Sano had. His boyfriend breathed deeply in and out. „Once any of you see him, tell him to see me."

„Yessir!" the class chorused.

„We will now ressume the lesson. 5 laps around the hall!"

ox*xo

At the end of the lesson, Shinpachi thought it was a wonder that Sano still could stand upright. The students scrambled for the showers, tired, but with still enough energy left to be desperate for the refreshing water, while all that Sano could do, was take the towel Shinpachi offered him and wipe his face with a sigh.

„The more I teach, the more I get the impression that I'm getting too old for this job. A few years ago I wasn't this exhausted after four hours spent here."

„It's probably just your imagination. It's the day after Christmas break, you just need to get back into old patterns."

„Maybe..."

„I'm sure." Shinpachi smiled. „I doubt that a hord of raging teenagers could tire you out, Harada-sensei, if I am not able to achieve that."

Sano had to laugh. „I have to admit, Nagakura-sensei," he said between chuckles, „there might be some truth to your words."

He ruffled Shinpachi's hair. „I'll go shower and then we can head to lunch, ok?"

„Hurry up, I'm starving."

„Glutton."

Fifteen minutes later they entered the lunchroom, the fresh scent of water, shampoo and Sano's Hugo Boss carrying after them.

„Let's see...mushroommiso as soup, main course either Udon, or smoked salmon...Ah hell." If the Udon was anything like the last time, he didn't know what to pick. He tended to get sick after smoked salmon. At the prospect of starving, his stomach churned loudly in protest. Sano sighed. „I should have just made bento after all."

„I told you so?" Shinpachi sounded from behind him and Sano sent him a glare. Yeah, alright, so he would have had the time to make some in the morning, but as he woke up, after a week of loneliness in the arms of his beloved and opted his choices, he decided to rather stay in bed with Shinpachi for a while longer. After that there hadn't been any time left for preparing a lunchbox. Lazy him, yeah. He slacked off so often, after all, it wasn't even healthy. Right, he thought as his inner voice was dripping sarcasm.

„Shut up, Shinpachi."

In the end they both picked Udon and sat down at their standard table, staring at the plates in front of them as if it was poison there instead of lunch. They shared a look.

„Itadakimasu?" Shinpachi offered and Sano nodded. They should eat at least a little.

However before they could take a bite of what wanted to be Udon, a falsely polite voice sounded from beside them.

„Harada-sensei! Nagakura-sensei!"

Sano gritted his teeth and turned to look at their colleague.

„Ito-sensei." Their art teacher was carrying a plate of smoked salmon and Sano felt his stomach turn. Though, he wasn't sure whether it was the fish, or the person that caused it.

„I just wanted to congratulate to those wonderfull results you got!"

„Thank you." Sano forced a smile onto his face. He didn't know why, but an encounter with their art teacher always left a bad feeling in his gut. „You did well, too."

„I heard you praised Toudo-kun for his work. Please do that in the future too. He has talent that should not be overseen."

„It's your guidance that makes it unfold." Before this tanuki started teaching at their school, he was the head of the painting class at the primary school of arts. As he was a kid, Heisuke took a few courses there.

„You flatter me." Ito-sensei smiled sweetly.

„Was that all you wanted, Ito-sensei?" Sano asked in hopes of getting rid of this person as soon as possible. „Or did you have an issue to discuss with us?"

„No, no." Ito-sensei shook his head dismissively. „I just wanted to pay my regards. I'll stop bothering you now." He bowed. „Bon Apetit." With that he left.

Sano stared after his retreating form, muttering a quiet „Tanuki" under his breath.

„He asked me out, you know."

His head snapped to Shinpachi as he heard that.

„I mean Ito-sensei. He asked me if I wanted to go for a drink after work with him, his treat."

Sano' s eyes widened and he had hard time to force back a scandaled scream.

„Ito-sensei asked you out?" He sneered and clenched his teeth. The nerve of that racoon!

„Lower you voice, damnit!" Shinpachi hissed. It was already a wonder no one (and especially the teacher in question) heard them. „Anyway, I politely refused and told him I had plans with you. He didn't bother me after that, but I think he's plotting something. Be careful, ok?"

That fish was always plotting something, Sano thought to himself as he nodded. Then looked at his food. He wasn't really hungry anymore.

„Eat." He raised his head to look at Shinpachi. His boyfriend was unusually serious.

„Eat." Shinpachi repeated. „You haven't eaten since the morning and you are a pain to deal with when you're hungry."

Sano glared at him.

„And I won't have you starving yourself. Don't think I didn't notice you losing weight over the week I was away."

Sano blinked in surprise. He barely lost a pound, how did Shinpachi notice...?

Shinpachi showed the chopsticks into his face, a piece of flesh between them. „Eat, or I'll force feed you."

Sano sighed in defeat and picked up his chopsticks again, and started eating. Better get it down before it gets cold. If there was one thing worse than cafeteria food, it was cold cafeteria food.

ox*xo

.#cutid1

Afternoon classes came and refreshed after a shower and energized after having eaten a warm meal (even if the meal itself had been horrible and Sano had to inavde his sake reserves he kept locked in the bottom drawer of his desk to keep the food down), Sano headed for his Japanese History lesson he had with 2A.

He had always liked the lessons with 2A.

They were attentive as he explained, they didn't disturb the class and they always answered his questions correctly. They weren't the best class of Hakuoki High for nothing after all. And he still didn't get how Shinpachi got to be their homeroom teacher.

He entered the class and everyone stood up.

„Good afternoon, Sano-sensei." They chorused.

„Good afternoon, class." He answered them with a smile.

He quickly did the attendance and started the lesson.

„Alright, folks. Can someone tell me what we did last time, before Christmas break? Yamazaki?"

„Yes." The boy stood up to answer his question. „We discussed the new institution of the Imperial Mausoleum Guard and it's complex relationship with the Shinsengumi."

„Precisely." For the last semester, they have been discussing the Bakumatsu aera of Japan and Sano couldn't but focus on the Shinsengumi. He tried to explain the events through their eyes, or in relation to them, as they were an institution that had subsistedthe whole Bakumatsu aera. „Thank you, Yamazaki-kun, you may sit down."

The kid did so and Sano started.

„Today we will discuss the Abura Kouji incident, as it was one of the many consequences of the agenda of this institution. It is a widely discussed subject and some historicians call it the 'Beginning of the end'. Saito, please let us hear what our widely cited historician says about it."

No answer.

Sano looked to the table where the darkhaired boy sat, obviously preoccupied into the book.

„Saito, please, answer the question."

Again there was no answer. Sano frowned.

„Saito."

Nothing. He tried a bit louder this time.

„Saito!"

It was really strange. Saito was never this spaced out. Sano approached the table of the student and standing directly next to him, he called out in the loudest voice that was possible without disturbing the class next to them.

„SAITO!"

It was really funny to watch the reaction he got. Saito startled, his whole body jerked and he shot up like an arrow, standing straight as a ruler (Sano was surprised that he wasn't saluting), the book still tightly clutched in his hand.

„Please excuse me!"

It suddenly clicked.

„Have you been reading in class, Saito?"

The boy didn't even need to answer. His blush said it all.

„I...uh...yes." It was even funnier to see Saito stutter, Sano decided.

„You know what that means?" He asked, trying his best to sound serious. There was, after all, a punishment for reading in class.

„I...I'd rather..." but Sano already took the book from him, still open on the page Saito had been reading.

Saito watched with apprehension as a predatory smile spread across Sano-sensei's features. After an eternity of sheer suffering, he spoke.

„Well. Normally, the punishment would be a teacher's notice and me reading the passage in front of the whole class, but since it's you and this happened for the first time, I'll make an exception. You have 3 options: The regular one I mentioned now. 2: You'll be the one to read this in front of the class and instead of a notice, you'll get a bad grade for not answering my question. 3: What you read will stay between us and Kondo-san. In other words, we skip the reading and pay the principal a visit. He is a kind and tolerant person, so there's a chance you get away only with a warning. Which one is it?"

Saito thought for a moment. If he chose option one, everyone would know what he had been reading and there would be a black taint in his otherwise perfect reputation, in form of a teacher's notice. With option two Sano-sensei was giving him a second chance. A teacher's notice stayed, but he could always correct a bad grade. But that came with the price of humiliating himself personally, which would need a completely different form of courage, standing in front of the class and practically make a fool of himself. It would accompany him untill graduation year. The third option was the most convenient one. No one would know, his grades wouldn't suffer and a principal's warning was the least of a price. On the other hand a principal's notice was too much. Not even Okita had a that one in his collection of warnings and notices yet. But then again, no one ever heard Kondo-san writing one. And then there was the issue with rumors of being favorized.

„Basically, you're asking me to choose which one is more important to me: School results or my reputation."

„Basically, yes." Sano-sensei nodded.

Saito sighed. Why was he even thinking about it? He was by no means a coward. He was one to take responsibility for his mistakes, no matter the price. And out of a principal's warning, teacher's notice and a bad grade, the bad grade was the easiest to overcome. He extended his hand, asking for the book.

„Which passage do you want me to read?" he tried to make it sound more sure than he felt, but he heard the tremble in his voice and he saw the surprised looks of his classmates even through the curtain of his hair.

„These two pages please." Sano-sensei said as he handed him the book. The two pages he had been reading. This was suicide. But he had already made his resolve and he wasn't backing down. So he took the book and stood himself in front of the board and begun to read.

As he finished and closed the manga, his face was burning in embarassment as a massive amount of blood collected in his cheeks and the class was staring at him wide-eyed.

„Saito...you read yaoi?"

If Saito thought that becoming even redder was impossible, he was proven wrong the moment he swallowed and nodded.

The whole class exploaded ito uproarious laughter.

But that didn't last long as it was immediately silenced by a high-pitched screach and everyone was busy shieldieng their ears from the sound as Sano-sensei dragged his nails across the board.

„Silence! I wonder what I would find in your book-cases if I looked. Don't go laughing your classmate out, or else I will make you empty your bags here and now. Saito, sit down." He gave him a small smile and whispered, only for Saito to hear: „You have done well. In turn I'll have a small chit-chat with Souji."

Saito's eyes widened. „How did you..."

Sano just smiled and said in his normal voice. „Go, sit down please. I want to finish the current topic we're on."

The rest of the lesson went without further incidents and before they knew it, the bell signalizing the break rung. Before Saito could do a fast strategical retreat and not show himself for the rest of the break, Sano called him over.

„Saito-kun, for a small moment."

The students passing him snickered and the still red Saito approached his desk with small, unsure steps.

„Yes, Sano-sensei?" he asked meekly. Sano smiled assuringly.

„Relax, there. I just wanted to ask if Shinpachi talked with you already."

Saito blinked for a confused moment, but then remembering, understanding spread across his features. „About Souji, you mean."

„Yes."

Saito nodded. „He has spoken to me and Yamazaki. We will have our eyes open."

„Good." Sano nodded at him. „That's all I wanted. You can go hide somewhere now. No doubt that Heisuke will be here soon to tease the living daylight out of you." He smiled understandingly, but Saito didn't move. The boy seemed to hesitate about something.

„What is it, Saito?" Sano smiled encouragingly, skipping the honorific. Saito was another person that he was informal with outside of school and now seemed to be the time to remind the boy about that. Sano didn't bite. It seemed that Saito realized that too, as he shook of his hesitation and finally asked.

„Sano, I just wanted to ask what grade I got."

Sano smiled into himself as he heard the familiar adressing. He decided not to torture the boy any further. Saito had paid for his 'sins' already. „C."

„What?" The boy seemed surprised.

„Seems mild?" Sano could understand that. Saito was of the type who would expect the worse possibility than to hope for the better one. He smiled. „Take it as a reward for your courage. You've got guts, I give it to you."

Saito actually blushed at the compliment, but Sano couldn't but notice that tehre still was something bothering the youth. Sure enough, Saito spoke up again.

„Sano?"

„Yes?"

„How did you know that..." he trailed off, but he didn't need to finish, as Sano already knew what it was about.

„That Souji gave you the manga?" He smirked. „Well, it might have to do something with me recomending him the title a few weeks ago."

It was fun to watch the ever stoic Saito's expression change into one of utter shock.

„You should hurry. No telling when Souji will turn up from wherever he disappeared to, once he hears a good gossip."

Being the wise person he was, Saito decided that it was probably safer than to ponder into the literary preferences of his teachers. „Yes."

Sano supressed a grinn, but he couldn't help himself to prevent a small tease from escaping him.

„And Saito-kun? Try not to read in class this time. I doubt that Hijikata-san will be as considerate as I. Even if it's the best part of the manga and you're his favorite student." Sano winked.

Saito blushed furiously and nodded. „Yes!"

Sano bit back a laugh. That was when the door opened and Yamazaki stuck his head in.

„I'm sorry to disturb, but Heisuke is heading this way. He is grinning from ear to ear. I thought you might want to know."

The viscious red of Saito's cheeks turned into a ghostly pale within the span of a few seconds.

„I suggest, you run, Saito-kun." Sano threw the mortified boy a set of keys. „You can hide in the gym during the breaks for the rest of the day, but don't forget to lock up after yourself whenever you leave for class. You can give the keys to Shinpachi after your homeroom class ends."

One „Thank you very much!" and a hurried bow was the last Sano saw of him before the poor boy practically sprinted out of the class, while Sano just silently laughed to himself. Did he say he was getting old for this job? No way! It was way too much fun to quit.

ox*xo

Later in the afternoon, Sano was ready to enjoy his free hour in the teacher's room and go through some files for the next lessons, without Shinpachi breathing down his neck, or Hijikata-san complaining to him about some student.

He took his case to pull out his materials, when he noticed a folder that was not his stuck there and he remebered.

„Stupid me!" he exclaimed into the empty room as he pulled the folder out. The corrected math tests. He accidentally grabbed them together with his files this morning. He had noticed it sometimes during the day and intended to give them to Shinpachi during lunchbreak, but had forgotten.

He stood up. If he remebered correctly, Shinpachi had now an hour in 2C. Sano smirked. He would give him the papers and maybe even get the chance to give Souji a piece of his mind for skipping class. Perfect.

Five minutes later he was knocking on the doors of his class.

No answer came, so he carefully opened the door and experimentaly stuck his head in. Only to almost close it behind himself again, overcome with surprise about what he was seeing.

There he was, his lover Nagakura Shinpachi, standing behind the desk wildly gesticulating and screaming to the class the explanation with as much enthusiasm as if he was commenting a horse-race.

„Listen here! N can grow indefinitely! Indefinitely! You know what that means? That-" he scribled on the board „_n_ !"

Sano took a look at his class. The students have already noticed their homeroom teacher standing there and were trying to signalize Shinpa-sensei to stop his somewhat maniac rant and take a look to his left, but Shinpachi, the dense being that he was, didn't notice it.

Sano motioned his class to stay quiet and not give him away just yet. He wanted to see this.

It wasn't that Sano never got the chance to witness Shinpachi's lessons, but this was the first time he had come to see such an enthusiastic explanation.

After listening for a while, he understood the reason. It was Shinpachi's favorite subject. Statistical theory and the asymptotic theory.

„SEE? Now we can obtain ANY result! If we just count HIGHER, if we let out minds wander into THOUGHT OF INFINITY, instead of lingering in finite sizes, we can OVERCOME OUR WEAKNESS! HUMANITY WINS!"

He slammed his fist into the board with enough strength to get a hole. Sano was making him pay for that. He was panting hard, with a victorious grin on his face, while the setting Sun of the later afternoon bathed his frame in a golden hue. He looked almost heroic. Sano covered his mouth politely to surpress his laughter.

His class didn't bother hiding anything. Chuckles and barks of laughter sounded from everywhere and finally Shinpachi seemed to notice that something was off.

„Huh? What's with you today? I present you such a thrilling subject and you laugh?"

Souji, apparently back from whatever business urgent enough to skip class he had, waved his hand as if to chase away the laughter.

„No, Shinpa-sensei, it's just..." he lost the fight with amusement as he broke into another fit, so the only thing for him left to do was to point his finger to where Sano stood.

Shinpachi turned and for a moment Sano thought his lover was dying of a heart attack.

He smiled sweetly. „Yo."

„Sano!"

Shinpachi's face was suddenly a nice shade of tomato, burning from embarassment, while his body was frozen to the spot, remaining in the positions of a victorious general like a marble statue.

It was hilarious.

„How...how long..."

„Long enough." He couldn't help it, Sano's voice shook with supressed laughter as he saw Shinpachi staring at him utterly mortified. Sano tried to console him. „It's alright, I understand."

This sent his class into another fit of hysterical laughter.

Shinpachi put away the chalk he had been holding and straightenend himself to keep at least a little of his dignity.

„What..." he coughed to get his voice rid of embarassment. „What are you doing here?"

Sano only raised the folder in his hand.

Shinpachi's eyes lit up.

„The results!"

The silence that the class fell into after those words was an eerie contrast to their previous outburst.

„I kept searching for them the entire day!" Shinpachi hurried to him.

„Sorry." Sano said as he handed him the folder. „I accidentally took them with me and forgot to return them until now."

„'S okay."

Shinpachi turned to the class, his enthusiasm back full force.

„Class! I thought I had to withold the results for another few days, but now look at this!" he waved the folder triumphantly, while Sano just watched with a raised eyebrow. „Now, all of my efforts paid off, and thanks to the man of the hottest dreams another man can only imagine, has brough me, ME, Nagakura Shinpachi, the best teacher for math on Earth you could have been hoping for, this, THIS!" he held the folder up high like it was the imperial flag, while Sano's eyebrow just went higher and higher as the rant went on. „Gentlemanies and Gentlemen! I proudly present you: THE RESULTS!"

Sano nodded approvingly at the sardonic clapping that his class rewarded Shinpachi with.

Kids under themselves.

Shinpachi grinned.

„I shall now interrupt the lesson for a few moments to give out the papers." He turned to Sano with a charming smile. „Thanks for bringing them over."

„Don't mention it." Sano smirked. „It was totally worth it."

He watched in satisfaction as a faint blush spread across Shinpachi's cheeks.

He turned towars the door. „I guess I'll leave now. Wouldn't want to disturb you in the, ahem, interesting lesson."

Shinpachi focused his eye on the papers as he fumbled with them hiding his embarassment. Sano decided not to torture him further. His hand was already on the knob when suddenly Okita spoke up.

„Sano-sensei! Is it true that you caught Saito reading yaoi?"

A hushed whisper went through the class and all eyes were on him.

Sano turned to Okita. In the end he decided to settle things with the brat after homeroom class, but somehow the kid had a special virtue to change his intentions 180°. Sano again resisted the urge to throw a piece of chalk at him.

„Okita-kun, you have no room to talk. After all, it is very clear to me where Saito-kun's source lies."

Souji smiled cheekily, the sort of smile that sugested he had back-up blackmail in his hands. „Oh? And where would I get such a book into my innocent hands?"

Too bad that Sano didn't allow himself to be toyed with. He looked directly into those mischievous green eyes.

„Okita-kun, don't tell me that besides your grades, your memory suffers too. I remember clearly recommending you that manga not a week before Christmas break started."

Okita fell from the chair he had been swinging on. Apparently, the kid had never expected Sano-sensei to admit that.

„WHAAAT?" Clearly, he wasn't the only one shocked. Shinpachi stared at him wide-eyed. „You read yaoi?"

But of course. How could Shinpachi know?

Sano smiled sweetly at him. „Yeah. Light read on weekday evenings to pass the time. Lack of better entertainment, you know."

It was a homerun.

Shinpachi just gaped.

Sano turned to his class again. „So, now that I gave you a gossip topic worth 'till the end of the next term, I shall take my leave now and let Nagakura-sensei continue this very interesting subject." Sano turned his attention to Souji. „Oh and Okita-kun, see me after class. You still haven't explained yourself for missing on PE." Then he turned to his class for one last time.

„Be gentle on him." He jerked his thumb to the still stupefied math teacher. „I need him sane for my purposes." With these words he headed out.

It was Okita who called out after him: „I thought you needed him physically capable, you never mentioned brain-functioning."

The chalk landed in the middle of Souji's forehead, before the door closed behind Sano-sensei.

ox*xo

It was early in the evening when they met again, after the homeroom classes ended and they finished with the rest of their work. Sano was already waiting at his car, the thick and long creamy white winter coat covering his frame when Shinpachi exited the building, his short green jackett unbuttoned at the top, showing the black scarf wrapped around his neck.

Shinpachi startled as he saw him, but approached him with slow steps, his tiredness obvious to Sano.

„You already here?" he asked when he was in hearing range. „Didn't you want to talk with Souji?"

„He skipped class again. Seems he's avoiding me." Sano shook his shoulders. „Ah well. I have other ways to corner him." He nodded his head towards the group of students standing nearby. It were Saito, Yamazaki and Heisuke. They noticed them look their way and Heisuke waved his hand, while the other two nodded in greeting. Sano raised his hand in answer, then turned to Shinpachi again. „Your suitcase is still in my car. I'll drive you."

Shinpachi nodded. „Thanks. And before I forget..." he pulled out a set of keys and handed them to Sano. „Saito gave them to me at the end of the homeroom class. Said they're yours."

Sano grinned as he put them away. „Yeah, I let him hide in the gym to avoid the teasings."

Shinpachi chuckled. „He get's embarrassed too easily."

Sano had to agree.

They got into the car. As they fastened the seatbelts, Shinpachi sounded.

„Do you think you could take a stop at the convenience store? I have the feeling that my fridge is empty."

Sano started the engine, nodding. „Sure."

They pulled out from the lot. Before they drove off, they paused at the trio. Sano leaned out of the window.

„Thanks for today, you three."

„Don't mention it, Sano-san."

„It seems that Okita is avoiding you now, though." Yamazaki spoke up.

„He can't do that forever." Sano said. „Even if he skips all of his his homeroom, PE and japanese history classes, I'll find a way to confront him."

Heisuke laughed. „Souji's screwed."

Sano smirked, but then his expression grew serious again. „Keep your eyes open, yes? It might be serious."

The three of them nodded.

„However, don't neglect your studies because of it, alright?"

Saito and Yamazaki nodded again, while Heisuke just scratched the back of his head embarassedly, giving away his intentions of doing just that away.

Sano smiled. „Especially you, Heisuke, now that your grades are so good. And Saito too. You need to correct that C you got yourself today."

Saito blushed faintly, while Heisuke chuckled wickedly.

„Speaking o'ich," Shinpachi spoke up, „Once the rumors spread, you might want to avoid Hijikata-san for a while. No doubt he'll give you one of his lecture about spreading 'literature inapropriate for minors under students below 18', or whatever."

No shit, Sherlock. Shinpachi didn't even need to tell him that.

„Thanks, I'll keep your advice in mind." Sano couldn't help but be sacastic. He was probably just too exhausted to give a normal reply.

„You're welcome." Shinpachi replied equally dryly, but he didn't seem upset, probably just as tired as Sano. It had been a long day.

Sano turned to the three again.

„I apologize for bothering you so close before exams."

They shook their heads.

„Not at all, Sano."

„Alright, I'll stop keeping you from 'hanging out'. Got a kid to drive home."

„Hey."

Sano and the trio just grinned at each other, ignoring Shinpachi's complaints about not being a kid.

„See ya tomorrow."

„Bye, Sano-san!"

With that, they drove off.

After a short stop at the convenience store, where Shinpachi bought himself the necessary supplies to survive the week and Sano promised him to get up early enough to make bento for them each day, they arrived at Shinpachi's flat with a suitcase and four huge shopping bags. Shinpachi rumaged for the key and opened the door. He put his suitcase into the porch and turned to take the bags from Sano.

„Thanks."

„No prob."

For several moments they stared at each other.

„Do you want to come in?" Shinpachi asked finally and Sano shook his head.

„No, thanks. I'm dead tired, I think I'll just go home."

Shinpachi didn't say anything. Sano just smiled.

„What are you trying to prove, Shinpachi?"

His lover looked away.

„I don't know. Maybe just find out the appeal of a late evening spent together? I have no clue."

„Look, I don't want to force you into anything. Just think about it, like you promised, okay?"

They looked at each other and finally Shinpachi smiled. „You're probably right."

Sano smirked. „Of course I am."

That was when a noise interrupted them. They turned to see one of Shinpachi's neighbours, Shinkawa, exit her flat. As she spotted them, she turned bright read, their last encounter obviously still fresh in her memory. She quickly looked away, fumbling with her keys.

Sano smiled politely.

„Good evening, Shinkawa-chan."

She stuttered back a reply and called the elevator. Sano could see the relief in her eyes as she found out it was there, as they previously used it. Usually they climbed the stairs, since Shinpachi's flat wasn't that high (fifth floor), but with four heavy bags and one suitcase to carry it was more convenient to just let yourself be carried up. She got into it quickly and before they could blink, she was gone.

They both burst out laughing.

„I think we caused her a major trauma that time." Shinpachi said between laughs and Sano had to agree.

„Well, it was all your fault. You were the one who decided that sticking your hand down my pants in the middle of the night, just outside your door, was a good idea." He replied and they both laughed again, remembering the moment clearly.

It had happened after they got back from Kondo-san's Halloween party, some good deal after midnight. Shinpachi was dressed as a werewolf (fangs and furr and all that came with it, present) and Sano went as a wizard, complete with a black, embroided robe, long cape and a pointed hat (that had been discarded already in the car). They were drunk, they were horny and they were loud. Of course they woke up the neighbours and Shinkawa-chan was one of those neighbours who didn't like to be disturbed from her beauty sleep. So it came that suddenly her door burst open, breath already drawn to yell at them the loudest possible, waking the whole building up, but it never came as far, because her breath died out as she saw the exact position they were in, with Sano pressed against the door, Shinpachi just working his best to give him a nice hickey just below his ear. Adding their costumes to the scene and the fact that the floor had been just dimply lit at that time, and combined with the crush the woman had on the hot colleague of her right neighbour...Sano could somehow see the traumatic factor.

After a while they managed to bring their outburst under control and Sano wiped away his tears of laughter.

„Alright then. I'll better go, before more of your neighbours, that have one or two embarassing memories about us and the fifth floor of this apartment complex, come across of us."

Shinpachi nodded. „Please, do that."

They looked into each other's eyes, suddenly their faces just a few inches apart.

„Thanks for driving me home again."

„Don't mention it."

And their lips met in a gentle kiss.

Shinpachi dropped the bags he had been holding the entire time to wrap his arms around the perfect waist of his boyfriend, while Sano's encircled Shinpachi's neck and his hands came to rest casually at the nape, fingers occassionally brushing the sensitive skin there softly, causing a soft shiver run through his lover.

They both sighed at the nice feeling that warmed their chests and they relaxed into the gentle touch that soothed the stress out of their minds and calmed the muscles of their overworked bodies.

For a few moments that felt like eternity it was just them in the silent, dark floor, not even the pale light of the street reaching them.

The thing that managed to break them apart, was the noise of a door opening just the floor above them, startling them.

They listened to the sound of footsteps entering the staircase and dissentangled their limbs from each other.

„I should go. I have an unfinished manga lying at home."

Shinpachi chuckled weakly. „Yeah."

They greeted Shinpachi's upper neighbour, as he headed to his nightshift, who nodded his greetings back when he noticed them, not stopping in his descent.

For a while they just listened to the sound of fading footsteps.

Their eyes met again and Shinpachi carressed Sano's cheek, who leaned into the touch and put his hand above Shinpachi's.

„See ya tomorrow."

„Yeah."

Sano let go of the hand and Shinpachi took the bags, turning to head inside of his flat. Sano heard the door closing as he was on the third step.

Back in his car, as Sano started the engine, he couldn't but think about everything that had happened today. Of course, as the first day of school after the break, it had been stressfull. Everyone needed to fall back into their patterns and with the end of the term knocking onto their door, things were bound to get hectic.

Weaker students needed to learn more than usually, the lesson's would get stuffed with more things to learn and the teacher's would need to prepare a bunch of exams. He should get started with focus on the senior's lessons. They were graduating in less than a month and had still much to learn. He should do everything in his might to help them get the neccessary knowledge to pass the finals into their heads.

And yet he couldn't get his mind away from his class, particulary from one cocky genius. The more he thought about, the more worried he got. He didn't believe for a second that his once best student was fine.

And then there were his own relationship troubles.

Sano sighed.

A teacher's private life...he had heard once someone saying that such a thing didn't have enough time to exist. He felt inclined to believe that.

He turned his head to look at the dark building. Many lights were lit, the windows glowing a golden hue. His eyes settle on a window of the fifth floor. It seemed that Shinpachi was making hiimself dinner, because in th ekitchen the light was glowing, but the other rooms were dimmed.

Sano's fingers carressed his lips.

He had a bad feeling that had nothing to do with the Udon they ate for lunch.

He shook his head. Enough of this. He was probably just imagining things. They would work things out, he was sure.

With this in mind he adjusted the control lever and stamped on the accelerator, driving off. He didn't notice the window on the fifth floor opening and a brownhaired man sticking his messy head out to watch after the retreating car, munching on his tuna sandwich.

Shinpachi couldn't but worry about Sano. He had a forebrooding feeling that something bad would happen and the fact that his instinctive feelings were rarely wrong only added to his worry. Lately Sano had been weird. Previously Shinpachi had put it off as the Christmas depression that striked every year upon his boyfriend, but now he couldn't help but sense that it had maybe something to do with him too.

He sighed. Sano didn't deserve this.

His fingers absentmindedly stroked his lips, the taste of Sano's lips still lingering there, even through the bread, tuna, butter, onions and lemon.

Maybe he should really think the offer over, he contemplated as he looked around the empty room. Without Sano there, even the bright light of his newly bought lamp felt dimm.

Shinpachi bit into his sandwich again, making up his mind.

He would make Sano feel better, no matter the cost. Observe what was wrong and then make his move. And he wouldn't stop untill Sano was smiling truly again. He was tired of those sad smiles.

With his newfound resolve he closed the window to the chilly air of a winter night.

Spring would come soon.

o-*-x-*-o-*-xox-*-xox-*-xox-*-xox-*-o-*-x-*-o

Phew...

It's so hot here...Maybe that's why I'm writing a shot set in the dead of the winter. It's 17:47 and it's still 35° Celsius (I'm too lazy to convert it into Farenheit now, forgive me).

Due to the heat it took me longer to finish it. The last scene was being written a week (with me staring at the blank paper for a week and finally today summoning enough strength to write it).

Originally, I wanted to end it there where they parted at Shinpachi's doorstep, but it felt unfinished and I kept writing and this angst is the result. I'm even deciding about rewriting it, but I probably won't. It's a good foreplay to what is about to come in the next SSL shots. Don't worry, you'll get to know everything about Sano's parents, his ex-boyfriend, their past, Okita's problems, and also the reason why I'm making Heisuke good at painting. Prepare yourself.

Also, I'm probably making them too old, but I couldn't help myself. The idea came as I listened to some 80's songs and I felt like it could be just the right music for Sano to grow up with. And I also wanted them to go to college in the 90's, because it was the break of a new decade, new things came and so on. You know, symbolic and all that. If their current age bothers you, don't worry, I'm making them still act like 20. And even if that doesn't make sense, this is fanfiction. Not everything has to go according to regulations. Besides, 40 isn't that old.

I hope you liked it anyway and are going to review. For my last three shots I didn't get any reviews, if I don't count that wonderfull PM from my faithfull reviewer (she knows who she is – and hereby I declared my undying gratitude for he loyalty and the wonderfull reviews she always leaves) and I would really like to know what everyone else thinks.

Thank you a bunch guys!


	10. 15: PRICE I: Broken Valentine

Warnings: angst, attempts (I would give away the plot if I said what kind, but I'm sure you can figure it out), love triangle (which means: Shiranui is in this shot, which should be a warning itself) and mentions of sex. Starts jokingly, but develops into a tragedy. This developement is intentional.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hakuoki, or any of it's characters. The creators do. My muse owns the idea of the fic, myself the work and the time I put into writing it. Credit me at least those, ok?

Notes

It seems I have gotten out of my lethargy, finally. Sorry...Just for some while now I felt like throwing everything away, like school, life, writing, etc. I get like that every year, at this time (autumn, early winter), so you don't have to panic, or worry of actually me doing that. You just...have to bear with me. Heh-heh, gomen nasaii... ^^"

As for the shot: This starts the main arc of the SSL AU shots. Turns out that the whole SSL arc of the challenge can be viewed as a continuous fanfic. It will be divided into parts. The filler parts – two have already been written („Monday Sorrows" and „Weekend of eternity"), two will come between the two roots of the main arc – PRICE and HEART, each of 3 shots.

PRICE will be the more angsty part, where the pair will suffer a lot, HEART where the angst will settle and their lives will be...not spoiling you, sorry. The filler shots will be focusing on the school life, the troubles of their students (mainly Okita and Heisuke, but Saito and Hijikata-sensei will play a role too) and everything else started in the previous shots.

And then I thought about making 4 side-shots seasonally themed, glimpses between the scenes, what didn't fit into the shots. They would be set between the chapters of PRICE and HEART, kinda like a leaf on a branch. But that's still far away. I will make them on the end, if. Maybe I'll put them into the spin off arc I'm planning for this, but still haven't given green for it.

The last for the SSL AU will be the conclusion post, where every storyline that was started here will be brought to an end, or get a conclusion. Kinda like „a year later". I daresay, you will be suprised at the outcome of some.

Sorry for the rant, I just thought I should give you some information. Now enjoy the shot...or beware of the angst.

**PRICE I: Broken Valentine**

_Nu#15. Never place friendship above profit_.

Valetine's day fell this year fortunately onto a Friday, so the teacher's at Hakuoki High could breathe out and fully relax after a very long day, without the next one knocking on their door untill two days later. The 14th of February was always a madhouse at their school. Untill this year they have been completely lacking female students (only God knew for what reasons) and somehow the male students of 'the other side' became more bolder over the years. So it came that as soon as Saito and Okita opened their lockers, they disappeared behind a mountain of blue, green, yellow and occassionally bright pink hearts that smelled of intense dark chocolate, while Heisuke complained that his locker contained only one chocolate with an anonymous note.

„Toudo Heisuke-kun, my deepest apologies for not being able to tell you face to face like man should, blah blah blah, if you want to give us a chance, please meet me under the first sakura bloom. A person who holds you dear."

Sano had been there at the time when Heisuke read the note to peak from behind the boy's shoulder as everyone gathered around him to see if they could recognize the handwriting in hopes sate the curiosity about the mysterious secret admirer, be shocked for a while and then return to their peacefull daily lives.

„What the heck! Why can't I get normal love declarations, like Hajime-kun, or Souji? Why is it me who gets the weird single note from a secret admirer?"

Sano resisted the urge to pat Heisuke's head.

„The feelings of this person must be sincere. Or else the note wouldn't be written in such a hesitant way, as if afraid to scare you off." Saito pointed out.

„Scare me off? This is just downright weird! I would appreciate rather something more direct than this! Honestly, at least leave a hint!"

„It's probably as Hajime-kun says." To everyone's surprise Souji said, without a hint of irony in his voice. „He wants privacy when he confesses his feelings while looking straight into your eyes."

„I'm not interested!" Heisuke scoffed. „My sights are already set on someone."

„Oh? And who might this person be?"

„Like hell I'll tell you, Souji!"

Sano had left them to their own devices after that and went to the teacher's room, where his own mountain of chocolates waited, no doubt. And really, as he entered the room, it wasn't hard to spot the hill that could be only topped by Hijikata's share or Mount Fuji. He shared a look with the demon vice and together they moved the pastry onto the spare table, for everyone to share. Though, mostly it would be eaten by Shimada or Shinpachi.

Speaking of which, his boyfriend was late again. Figures, since Sano didn't stay over. Ah well, Sano shook his shoulders, there was no helping it. He laid his own home-made spicy chocolate on Shinpachi's table and made himself coffee. He would need plenty today.

After the homeroom class he was surprised to find Shinpachi munching on two different chocolates.

„This one?" he answered after Sano's inquiry about who else could find such an idiot endearing. „It's from Ito-san. With rum, want a taste?"

For several moments Sano saw red. He had every intention to strangle their art teacher and had to be held back by both Shimada and Shinpachi, get lectured at by Hijikata and drink another cup of coffee to finally calm down.

Needless to say, everyone was glad when the day got by without a bloodshed and finally the clock struck 18:00 which marked the end of the club activities and the time the teachers were finally allowed to leave. Everyone hurried out out the building, even Hijikata-san, who normaly stayed untill eight, doing some administratives and paperwork.

„My place or your's?" Shinpachi asked as he yanked the doors to Sano's car open.

„Your's is closerto the bar." Sano answered and stomped on the accelerator as soon as the door slammed shut.

They wanted to drop their things of and get into something more comfortable before they headed to their date. The gay bar they frequented decided, it would be nice to host a perfectly ordinary 80ies party amidst the pink fluff of the holiday and both Sano and Shinpachi couldn't but agree more.

„This day is killing me." Sano said as he turned a corner.

„Yeah, me too." Shinpachi nodded, his lids dropping exhaustedly.

„And to top it, it's Friday. No one has ever left some energy on Fridays."

„You should have eaten the chocolates." Sano watched with worry as Shinpachi's tired face suddenly broke into a grin. „The only good thing about this day are the chocolates."

„You'll get cavities from all the sugar."

„They were tasty. Many home-made. Really refreshing." He licked his lips and Sano simply shook his head as they drove into the garage of the apartment complex.

„And now you're sugar high. And exhasuted. And I have to deal."

Shinpachi's laugh was pure evil. „Of course! That's what I'm keeping you for!"

„I thought it was for sex." Sano couldn't help the sarcasm.

„Haven't gotten too much of that lately." Sarcasm answered him back and Sano cast a sideway glance at Shinpachi as he parked the car into a free lot. It was true, in the past month, there hadn't been many chances for intimacy, with the final exams and the extra work related to them coming up. But that was why they went on this date, right? To get some time out together and work the stress of the work and the strain it put on their relationship, along with their recent private problems, out.

Sano smiled sweetly at Shinpachi as he pulled out the key. „Don't worry. You'll get your fair share tonight."

Shinpachi looked at him analytically. „I hope that's a threat."

Sano leaned towards Shinpachi, looking into his eyes from behind thick lashes before purring: „A promise."

Shinpachi gulped and they got out of the car.

ox*xo

The bar was more crowded than usually, Sano noted, as they entered the dim lit room. There was barely some space on the dance floor and it was just because they were regular customers that their usual seats at the bar were free. They hung their coats onto the hanger near the entrance and sat down. Promptly a Long Island Ice Tea and a Mojito were laid in front of them.

„I'm glad you made it." The bartender said as a greeting.

„Yeah, me too. It's been a while."

Shinpachi looked around. „Didn't know the 80ies were so popular around here!"

The bartender simply shook his hsoulders. „Boy George?" he offered.

„More like George Michael's hot ass." Sano answered and winked. The bartender grinned back. „I'm going to hit the dancefloor." Sano said and tugged on Shinpachi's shirt. „Come with me."

Shinpachi shook his head. „I'd rather not. Next to you, I look like an elephant in a porcelain shop."

Sano rolled his eyes. „What the hell did you come here for then?"

Shinpachi held up his Mojito. Sano frowned. Shinpachi smiled.

„Maybe later."

With one last eyeroll Sano disappered into the crowd.

„It's almsot like old times." The bartender said and Shinpachi turned to look at him. The man nodded his head at the direction Sano disappeared in. „When he was every night here, dancing untill dawn. God, I remember, he and his partner, they were legends. Everyone watched them as they ruled the floor."

Shinpachi listened only with half an ear. He already knew the story.

„Though it were harsh times, he looked a lot more livelier back then." The bartender looked squarely at Shinpachi and the brunette avoided his eyes.

„The lad doesn't seem to be happy lately."

Shinpachi stared into his Mojito as he muttered a reply. „Stress."

„Boy, who do you think you are talking to? Think I can't see the difference between stress and worry lines?"

Shinpachi didn't answer.

The man gave him another Mojito. „What's been troubling the lad?"

Shinpachi sighed and sipped his drink. „If I only knew...he hasn't been himself lately." Shinpachi stared at the dancing frame of his boyfriend, full of sharp movements to the rhythm of the song, the body moving to the beat, wild and unbound, free as the music that was playing. „He's...getting distant."

He felt wise eyes on him, but didn't turn, kept his gaze locked to the one he loved.

„Maybe this will raise his spirits." He heard teh bartender say, but didn't reply.

A familiar tune started playing and Shinpachi watched a nostlgic smile spread across Sano's features. His lover turened to hum, his hand outstretched towards Shinpachi.

„Come dance!"

Shinpachi shook his head.

„You can't leave me standing for this song! Not for this one!"

Shinpachi shook his head again and took a sip from his Mojito, then looked at Sano again, this time with his full attention.

_I'll rather watch_, he thought and smirked at Sano.

Sano got the hint as he smirked too and the first lines sounded.

_You got the boom-boom into my heart, _

Sano winked at Shinpachi as he patted the left side of his chest three times, mouthing the lyrics to him. Shinpachi had to smile. Yes, dancing was Sano's thing.

_You set my soul sky high when your lovin starts, _

Not that Shinpachi couldn't dance, no. There was no person born in the early 70ies that couldn't dance. It was just that Shinpachi's dancing skills were mediocre, no different from the wide crowd that hit the discos every Saturday, while Sano's were god-like. He could have passed as a proffessional, even though he never attended a dancing course. He just had gone dancing every day to his favorite gay bar twenty years ago and occassionally in the present too, when the work wasn't pressing and he had more free time.

_A jukebox into my brain,_

Shinpachi saluted to his boyfriend with his Mojito glass and took a sip, while he watched the god-like creature move.

_There goes the _-

Suddenly the song was interrupted by three loud bangs. The whole bar fell silent and every motion stopped, every person on alert, looking for the nearest exit. However before panic could break out, a voice spoke.

„They're blind patrons." Then it added. „And I've got a gun licence, don't worry."

Shinpachi watched Sano freeze on the spot, then slowly turn to the source of the voice.

„Sorry." A tall male, taller than Sano, with long wavy purple hair and crimson eyes appeared from behind the crowd. „I just couldn't resist." He came to stand right in front of Sano. „You free for this dance, pretty boy?"

„Shiranui!"

„Aw, you missed me. I'm touched."

Shinpachi watched Sano approach that person with slow footsteps, his shoes clacking on the floor so loud in the eerie silence and he turned away. He should have known it. Even if it was hightly unlikely after twenty years of silence, he should have known that person would be here.

Sano's ex-boyfriend.

Shiranui Kyou.

„Pinch me, someone." Shinpachi heard Sano say and gritted his teeth. „Shiranui is that really you?"

„Yes damnit and you better jump me right now!"

And just like that they fell into each other's arms, embracing in a tight hug.

„God how long has it been?"

„Twenty years at my count, pretty boy."

„How come you're here?"

„Does it surprise you so much?"

„It shouldn't, should it?"

As their eyes met the gap of twenty years suddenly wasn't there, understanding passing between them like the spark of the beat that rushed through them, an old melody playing in their heads.

„Damnit, why isn't the music playing? Start the music!"

The music played up, the stoped song starting anew.

_You got the boom-boom into my heart,_

_You set my soul sky high when your lovin' starts,_

_A jukebox into my brain,_

_There goes the BANG BANG BANG_

_'till my feet do the same_

This time Sano didn't spare Shinpachi a second glance, however all that Shinpachi had eyes for was Sano. At times like these, Shinpachi thought that Sano had missed his profession and should have become a dancer, instead of a teacher. The way he moved, the way his body swayed with the melody of the song, was in Shinpachi's eyes, something destined to be worshipped. The most of the reason why Shinpachi never wanted to dance was, because watching his boyfriend felt ten times better. Sano was irresistible on the dancefloor.

But not like this.

Not with that damn idiot joining him. For twenty years Shinpachi had been free of Shiranui Kyou and now that damn marksman came back to haunt him. And as he cast a glance over his shoulder at the dancing pair, who gained the attention of the entire bar by now, he knew the man with the demon eyes had it really easy. His dancing skills matched Sano's and he lead him easily through the song, like he was born to do just that. Damn him. And it wasn't just that. Shiranui Kyou had always been considered worth a sin. Long wavy hair, captivating eyes, wicked smile, deep laugh and most importantly 'class' that Shinpachi could never have, not even if he sold his soul to the devil.

_Cuddle up baby, move in tight,_

_We can go dancing tomorrow night._

_It's cold up there, but it's warm in bed,_

_They can dance, we'll stay home instead!_

Shinpachi turned away. He couldn't watch it anymore. He couldn't watch how that narcissitic devil incarnate wormed his way into Sano's heart again. And if he was honest, Shinpachi had never won against that guy. It was Sano who had broken up with Shiranui, because he went to study to Tokyo and didn't want to keep a long-distance relationship. And he wanted to cut the ties with everything that bound him to the past and didn't head with him towards the future. That Sano agreed to go out with him after Shinpachi had finally summoned enough courage to kiss him, was just Shinpachi's rotten luck.

And now Shiranui was back. And Shinpachi could go get lost, he was sure.

Shinpachi downed the rest of his Mojito and asked for another.

And so the night went on.

x*x

As Sano saw Shiranui standing in the crowd, everything came back to him. Every memory of that time flooded through him and he was sixteen again. He kept asking himself how come that he never missed Shiranui, if now the twenty years of distance felt not more than twenty days. He still somehow couldn't believe it, that his lover of two decades ago was leading him into the dance, spinning him, then pulling him into his body, and yet there he was, with the purple hair, crimson eyes and sharp grin unmistakeably Shiranui Kyou. And why after twenty years...Had it really been twenty years? They still knew the steps, they still moved like it had been yesterday that they met here and danced themselves through the night into the morning, like they did almost every evening, two decades ago.

The song ended and another started playing.

Sano's steps stoped.

Shiranui's did too.

Sano smiled. „Sorry, I just can't dance to this song."

Shiranui listened into the melody, then nodded, recognizing it. „Right." He smirked. „Then how about you buy me a drink and tell me what you've been up to?"

Sano smirked right back. „Just what I wanted to suggest you."

„You haven't changed one bit, pretty boy."

„Right back at you, handsom man."

x*x

„What? A teacher? YOU?"

Before they even sat down at their usual place at the bar, a Long Beach was laid next to Sano's Long Island Ice Tea. Seemed like another thing that never changed was that damn bartender's memory. He even remembered the strawberry. Usually cherries or oranges were served atop the glass of a Long Beach, but Shiranui had once asked for Starwberry and since then he always got one with his drink. As they sat down, Sano had promptly briefed Shiranui about the ongoing relationship with Shiranui's once greatest, though unknown, rival in love and about their job. Hence his outburst.

„Never thought of you as a teacher." Sano's ex mumbled under his breath, but loud enough to hear.

Sano glanced at the gun proudly attached to Shiranui's hip. „Never thought of you as a policeman."

Shiranui didn't bother asking how he knew and grinned instead. „What can I say? I like guns!"

Sano laughed. „Old habits die hard?"

„Something like that." He straightened in his seat and raised his head proudly. „You see in front of you the next candidate for Chief Inspector."

„Congratulations. You see in front of you a humble PE teacher with nothing else to offer than a good conversation, a dance and a ferrari."

They laughed and raised their glasses.

Shinpachi felt left out.

So yeah, it was nice that Sano reunited with his old 'friend', but that didn't mean that he needed to give him his entire attention. By the end of the bridge Sano had his back to Shinpachi and was shamelessly flirting with his old flame (and at this point Shinpachi didn't give a damn that that 'flame' had actually been a three years long relationship). To be honest, Shinpachi didn't even expect Sano to turn towards him as the last chorus faded and ask: „You still don't want to dance?"

Shinpachi knew his boyfriend was asking him for the last time the evening, giving him one last chance to turn the cards, before he ditched his lover and went to dance with someone who would sweep his feet off the floor. Shinpachi snorted invardly. So much for their date.

„Yeah. Can't match the competition."

For a small moment Sano's eyes narrowed and he looked like he wanted to say something, but then he just shrugged his shoulders.

„Suit yourself."

Another familiar tune started playing and the two 'partners' hit the floor again.

Shinpachi didn't find the strength to watch.

Instead he exed the rest of his Mojito and asked for another one, hoping that the alcohol could numb the dull ache in his chest. Why it went under his skin so much, he didn't even know. Was he being jealous? He snorted. Of what? Of someone who has missed twenty years of Sano's life and just happened to be a better dancer than Shinpachi? No, of an ex boyfriend of his boyfriend who happened to be a better dancer than the current boyfriend, Shinpachi corrected himself. He took a swig of his drink. What the hell? This was supposed to be a date, not a Footloose rehearsal. Why did it matter so much that he didn't want to dance? They could have spent the evening with nice drinks and talk, relax a little, then go for a midnight walk, make out in a silent corner of the park, go home and watch the movie they rented while cuddling on the couch and go to sleep. No one said a word about dancing. He glanced to the dancefloor where the two were once again the center of attention and then he looked at his drink.

He wasn't needed here.

Without a single word he downed his drink and slammed the money onto the counter. It would cover Sano's expenses for the rest of the night too, hopefully. Shiranui could go screw himself.

With that last thought he left.

ox*xo

It wasn't only after three songs that Sano and Shiranui returned to their drinks they left at the counter, laughing like at old times. They have mostly caught up, talking about the lives they led now, while they swept across the floor and now it was like they have never been apart. They have always had that kind of relationship, even the first time they met. Understanding had passed between them and even if they had been on opposite sides of the alley, they became friends quickly. It didn't take long from there to get to the next stage. Soon they found an empty warehouse, brought a matress and engaged in things that were labeled 'inappropriate for minors' nowadays, but made them only laugh, because neither of them had been past eighteen back then.

And now after twenty years, it was back.

Lately Sano hadn't been really himself. There was a strain on him and it didn't help that he didn't know what caused it. Of course it could have been the stress from work, with Ito making advances on Shinpachi, Hijikata bossing him, and everyone else, around, or Okita avoiding him for whatsoever reasons. But he didn't really believe that. He had lived through worse things than that and it hadn't affected him as bad. In the end he put it off as 'mid-life crisis' and 'random depression', but it still didn't solve it.

And then Shiranui showed up.

It had been like someone tore off heavy chains from his spirit. He hadn't even realized how much he had missed his friend, but as he had been swept across the dancefloor, it was like a rebirth. No strains, no crisises, no depressions. He was young again and the world was at his feet. If he thought about it, it had always been like that with Shiranui. His friend was like a storm, a hurricane, carrying away everything with his force, but still bringing a fresh morning. No matter what a huge problem had been weighing on his mind, a night with Shiranui had always reduced it to a mere fly.

It felt really good to have him back.

He was just making plans about inviting his friend for dinner next Wednesday, when he noticed that a certain someone was missing at the bar.

„Huh?" he turned to the bartender. „Where's Shinpachi?"

Sano didn't like the scowl of disapproval the man gave him. „Went home. Left a while ago, during 'Karma Chameleon'."

Sano stared at the man in shock.

„What?"

„Said something about not being needed here anymore."

Sano couldn't believe his ears, ready to shatter the glas he was holding into a million tiny pieces.

That damn idiot!

How could it be that Shinpachi managed to piss him off no matter the hour, no matter the day, no matter the mood? And after he begun feeling better too.

„I'll fucking kill him!"

Shiranui was precautious enough to take the glass from him, but Sano snatched it back. However instead of shattering it, he gulped back his drink in one go.

He didn't dance for another second that night.

ox*xo

They stumbled out of the bar in the early morning hours, when through the fading noise of the nightlife, the songs of the first early birds started to ring. Sano was totally wasted. After he had learned about Shinpachi's early retreat, his good mood flew out of the window and the 'wonderfull night full of dance' became a drinking orgy. To Shiranui's credit, his friend went through it with him untill the end and was now carrying him out of the establishment.

„'Twas s'ppos'd t' be a date, yanno..."

„Yeah, yeah..."

„An'at damn basta'd 'st left meeeeh!"

„Very rude of him."

„Naaah, Shiranui. Things w'en't doin' great b'tween's..."

„Do you even know what you are saying?"

„'M glad yer 'ere..."

„Yeah, yeah..."

Shiranui was just glad that old bartender understood everything and knew everything and so he had no problems to give Nagakura's exact adress along with the instructions how to get there. As for Harada...the redhead was too drunk to notice where they were going. Besides this was a problem the two had to solve between themselves. And Shiranui wasn't nursing someone who wasn't hurt by his fault. Even if it was the only love of his life (not that he ever confessed that to anyone).

He got to the apartment complex easily enough and used his lock pick to get into the building. He decided to take the elevator, not being willing to drag the dead weight of his old friend all the way to the fifth floor. As he arrived and found the right door, he pressed the doorbell fiercely, several times in short and sharp intervals, untill it burst open and a mop of brown hair appeared.

„WHO IN THE SEVEN BLOODY HELLS- Oh."

Shiranui pushed the semi-conscious Harada onto the baffled math teacher.

„Here. Your responsibility. After you left, he got drunk and has been complaining about you for the entire time. Congrats upon ruining his evening. Once he wakes up, I highly recommend you wear armor. Good night."

And with that he was gone.

ox*xo

Murderous. Pain.

That was the first thing that came to Harada Sanosuke as he woke up. His head felt like it should explode every moment and the last thing he remembered was leaving the bar with Shiranui. God, he felt like dying...

„Here, drink this. It will help your hangover."

Oh yeah, he'd gotten wasted last night, for some reason he couldn't remeber. A white pill and glass of water were held in front of him and he took it without thinking. Several moments later, his mind felt a bit more clear and the pain a bit more bearable. He opened his eyes to look around and bolted upright (with no little protest from his head, which he ignored) as he came in sight with Shinpachi's blue eyes.

„How are you feeling?"

It all came back.

„What am I doing here?" Sano snarled and his eyes hardened. Shinpachi looked away.

„Shiranui brought you here. Something about me being responsible for this."

„Damn straight you are."

Sano felt a satisfied humm within his chest as Shinpachi flinched. Then those blue eyes looked straight into his and Shinpachi opened his mouth to speak. It was like a lightning of anger struck Sano.

„No."

Shinpachi shut his mouth, eyes wide as he heard the tone Sano used and he knew he wasn't going to like this.

„I don't want to hear it."

Sano's voice was like ice, dripping with, Shinpachi gulped, something akin to venom.

Sano kicked the covers aside and headed for the front door and Shinpachi chased after him, desperate to keep him where he was.

„Sano, wait! You're hung over, you need to lie down-"

„I would prefer my own bed over this place." He snarled as he put his shoes on, swaying a bit as his stability was balanced on one leg, and hard eyes looked at Shinpachi. „I'm not staying here a minute longer."

„Sano..."

„You ditched me!"

It wasn't that Shinpachi hadn't been expecting it. It was just that the accusation, no matter how true it was, poured salt into the still open, hurting wound of unsureness and jealousy. And if he was hurting, he didn't want to be hurt even more.  
„No, I didn't!" Shinpachi shouted at his boyfriend, defenses up. „You were the one who went off to dance with your ex, not me!"

„Because you wouldn't!"

„Why would I have to? We could have just made us a comfortable evening without dance!"

Their voices were getting louder by every word, their argument turning into a full blown fight.

„But I wanted to! And I gave you every chance to do that, I asked you three times! And then you just leave! You didn't say a word, not even a single 'bye', just left like some coward! How do you think I felt? I wanted to spend the evening with iyou/i, not getting drunk!"

„And that's why you danced for the whole evening with Shiranui!"

„If you didn't notice, I skipped dances to be with you, but you ignored me!"

„Not true! It was YOU who ignored ME!"

„YOU were just sitting there, gulping back your PRECIOUS MOJITOS!"

„YOU had eyes only for your BELOVED SHIRANUI!"

After these words a moment of silence fell. It felt like a patch falling from their eyes and they saw the other clearly for the first time.

„Fuck you, Nagakura." Sano yanked the door to the apartment open. „I frankly don't know why I'm putting up with you." He said with his back to his boyfriend, but his next words hit Shinpachi like a truck. „If you can't even differ between the past and the present, it's over."

And with that he was out.

It wasn't a single moment that took Shinpachi to realize what Sano had said, but it felt like an eternity before it dawned and exploaded within him like a nuclear bomb.

No!

Shinpachi bolted out of the apartment, just to see Sano stomping down the stairway.

„Sano, wait!"

All of his anger was gone, his accusations just empty words. The only thing that was on his mind was to get Sano back, get him to reason.

„No! It's over, so stay where you are Nagakura, or I swear to whatever God it is you are praying to, I'LL KILL YOU!"

Shinpachi didn't doubt for a second that Sano wouldn't. He saw it in his eyes. His ex?-boyfriend was serious. Maybe he would regret his words later, but now he was serious and there was jack shit that Shinpachi could do, only listen to fading footsteps and feel his entire world shatter.

ox*xo

It wasn't untill later that afternoon that Sano showed himself to the rest of the world, when he opened his front door upon hearing the ringing of the doorbell, an icepack pressed tightly to his forehead, murderous headache back. Not a single fiber of his being wanted to communicate with whoever was fool enough to disturb him in his misery, so maybe his appearence would leave a hint.

„What?" he growled before he even looked who was standing there.

„You look like shit."

Sano sighed. „Shiranui."

„Yeah. Just checking whether you're still alive."

„Nope. This is just my ghost speaking to you."

His friend held up a bottle of something that Sano hoped wasn't anything containing etanol. „Gramps recipe against hangovers. Thought you could make use of it."

Sano eyed the bottle with suspicion, but finally stepped aside. „Come in."

As he entered Shiranui sensed the vague scent of fish.

„Have you eaten?"

„I tried, but couldn't hold anything down."

Sano lead him into the living room and slumped back down on the sofa he had been occupying for the better part of the day. He gestured for Shiranui to make himself comfortable, but his friend remained standing.

„How are you feeling?"

„I broke up with Shinpachi."

Out of everything, this was the last answer that Shiranui expected.

„What? Why?"

Sano laid his head into his hands miserably. „Because I'm an idiot."

Shiranui sat down next to him, ready to listen to anything his friend had to say.

„I was disppointed, upset and hung over and he was being a jealous ass." And Sano told him everything, while Shiranui just silently listened. „Then I went home and tried to sleep. After I woke up, I regretted every word I said, but it's not like I can just go and take it back. I have my pride too, you know."

Oh yeah, Shiranui knew that all too well.

„I love him, I really do, I have been with him for twenty years and I still like being with him. The sex is great and even if he is an imbecile, he is a great boyfriend and I want him back..."

Sano trailed off, but Shiranui urged him to continue.

„But?"

Sano sighed. „I don't know. It's just...It feels like we've grown apart a little. It's been like that since Christmas. I don't know why, but it's probably me. Maybe mid-life crisis caught up with me finally."

Shiranui eyed him. „What are you going to do now?"

„Seriously...I don't know. I want to get back together with him, but...maybe it's better if we stay like this for a while. I feel like having this small time out. I guess I need to get it straight. Think about things. And such."

„Just don't fry your brain."

„Yeah."

They were silent for a while.

Sano watched Shiranui from the corners of his eyes, while his thoughts drifted back to yesterday. Shinpachi had been an ass for just leaving him there, but if he thought about it, Sano had been the one who went off with Shiranui the first place. And then he over reacted. So much like him, really. Sano always tried to be the voice of reason, but fact was, that he had always been fiery and emotional. Quick to get angry when certain people pushed certain buttons. He had gotten better controling it over the years, but there still was one trigger inside of him that made him expload, loose every reason and good sense.

Disappointment.

And Shinpachi had disappointed him, as he left the bar, without a word of saying what's going on. To say the truth, Sano had thought better of his boyfriend. He was more sad than angry at Shinpachi and as he was confronted with the one who made his life miserable for several hours, he snapped. And now...now he had to bear the consequences. Alone.

Only, he wasn't. And if he was honest, he didn't want to be.

„Shiranui?"

„Yeah?" His friend turned to him, the piercing purple eyes meeting his golden and once again Sano felt like no time passed.

„Will you stay here for tonight?" he knew how that sounded and he felt what it would inevitably lead to, but he couldn't stop it, he couldn't... „I don't think I could be alone right now."

That was the only thing he was actually sure of right at that moment. He hated being alone already as it was, but being alone now would be unbearable for him. He would end up doing something stupid, he was almost sure. Shiranui studied him for a moment, as if to make sure of his intentions, intentions that Sano himself didn't know what they were. Actually right now Sano didn't know anything. Right now, Sano did not really know what he wanted, what he felt, or even who he was.

He was very confused. And the hangover wasn't helping any in resolving it.

But even through his confusion, Sano knew for sure where it would lead them if Shiranui stayed over, even if they both fought against it, and he was sure Shiranui knew that too and feared his friend would say no. And the worst thing was Sano didn't know if he wanted him to. He needed someone right now. He needed to feel like someone wanted him around. He didn't have Shinpachi, but the question was, did he have Shiranui? Did he want Shiranui? Did he want him as a lover? Wasn't it the friendship of the demon-like man that Sano seeked? Or didn't it matter as long as Sano had a solid, warm body to lean onto? Was he really that cheap?

Or was he just reading too much into things and nothing would happen?

Finally Shiranui spoke, but unusual for that talkative gangster Sano knew him to be, he said one word.

„Sure."

In spite of everything, it made Sano feel a little better.

ox*xo

Sunday morning found Shinpachi on his way to Sano. It was unusual for him to be up this early, much less on a weekend, but he didn't sleep well and woke up early. If someone asked him about his recollection of the previous day, he wouldn't have remembered. The day went past him, he didn't even feel the hours pass him by, as he just sat in his living room, listening to his grandfather clock ticking away the time. The morning went over to afternoon and the afternoon faded into the evening, when he finally got sick of wallowing in his misery and decided to go see Sano in the morning. And so, here he was, walking down the street to Sano's house, preparing himself for whatever was to come, torture and painfull death included.

But nothing could have prepared him for what he came in sight with, as he was just a few steps from the house. The door suddenly opened and a mop of purple hair appeared, followed by a red one. Shinpachi froze.

Shiranui.

Apparently his rival had stayed over.

Shinpachi told himself to take a deep breath and calm down. So what if he stayed? They were friends. It didn't have to mean anything.

But the hand on Sano's cheek, as well as the fact that Sano leaned into it, did.

Shinpachi tried listening, but he was still to far away to make out the actual words of the silent and apparently intimate conversation of the two. Sano was dressed in his blue yukata, the one he wore only on weekends at his house or when he got freshly out of the bed. His hair was slightly messy and his eyes, Shinpachi could tell even from the distance, had a lazy look. A look Shinpachi had seen a countless times, the look Sano gave him just when he woke up after a passionate night filled with moans. Shinpachi saw Shiranui place a gentle peck on Sano's cheek, before turning to leave and felt something deep within himself break.

He turned around and left, not noticing a lingering gaze on his retreating back.

ox*xo

Shinpachi had no intention of returning to that house anytime soon, not after what he had witnessed. He knew better than to stick his nose somewhere where it did not belong. Nothing stood ever between Sano and Shiranui. If not even a full blown gang war had managed to break them apart, then what chances had he? Sano had broken up with him, so it was fair and square, Shinpachi couldn't accuse him of cheating. Though, he had to admit, he was disappointed. He never would have thought that he was so easily replaceable. Even if it was Shiranui.

Damn that bastard!

Damn Sano!

To hell with it all!

Shinpachi hated losing and giving up without a fight was not his style! If Shiranui wanted Sano, he had to take him form Shinpachi first! And if Sano wanted to break up with Shinpachi, he demanded a damn good reason! He wasn't throwing away twenty years over a meaningless trist!

And that's why he stood in front of Sano's house, seven o'clock sharp, waiting for the door to open as Sano headed to work.

Sure enough, the door opened just as he finished his thought and revealed Sano in his usual 'sexy mess', shirt untucked, the two top and one bottom buttons undone, tie loose around his neck. The familiar musky scent of Hugo Boss filled Shinpachi's nostrils and he inhaled deeply. Sano didn't notice him right away, deep in thoughts. Only when he was opening the garage door to get his car did he lay his eyes on the observer.

His eyes hardened instantly.

„What do you want?" he put his house keys into his case with more vehemence than he intended. „I'm not driving you to work, Nagakura."

The words stung. Shinpachi had to admit, Sano knew where to punch, that it hurt. He summoned all of his courage and stood himself in front of Sano.

„Listen, Sano..."

But before he got further than that, he was rudely interrupted.

„No." The resolution in those words froze Shinpachi. „I'm not listening to your excuses. And if you want to get back together, forget it."

Shinpachi just stared.

„I'm done with you, for good. And if you are honest with yourself, our relationship hasn't been working lately."

„You had sex with Shiranui, am I right?"

„I don't see how it's any of your business, Nagakura."

„It's my business because I love you, you jackass!"

Sano's eyes narrowed. Now they were both angry. „Oh yeah? Maybe you should have thought about that before you ditched me."

„YOU ditched ME first!"

An angry tremble went through Sano, but he held it back. „I'm not having this conversation with you." He stepped around his ex boyfriend and got into the car, securing the seatbelt around himself. He wanted to slam the door behind himself, but Shinpachi put his hand into it in the last moment, so the door bounced back from his open palm. He bit back a yell as the metal connected with his flesh, bones and veins and he knew it would leave a huge angry bluish-purple bruise, but now wasn't the time to worry about it. He couldn't let Sano walk away from him, not like this!

„OK, Sano, I know you're disappointed. You always had it somehow with disappointment as it was the only thing that could shut your brain and all of your ratio down. But you can't throw away twenty years over nothing, damnit! If you just thought about it for a fucking second-"

Sano wordlessly seized his hand and threw him on the sidewalk, before Shinpachi could even finish the sentence. There was the slamming of a door, the sound of an engine, the screech of tires and just like that Sano was gone.

Shinpachi didn't know how long he just sat there staring into space, but when he first moved he realized, that he had to make it to school in five minutes.

ox*xo

Sano had trouble controling his car.

He was constantly speeding up and he almost passed two red lights in the desperate need to vent the emotions raging within him. It was a good thing that there was only one more traffic light he had to pass. He was absolutely livid and wanted nothing less than to tear Shinpachi's head off. Damn that bastard for getting under his skin so much! How could Shinpachi dare to say that to him! Like he knew what was going on in Sano!

But he did, a voice somewhere deep inside of him reasoned, as Sano turned a corner.

Shinpachi knew Sano inside out, like an open book. If there was someone in the universe who knew exactly how Sano worked, it was Shinpachi. They have known each other for over a half of their lives, dated almost as long, seen each other in circumstances that not even family was allowed to see a man in, in circumstances that Sano would have never let anyone else, not even Shiranui see him in... Wasn't it only natural that Shinpachi hit the nail on the head without even trying?

Sano saw the red light ahead of him and wished he could turn his inner voice down, because the more he listened to it, the more he felt how he wronged Shinpachi. He wanted to scream, to be angry, a reason to kill, but he knew it was only his damn disappoinntment speaking. Shinpachi had really a thing for striking his chords where Sano could feel it the most intensely.

He should apologize.

He should beg for forgiveness.

But he wouldn't.

Because he was too proud.

And then, as the red light jumped to orange, realization hit him like a wave of despair: There was no turning back. He had gone too far, said too many things for a simple apology to mend it.

The light went over to green.

And Shiranui... Sano had used his friend in a moment of weakness as a tool to forget, if only for a small moment, his inner turmoil. After two long decades, instead of welcoming him back, Sano coldly used his old love, only to get what he wanted. And now what? Throw him away? Start something with him? Both were out of option to Sano and he realized just how cruelly he had used Shiranui. That would need some serious fixing. He would have to focus all of his attention on the two relationships he didn't want to miss in his life, no matter the cost.

Even if Hijikata would probably have his head for not focusing on the final exams.

The coming times would drain him completely off his energy, Sano knew, as he subconsciously sped up to catch the green.

_„Why do you even bother?"_

Suddenly the words long forgotten came to his mind.

_„They hate you, they want to be rid of you, no one wants you."_

But Shinpachi and Shiranui didn't hate him and they certainly wanted him both. Maybe they were a little, Sano's heart clutched painfully at the realisation, disappointed, but...

_„Why do you even bother?"_

Sano couldn't come up with an answer.

Voices he hadn't heard for a long time were screaming in his heasd, images banned from his conscious mind playing in front of him like a slideshow of pain, repressed memories coming back to haunt him and Shinpachi's smiling face amidst of it as an anchor, a piece of sanity Sano could cling onto, when the whole world turned against him. He vagualy realised that his cheeks were wet, but he didn't make a move to wipe them. Instead he looked straight ahead and even in spite of the blurry vision, he saw the green light and the wall in front of him clearly. The street was empty, the next car over a hundred feet behind him and that wall...it had always been there, every day he droved to work, but he had never noticed it. Why now?

The answer seemed clear.

Sano undid his seatbelt, adjusted the lever to the highest and stomped on the accelerator.

Maybe it didn't work back then so that it could work now, he thought as he saw the wall become near by every second. Maybe he finally found his answers, he thought as he was a few feet from collision.

But then why did he feel so lost and alone?

Why did he feel like there had to be more to life than this?

With a start he realised that he wouldn't have the chance to find out.

And so, just as his expensive car, his darling sweetheart, his baby for ten years colided with the wall in full speed, he accepted his fate.

And then there was the darkness of oblivion.

ox*xo

Shinpachi had been half an hour late, even running lightning fast and taking every possible short-cut he knew, instead of the usual route. He had used every single cell in his brain to come up with an excuse good enough to present it to Hijikata-san, who would, no doubt be waiting for Shinpachi at the fence, eyeing him with that murderous, demon-like look, ready to strike doom upon the math teacher, but to his surprise, no one was waiting for him as he got there. Even after he climbed over the fence no one yelled at him and the hallways were empty as he hurried to his class.

No Hijikata-san.

No Saito, or Nagumo-kun, or anyone from the disciplinary comitee.

Shinpachi reached his class without anything that resembled an assasination attempt upon his person.

It got him worried.

It wasn't normal for the disciplinary comitee to miss upon the oportunity to lecture someone, even if it was a teacher. Especially with Saito being the head. But Saito was in the class as Shinpachi entered with an apology for the terrible delay. Granted, the punctual student did stare at his teacher disaprovingly and gave him a small piece of his mind about the lateness, but Shinpachi couldn't but still be worried about Hijikata-san's...indisponation? Shinpachi couldn't think of a better word.

Sano kept appearing in front of his mind's eye and caused a painfull, stab-like emotion clench at Shinpachi's heart. Even the students noticed, as his emotional state reflected in his way of teaching. Instead of the usual 'explosion', which was the nickname for his hours, his tone was plain and lacked every enthusiasm. Yamazaki asked him two times whether something was wrong and even Saito seemed worried. Shinpachi tried to conceal it, but he was glad when the bell rung to the first break.

And that was when the blow came.

He had been called to the principal.

Already as he entered the office he knew something was very wrong. Hijikata-san didn't lash at him and Kondo-san wore a serious expression. And then, as the two of them spoke, his world shattered.

Sano had an accident.

He was in the hospital.

In critical condition.

x*x

The rest of the day was a blurr. Shimada greed to take over Sano's history classes and they contacted the old, retired PE teacher if he could teach the subject for time being, either until Sano returned, or, Shinpachi's gut went stone cold at the thought, a suitable replacement was found. Then they had to inform the students, make a new arrangement for the homeroom classes and reschedule the field trip, not to mention the stress around the final exams.

But it all went past Shinpachi. The only thing the math teacher could think of was Sano's life. His boyfriend, and now their break up, or their argument, or whatever differences the had didn't matter much more than the melted snow of the last season, his boyfriend was in critical condition, possibly dieing and Shinpachi desperately wanted him to live.

Not a quarter hour passed after he learned of the horrible news when Shiranui called his phone. He told Shinpachi he had been called to the accident scene and was now in the hospital. And that he needed to talk with Shinpachi.

Shinpachi, interested in nothing but Sano's condition, set all of their differences aside and called his rival after the end of every hour, after the end of every break and had been on the line for the entire lunch break.

Hijikata-san, strict yet understanding, had sent him away after Shinpachi's last hour ended, saying that he was needed somewhere else. Shinpachi couldn't even find the words to thank his superior as he rushed to the hospital.

And he promptly started to believe in miracles.

Sano would come through.

Sano would live.

Despite broken bones, internal bleeding, heavy concussion and a head injury he would live. He was in a coma, but the doctors were hopefull that he would wake up. Shinpachi had hugged Shiranui, in his relief. The inspector didn't comment.

But then the investigator spoke and the moment relief was all over for Shinpachi.

„Nagakura, I have to talk with you." He said with a serious expression on his face.

Shinpachi nodded. „Yeah, I figured."

„Not on private business."

This startled Shinpachi.

„Come with me."

Shiranui lead the to the intensive care station, where they were asked to change clothes into sterile coats and into a room full of wires, infusions and beeping sounds. Sano's room. And Shinpachi's heart shattered more.

„I've bullied the permission to be here out of the doctors. Thought you would want to see him."

Shinpachi's throat had constricted too tightly to speak, so he just nodded. He slowly approached the bed, keeping his eyes focused on the figure lying there.

Sano looked like he should break any moment.

It tore Shinpachi apart.

Because if there was one thing in this world that Sano wasn't, it was weak.

He took the large, strong, clever hand lieing there. It had always been warm and gentle, but now it seemed cold and fragile.

„Nagakura."

„Hm?"

„I've seen Harada's body not once, several times two decades ago and, as you sure figured out, two days ago."

Shinpachi felt his emotions flare, but before he could expload (and get himself kicked out), Shiranui continued.

„I noticed the scar he has on his stomach."

Just the mention of that mark brought back painfull memories.

„I have never asked and he never told, but...you know, don't you?"

Shinpachi hesitated, but finally answered, truthfully. „I've been there at that time. 'Course I know."

Shiranui nodded. „You probably won't like my question, but I'm asking you to answer honestly. For Harada's sake."

„I'll try." For Sano's sake, he would.

„Has Harada tried to commit suicide in the past?"

A wave of overwhelming images washed through Shinpachi and he could barely hold himself together. An old used-up phone booth. An abandoned alley. Dirt. Blood. Pain. Emptiness. And sad smile. Tears collected in Shinpachi's eyes and he wasn't able to speak. Shiranui approached him and sat down onto the bed facing Shinpachi, and purple eyes bored themselves into azure.

„I'm asking, because what happened today...there are a few suspicious things. For once, there were no other casualties. It seemed the street was empty at the time. As he passed the lights, he had green. That could have been a coincidence, but still."

Shinpachi didn't like where Shiranui was heading. His entire being protested against it, against the possibility, but the more he thought about it... Sano's emotional state this morning...had it really been just this morning? It seemed so far away now, like many years had passed.

„The seatbelt was also undone. I know that someone with a ferrari is never really a responsible driver-"

It struck Shinpachi as a lightning.

„He was." His eyes were wide with shock of processing the information that wa snow given to him. „He always bullied me into securing it." Shinpachi hesitated. „He had it around him this morning."

Shiranui's eyebrows shot up.

„I went to see him, I wanted to talk with him. I saw him secure the belt."

Shiranui looked like his suspicions had been confirmed. But he didn't look very happy about it, the truth harsh and cruel, even for him.

It wasn't an accident.

It was an attempt.

The room was grave silent, save for the beeping sound that signalized the heartbeat of the one they loved. Of the one who had wanted to leave them. Without as much as a bye.

„Only I have noticed." Shiranui spoke up. „The hints that it wasn't an accident, I mean." He looked away. „It was more of my bad feeling, really." Then he looked straight into Shinpachi's eyes. „I'll keep silent."

Shinpachi nodded in gratitude and averted his gaze to Sano, seemingly peacefully asleep.

„He did, didn't he?"

Shiranui's voice seemed to come from very far away. Even though he hadn't voiced it, Shinpachi understood what the policeman meant with the question.

„It was before your time. Before you came into his life. Long before the two of you met."

Shinpachi brought Sano's hand to his lips, kissing it gently in a lingering kiss, like wanting to get the life back into the motionless body through it. Then, with a final sigh he looked at the man across of him, but never letting go of Sano's hand.

„Let me tell you a story, Shiranui. A sad one. A story of grief, pain, loneliness and rejection. Let me tell you Sano's story."

ox*xo*ox*xo*ox*xo

Next chapter will be the past arc. The song used in this is „Wake me up before you go-go" by Wham!, mentioned are „Livin on a prayer" by Bon Jovi and „Karma Chameleon" by Culture Club. I actually made an FFST (Fanfiction sountrack) for this, if someone wants it, I can send the download link.

One more thing: Did it bother you that I changed the POV several times over the shot? I tried to avoid it, but there were instances when I thought that it needed an „explaining from Sano's POV". I tried to write it so that it made sense, and as I re-read it, it didn't seem as disturbing, but I'm asking your opinion nonetheless. Thanks.

R&R!

mana


	11. 20: PRICE II: First cut is the deepest

**Rating**: not under 16 – read warnings  
**Warnings**: Sexual intercourse between people younger than 18, mild drugs abuse (meaning nicotine, meaning cigarettes), usage of alcohol, mentions of sexual intercourse for the purpose of obtaining money, also portrayal of gang-life and suicide themes... It sounds more horrible than it actually is. I used to read far worse and far darker things when I was 14, but since it's a rule, I have to censore it. I still don't think it's graphic enough to cause a child a trauma (most of the teenagers in Europe have been through worse things in their life than reading something like this and still turned out fine), or not safe to read, but it doesn't change the fact that I still have to censore it. I suggest you read it on your own risk, if you are under 16. You know yourself the best what you can and what you cannot bear. As I said, it's nothing graphic. If it was, it would have to be locked.

Author's notes  
The Past Arc. If you kept wondering about the past of our favorite SSL teacher's, this is what you read. Starrs Shiranui, of course.

Before you start reading, please take note of the length. I did my best to erase the most of the typos and errors I unintentionally made and upon later time be banging my head against the wall for them.

Now there's only one more thing to say: Enjoy!

**PRICE II: First cut is the deepest**  
_#20. never trust anyone wearing better clothing than you._

The Winter was always darker in Kyoto than the Summer. Heavy clouds hung above the city, shielding it from the mighty Sun, the days were shorter and the night fell early, there were almost no stars in the skies and the light of the moon was cold and pale. Sano didn't like it. It was harder to learn during the winter months, than in Summer and if there was one thing he needed to do, it was to learn. His poor family couldn't afford university and he needed to graduate with honors if he wanted a stipendium. And he wanted a stipendium, go to university and make something out of his life. He had no interest in ending up like his parents, freezing in a small house, doing nothing but down heavy alcohol, wallowing in their misery all day. In order to pay his tuition he had to work hard, illegaly of course. High schoolers weren't allowed to work after all.  
Karma wasn't on his side in this life, that much was sure. Not that he was complaining, Sano never complained about anything. There were people who had it much worse than him, after all. It was just that, it was so hard to stay awake when it was dark outside and even harder to stay awake during lessons if one worked till dawn. It was a good thing that Spring was finally knocking onto the doors, but it was also very hard to learn in Spring. With everything blooming, waking up and coming to life, if was really distracting. Random thoughts about life came to him then and a feeling of melancholical apathy spread through him. Sano wished something exciting would happen. Something to wake him up and raise his mood. Something that didn't happen yesterday or the day before, something to disturb this boring routine that has established since day one in the the freshmen class...

„Did you hear?" It came from the desk next to him, as his classmates discussed the newest gossip, as per usual. It hadn't been a month into the schoolyear and the two girls morphed into the best friends forever. „A second year droped a grade and will be taking lessons with us."  
Sano's ears perked up. Not that he was a gossip whore, but at the prospect of something that could keep him up, he was ready to sell his soul.  
„Really? One would think he would change schools in such a situation."  
„I hear his parents wouldn't let him, because this is the best school available."  
Of course this was the best school available in Kyoto. Sano's purse felt it every time he had to pay to be able to study at it.  
„He's one of those rich kids, yanno."  
Hearing that, Sano already knew he would hate the new classmate.  
„It's said, that the only reason he stays at this school, is his father's moneybag."  
„'Supporting the school', huh?"  
„Yup."

Sano blocked the rest of the conversation out. Great. Like he needed another of those snobs that would make him feel where his place was. He looked around the class. There were several free seats, so chances were that he could avoid the fellow. Hopefully the teacher won't think that seating the kid next to Sano would be 'good influence'. Unlike his schoolmates, most of the teachers liked Sano, because he showed interest in the subjects and was a good student, in spite of the little time he had to learn.  
Sano sighed. At least there was something positive in his life.  
That was when the bell rung and the students hurried to their places for the first hour of the day. Sano kept wondering whether it was safe for him to risk a nap. He had slept 4 hours and he wouldn't get much more sleep than that tonight. He was exhausted and the homeroom class was always the most boring class of the day.

The teacher came in with slow lazy steps as usually, stiffling his yawn. Oh how much Sano wanted to sleep...

„Class, attention please."

Aw hell.

„I would like you to welcome a new student."

In spite of his tiredness, it gained Sano's interest. Subconsciously he straightened up.

„Nagakura-kun, if you please."

The first thing that came to Sano was, that the new one was tall. Taller than Sano even, who with his 1,80 m stood tallest of the class. And from the looks of it, the long bones were backed up by a bunch of hard muscles. Sano briefly wondered if the guy could beat him at wrestling. He certainly made that look possible, Sano thought, with that air of arrogant confidence around him.  
For a moment the eyes of the guy met with his and Sano was startled to find them a bright, azure blue. Something flashed through them and the lips quirked into a arrogant smirk.  
Sano's eyes narrowed. He didn't like that guy.

„Yo."

Sano bit back a sneer. That was his trademark greeting!

„Nagakura Shinpachi."

That was it. No „Nice to meet you" or „A pleasure to be here", his entire stance reflecting how much above them he felt himself. Sano's scowl got deeper. How dare he? Wasn't it him who dropped a grade?

„Nagakura-kun, sit down next to Harada-kun."

Sano forced the groan back into his throat before it broke out. Karma deffinitely hated him. There was no other possible explanation.

The smirk grew and Sano supressed the urge to strangle the guy.

„Sure."

Karma was a bitch, Sano decided. 

ox*xo

It took exactly an hour and half for the first fight between them to break out. It happened during PE, a subject they both excelled at. Untill now, Sano was the unbeaten champion at every PE subject, be it baseball or wrestling. It would have made him the star of the class, wouldn't it be for his financial situation. These rich snobs didn't let a single soul penetrate their rows, but Sano's good grades and physical prowess made sure that he didn't end up as a complete outsider. But now the tables turned. If someone stronger and better at PE than Sano appeared, the class would put a 'nerd-stamp' on him, regardless of how physically strong or athletic he was. Sano would hate that. He was NOT a nerd. He liked his body and he liked to take care of it. Even in his poor surroundings he always managed to stay clean and he found time to do his workout every day. He would not let a rich, spoiled brat ruin his reputation. The only way he could prevent that, was to prove he was better at PE. The most adequate description of their current situation would be 'two cocks on one dunghill'. Sano could already see Sanji-sensei roll high eyes. Normally it would have been a piece of cake to prove himself at PE, but looking at the new one, Sano wasn't so sure anymore. Nagakura had muscles. Big muscles. Pretty nice muscles. Sano would have stared if he didn't loath that rich oaf so much.

Sano had already come to terms with the fact that he wasn't as straight as he could be. Sure, he liked pretty woman and he even liked more to fuck them, but he wasn't opposed to the idea of being fucked too. He blamed it all on America. A decade ago there was this blasted boom and now it seemed to have come to Japan. Thus, Sano couldn't change it, so he didn't even try. So what if he found staring at firm asses and hard muscles pleasent? It wasn't like he assaulted that person right away, or tried sneaking into their pants. Sano knew better than that. Besides, he had somehow the reputation of a gigolo, which was a lot easier reputation to deal with than a fag.

But back to the topic.

Nagakura and his firm muscles. Cocks on one dunghill. Cocks on one...Sano resisted the urge to slap himself. He ought to stay away from that gay porn, he had somehow managed to obtain, for a while.  
„Alright class!" Sanji-sensei spoke after they did the attendance. „Today we'll do baskettball! Team captains will be Harada and..." the teacher looked around, deciding for the captain of their rival team. It was always very hard to pick a second captain suitable for a baskettball team with those shrimps their class had. „Nagakura."

Sano smirked. Great. Baskettball was his forte. This would settle them. Their eyes met and challenge sparked. Nagakura was going down.

x-x

Ten minutes later he wasn't so sure anymore. The score was 15:12 for Sano's team and Nagakura had the ball, heading straight for their baskett. Sano had never played so much on defense before. He noticed a blind spot and shouted for a classmate to cover it. They would not let them score. He would personally see to that.

Nagakura was ready to throw the ball. His knees bent, arms pulled to his chest, the ball held by mere fingertips. Sano would have paused to admire the stance, if his situation was any different. Suddenly the strong body stretched, the ball flew out of the arms, right towards the baskett. The same moment Sano moved, catching the ball and advanced to the oponents side, leaving a dumbfounded Nagakura behind. He used the moment of surprise to get to the rival baskett. One, two three, throw. 18:12.

The advantage lasted.

By the time the teacher signaled for break, Sano's team was leading 24:12, mostly thanks to his height and speed. Sano patted himself mentally on the back. He had played like never before. And never had he felt so alive either. It felt really good to have a challenge. He stole a glance at Nagakura, whose face, in spite of the grimm score, was split into a grinn. Maybe, just maybe, that guy wasn't as bad as Sano thought. At least, he would make a good rival. Sano smirked. Yeah, he could live with that. And it wasn't like he was admitting it anytime soon. 

ox*xo

A week later Sano was taking it all back. Nagakura was as bad as they came. A nosey, annoying, cocky, arrogant, self-centered macho. And he wouldn't leave Sano in peace.

„So."

Sano supressed a groan. He had been checking the results of the math test they had last week, only to find himself on place 15 with score B+, so he wasn't in the best of moods.

„What do you want?"  
„Rumor has it, you banged Aiba-senpai last week against Ito-senpai's locker." Nagakura was grinning that shit-eating grinn again.  
„I don't see why it should be any of your business."  
„Oh come on! You banged Miss Bombastic Boobs! Miss Wanna-taste-my-milk? Miss I-can-get-any-man-because-I've-got-size-E! It's practically a public issue!"  
Sano was getting distinctly sick.  
„Fuck off, Nagakura."  
„No way! Ya tellin' me how ya doin' it!"  
„As a matter of fact, not any different than several millions of males on this planet when they have sex with females, I assure you."  
„Not that! How'dya get them around?"  
Actually, it was the other way around. The girls came to him. He didn't know why, but he wasn't sure he wanted to know anyway. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered, but grades.  
„None of your business."  
„Come on, spill it!"

Sano almost remarked if it was his seed, or his spit Nagakura wanted him to spill, but he held himself back.

„And against Ito-senpai's locker! You've got some guts!"  
Admittedly, that had been one of his better ideas, Sano thought. But no way he was letting that Nagakura know.  
„Look, Nagakura. I've got things to do."  
„Like banging Aiba-senpai?"  
„No." Banging Yoshiwara-chan, actually. „I have work. I would really appreciate you would leave now."  
„In the way, am I?"  
„Actually, yes."  
Nagakura grinned. „Fine. But you'll spill the details later. Ciao!"

Sano sighed as he watched the retreating back, asking himself for the thousendth time, why it was him, who was a people magnet. And why the hell did he attract idiots?  
His look wandered back to the math results, as if the sheet of paper could provide an answer to all of his questions, when his eyes fell onto the highest score. Wow, someone had full points. His eyes almost fell out as he read the name next to it. Nagakura Shinpachi. No. Way. No way in hell that idiot could have so much luck! That guy dropped a grade because his results at the end of the term weren't good enough to advance to the next grade! And such an idiot scored the highest in math? Unbelievable.  
That shithead had some undiscovered inner talents, apparently, Sano thought sardonically. But a small voice inside of him reprimanded him promptly. What had Nagakura done to wrong him, besides being attached to his hip like some puppy? Sano bit his lips as the answer came to him: Nothing.  
Alright, so maybe he wasn't being fair to Nagakura, but there was something that made him uneasy around the guy. Nagakura wasn't showing his full colors yet. There had to be a reason why he so decidedly hung around Sano, right? He couldn't just want to be (and Sano gulped at the word) friends so suddenly and spontanously, just because of a game they played and a few more encounters that proved their equality in sports, could he?  
Or was it just Sano's cautiousness speaking and it was indeed as easy, even for someone like him, to make friends.

Sano sighed yet again. Why was this so complicated?

Maybe he could allow himself to drop his guard a bit around Nagakura. It would be nice not to have to be so cautious about everyone, having someone to open up to. Someone to talk to. Someone to understand.  
Alright. He would observe for a while more and then he would decide if Nagakura was indeed a worthy friend.  
Sano's lips quirked into a small smile.  
Maybe Karma wasn't on his bad side after all. 

ox*xo

Later that week he found out how wrong he'd been. It was just two days after the 'interrogation', as he came to call it, that Nagakura caught him behind the gym. Sano'd been learning there for the math test he decided to retake (B+ was nice, but not good enough for a stipendium), when Nagakura came across the corner, looking like death warmed over. The guy's hair was a mess, like he'd been tossing and turning the entire night, his skin was sickly pale and he had a wild look in his eyes. Sano's eyebrows disappeared into his hair.

„What the hell? You look like shit!"

Nagakura didn't answer, just marched straight towards him. Sano had barely the time to realize that something was very wrong, when he was forcefully yanked upwards by the collar of his uniform.

„Alright, enough of the games."

To say the least, Sano was surprised. For the last two weeks he'd been around, Nagakura neevr showed any kind of force towards anyone. He was arrogant, wild, spoiled and unbound. Rough around the edges, but Sano instinctively felt, that inside he was a big ole teddy bear.

That instinctive feeling disappeared into thin air.

Nagakura wasn't showing anything else now than brute force, anger and violence and Sano realized that this was the piece he'd been missing, the one part that would complete the picture of this man. This very dark piece. This was the real Nagakura, pushed beyond his limits. This was Nagakura in his raw nature. A wild, bloodthirsty animal.

„Give me your money."  
Needless to say, Sano was shocked.  
„What?"

Nagakura had been after his money? The money that he'd shed blood and sweat for to have it? Money he used sorely for educational purposes? Money invested into his future, instead of any passing fancy that struck him? Sano had to admit, that somewhere it hurt. Somewhere deep inside of him, it was like a dagger into his back. An ice cold wave that estinguished every tiny sliver of hope for friends he could ever have. No way he was giving his well earned, deserved payment to this rich, spoiled, stupid oaf. No. Fucking. Way!

„Forget it!"

Nagakura made a grab for his bag and Sano reacted on instinct. He kicked Nagakura into the side and with a half turn he brought himself and his bag out of the spoiled brat's reach.

„Give!"  
„No!"

Nagakura dove for him and Sano ducked. He wasn't surprised to realize that Nagakura had to have been doing some kind of martial arts, at one point. Aikkidou, or Kendo, perhaps both. Well, fine. Sano had learned his fair share of martial arts too.  
„What do you need it for anyway? Go and earn your own!"  
„Give!"  
„Fuck off!"

Another struggle ensued.

This was highly disappointing. Someone he'd thought of as almost a friend, was after his money. Needless to say, Sano was angry. How could he have allowed himself to be so deluded? How could he have thought even for a second, that a rich brat would voluntarily make friends with somehow as poor as him, if he didn't gain something of it himself. Even if it was just money.  
The sheer irony made him laugh. Someone so rich, stealing from someone as poor as him...The world was a damn unfair place!  
In his small moment of distraction, Nagakura caught him by surprise. He almost got the bag, but Sano didn't let it go. They fought like animals and by the end of it, when Sano was bleeding from his nose and his right ear was ringing, but he was still winning, Nagakura was beginning to be desperate.  
„Give!"  
„Never!"  
„Damnit, I need it, can't you tell?"  
„What the freezing hell for?"  
„They'll kill me if I don't pay up!"

This admission shocked them both.

„Who'll kill you?"  
For a moment, Nagakura hesitated, but in the end, acknowledging defeat, he let go of the bag and looked away. „The upperclassmen." No use in denying it now. „I...I made a bet with them and I lost. I have to pay them ten mil by the end of the week."  
Sano's world spun suddenly, with shock. „Ten...ten million yen?" he whispered in utter disbelief. He had around 10 000 yen for food for a month, Sano found himself comparing.  
„Yeah. Dad won't give me the money and I wasted my allowance already."

Sano felt faint.

„There...there's this rumor that the upperclassman I owe the money, that he's in the...you know...yakuza. Well, not him, but his father."  
„Yakuza."  
„Yeah."  
„That's some deep shit you're in."  
„Yeah."  
Sano sighed. „I'm sorry, but I can't give you any money. It's...I'm paying my tuition with it."  
„Huh? Your parents don't pay your school?"  
„My parents don't really..."  
„Your parents don't really what?"  
„Nevermind. Anyway, I can't give you the money."  
Shinpachi sighed. „No helping it then. There's one more source I can borrow from. He won't mind, but...Ah, well. My own damn fault for getting into this mess in the first place. Shoulda realized that they would cheat me."

It caught Sano's attention. „They cheated?"

„Yeah, but I can't prove it. It's just, I counted the probability of my guess being right and combined with the asymptotic theory, every possible combination included, and with the fact that statistics side with small numbers...Harada, are you listening?"  
Sano had to get this blank look on his face, the one he got whenever someone started explaining anything related to maths, because Nagakura was looking at him very worriedly, in a complete opposite to before.  
Sano shook his head a little to gain his focus back. „You lost me at the asymbiotic theory."  
„Asymptotic."  
„Whatever."  
As Nagakura saw that Sano was fine, he continued his explanation. „Anyway, as a mathematical fact, I should have won the bet. I haven't, so that means they cheated."  
Sano nodded, understanding as much. „And if you tell the teachers, the senpais will just deny it."  
„Yeah."

Pretty fucked up. Sano could somehow relate.

„Sucks to be you then."  
Nagakura smiled. „Coulda been worse. I hear you don't have it easy either."  
Sano only smiled bitterly and the reality of the fight came back. Nagakura didn't look much happy either, as he scratched the back of his head.  
„Harada?"  
„Yeah?"  
„Sorry I leashed out."

A small smile cracked Sano's face. This was the first time someone apologized to him. Feeling a little better, he tried to joke.  
„Oh don't worry, I'm pretty used to it."  
Shinpachi took the bait, as if hoping to fix whatever he'd broken.  
„I figured as you dodged. That was some cool move!"  
Now Sano was smirking. „Tani-sensei will be pleased to hear that."

„What?" Nagakura looked mildly shocked and Sano felt a sudden surge of confidence shoot through him. „Tani-sensei? Tani-sensei taught you that?"  
Sano nodded. „Yeah. He lived in the same village as I, when I was little. He was a teenager, I was five and he sometimes took care of me when my parents were...indisposed. He was kinda like a brother to me. I even call him privately Sanji-sensei. He showed me a few moves cause he thought they could be usefull."  
„They are great! Somehow, as you moved, it felt like real survival instinct."  
Sano cringed as an unpleasent memory flashed through him, good mood and confidence gone. „Cause it was."  
„Huh?" Nagakura looked startled and for some reason Sano found himself elaborating.  
„I've lived mostly on the streets for as long as I can remember. You've got to know how to defend yourself if you're nine and some bullies want the money you've worked so hard for."

His words completely shut the ever talkative Nagakura up, but the otherwise silent Sano couldn't stop talking, the words spilling from his lips like a current.

„In fact, I loathe you. You and all those rich kids at this school. You think you're something better because daddy's got the money, mommy's gonna kiss it alright and a bunch of people are waiting for a word you say, happy to die for you. You think life is just a play about wasting money and bringing oneself into dangerous situation that a simple bunch of bucks will solve. You have no idea how life works, but the worst is you'll never even know it, because mommy and daddy will keep you in that secure, little, dream-like world you call life. Nothing's gonna change, so why try, right? Aw hell, you make me sick."  
Silence fell after his monologue upon them. After a while it became unbearable and Sano left.  
Nagakura didn't follow him. 

ox*xo

If Sano thought that his words could make Nagakura stop annoying the living daylights out of him, he'd apparently miscalculated his chances. Again. Math was deffinitely not one of his strong points. Because whatever stupor it was that had seized Nagakura at that day, it didn't last too long. Next thing Sano knew, his annoying classmate was breathing down his neck again.  
Sano was just going through his retaken math test. He'd scored A- this time. Not as bad, but still not what he wanted. Actually it had been just his rotten luck, that the teacher gave him the exact problems that he'd been excercising on.

„Yo!"

Sano tried to ignore him.

„I know you heard me."

Sano tried very hard not to roll his eyes, pointingly silent. However Nagakura seemed hell-bent on getting a response out of him.

„You made a mistake at the third consecution."

„What the hell do you want?"

Nagakura smirked in victory and Sano actually did roll his eyes.  
„Nothing in particular, really."  
„Then why the fuck do you keep following me like a damn shadow?"  
Nagakura shrugged. „Cause you provide a good shield?"  
Sano gave him a look. „That was bloody lame."  
Nagakura shrugged again.  
Sano sighed. „I mean it, though. I try my best to shake you off, I say I loathe you and that you make me sick, I beat you at baskett ball, I refuse to loan you money and you still hang around me. Why?"  
Nagakura looked away and for a while Sano thought he won't reply, untill finally a simple answer came: „You fought."  
„Huh?"  
„You wouldn't have been the first one I took money from forcibly, but you were the first one who fought. You are also the only one who didn't try to get me spill why I dropped a grade and why my father did his best to keep me at this school. Everyone's been going on about it since day one, and yet no one will look into my eyes when they talk to me. You do. You never treated me as the something special I am supposed to be. You even had the guts to beat me at baskettball, which is something no one in my old class dared. You're brazen, witty and smart. And really popular with the girls. In other words, you are everything I am not. I'm no one special to you and that's why I like being around you, if that makes sense."

Somehow, it did, Sano found himself thinking.

To put it bluntly, he was awed. But somehow, a tiny part of himself, felt flattered. A small smile started forming on Sano's face. Perhaps, but really only perhaps, the prospect of him having friends wasn't as out of reach as he thought it was.  
„You can be yourself around me."  
„Exactly." Nagakura breathed.

And suddenly inspiration struck Sano and the small smile grew wider.

„Hey."  
„Hm?"  
„You're good at maths, right?"  
„Howd'ya figure?"  
„You had the highest score of the class, with full points. No way that was a coincidence."  
Nagakura looked away. „So what? It's the only subject besides PE and english I have motivation for."

Sano recalled one of his gossipy classmates say something about Nagakura knowing three foreign languages.

„You could tutor me."  
That earned him a wide-eyed look of surprise.  
„WHAT?"  
„I would need some tutoring in math. I can count alright, but some of the background gets lost when the teacher explains it. And my english conversation could use polishing. In turn, I can tutor you in every other subject you want. If we are hanging out together, we might as well have some use from it."  
Nagakura looked away. „What makes you think I need tutoring?"  
„You dropped a grade, right? There's gotta be a reason for that."  
„If I told you I did it on purpose?"

Sano was startled to find out, that it didn't surprise him at all.

„I wouldn't put it past you."  
Nagakura's look snapped back to him.  
„But I still don't think that you are equally genius in every other subject as you are in math and english. I can't imagine you being the biology, or chemistry type. Physics perhaps..."  
„Biology. I have problems with biology. And History. I just don't get it. At all the other subjects I mostly lack motivation."  
Sano smirked. „Will a challenge from me be motivation enough?"

Shinpachi raised an eyebrow.  
Sano's smirk grew.

„See, I want to graduate with honors to get a stipendium. I challenge you to do better than me."  
„You can't possibly be serious."  
„I am absolutely serious."

Shinpachi burst out laughing and Sano relished in the deep sound of it. It was a laugh that resonated within you.  
„You're the most brazen, most cocky, most wicked guy I've ever met! Fine then!" Shinpachi looked directly into his eyes. „I accept your challenge! And I'll tutor you! But in turn, you'll have to come with me to the dojo!"

Sano raised an eyebrow.  
„What dojo?"  
„It's name's Shiekan. It's being run by a very nice person, who has always been there for me. He won't mind if we, say, sparr a little."  
Sano's face split into a grinn. „I'll crush you."  
„We'll see about that. And one more thing."  
„Hm?"  
„It's Shinpachi." A hand was extended towards Sano and saphire eyes met amber. „My name's Shinpachi."  
Sano regarded the outstretched hand with a smile, before he took it, his amber eyes boring themselves right through saphire. „Sano. Just Sano." 

ox*xo

A few weeks later, the handshake developed into a decent friendship. Shinpachi tutored him in english and math, Sano payed him back by tutoring him in everything else. When there was nothing to learn and Sano wasn't working, they would just hang out at the dojo and sparr. It was kinda nice to have someone like that and Sano found himself often leaning into this weird friendship, seeking more of it. Even though sometimes Sano though that Shinpachi wasn't telling him everything, that he had his dark secrets hidden, but that was as well, because Sano had his own couple of secrets. Like the fact that he never let Shinpachi come to his place. When they learned, they always did so at the dojo, or at Shinpachi's place, they never went to Sano's. Sano only prayed that this would go unnoticed by the other male as long as possible. He didn't want Shinpachi to see where he lived, probably because he didn't want to face it himself. Even though over the years he became used to the conditions he lived in, seeing it through someone else's eyes would be like opening his own. Sano feared it would become unbearable. So he never let Shinpachi see his own home and when the issue came up, he dodged it.

Of course, Shinpachi noticed.

Sooner or later it was bound to happen. And one day, when Sano was just explaining the functions of the enzymes of the digestive system to his friend, Shinpachi brought it up.  
„So, it's good for us to drink pepsi, because it contains this enzyme and so it helps when we have problems with-"

„Sano?"

At the sound of his name, Sano looked up from the scheme he had drawn to help the explaining. Shinpachi was eyeing him with a thoughtfull look. Sano didn't like it. The last time Shinpachi had that look, he'd asked him if he was gay. Sano of course denied it. Not only because he didn't want his 'not-so-straightness' come out, but also because he wasn't entirely gay either. He liked girls. Very much so. Shinpachi had then eyed him for a long moment, as if trying to decide whether to believe him, or not, but in the end, he didn't push. But Sano doubted he'd believed him entirely. Shinpachi might have been an airhead at the most of the times, but he was unusually perceptive when it came to his close friends. So it was perfectly justified, that Sano tensed up when Shinpachi gave him one of those perceptive, thoughtfull looks.

„What is it? Did I not explain it clearly?" he tried to distract his friend, but without success.

„Why do we never stay at your place?"

Sano froze. The question came very unexpectedly and he wasn't prepared to answer it. Yeah, sure, they had brushed the subject a few times, but Shinpachi had never asked him directly. And if the question wasn't enough, his friend elaborated, making the hairs at the back of Sano's neck stand up.  
„Not that I mind staying at my place, with it being so huge and comfortable and everything, but I thought it was strange. I know you're not as rich as the most of the students at our school, you've never denied that, so you can't be afraid that I'll be shocked about that. What is it really?"  
Sano felt like a mouse surrounded by three large cats. Shinpachi was absolutely right, but Sano couldn't let him find out-

„It's your parents, am I right?"

Blast. For several moments, Sano couldn't breathe properly. Shinpachi had hit the nail on the head.

„I mean, it can be only them. You never talk about them, and when you do, you never finish the sentence. And when I inquire you always say 'nevermind' or 'it's nothing'."  
Sano wanted to kick himself. He hadn't realized he was so transparent.  
„Do they hurt you?"  
That was the last thing Sano expected Shinpachi to say. „What?" Sano would have never guessed that Shinpachi thought that. Just the thought of those people hurting him made him shake with disgust and brought back the air into his lungs. „No!"  
„Then what?"  
The air disappeared again, his throat painfully tight. He looked away.  
„It's-"  
„Not nothing." Shinpachi interrupted him. „It doesn't look like nothing to me."  
Sano considered telling his friend, he really did. But at the other end, he couldn't risk that, he simply couldn't. So his mind came up with a half-truth, something to satisfie his friend, but not giving away the uncomfortable things. However as his mind formed the words he wanted to say, the thought how stupid they would sound came to him.

„It's...probably silly."

Shinpachi's look bored itself deep into him. „Serious enough, if I was to judge by the face you make."  
„It's hard to get if you don't see it yourself."  
„Is that an invitation?"  
Sano looked at Shinpachi for a long time, considering it. He couldn't keep it a secret forever. And especially not, if he wanted to become friends with Shinpachi. Friends were supposed to tell each other such things, right? And maybe he wanted to finally tell someone, show someone, wanted someone to know, share the burden with.  
„Yeah." He finally breathed. „Yeah, why not? We'll go tomorrow."  
Shinpachi nodded and silence settled between them, untill Shinpachi broke it. „Now, you were saying about pepsi..."  
Sano shook the dark thoughts that occupied his mind after their conversation off. They still were in the middle of learning. „Yeah, right, pepsi. It's healthy."  
„You don't say..."  
„Yeah, when you drink it, the enzyme..."

x-x

But even in spite of the fact that they had stuff to learn, Sano couldn't stop thinking about what was about ot come. The next day went entirely by him and the walk home seemed like eternity. His legs felt heavy as lead and he wasn't as talkative as usually.  
„You are really silent today."  
„Hmm..."  
Sano felt Shinpachi's eyes on him, but he didn't turn to his friend.  
„Is it that bad?"  
Honest answer would be, that Sano didn't know.  
Was it?  
Probably not. But then why was he so ashamed? What was he so afraid of? Neither his mother, nor his father would hurt Shinpachi, in fact they probably, Sano swallowed hard, wouldn't care, but...  
Maybe he just didn't want Shinpachi to hear the things he had to listen to every day. Maybe he didn't want Shinpachi to see what he had to deal with. But why didn't he want that? Because he would be admitting that he hadn't been dealing with it for his entire life? That he had just put up a shield, a fortress of defensive emotions around him and turned his face away?  
„Sano?" Shinpachi inquired after he'd been silent for too long and Sano remembered tthe question. He didn't know what to answer.  
„You'll see yourself."  
„You're scaring me."  
„Sorry." Sano looked ahead of him. „There it is."

It was a simple house, Sano noted. Wooden, slightly raised, without an upper storey, streching into the backyard instead. Cracks in the wood were visible and in the yard several bottles of alcohol were strewn carelessly. An old, used-up alarm was attached to the front door and the windows were dirty.

It was pretty run down.

„That? You live there?"  
Sano couldn't even blame Shinpachi for the surprise in his voice.  
„Yeah."  
„How do you heat?"  
„We don't."  
Shock spread across Shinpachi's features.  
„We don't have the money. If I want to be warm, I just put more covers over myself."

They came to the yard.

„Be carefull, some of the bottles might be broken."  
As Sano fished for his keys, Shinpachi inspected the label on one of the bottles.  
„That's pretty strong stuff. Does your father drink that?"  
Sano's heart constricted and his hand clenched into a fist around the keys. „No." Shinpachi looked at him questioningly. „My mother." Was his simple answer and he opened the door, ignoring the stunned look on Shinpachi's face, as he turned to him. „Welcome at the house where I live."

They stepped in.

„I'm back." Sano said dully and set his keys down.  
No answer came. The house was mostly silent, save from the clacking sounds in the kitchen, signalizing that his mother was pouring herself another drink and his father was probably asleep in the living room. If they were lucky, they would get to his room without meeting the two other occupants of the building. Sano didn't want Shinpachi to meet their parents. They passed a door and Sano gently patted it.  
„Bathroom's here, if you need it, but be carefull with the door. It tends to fall out of the hinges."  
Just as Sano finished the sentence, a voice came from the direction of the living room.  
„Sanosuke, is that you?"  
Sano supressed a groan. No luck for him today.  
„Yes father."

Before any further conversation could ensue an enraged scream came from the kitchen and a woman, drunk and dirty stormed into the hallway. Shinpachi gaped and Sano braced himself mentally.

„You useless child!" the woman shouted, her dirty hair, that might once have been a deep shade of red, falling into her face in a stinking mess. „Why are you still here? Go away! Get out of my life!" There was the shuffling of footsteps and a tall man came out of what passed for the living room of the house, amber eyes dull and clouded, the spark that once had been there long gone. „You've done enough! Go! Go and die!" Shinpachi's eyes were wide with shock, as he heard that, while Sano just watched the hysterics with trained apathy. His father just stood there, not doing anything. „Go and die!" the woman repeated, but this time, her voice cracked a little at the end of the sentence. Shinpachi could just watch frozen to the spot as he woman slowly collapsed into a pile of sobs onto the floor. „Go and...go and die... Die..." the woman helplessly sobbed. „DIE!"

Sano turned away and lead a stunned Shinpachi into a sparsely decorated room, with a matt at the centre of it, a table at the window and an old chair. The few shelves contained his school things and a few books bought from second hand and a row of tapes, with a few records at the far end of the bottom shelf.

„Here's my room." Sano said in a dull voice. „Make yourself at home, though you'll need a lot of imagination to achieve that, as you've seen."

Sano sunk into a chair at the same time Shinpachi's shock broke out.

„What the hell was that?"

Sano looked at his horrified friend and amber met saphire, but this time instead of fire, his look held pain.

„That, Shinpachi, were my parents. My alcoholic mother and my good-for-nothing father."

Shinpachi sunk onto the matt in the center of the room. „That woman..." It was as if the thought terrified him to no ends, so Sano finished the sentence for him.  
„Was my mother, yes."  
Shinpachi looked at him in utter disbelief.  
„That drunk woman? The one who told you to die?"  
„Nice mom I have there, huh?"  
„No shit. Fuck, Sano, you..."  
„You understand now why I didn't want you to come over?"  
„Yeah. No one would be proud having that home. Are you sure they don't hurt you?"  
Sano shook his head.  
„Not physically, at least. But sometimes I wish they would. At least...show they know I'm here."  
Shinpachi crawled next him and put a hand on his shoulder. „How...how did it...What happened?"  
„Apparently, I am an unwanted child."  
„That? That's it? That's everything?"  
„They have no restraints on showing me this fact. But yeah, that's it."  
Shinpachi had really hard time believing that. Surely even if the child was unwanted, one would at least take care of it if he already kept it.  
„But there's...there's got to be something behind that. They can't just be like that for no reasons!"  
„There are reasons. I don't know the whole story, but from what I've gathered and from what little questions my father answered, I was in the way of my mom's carreer. I'm born on Shikoku and that's where I lived the early years of my childhood. I remember it as the only time when I was happy." Sano closed his eyes as memories so vivid he could almost touch them flooded through him. As he closed his eyes he almost felt the carress of the wind on the Sunny beach. „On good days, I went fishing with my father, on bad days Sanji-sensei would come over and teach me martial arts. I remember the Sun shining every day and the sound of the waves lulling me into sleep." He basked in the memory for a while, seeing the beach in front of him, tasting the salty water on his lips. He swore his hands had held the fish minutes before. But nonetheless, even though vivid, it was still only a memory. Sano opened his eyes and looked out of the dirty window. It was already dark outside and he continued his story. „We moved away shortly before I started elementary. At that time I didn't understand, but I think my mother has wanted it. She had always dreamed of going to Kyoto, or Tokyo and make something out of her life, when she was the same age I am now."

„But she got pregnant."

Sano nodded. „Yeah. She was pretty young and you know how those times were. You get pregnant, you have to marry quickly to conceal it was out of matrimony."

Shinpachi nodded.

„Both, my mother and my father were from fairly poor families, but the one who minded more was my mom, I think. It seems she dreamed of becoming someone, of studying, of getting herself a good job and money...but after she had me she...she just sorta gave up. She started drinking shortly after we moved. She got always more violent and she started screaming at me and blaming me for everything. I didn't understand why, and I kept asking myself what I've done wrong. I tried to be nice to her, I kept helping her in everything, sometimes I even cooked instead of her. And when I was twelve..." Sano hesitated, but then decided it was for the best to get it out in one go. „As I was twelve she told me that if she had the money at the time, she would have aborted me."

Shinpachi looked honestly horrified.

„Jesus Christ..."  
„It has only gotten worse since then. By now we are almost homeless beggars. Both of my parents are jobless, so I have to get the money into the house. I've been working since junior high. At first I've shared the income, but soon I found out, that it got wasted on mom's alcohol, so I've stoped giving them money. I honestly don't know how they don't starve. I hide the money and when time comes, I pay the tuition. The rest is for food and shampoo. Sometimes books and clothes. Or covers."  
„You do know it's-"  
„Forbidden to work while you're in school, I know. But what other choice do I have?"  
„Make someone else pay and then pay them back, once you can."  
Sano smiled. „Sanji-sensei has offered me exactly that. But I don't want alms. I've been fine untill now. It's just a few more years. Then I can go to university and leave it all behind."  
„You have the same dream as your mother."  
„It's not a dream." Sano looked deep into Shinpachi's eyes. „It's survival instinct."

It would have made a good pun, but Shinpachi felt that Sano was dead serious, so he only nodded. Suddenly something came to him.

„How many jobs do you even have? I mean, the tuition at our school is pretty expensivie. Is it enough?"  
„No. Most of the time it isn't." Sano answered truthfully. There was no need to hide it anyway.  
„Then how do you pay?"  
Sano looked away. „You haven't heard?" He always thought it was an open secret at school.  
Shinpachi spoke very carefully. „I heard the rumors, but..."  
Sano nodded. „Aiba-senpai. Yoshiwara-chan. Takenaga-senpai. Aizawa-senpai. Koishikawa-chan." All those pretty girls that came to him...he didn't even like them, but they still wanted him to fuck them into oblivion. „They all pay me for a fuck. And they pay well."  
„You are selling yourself?"  
„Still better than working at a brothel. If they want me to fuck them, at least they should make it worth the while. I know it's cheap, but doesn't it make them even cheaper that in spite of knowing that, they still ask? I need the money, they do it just for fun." If he had to fuck someone he didn't like, he wanted a compensation.

„Still...how can you live like that?" Sad, blue eyes were looking at him.

„Barely." Sano admitted as he looked at Shinpachi again. „Please, don't tell anyone. They would kick me off the school, if this came out."  
„I'll keep shut. But in turn, you'll let me help you how I can."

To say the lest, Sano was surprised.

„Why would you want to do that?"

Shinpachi' s smile was just a tiny bit sad. „I thought that was pretty clear. Cause you're a friend, that's why."  
Sano looked into Shinpachi's honest eyes and slowly a smile formed on his face. Maybe it really hadn't been such a bad idea to take Shinpachi to his place, after all. Sano wished he could say something to show how much those words meant to him, but no sound came out. However, it seemed, Shinpachi still heard it as he returned the smile with a small nod.

There was silence for a while, when Shinpachi spoke.

„You know, I would kinda want my parents to be like yours?" He snorted, but as he saw Sano's look of disapproval, he quickly added. „For different reasons than you might think." He looked away. „It would be more honest."  
Sano's eyebrows shot into his hair and Shinpachi sighed.  
„You see, I have always been the little sunshine of the family. First-born son, sportive type, but good at many subjects, I would make the perfect popular type and they would have something to be proud of. And they were, at elementary. But at Junior High I started asking myself, what would be if I suddenly turned badass, dropped grades and went down the bad path. I kept asking myself: Would they let me fall, or help me back on my way?"

Understanding spread across Sano's features.

„So you tried it out."  
Shinpachi nodded.  
„And? How did it turn out?"

Shinpachi smirked, but it didn't feel as arrogant and confident as usually. It had something sad.

„They threatened to disown me. Only my granny stood to me. Since that day I lack the motivation to do something good. Cause, you know – for what purpose? Earlier the purpose had been to please my parents, but now I don't wanna do that anymore. Not when they care for me only once I do."  
Sano put his hand on Shinpachi's and his friend gave him a smile.  
„And then you came along and tore me out of my apathy." He said. „You know what I thought when I first laid eyes on you?"  
Sano shook his head.  
„That you're full of life. Full of defiance, full of want to achieve something. You had your own opinion and stood firmly with both of your feet on the ground. You were so unlike all the others, who only thought of their money, their fingernails and status quo. You were someone different."  
A smile spread across Sano's features as he heard those words. He knew he was sticking out even to strangers, but this was the first time someone told him that was a good thing. He squeezed Shinpachi's hand firmly.  
„Thanks. It means a lot."  
Shinpachi looked into his eyes.  
„Friends forever?"  
A warm feeling spread through Sano's chest and his smile widened just a bit, when he nodded.  
„Friends forever." 

ox*xo

And so the year was passing. The bond of friendship the two of them made that afternoon slowly grew and by the start of the next year, Sano saw Shinpachi as his best friend. During the last year they spent all of their free time together, learning or training in the dojo, or just simply hanging around and talking and after all that time, Sano felt like he knew Shinpachi inside out. And he had the distinct feeling that it could be said vice versa too. It was hard to believe that just a year ago he had hated his brownhaired friend, when now he absolutely refused to give him up. Shinpachi's friendship was a rare jewel for Sano, something to be guarded and kept safe, because there would be no such friend as Shinpachi in his life ever again if he lost him, Sano felt that instinctively. Shinpachi always seemed to know when something was wrong with Sano. Just a look at his friend was enough for him to tell. Shinpachi helped Sano through exhaustion, depression, fear and loneliness and Sano in exchange for that shared his happy moments with Shinpachi. And in the same manner he gave it back. When Shinpachi needed him to complain about his parents, about the teachers, abbout life, or just needed a punching bag that could punch back, Sano was there. They fought, they laughed and they cursed together.

So it was only natural when in the Middle of May Sano noticed that he had been seeing his friend less than last year. For example, Shinpachi had barely been at the dojo for the last two months.

Maybe Shinpachi was getting tired of him and needed a time out? It would be only natural, since they spent so much time together. Surely Shinpachi had other interests and Sano had no right to monopolize him. But the question was, if Sano should ask him about it. Girls always said that talking things over strengthened the bond, but Sano wasn't so sure how it worked on males. He had his expierience dealing with girls and he could tell that they functioned way differently than guys, mentally and physically. Sano didn't wantg to ruin his only friendship because of a an advice from a cheap girls magazine gone wrong.  
But then again, their friendship was stronger than that. And asking surely wouldn't hurt. As far as Sano could tell, he was as important to Shinpachi as Shinpachi was important to him. Maybe his friend had problems with money again and didn't want to bother Sano with it?

He asked Shinpachi during lunch break.

It was right after a PE lesson, which always raised Shinpachi's spirits a little and to top it, they were doing basketball. It was Shinpachi's favorite sport, as Sano had come to learn.  
They were sitting at the table with what wanted to be a miso soup in front of them, when Sano finally spilled.

„You have been going less to the dojo."  
Shinpachi looked up from where he had been eyeing the soup suspiciously like it was intended to poison him to look at Sano blankly.  
To conceal the bad feeling in his gut, Sano ate a bit from the miso. It tasted really vile, but now he could blame every nervous stiffness on it.  
„Less than last year, at least."  
Shinpachi also took a bite from the miso and Sano watched him pull a face.  
„I had stuff to do."  
„What stuff?"  
„Nothing important."  
„I see."  
Silence. They ate some more soup.  
„Why ya asking?"  
„Just noticed, 's all."  
„Ah."

Silence.

Finally the vile liquid in their plates was halfway done when Shinpachi looked at him.  
„By any chance, you haven't been thinking anything stupid, as you usually use to, have you?"  
„What stupid?"  
„Like me being tired of you, or something equally dumb."  
Sano almost choked on his soup. How did Shinpachi do it? He always hit home, like a fucking telepath. And he didn't even have pointed ears. (AN: I'm not sure if some of you get the pun, but whoever watched at least one episode of the original series of Star Trek, should get it. Explanation's in the authors note at the end of the shot.)  
„No, no, of course not." Sano tried to wave it off, while staring intently into his miso soup.  
„Really."  
„Yeah, yeah."  
„Sano?"  
„Yeah?"  
„You _do_ realize that when you're lying to me, you never look into my eyes?"  
„What? Yeah, sure, whatever." So?  
„Sano?"  
„What?"  
„You've been looking into that concoction for the entire second half of our conversation."

Oh.

„Uhm." He said very eloquently, not daring to raise his look now.  
Busted? Sano tried to come up with something smart, when Shinpachi spoke his name again.  
„Sano."  
„Hm?"  
„Sano."  
„Yeah?"  
There was a sigh.  
„Will you finally look at me, or do I have to punch you first?"

There was no menace in Shinpachi's voice, just soft exasperation and finally Sano dared to look up.

Shinpachi's hand was raised, open palm, the ellbow resting on the table. „Best friends forever."

Sano gave just a small smile in response, as he grasped the hand, mirroring the gesture, but inside him a heavy rock fell from his heart. „Best friends forever." He answered.  
They dislodged their hands and continued eating in silence, untill Shinpachi spoke again.  
„To answer your unasked question, no, I'm not in any problems, I don't need money and there's no hired killer breathing down my neck."  
Sano wasn't even surprised anymore. By now he was convinced that Shinpachi had some telepathic powers implanted to him through a prior visit of an alien species from the other end of the galaxy.  
„It's really just stuff."  
Sano nodded at his friend, while he mentally kicked himself. Since he and Shinpachi had found and repaired an old TV, he had been watching too much Star Trek. He should stop that, before he'll put on a blue jumper and start sprouting sarcastic jokes in a southern drawl. Mixed with his Shikoku/kansai accent, it probably wouldn't end up well.  
„I'll come to the dojo as soon as I can, ok?"  
„OK."  
They finished the soup and ate the rest of the poisonous food from the cafeteria in comfortable silence. 

ox*xo

In June Sano had gotten himself a summer job. There would be less school and more time to work, so he could raise his income a little. Of course he planned to spend some time with Shinpachi, so he made sure that his time-schedule wasn't stuffed with work and studying. He was really looking forward to this summer. The last one had been a blast, much unlike the ones before and Sano wanted to feel it again – the Sun heating his skin, the seawind carressing his face, and the feeling of freedom, life and friendship.

He couldn't stop thinking that this Summer would be awesome.

He had been looking forward to it for the last two weeks. He kept imagining it during every lunch break, every PE lesson, everytime he went to and from work, every minute of his free time he kept thinking about the fantastic time he would have. He was daydreaming about it day in day out, up to the point where Shinpachi was already snickering at him amusedly, but Sano just grinned at his friend in response.

This state of mild imaginary lasted approximately one week and two days, untill one sunny June Tuesday, Sanji-sensei approached him.

Sano knew instantly that something was wrong. Sanji-sensei was the most cheerfull, most brazen and most witty happy-go-lucky teacher of their school, but as he called for Sano after the end of the morning PE, his face was pulled into worry lines, his eyebrows creased, the corners of his mouth down, and his forehead had more wrinkles than an old man between 70 and death had.

„What is it, Sanji-sensei?" Sano asked him once they sat down on one of the benches, another one of his infamous bad feelings settling in his gut.  
„I need to talk to you Sano. About certain rumors I heard."  
The bad feeling intensified.  
„What rumors?"  
„The first one about you working not only one, but several part-time jobs."  
Sano fought to keep a straight face, to not give this man in front of him reason to believe what was an open secret to the entire school. No one could read him as well as this man could, not even Shinpachi. Tani Sanjuro, his homeroom and PE teacher and a father for the longest time.  
„The second about you sleeping around with girls for money."  
Sano was painfully aware of the corners of his mouth pulling downwards, as the man studied his face intently. Sano knew that Sanji-sensei would ask him and he was preparing himself to lie to this man and deny everything.  
„Both are true, aren't they?"  
It was just that no matter what, Sano couldn't lie to this man. Not after everything Sanji-sensei had done for him. So all that was left for Sano to do was look away in shame and utter a small „Yeah."

The reaction was immediate.

„You foolish kid!"  
Sano flinched.

„What the fucking hell have you been thinking?"  
„That I needed to pay the money for the school."  
„And why didn't you tell me? I already offered you to pay it and you can pay me back once you have a stable job. Granted, you said no thanks, you couldn't ask this of me after everything I had done and told me that you would get the money from elsewhere. I let you go only because you promised you wouldn't do anything stupid, dangerous and potentionally harmfull and if it wasn't enough, you would come to me. However, as I see it, what you have been doing qualifies as stupid and potentionally harmfull, and since it wasn't enough, you threaded into dangerous grounds." After the initial outburst Sanji-sensei's voice was getting quieter with every word, untill it turned to barely above a whisper, but after the last sentence, Sano would have felt better if he had screamed. „Do you understand Sano? Not only did you endanger your future, you also broke both of your promises."

Sano felt horrible.

He couldn't look Sanji-sensei into the eyes, as he listened to the disappointed voice and felt the gentle, dark brown eyes on him.

„Why did you do it?"  
Sano swallowed, because his throat felt suddenly very dry. „I told you that I needed the money..."  
„You could have told me that and didn't need to sell your body. Fucking damnit, that's prostitution!" Sanji-sensei hissed. „You could get into jail for it!"  
Sano supressed a tremble. „Not unless any of the girls tell." He tried to defend himself, but Sanji-sensei shot him back.  
„What makes you think they won't?"  
„What makes you think they will?" He was starting to get defiant, but it was his only defense now, the only defense against the man who knew everything about him.  
„Why shouldn't they?"  
„Why should they?"  
„Sano!" Sanji-sensei was getting agitated. „They are fucking teenagers! Rich, spoiled, teenie girls who when they don't get what they want, are capable of everything."  
„Then I'll give them what they want untill they don't wanna anymore."  
„And they'll use it against you untill they grow tired of it and crush you. Sano, I've known you for your entire life and I never thought of you as someone who would want to depend on others."  
Ouch. That was a low blow, way below the waistline. „I'm not depending on them!" Sano stood up in defiance and hurt pride, but Sanji-sensei just looked at him.

„Sit down, Sano."  
„I'M NOT-"  
„_Sit down, Sano._"

And just liked that Sano sat down.

„You are depending on their money. You are depending on the money of rich spoiled teenie girls. I could help you. It's not too late. I doubt they can prove anything if they had to, so it would be only their word against yours if you denied everything. But sooner or later they'll realize they have nothing in hand against you in case they would need it and they'll start documenting it. Snap a few photos or something. And that's when you've got a real problem. Stop it untill you can. Let me pay for you."  
„What's the difference between me depending on them and depending on you?"  
„The difference is, that I'm actually expect that you'll pay it back, sooner or later. And I don't want your body for it. The money will do." There was a small smile on the teacher's face. „And that I only want to help you, while they only use you. That's the greatest difference."  
„That's alms."  
„Not if I want you to pay it back. And neither am I planning on blackmailing you with it. I promise not to. And unlike certain people, I do keep my promises."  
Sano shot his teacher a glare.  
„I don't think I deserve such looks from you." Sanji-sensei only said calmly and Sano turned away once again from the honest eyes.  
„Also, there's a reason why I am approaching you on this subject."  
Sano raised an eyebrow.  
„The principal overheard the girls talking about it and wants to investigate."  
Sano's eyes shot wide open in horror. If the principal found out...  
„He also wants to investigate about the issue of you working while stille visiting high school." Sanji-sensei looked at him seriously. „I can help you, but only if you let me, Sano. Think about it, but do so quickly. I want your answer tomorrow latest."  
Sano, speechless in his horror, only nodded.  
„Dismissed."

Sano stood up and left the gym like hypnotized. He felt like he had been kicked by a horse. His entire world was crashing down around him, his dreams dissolving into nothing, the daydream turning into a nightmare. He had worked so hard to build himself the life he wanted and now everything was being destroyed. Because he was such a fool. He was vagually aware of someone calling his name, bu as he opened his mouth to answer, nothing came out. He realized he was back in the school building, but he didn't remember getting there.

„Sano!" the voice had gotten louder, now it sounded from right beside him. „Sano, what's wrong?"

Sano turned only to be met by two worried azure eyes.

„Sano?" Shinpachi's tone was pure worry and suddenly it crashed down on Sano like a bucket of cold water in an explosion of anxiety: He would get expelled. He dropped his bag at the same time he started shaking and he saw Shinpachi's eyes widen with shock.

„Sano?"

Sano opened his mouth again, but nothing came out. He had to look like he was about to collapse, because next thing Shinpachi did was to rush him to the nearest restroom and pull his head under the cold water in one of the sinks.

When he pulled him up again, Sano's head felt a bit more clearer, but not less anxious.  
„What's wrong?" his friend asked him again and Sano's found his voice again. It was weak, but it was enough to answer.  
„I'll get expelled."  
„WHAT?" Shinpachi's voice resonated in the empty room. „Why?"

And Sano told him everything he knew, about the confrontation with Sanji-sensei to the principal investigating the rumors about him. However, the more he talked, the more calmer Shinpachi seemed to get and as Sano finished, he was leaning onto the wall casually, his arms crossed on his chest.

„What do I fucking do?"  
„First of all stop panicking."

Sano flashed him an angry look, ready to shout at him, but Shinpachi wasn't finished.

„Secondly, go to Tani-sensei and tell him that you accept his help."  
Sano frowned.  
„Like I could!"  
„You CAN! That's why he approached you, you MORON!"

Sano startled. He had never heard Shinpachi shout at him outside of the gym or the dojo and never with such a clear and serious look as he had now. He didn't know what to do with it.

Shinpachi sighed and rubbed his temples.

„Why couldn't you, Sano? He's almost like a father to you and you'll pay him back once you can. And he's sure a more reliable and stable source of money than Miss Tits and Co. If you deny everything I'm sure the principal will believe you, the good and hardworking student rather than the stupid, spoiled, rich brats. And the ones you work for won't say a thing because it would get them into trouble too, for letting you work there."  
„You make it sound so easy..."  
„'Cause IT IS! Come on, Sano. You're a smart guy. Smarter than me. Smarter than the rest of the school. Smarter than the seniors even. Stop fucking panicking and think about it!"  
Sano tried. He tried to clear his head, get rid of the distinctly sick feeling in his gut and think. He didn't have to get expelled if he went to Sanji-sensei and everything could be alright. If he just thought about it.

But before he could do that, a silent laugh interrupted them.

They both jumped as from one of the stalls, Ito-senpai emerged.  
Shinpachi and Sano froze at the same time, as they saw the jet black hair and the infamous smirk, that told you that no matter how hard you struggled, you couldn't escape your fate. The richest kid at school, always wearing his white silk shirt instead of the regular cotton, neatly tucked into custom made pants, his tie in a perfect knot around the pale, but muscular neck, the shoes polished to shine. Always rich, always perfect. Envied, loved and hated, Ito Saburo, from senior grade.

Sano was among those that hated him.  
Shinpachi too.  
Ito-senpai reciprotated it in no lesser amounts of the emotion.

„I couldn't but overhear your conversation."

With this new developement, the issue suddenly evolved into a massive problem.

Ito-senpai couldn't but laugh at their frozen expressions and their eyes following his every move. „Oh don't worry, I won't tell anyone."  
„No?" Sano asked, his amber eyes boring themselves through dark grey.  
„No."  
„What are your terms?" Shinpachi asked, arms crossed.  
„Terms?"  
„Don't play stupid. You always wanted to get rid of us, now's the chance of your life."

Ito-senpai just laughed.

„My dear Nagakura-kun. As it is, I'm getting rid of you by the end of this year, since I'm graduating. And I'm getting far too many benefits from this piece of information than to simply waste it on you two. Actually, you helped me with this information out a lot. I have a bone to pick with Haruka."

Aiba Haruka, or 'Miss Tits' as Shinpachi called her so affectionately, Ito-senpai's classmate, had also been the senpai's girlfriend at the time Sano banged her. Against Ito-senpai's locker.

„You would blackmail your girlfriend?"

„Ex-girlfriend, Harada-kun. And yes, I find it quite amusing. As it seems, I will be in longer association with Haruka. I'm sure there will be a good occassion where I can use the piece of information you provided me with for the purpose of persuading her into things she might otherwise not agree to. It's to my benefit that I keep it to myself at this point. If you want to, you can take it as a token of my gratitude for providing me with it."  
Sano felt sick just by listening to the rich fuck.  
„You asshole..."  
„Now now, don't get rude, Harada-kun. In fact, you have my best wishes for solving your little problem." Ito-senpai looked at his Rollex watch. „Even though, I frankly don't know why you bother." He said in a complete by the way manner, but it still picked Sano's ears. „Now, it's time for the next lesson I assume. If you excuse me..." he turned around to leave, but Sano stoped him.

„What did you say just now?"

„It's time for the next lesson. In fact, I'm afraid, you missed lunchbreak, my dear kohais."  
„Not that." Sano snarled. „Before that. About me bothering."  
„Ah, that. I was just merely wondering why you would bother solving any of your problems."

„Why shouldn't I? Problems are there to be solved."

„Only if it makes sense to solve them. I mean, if you look at it, what sense does your life have? Your parents hate you, or so I've heard. You have no one who cares for you. You want to study to build yourself a life, but what's the purpose? You don't want power and you don't have anybody who would care for what you do. No one to pat you on the shoulders and tell you, good job son. Don't misunderstand me, I personally don't think it's something to be bothered about, but I figured you were the type of people who would be. Sometimes I'm really wondering why you bother. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe you're just as egoistical, ruthless and power-hungry as I. Maybe that's why I hate you so much." He looked at his watch again. „Now, I really have to go. And you two should too. If I'm not mistaken you got classical literature next and Tezuka-sensei hates unpunctual people." With that Ito-senpai was gone, leaving a stunned Sano behind himself.  
There was a hand on his shoulder and Sano turned to look at Shinpachi.  
„Ignore that manipulative bastard. You're nothing like him."  
The only thing Sano managed was a weak nod.

x-x

But no matter what Shinpachi said to him, for the rest of the day, Sano couldn't forget those words. They repeated themselves in his mind like a broken record and engraved themselves deep within him. For some reason they struck a chord and even though he knew it was stupid he kept asking himself why he actually did bother.  
He wanted a future and a life so desperately that he even forgot to ask himself why he wanted it so much. Not to make his parents proud. Not to build himself a family, either. He didn't met a girl he would like enough to do so yet and he doubted he would ever meet her. He had already come to terms with where his preferences lied and he wasn't getting much action in that department either. He had no boyfriend, nor a crush on someone, so the reason for his struggling to build himself a future wasn't because he wanted to protect his loved ones either. If he just wanted it only to have it, he was really no better than Ito-senpai, or any of those spoiled brats, he called his schoolmates. So why did he take the trouble? Live for the sake of living? There was no spirit in that, no productive reason.

Sano kicked a stone.

It was already the late evening and he was heading home after a tiring shift in work. His boss had been especially bossy today, every second and different order coming out of his mouth. Harada-kun this, Harada-kun that, Harada-kun hurry, Harada-kun why the hell are you taking so long, Harada-kun if you came here to just sit around you can go home right away...  
Sano had endured it for the entire shift and now he was dead tired and wanted nothing more than his matt and his casettes. He was absolutely beaten. And the worst thing was, he didn't even know why he tried so hard.

As he opened the door to the house he lived in (he still couldn't call it home), his mother was on the genkan. As soon as she saw him, she let out a tirade about why he was still here and his father just stood there and said nothing, as usually. Nothing changed, everything stayed the same. Sano already knew that his parents would never love him, even though he couldn't stop loving them. He still cared for them, for an unknown, incomprehensible reason. Why else would they behavior still hurt him so much?  
For the first time since he put the wall of defenses as a giant fortress around his heart up, he faced his parents without it and he realized how fucked up everything was. His parents hated him, he was in danger of being kicked out of school, his entire world was crashing down around him and he had no one to live for.  
By the time he reached his room, it wasn't just the day that tired him out, but his entire life. He dropped his bag and planked down onto his matt heavily like a sandbag, his hair hanging losely around his face. He should cut it before it rge too long, he found himself thinking, but there wasn't a single cell in him he could bring to care about it now. His vision was blurry and he wiped his eyes with back of his hand to clear it, convincing himself, that just something fell into his eyes.

His entire being was in pain and he briefly wondered if one could die of heartache. He remembered reading a book once where it was possible, but he didn't remember the name or the author.

And really, what would happen if he died?

His parents would explode with happiness.

As would Ito-senpai.

The girls would miss their plaything, but they would probably find another one soon.  
Sanji-sensei would be maybe sad, but then he wouldn't have to waste his money on Sano.  
And Shinpachi? Surely Shinpachi would miss him, right? But then again, Shinpachi didn't need him. Shinpachi could take care of himself. Shinpachi would find himself another friend. There were six billions of people walking on the planet, surely someone would be suited for the position.

Sano rubbed away another wave of wetness from his eyes.

He felt so useless.

So.  
Fucking.  
Useless.

Why didn't he finally face it like a man should and admitted to himself that life was wasted on him? He sat up and looked around his room.

Empty.  
Poor.  
And so much like him.

He stood up and went to the bathroom, from where he retrieved a razorblade. It was old, but still sharp. His father had once used it, but he had stoped doing so shortly after they came to Kyoto. As Sano started needing a razor of his own, he started using it, instead of getting himself a new one. He even dug out the old sharpener from the very back of their closet.

He went back into his room and sat back onto his matt again, staring at the shining surface of the blade. He had always taken good care of it and now the sharp edge glinted in the moonlight.  
He wouldn't slice his wrist. Slicing wrists was something for girls to do when they went all drama queen. No, he would do this the honorable way, like a man and a warrior should. After losing his purpose of life, he would slice his gut open.

Sano undid the buttons on his shirt with steady hands.

He was determined.  
He wasn't backing out.  
He was going to end it for real.

He laid the sharpened edge of the razor onto his left side.

He pressed.

It stung, but somehow it felt relieving.

Sano briefly wondered what a relief if would be once the length of his waist was sliced open, before he dragged the blade through his gut.

Karma, _it hurt_.

But at the same time it felt so good to finally feel sharp, physical, blinding pain instead of just the dull ache of his heart. Sano groaned and his vision swamm. He wasn't sure whether he was screaming or not, because the pounding in his ears overpowered every sound around him. He felt hot and wet liquid trickling down his skin and his head was spinning.

Almost there.  
Just a little bit more.  
He had to endure this blinding pain for just a little bit more and then everything would be over.

Over...

Over...

It was finally over, was his last thought as he fell into oblivion. 

ox*xo

It was two in the morning when the private phone in Shinpachi's room went off and woke the sleeping youth up. First he tried to ignore it, but after it kept ringing and ringing for three minutes straight, a mop of brown hair dislodged itself from the covers and stared sleepily at the machine that made that offending noise. As that failed to silence the annoying piece of red plastic, Shinpachi finally reached for the reciever and picked up.  
„What the fuck?" he grumbled into it, hoping that whoever was fool enough to disturb him, would get the hint and end the call right away.  
There was silence.  
Shinpachi frowned. „Listen you sick fuck, whoever you are, you are disturbing my sleep, I had a rough day and-"

The trail of his words stoped at the soft sound coming from the reciever, that put him instantly on alert.

Come to think of it, there was only a handfull of persons he had given this number and all of them knew better than to disturb him over nothing in the dead of the night. So it had to be something serious. And if he thought about it, out of the handfull of persons he gave this number, only one could have problems that were serious enough to call his friend. What worried Shinpachi however was, that the one he thought about, would never make such a sound as he heard just now.

„Sano, is that you?"  
„It didn't work."

Shinpachi sat straight up from the shock of how weak that voice sounded.

„Sano, what happened?"  
„I was born, that's what."  
„The hell are you talking about?"  
„See, I wanted to correct the mistake that nature made by spawning me."  
Shinpachi's blood froze.  
„But it didn't work...It didn't work..."  
Shinpachi vagualy noticed he was shaking like a leaf.  
„Where are you?"  
„The alley behind the 27th street, just across the conbini a few blocks from my house."  
Shinpachi slammed down the phone at the same time he jumped out of the bed. He threw clothes on randomly and with a swoop of his hand for the keys, he was out, thinking that it was a good thing his parents stayed in Tokyo. It made things certainly easier to have an empty house all to himself. Especially now, when his best friend needed him.

Sano had been acting oddly the entire day and Shinpachi could just imagine what had been ghosting through that redhaired head. Sano tended to think stupid things when he was controlled by his emotional side and the hotheaded temper that often jumped into weird conclusions only he could draw...Shinpachi didn't even dare to imagine what impact had Ito-senpai's words on his friends, not if he was to judge it by how his friend had sounded over the phone.

Finally he reached 27th street and the conbini came into sight.

From there it took only a few more seconds before Shinpachi reached the alley that Sano had been talking about, but as he turned the corner, his heart stoped beating for a few seconds.

Red. The color seemed to be everywhere.

Red phone booth at a brick red wall background.  
Red hair, long and messy, shielding amber eyes.  
Red blood staining the favorite, white sleeping shirt.

Shinpachi sunk to his knees next to his friend and was preparing himself for the worst, when the shadow that had once been the proud Harada Sanosuke spoke.  
„It wasn't meant to be."  
Shinpachi's hand stoped midair to Sano's shoulder.  
„I thought if I wasn't meant to live, I was meant to die. But I was wrong." Sano finally looked at his friend and Shinpachi was greeted by a sad smile and the once sprakling amber depths staring at him dully. It broke his heart to see his friend like this, but the words that followed tore him apart even more. „I wasn't meant to die, because I was meant to live. I was meant to live, because I lived even though my mother wanted me to die." The smile fell and Sano averted his gaze to the clouded, grey skies. „I was meant to live, but I want to die. I chose to die, but I'm not allowed to. No wanting to live, not allowed to die...Why can't it just end?"

Shinpachi wasn't sure Sano even knew what he was saying.

From the stain on the shirt it was pretty obvious what Sano had tried and Shinpachi would be a very bad friend if he just left him to deal with it alone. He thought about it just for a miniscule break of a second before he hurled his friend into his arms and lifted him up.

„Come on, we need to get you out of here."  
„I don't wanna go back..." Sano's voice was getting softer by every second.  
„We're not going back."  
„Shinpachi?" it came in a low mumble and the body of his friend grew a little heavier.  
„Yeah?"  
„Make it stop." The voice was less than a whisper now, but even despite that, the desperate words sounded clearly for Shinpachi. He fastened his grasp around the heavy body of his friend.  
„I will, Sano, I will."  
I promise, he added in his mind as he felt Sano's body going limp in his arms. 

ox*xo

The next time Sano woke up, he had a massive headache and his entire body was in pain. One by one, the memories of the previous events came back and he remembered. Blood, pain, emptiness. With a wave of nausea he remembered what he had tried and quickly repressed it. He was here. He didn't succeed. And he had to deal with the consequences. But not now. He had just a moment to be filled with deep sadness and anxiety, before he realized with a start, that this wasn't his room. He was lieing in a soft bed, and the room was fully heated. And he wasn't alone. There was the sound of scribbling and he realized that what had woken him was the gentle humming coming from the same direction.

Sano opened his eyes.

He instantly recognized it and more memories came to him.  
He had woken up at home, after he'd sliced his gut open. But his gut wasn't open. The place where the cut went was itching and seemed to be healing. He had also stoped bleeding. Disappointed that he hadn't succeeded and feeling lost and not knowing what to do, he had gone to call Shinpachi. His friend came for him and since then things were dark.

Had Shinpachi taken him to his place?  
And how long had Sano been out?

Sano knew he should be worrying about work and school, but somehow that gentle humming calmed him.

„I didn't know you could sing."

Shinpachi jumped in his chair from startlement and spun around.

„Sano!"  
In a flash he was next to the bed and blue eyes were looking at him worriedly.  
„Did I wake you? Sorry. You were squirming and I thought you had another bad dream. This was the only song that seemed to work against them."  
„What song was that?"  
„Just a lullaby my granny used to sing to me." Shinpachi took his hand and sat down on the bed. „How are you?"  
„My head hurts."  
Shinpachi gave him a glass of water and a white pill.  
„How long was I out?"  
„Three days."

„WHAT?"

Sano bolted upright from shock as he heard that, only to regret it a moment later and with a groan of pain, let himself be pushed back into the soft sheets.

„What the fuck do you think you are doing? You're still healing, you moron!" Shinpachi growled.  
„But the school! My jobs!"  
„Relax." Shinpachi sighed. „I called in sick for you. And I talked to Tani-sensei first thing in the morning. I told him about Ito-senpai and that you collapsed from stress. He said he would take care of it. Last thing I know, the principal decided that inspecting the issue of you working and selling yourself isn't necessary. As for your jobs – you don't need them anymore. I told Tani-sensei you accepted his proposal."  
„You did what?" Sano felt anger growing inside him, but Shinpachi only shook his shoulders.  
„It was the only way I could help you out. And you promised you would let me help you how I could, remember?"

Upon Shinpachi's pointed look, Sano had to sigh, his anger subsiding.

Of course he remembered.

It had been the first time Shinpachi had called him a friend. And friends helped each other. Maybe it was really better this way. Maybe he should finally start accepting help instead of solving his problems albeit alone, but in the most stupid way. Even though ir really scratched his pride admitting it.  
Not knowing what to say Sano looked around the room once again, when something came to him. He looked back at Shinpachi and tried his hardest not to so und like he was changing the subject.  
„Why am I here?"  
„You called me and I took you here. I cleaned and bandaged your wound, but it's probably going to scarr, since I'm not a doctor. I wasn't sure if you had insurance, so I didn't dare to take you to the hospital. Also, explaining to the doctors why your gut's sliced open, would have been a pain. Figured you would want to avoid uncomfortable questions once you woke up."

The mention of his gut brought back the issue to Sano's mind. He squirmed in the bed as this sickening feeling of anxiety returned to him and he realized that not thinking about it wasn't going to make it go away. He didn't succeed, so he had to man up and deal. Grow some balls and face it.

And Shinpachi looked like he should ask about it any moment.

Shinpachi, who had helped him.  
Shinpachi, who had nursed him.  
Shinpachi, who had been nothing but a friend to Sano.  
Shinpachi, his brother.

The least Sano owed him was a thanks and an explanation.  
„Thank you."  
„No prob."  
Sano saw that Shinpachi had the question at the tip of his tongue, but didn't dare to ask. So, drawing a deep breath, Sano asked his.  
„How did I survive?"  
While Sano really wanted to know that, at the same time it was serving as a confirmation to Shinpachi's unasked question: Have you really attempted to kill yourself?  
And indeed, Shinpachi looked like his suspicions had been confirmed. For a moment his friend had this really sad look in his eyes, before he looked away and staring at a random point on the wall, he answered blankly.  
„The cut was too shallow. It started to heal before you blead out."

Sano knew that expression.

It was the one he had, when he was dealing with his parents.

The look of complete apathy, a shield against emotions.

He had never expected to see it on his open, straightforward, outgoing, extroverted friend. And being the one to cause it, being the one who had hurt his friend so much...

„Why did you do it?"

Shinpachi interrupted his train of thought and sharp, azure eyes settled on him.  
Sano swallowed. It seemed that Shinpachi had far more courage, dealing with his pain and hurt right away.

Sano looked away.

„I..." he swallowed again, his throat constricted and oddly dry. „What Ito-senpai said to me...I thought about it. You know, he was right. I don't have any reason for wanting to live."  
„And why would you need one?"

At Shinpachi's words, Sano had to blink.

„Look, people have this bad habit of looking for various reasons to live and they forget that the sole reason for living, is life. Life has been given to us so we could live it, it's as easy."  
Sano stared blankly at his friend.  
„God wanted you to live, that's why you're here. Doesn't your survival only prove that?"  
Sano blinked again.  
„God? Don't tell me you're Christian."  
„Shut up." Shinpachi looked away. „My family is. And it sounded like something my granny would say. And I always find much wisdom in her words."  
A small smile made it's way on Sano's face.

„You talk a lot about your granny."

„I thought, I told you to shut up."

„Sorry."

„Yeah, I talk a lot about her, so? She's the only one of our family who cares about me and not my grades, my life, my reputation, or my carreer." Shinpachi shhot him a glare. „Don't go and change the subject."  
„Sorry." Sano repeated and tried to look regretfull about his actions, but for some reason the smile refused to go away.  
„What's so funny?"  
„Nothing."  
Shinpachi growled.  
„I swear!" Sano raised his hands in defense, but in complete betrayal to his words, a small laugh escaped him.

And Shinpachi finally snapped.

„Sano, do you even realize what you have done? You tried to kill yourself!"  
The smile was wiped away from Sano's face in that instant and he suddenly realized how much he had to hurt his friend with his stupid actions.  
„I can't believe you! I thought we were friends! I thought you knew you could come to me when something bothered you. I mean, I know I'm a bad listener, an annoying person and a horrible friend, but that doesn't mean that I won't be here when you need me!"

Sano was horrified hearing those words.

„NO!" he took his friends hand and squeezed it as firmly as he managed in his weakened state. „No, no, no, no, no. Shinpachi, listen to me, listen!"  
Shinpachi's eyes were full of hurt and defiance, daring Sano to disagree.  
„Shinpachi you are not a horrible friend."  
„Yeah, right. That's why you go and leave me."  
„I wasn't leaving you!"  
„But you weren't staying because of me either."

Sano looked away, but didn't let go of the hand of his friend.

„I thought you didn't need me. You're independent enough and you could find yourself another friend."  
„I don't want another friend."  
„I know. I realize that now and I'm sorry for hurting you. I was just tired of living and all this crap. I thought that if there was no reason to, why continue struggling?"  
„That's pretty cowardly."  
„I guess so. I admit that I'm not the strongest person, or with the highest pain tolerance, or with courage like a lion, but you have to believe me when I say, that you're the best friend I could only wish for."  
Shinpachi sighed. „But only if you believe me, that you're the strongest, toughest, smartest and most courageous person I know. You just have this tendency to often overreact and you have a temper like a volcano. It's easy to anger you, as it is easy to hurt you."  
Sano didn't know about the strong, tough and courageous, but he admitted, that with everything else, Shinpachi had hit the nail on the head.  
„But I suppose, that's what I like about you so much, my friend." Shinpachi squeezed Sano's hand firmly. „Never do something like that again."  
„I won't. I promise."  
„Good."

Shinpachi let go of his hand and for a while silence settled between them, untill his friend broke it.

„So. Now that you don't have to woorry about work and money, what do you intend to do with your free time?"

Sano shook his shoulders.

„I don't know, actually. Study? Maybe I could visit the dojo more often? Find a hobby?" he sighed. „It's gonna be a lot harder to ignore my parents now with all this free time, I suppose, so I'll probably work on that." His beloved parents, Sano thought sarcastically. The reason he lived and the reason he wanted to die. He wished they were different. He wished they weren't his. Anyhow, he wished he didn't have to deal with them the way they were now. „Sometimes I wish I didn't have to live there." He couldn't help but admitting that to Shinpachi. At least his friend listened when Sano talked. „I wish I had somewhere else to go. Your place is fine, but I can't hang around here every spare minute of my time."  
„Why not? It's big enough and I live alone."  
„It wouldn't be independent." Sano was sick of depending on people.  
Shinpachi nodded and for a moment he hesitated, before he spoke. „And if I could give you an independent place to stay?"  
Sano looked in surprise at him friend. „What?"  
Shinpachi looked at him. „Not that independent, mind you, but..." his friend sighed once again, before he started explaining „Recently I and a few buddies of mine formed a gang. That's actually why I haven't been going to the dojo that often anymore." He frowned iin though. „Though I doubt it could be called a gang. We just hang out at old warehouses, drink beer and smoke, get into fights with other thugs and do other useless things, out of sheer boredom and for the lack of better things to do. Probably nothing you would understand, with the busy life you had, but I could arrange that you could visit the hide-out and sleep there. Though my buddies would probably make you join."  
Sano contemplated. Street life against his parents.  
„I'll think about it." 

ox*xo

A month later Sano was a fully integrated member of the 'gang' and couldn't be happier about it. Shinpachi's buddies were nothing like the rich, spoiled brats at school. Most of them were abandoned, unwanted and neglected kids. They had accepted him completely in their middle, after Shinpachi introduced him to them two weeks after he proposed it to him. They didn't make him feel left out, but they also minded their own business when they saw he didn't feel like having company. They gave him a place of quiet and peace, where he could, sleep, learn, or simply hang out at when he didn't feel like going home. In turn he helped them to fight rival gangs, who made advances into their territory.

The fights were the best.

Finally Sano could go out with full strength against someone other than Shinpachi, without holding back. Let his anger out. Vent his frustration. He finally found equals in strength. He knew it was a primitive way of anger management, but it was the most effective. And Sano never really lost control over himself. He always knew when his oponent had enough, when to stop the fight before it got too far.  
The fights made his days exciting, and yet there was still something he missed, even though he didn't know what. He just sometimes felt disappointed if this was all that was there to life, but then Shinpachi would show up from wherever he had been and Sano would stop feeling that way.  
And then there were days when he couldn't shake the feeling off. It was bugging him, because he finally found happiness and couldn't even enjoy it.

Untill one day turned it all around.

It was the middle of summer, on a mercilessly hot and restless day, when the air was standing still and the Sun was scorching. It left the gang feeling itchy and in need for something to happen that would make them forget that it was so fucking hot...in other words, a perfect day for a fight.

They have been hanging around the borders of their territory, drinking cold beer and smoking cigarettes, when on the other end of the alley, the guys appeared. They told them to fuck off, but the handsom, purple haired guy with fascinating crimson eyes, who was no doubt their leader, just sniped back at them cheekily. It didn't take them too long to get from point A to point B.

Sano had been home previously that day, so he wasn't in the best of his mood. He decided to deal with the leader. He took his razorblade, which was a lot more effective than that old iron bar and took a swing at the handsom guy's neck. The handsom guy dodged (which Sano was secretly really gratefull for) and for a split moment, their eyes met. Briefly, the thought that he had never seen such eyes flashed through Sano's mind, when said eyes suddenly glinted and the handsom guy pulled out a gun, seemingly out of nowhere. Sano barely had the time to realize that the hammer was pulled back, when the first shout sounded.

It took his two seconds to realize that he had dodged it and another second to realize that he was trembling with excitement. After that they went wild.

Normally, the rule no. 1 of street fights would have been, that once you see a gun, run. But Sano found that he didn't want to. Or more specifically, his body didn't want to obey this rule, not after it found out that it could dodge a shot. They didn't even notice that soon their fellow gangmates stoped fighting each other and formed a circle around the two of them. Time and space stoped to matter, they were caught in their own little world full of exciting fights.

Soon the second shot sounded, then the third and the fourth.

Handsom guy had only two more shots.

Sano made a faint and aimed at handsom guy's face. There went the fifth shot and a small tricke of blood was now decorating the tan skin of the left cheek.

The rest of their fight went in a flash.

Sano jumped forward at the same time handsom guy moved in a hazy blur of colors, the stray locks of their hair flying around them. And then the world came back.

They stood in the middle of the circle made by their fellows.  
Handsom guy's gun was pointing at Sano's head, point blank, hammer pulled back, index finger on the trigger.  
Sano's razorblade was pressing against the jugular vein of handsom guy, a small trickle of blood flowing from where it broke the skin.

Handsom guy was grinning from ear to ear and with a start Sano realized that he was too.

And then they both laughed.

It was a deep, resonating laughter, that echoed the walls of the abandoned alley.

Simultanously they lowered their weapons.

Handsom guy spoke to his gangmates, but his eyes never left Sano, sparkling with mischief.  
„We're leaving! There are some monsters in this part of the town!" he laughed and then leaned towards Sano. „But we'll be back. And when we do, I would really like to call you by your name, pretty boy."  
Sano's eyebrow lifted itself as he heard how the guy called him, but he didn't comment on it. He supposed it was fair enough, since Sano called him handsom guy.

„Harada Sanosuke."

„Harada Sanosuke." Handsom guy repeated and the straightened himself up. „You better remember my name then, untill we meet again: Shiranui Kyou." With that he turned around and walked away, while Sano was left staring at his retreating back.  
„Shiranui Kyou." He mumbled and then smirked. He had a nice ass. 

ox*xo

As Shiranui predicted, they met again, but Sano doubted it had been coincidence from the crimson-eyed's part. One day, when Sano was walking the route from his home to the hideout, Shiranui had simply been there, waiting for him in one of the alleys. The third time Shiranui had crossed his ways, after Sano left the dojo and headed to meet up with the gang at the park. He simply jumped down from the top of a four storey building, landing gracefully like a panther right in front of Sano. The fourth time Shiranui had surprised him at the abandoned docks. They fought together each time and each time it ended in a nearly-death-situation draw. Ironically, Sano had never felt so alive as during those fights.

The fifth time had the charm.

They have been fighting each other at the abandoned docks again, near to the old harbour when it happened.

The fight had taken longer than th eother ones and they were, both exhausted, taking a small break, before they continued. Shiranui was loading his gun for the third time that day and Sano was leaning on the wall, smoking his third cigarette, when the pruple haired spoke up.

„I actually didn't expect you to last this long, pretty boy."  
Sano chuckled. „You expected me to die at our second encounter, handsom man?"

Shiranui eyed him.

„Why do you call me handsom man?"  
„Why do you call me pretty boy?"

Shiranui snorted and finished loading his gun. „Ah well, who cares." He approached Sano and placed his hand next to Sano's face, leaning himself on it. „I'm glad you didn't." He said, while crimson eyes stared intently into amber ones.  
Sano blew the smoke into Shiranui's face, but the purple-haired male didn't as much as bat an eye.  
„I'm glad too." He rasped.

Sano was aware that he was playing with fire, but he was similary aware that he and Shiranui were on the same boat. Why else would Shiranui stick around him for so long? To get his kick out of a fight? Maybe, but that also didn't answer the question why Shiranui would want to stare at Sano's ass for more than five minutes, if he didn't have an aparent interest in it.

„Your body moves very well."  
„Oh, yeah?"  
„Yeah. You dodge the bullets well. Almost looks like dancing."

And then there were the remarks. They were said casually, by the way, always pointing out one of his better physical abilities, but they were laced with an innuendo that was very hard to miss.

„Do you dance, Harada?"  
„With you, Shiranui?"

Shiranui was dangerously close now, his breath ghosting over Sano's face. His heart was trying to hammer itself right out of Sano's chest and he heard his blood pounding in his ears. The air around him was extremely hot and he felt light headed.

So yeah, he was nervous.

Aside the fact that he had never done it with a guy, he wasn't so sure what it was that Shiranui wanted.

A casual fling?  
A fuck buddy?  
Or did he have actually honest interest in Sano?

This entire concept of relationships was new to Sano and he didn't really know what to expect, or what to do. So he decided to take it in stride and with a tip of his head, he leaned in and kissed Shiranui.  
It didn't matter what Shiranui wanted, Sano thought to himself as he parted his lips invitingly and in the same instant a hot piece of wet flesh darted inside. It didn't matter, because Sano wanted this man, if only once. He was kinda sick of being a partial virgin.

x-x

He didn't remain one for long, Shiranui made sure of that. They next time they met, this time at the other end of the town, a good deal from their territories, they did much more than kissing. And this time, fighting was just a foreplay.

In the afterglow of it, Sano laid half on Shiranui, half on his back, smoking a cigarette, wondering what it had been that had him so nervous.

He blew the smoke out through his nostrils and whispered. „Holy fuck."

From beside him Shiranui snickered.

„I admit, that for a virgin, it wasn't as bad."

Sano turned to him with both eyebrows raised.

„How did you know?" then he remembered the virgins he had taken. „No wait, on the other hand, I don't want to know."  
Shiranui smirked.  
„And besides, I wasn't entirely. A virgin, I mean. Had some girls, but that was more for money, than actual interest in them."  
„If you're gonna charge me now, I'll have to shoot ya."  
Sano smirked. „Nah. You're too good to charge you."  
„Glad to hear that."

Sano took another drag of his cigarette.

„What happens now?"  
„What do you mean by that?"  
Sano shook his shoulders, trying to be as casual as he could.  
„We fucked. And we're from rival gangs."  
„If you won't tell, I won't either."  
„Good."

Silence settled between them and Sano took another drag.

„That's not what you wanted to ask, is it?"  
Sano blew the smoke out and turned to Shiranui again.  
„You a telepath?"  
„Yeah, Spock's my dad."  
„Right." Sano looked away and smoked some more, then with a final sigh, he looked Shiranui into the eyes. „I just wonder if you want to see me again."  
Shiranui rolled his eyes. „Eternal problem with virgins: They get clingier than a sepia once you fuck them."  
„If you want me to leave, you just have to say so."  
Shiranui rolled his eyes again. „Calm you tits, moron. You're smart, you're strong, you're witty, you're great in the sack, you have a body of a greek god and really nice hair. Of course I want to see you again!"

Sano raised his eyebrow.  
„You like my hair?" He fingered one of the lose locks.

Shiranui looked away, a small flush covering his cheeks, to Sano's great amusement. „Yeah. It suits you long." His lover gave him a sideway glance and fingered one of the locks. „Accents your pretty features." There was a hint of sarcasm in the sentence, but Sano ignored it. Shiranui just wanted to cover his embarassment over being caught doing such a sappy thing as admiring his lover's hair.  
Sano had to admitt that his hair had grown really long. He was actually thinking about cutting it sometime, but now he wasn't so sure anymore.

With a smirk, Sano stifled his cigarette, after he took a final drag.

„So we dating?" he asked, returning to the previous subject, feeling bolder.  
„Ya want us to?" He felt SHiranui's gaze on him and he turned to meet the crimson eyes.  
Shiranui didn't seem too oposed to the idea of them starting a real relationship, oposite to what Sano had thought. It made him feel a little more hopefull, but at the same time, he didn't want to jump into things. Even though they had just fucked, he barely knew Shiranui.  
„How about we just go and make it up as we do?"  
Shiranui smirked. „We speak the same language, pretty boy."  
Sano returned the smirk with one of his own. „I'm glad to hear that, handsom man."

Shiranui started tracing circles into his chest and Sano subconsciously leaned into the touch.

„You didn't answer my question."  
„Which one?"  
„Do you dance, Harada?"  
„Yeah, a little. Why ya asking?"

Shiranui smirked just a bit more wickedly and Sano shivered at how dangerously sexy it looked on the man. „You'll see." 

ox*xo

And see Sano did.

For their next meeting, Shiranui sent him a message to meet him at a certain adress at 10 pm. First Sano didn't think anything of it, but as he arrived and saw Shiranui standing in front of what appeared to be an old, run-down bar, he understood that this time it wouldn't be just a simple 'let's meet and fuck number'.

A grinn split Shiranui's face as he spotted Sano.

„You're here. Great." Shiranui said as Sano was within hearing range and gave him a small 'hello' kiss.  
„Worried that I wouldn't show up?" Sano asked him when they parted.  
„Now, how would you come to that idea?"  
Sano looked around. „Where are we, by the way?"  
Shiranui jerked his thumb, pointing behind himself, to the bar.  
„This, my pretty boy, is a gay bar."  
Sano's eyebrows shot up into his hair and eyed the establishment more closely. It didn't have anything suspicious, that would indicate to a bit different clientele than the other bars in Kyoto.  
Shiranui, as if reading his thoughts, spoke. „Doesn't look like it, does it?"  
Sano shook his head. „Not at all."  
„The drinks are cheap, the dancefloor brand new and the bartender doesn't ask stupid questions." Shiranui explained and presented Sano his elbow. „Shall we? My treat."  
Sano eyed the elbow, then the bar and again the elbow, before slowly a smirk spread across his features.  
He stood himself next to Shiranui and took the offered arm. „Thank you for your invitation, handsom man."  
Shiranui grinned back at him. „My pleasure, pretty boy."

And together they entered.

The door lead to a small foreroom with a coathanger, inclosed by a dark-red curtain. Shiranui helped Sano to take his lite summer jackett off and then his own and then they passed the curtain.  
The room behind it was lit only by the dimmed lights along the walls and the big, round lustre above the dance floor, that presented itself right in front of them.  
Shiranui lead him to the counter and they sat down on two bar stools.  
„What do you want to drink?"  
Sano considered. „You said the bartender doesn't ask annoying questions?"  
Shiranui nodded, his eyes sparkling mischievously.  
Sano grinned wickedly. „I have always wanted to try a Long Island Ice Tea."  
And Shiranui ordered just that, along with a Long Beach.

They didn't wait too long for their drinks and soon they were clinking their glasses together.  
„Kanpai."  
„Kanpai."  
Sano took a sip of the drink and almost choked. The stuff was strong! But good. Strong but good. The bitter taste of alcohol and the sour limes were balancing the sweetness of the coke and gave the drink a refreshing edge. Shiranui looked like he was enjoying his drink too, drinking it in long sips.

Their eyes met.

„Do you like it?" Shiranui asked him, eyeing him a tiny bit suspisciously.  
„It's great." Sano answered, his head feeling a bit lighter. There was no helping it, even if he was no newbie to alcoholic beverages, he wasn't used to such strong stuff.

Suddenly a strong hand gripped his and pulled it gently. „Come dance."

Sano, feeling bolder, laid his glass on the counter and let himself be lead to the dancefloor. They stepe don it just as the song ended and the intro of a new one started. Sano recognized the melody as a boogie and relaxed. An easy dance.  
He felt Shiranui's arm encircle his waist and allowed himself to be lead. He waited for his partner to start and then he simply followed. Their first steps were tenatative and they held onto the basic compilation, the same by the foxtrott that followed. By the chacha they got more bolder and tried a few figures and at the quickstep they went all out. Shiranui spun him in all directions, the music around them was blaring in melodies from Culture Club, Wham! and Modern Talking and Sano felt like he was flying.

They forgot the time.  
They forgot the space around them.  
They even forgot about the drinks waiting for them at the counter.

They left the bar at the closing time as the last ones.  
Their feet were aching, they were sweating all over their bodies, their breathing was irregular and ragged, their hearts were pounding a hole into their chest and their heads were spinning from how quickly they downed the strong cocktails, they left waiitng for them the entire night. Sano wanted nothing more than another night like this.

Briefly the thought that it might as well have been his first date flashed through his mind, before he leaned into Shiranui's body and let himself be lead wherever his partner lead him. 

ox*xo

By the end of the summer Sano was sure they were dating.

They went out almost every night, danced till the early morning hours, went to the customary warehouse to have sex untill the Sun stood high in the sky and then they parted ways, Sano leaving for school, or the hideout, depending on the hour and Shiranui going to his own duties.

It was the best summer Sano could imagine. Although his initial plans had been completely different, he was glad they changed. When Sano looked back and thought about everything he went through at the start of the season, he couldn't but be glad that things turned out the way they did, in spite of everything. The only thing he regretted was that he didn't get to spend much time with Shinpachi, other than school and the occassional tutoring. He still visited the hideout, but he rarely stayed too long, having already made plans with his boyfriend.

It didn't take long before Shinpachi noticed.

It was the start of September and they were once again learning at SHinpachi's place, reviewing the past lessons, when his friend had meassured Sano with one of those unreadable, thoughtfull, dangerously observant looks that Sano had come to fear, and said: „You've been hanging out less witht he gang."

Sano felt a vague sense of déja vue, only twisted around.

„Yeah, I have stuff going on."  
Shinpachi's eyes narrowed. „Were you working?"  
Sano loooked at his friend. „No, of course not." Shinpachi didn't look too convinced and Sano tried a smile. „I don't need to, right?"  
Shinpachi eyed him for a few moments before he nodded. „Right. But that still doesn't explain why you've been hanging out less with us. You didn't grow tired of us, did you?"  
It was said casually, but something was off. And it hit Sano at the same time the feeling of déja vue came back: Shinpachi wasn't looking at him.  
Sano caught himself supressing a smile. He quickly fought it off. This wasn't the time to be laughing, his friend was serious. And Sano would be damned if he didn't know how Shinpachi felt.

„Shinpachi, look at me."

Shinpachi gave him a sideways glance.

„I'm not getting tired of you. You're my best friend, how could I? I really had just stuff going on. I promise to arrange myself more time for you, alright?" he was meeting with Shiranui today anyway, they could talk about it then. Shiranui too had his own gang he had to hang out with sometimes, after all.  
Finally Shinpachi turned to him entirely and after another thoughtfull look, he sighed and finally nodded. „Alright. I just...you're my best friend, you know that. Right?"  
Sano nodded. „Right."

x-x

Sano left the hideout half past nine that evening, after spending there two hours and proceeded to his date with his boyfriend. As always, Shiranui waited for him at the bar and before they entered they kissed deeply.  
They danced 'till after midnight and then went to the old warehouse, or their 'love shack' as they came to call it, where they had long, passionate sex. Same as every night they met, but always leaving them sated and at the same time wanting for more. Sometimes Sano wondered how Shiranui didn't grow tired of him, but if his boyfriend was expieriencing the same sensations as Sano in the throws of their shared passion, he could relate.

It wasn't untill after they finished when Sano brought the issue up, smoking his usual afterglow-smoke.

„Shinpachi has noticed that I've been around less time than before."  
„He your keeper?" Shiranui asked, stealing a drag from him.  
„No, my best friend." Sano answered and took his cigarette back, taking a drag himself. Then he turned from where he was seated in Shiranui's lap to face his boyfriend. „And we're still from rival gangs, don't forget that."  
„So? I'll simply shoot whoever finds out about us." Shiranui stole his smoke again.  
„You're imagining it to be too easy." Sano took the smoke back.  
„'Cause it is!" Shiranui made a grab for the cigarette again, but Sano pulled it out of his reach.  
„No it isn't! And leave my cigarette. If you want to smoke, get your own pack."

Shiranui sighed and put his arm down. „What do you want from me, Harada?"

Sano sucked the smoke into his lungs, then exhaled slowly. „Just saying that we should spend less time together before we get found out. Beisdes, it's true, that I and Shinpachi had been only rarely together for these past three months. I want to catch up." He hesitated. „And I don't want you to get tired of me. Next to Shinpachi, you're my only..." he trailed of, not daring to finish the sentence. He and Shiranui have never really talked about their relationship, or their feelings and Sano wasn't sure if him declaring his friendship to Shiranui didn't break an established taboo and would later ruin them. He looked at Shiranui, silently asking if he didn't go too far.

His boyfriend was just looking at him with those piercing, crimson eyes, absentmindedly stroking Sano's red locks, that previously unfastened, now hung losely over his shoulder.

„Where did you get the idea of me getting tired of you?" he asked, instead of answering and Sano cursed invardly. Next to Shinpachi and Sanji-sensei, Shiranui was the only one who could read between the lines of Sano's words and got what the discussions were really about instead of what Sano pretended it to be.  
Sano looked away and took the last drag of his almost burned down cigarette.  
„Shit happens."  
A low rumbled went through the chest underneath him as Shiranui snickered.  
„Not anytime soon, pretty boy."  
Sano had to smile and he put his smoke out.  
„Good. But I still want to spend more time with Shinpachi. Hope you won't get jealous."  
„Who, me?" Shiranui smirked. „You're being delusional, Harada."  
„Keep telling yourself that, Shiranui."  
„Fine, go and spend your share of quality time with hat idiot. As long as it's me who you fuck, I don't mind."  
Sano smirked. „You're reeking of jealousy."  
Shiranui rolled his eyes and lit another of Sano's cigarettes. 

ox*xo

As Sano made it back to the hideout with a happy bounce in his step, Shinpachi was already waiting at him at the back entrance, leaning on the wall, arms crossed at his chest. It took one look for Sano to know that something was wrong. Months of learning to read Shinpachi's expressions showed their result, as Sano regarded the folded arms, the angry frown and the corners of the mouth turned downwards in a scowl.  
The good mood gone, Sano approached his friend warily.

„Shinpachi. Did something happen?"

Without beating much around the bush, Shinpachi answered him straightforward: „I saw you."  
One of those ominous bad feelings spread through Sano's gut as he thought about what could have his freind so angry after 'seeing Sano'. His suspicions were confirmed with the next words his best friend said.  
„I was curious where you were sneaking off to and followed you. I even went into that bar. And I spied on you through the crack in the wall of the warehouse."  
Sano was speechless. No. Shinpachi couldn't have seen him with Shiranui. They would have known if they were followed...or not? Sano gulped. He had his defenses down around Shinpachi and Shiranui loved danger, so maybe they wouldn't have noticed? But more importantly, they way Shinpachi was looking at him now was chasing goosebumps down Sano's skin. His friend looked so...betrayed. And Shinpachi's fists were shaking. That meant he was either upset, or angry, both of which was never a good situation and had to be strictly avoided. Sano wanted to say something, but his throat felt oddly tight, like there was a thick rope tied around it and prevented him from speaking.

„I thought you said you weren't gay."

Those words brought Sano out of his speechlesness. Oh no...Shinpachi thought now that Sano had lied to him. But at that time, Sano hadn't lied, not really at least. He hadn't said the truth either, but that wasn't something that was to be discussed right now. Sano had to explain to Shinpachi that he hadn' t lied to him, that he would never. „I'm not!"  
Shinpachi gave him a pointed look and Sano sighed, acknowledging that this time was the time for the compelte truth to be said. „Bi. I'm bi."  
„And why didn't you tell me?"  
Shinpachi shook with anger and all Sano could do was look away and shrug.  
„You never asked that."

Shinpachi looked ready to blow something.

„That guy you met. He's from the rival gang."  
Sano was aware that Shinpachi was changing the subject, but he couldn't do anything about it. The only thing that he could do was to answer all of his friends questions and hope that his reasons were good enough for his friend to forgive Sano for not telling him such important things.  
„Yeah, I know." He admitted.  
„What the fuck have you been thinking?" Sano flinched. Shinpachi had never raised his voice at him, but now he was yelling. One part of him felt horrible, but the other part felt a sudden surge of anger shoot through him. With what right was Shinpachi yelling at him? He was neither his father, nor his mother. „Do you even realize what would happen if someone of the gang found out? And to top it, the one you have to fuck with is the absolutely most fucked up guy from the rival gang! And Evil, badmouthed, wicked, spoiled son-of-a-bitch!" Sano couldn't bear it anymore. Shinpachi was yelling at him and while he did so, he was insulting the only other friend Sano ever had. He had to stop Shinpachi before he did something to his friend he would later very much regret. Sano still had anger management issues and Shinpachi was really pushing it. „Tell me Sano WHY the FUCK-"

„I love him!"

Silence.

In spite of being the one who said them, those word surprised even Sano. Shinpachi gaped at him open-mouther and Sano mirrored that expression in no less shock than his friend.

„You love him?"

There was something else than shock in Shinpachi's face, but Sano was too stunned to think about it, as he realized at the same moment, that he meant the words he had said, the words that had flewn past his lips, coming right from the very depths of his heart.  
„Yeah." He whispered. „I love him."  
For a split moment something flashed across Shinpachi's features, but it passed too quickly for Sano to distinguish it's nature.  
Finally Shinpachi sighed, his head bowing to something similar as defeat. „Alright then. I'll cover for ya."  
Sano couldn't find the words to express the amount of relief he felt.  
„Thanks."  
Shinpachi, after a final nod, only turned around and walked away. 

ox*xo

And so the years passed.

Shinpachi stayed true to his word and never told a single soul that Sano was dating the guy from the rival gang and in turn, Sano swore to himself to never keep anything from Shinpachi again. A few days after their encounter, he had approached Shinpachi again and apologized for not telling him something like that. Shinpachi thankfully understood his reasons and accepted them and their friendship stayed in tact, for which Sano was eternally gratefull. But nonetheless tehre was something that was bothering him. Whenever Sano would mention Shiranui's name, this certain look would pass over Shinpachi's face and his friend would change the subject instantly. And whenever Sano would ignore the change of subject and go on about Shiranui, Shinpachi would blow.

It didn't take long for Sano to figure out why.

And after that, he never said Shiranui's name again in Shinpachi's presence. He tried to deal with the situation and slowly they rebuilt their friendship again. By graduation year they were inseparable, Shiranui or no Shiranui. They were considered two of the best students of their school, but they were both still largely unpopular. The trial of being an outsider, Sano supposed, but neither he nor Shinpachi cared much about that. They had each other.

Granted, it hadn't been easy at the start of Sano's relationship, but things have finally settled down into a routine and everyone was mroe relaxed by now, than when the whole mess started.

And now a new sequence in their lives would start. Graduation was a month away and they were both bent over the books, every spare second they had, Sano not forgetting the goal he had, in spite of everything that happened, and Shinpachi remembering their challenge from the first year.

But still Sano managed to squeeze in some time for his boyfriend. They made a point of meeting not less than two times a week. They always went dancing and then to 'their warehouse' where they would spend the night in each other's embrace.  
Tonight was one of those nights.  
They were currently at the bar, dancing and Shiranui was leading him to the beat of 'their song'. After three years they had developed quite some skill at this and they even gained themselves something like a name in the bar. Everyone knew them and everyone watched them dance. Sano was kinda proud of that – to be loved and praised for who he was. He had finally accepted himself with his flaws, instead of trying to change them and that was something he had mostly to thank Shiranui for.

_You pulled the grey skies out of my way,  
You make the Sun shine brighter than Doris Day._

But now that he thought about it, what would become of his realtionship with Shiranui, if Sano left for the University in Tokyo. Would it last the long distance? Or would it wither and die?

_Come on baby, let's not fight,  
We'll go dancing, everything will be alright._

Later that night, smoking his 'after-smoke', he was asking himself the same thing, deep in thought untill Shiranui snatched the cigarette from him and took a drag.

„You're gonna fry your brain."

Sano glared at him and snatched his cigarette back.

„I'm surprised you even know what a brain is."

Shiranui snorted. „How funny we are today." He took the cigarette from Sano again. „Gonna tell me what's on your mind, or will you actually mull over it untill your brain exploades this time?"  
„Is that hope in your voice?" Sano made a move for his smoke, but Shiranui pulled it out of his reach and took another drag.  
„Yeah, I've been looking for a way to get rid of your sexy ass."  
„So you finally admit it?"  
„I don't remember ever pretending."  
They glared at each other challengingly.  
„Shiranui..." Sano growled, while Shiranui just took a long, relishing drag.  
„Give me that damn cigarette."  
„Chain smoker."  
„If you don't give me that cigarette now, I'm chopping your balls off with my razor."  
„Pervert."

Sano gave a frustrated howl and charged, but Shiranui held him back and brought the cigarette out of his reach again.

„I'll give you the cigarette, if you tell me what's been bugging you."  
Sano sighed defeatedly. „It's complicated."  
„So?"  
„You'll finish the damn smoke by the time I finish explaining it to you."  
„You give me less credit than I deserve." Shiranui said and took another drag, blowing the smoke out of his nostrils. „You better start, before the smoke gets short."  
Admitting defeat, Sano settled down with his back against Shiranui's chest. „I was just thinking...I'll be leaving for Tokyo soon."

Shiranui smoked. „Yeah, you mentioned university a few times. So?"  
„Come with me." It flew out of Sano before he knew what he was saying, but then he realized that this was what he really wanted. He felt Shiranui's body jerk in surprise.  
There was a startled cough followed by a raspy „What?" and Sano turned in the lap to look into the deep crimson hues of his boyfriend, before he repeated himself.  
„Come with me. To Tokyo."  
Shiranui was looking at him with a very sober look. Then he looked away and took a very long drag.  
„What would I do there?"  
„Study." Sano offered and Shiranui snorted loudly.  
„Yeah, right. I dropped out of high school, I barely made Junior High and you don't want to know what elementary school I visited."  
„You're not dumb."  
„That's not the point. I dropped out of school cause I didn't want to go there anymore. That's not changing."  
„Then how do you imagine your future?"  
„I don't. I'm making plans to die in a street fight at the age of 30."  
„But-" Sano started to protest, but Shiranui interrupted him  
„No but, pretty boy. Not everyone is like you, wanting a better life worth living for. I never wanted anything with my life, I never waited for a big chance, I never wanted a future, where I could get succesfull, rich and old. I don't see the point. I don't need to prove myself, or anyone else at that matter, anything, I'm content with who I am and that's as who I wanna die. This is what I choose."

Sano was looking into Shiranui's eyes for a long time, the long burned down cigarette forgotten, before he turned away with a final sigh.

„Is really that how you see it?"  
„Yeah."

Sano nodded, his throat suddenly constricted at the realization what this meant. But Shiranui saved him from talking as he spoke up himself.

„I knew for a long time now, that my and your paths don't head the same way. It's already a miracle they even crossed." After a pause, Shiranui looked at him. „I'm glad they did."  
Sano found himself nodding. „Yeah, me too."  
Fun was over. Reality began.  
„Let's enjoy the little time that we have left together to the fullest."  
„Yeah, let's do that." 

ox*xo

A week later finally the days where Sano had to show the fruits of his hard work came – the exams. It was a hard week full of thinking, learning, writing, stressing, learning, thinking, writing and again stressing and then...it was over. Their results came with the local mail and Sano opened the envelope with shaking hands.

A row of straight A's greeted him.

First he couldn't believe it.

He re-read the paper thrice, untill with a victorious scream, he rushed out of the house, to the nearest phone-booth.

Shinpachi picked up after half a ring.

And to Sano's complete delight, he had won their challenge. Shinpachi had a single B, but otherwise had also A's.

They agreed to meet at the dojo to celebrate their success and perhaps sparr a little. They haven't done that in a while.

x-x

„So. What do you want to do with your life now?" Shinpachi asked him over a bottle od Kondo-san's finest sake. „University and then?"  
Sano sipped the liquid and looked into the sky. It was a warm, clear, cloudless day. Spring was in the air.  
„I don't really know." He had never really thougth about that. He knew he wanted to study, but he didn't know what he would want to become.  
„I thought about teaching." Shinpachi said. „I know it might sound stupid, but I noticed it's something I'm really good at. I mean, I was able to make you graduate on A for math. And your english is pretty decent now."

Teaching, huh? That didn't sound that bad, actually. He had a lot of exercise in that, already. Maybe he would become a PE teacher, like Sanji-sensei.

Sano smiled.

„That's a good idea. Do you mind if I join you?"  
Shinpachi smiled one of his rare smiles. Those that were neither a smirk, nor a grinn, but a true, happy smile. „Not at all."  
„Good." Sano smiled into himself and downed the cup of sake, then poured himself another one.  
They stayed like that for some time, just enjoying the company of each other and basking in the warmth of the first spring day.

On their leave, they went to say their byes and thank yous to Kondo-san, who had been much like an uncle to them for the past years. They knew it hadn't been easy for the man, much less with the debts the dojo had gotten into recently. Everyone knew Kondo-san had problems with money and feeding the growing teenagers that had found a home there was by no means easy. But Kondo-san never complained, never yelled and never judged. He was a great man and had earned himself the respect of his students.

They found him sitting on the veranda, staring at the blooming sakura tree, a sad smile on his face.

He had to hear them approach, because as they were withing hearing range, he said without turning towards them: „It had started blooming today."  
They stood themselves in front of him.  
„This tree is always the last one to bloom, but today it actually started showing it's flowers first." He focused his gaze on them. „Kind of like the two of you. For years you've been struggling, smothering your potential and now you glow like the Sun itself, exploading from it."

They didn't know what to say to those kind words, so both of them stayed silent.

„I'm glad I could help you with that at least a little." He locked his gaze onto the sakura tree again. „I wish I could help more kids like you. But with the dojo like this, it might not be possible any longer."  
Kondo-san averted his gaze to the ground and so did Shinpachi.  
„Then open a school."  
They both looked up, surprised hearing such words.  
Sano looked straight into Kondo-san's eyes. „A good school. A school that everyone who wants to learn something could visit." Then he smiled only a tiny bit mischievously. „And if you want us to, we'll come to teach there."  
Slowly a smile spread across Kondo-san's features. It was a nice dream to have: Directing a school. Maybe he would give it a try once the most of his debts were paid. And maybe it would give him something to look forward to and to fight for, when the situation seemed hopeless.  
„I'll think about it."  
And with a smile and a deep bow to the man, Sano and Shinpachi left. 

ox*xo

Sano graduated with honors.

It was a week after the letter with the grades had arrived, the day of the graduation ceremony and it was the day that he and Shinpachi would leave Kyoto. The train tickets were bought, the university accepted their applications and they got a room together in the dorms. Life could start.

The graduation was in the morning and the train left at three in the afternoon. They agreed to meet at the train station a quarter an hour before. The day before Sano had packed all of his belongings in a single bag and there was one more thing left for him to do...

Five minutes before three, Shinpachi was tapping his foot in front of the train, a single suitcase in hand, staring at his clock.  
Where the fuck was that damn bastard? The train would leave in a few minutes and-  
Suddenly he heard his name being yelled.  
He turned to the direction from where the voice came, breath already drawn to give his friend a piece of his mind, before it got blown out.  
„SANO!"  
Sano was standing in front of him, bag in hand, leaning onto his knees, trying to catch his breath. Then he looked up, grinning sheepishly.  
„Sorry I'm late."  
Right now, that was the last of Shinpachi's worries as he stared shocked at his friend.  
„Your hair!"  
Sano fingered one of the red, now short locks, grinning  
„Yeah, I cut it. I spent the last money of the stash on it. That's why I was late."  
Shinpachi reached out to finger it. „Why?"  
Sano shrugged. „Change's life." Then his smile fell. „You don't like it?"  
Shinpachi almost cried. „I liked it long. Suited you kinda..."  
Sano couldn't but chuckle, startling Shinpachi even more. „Actually, that's what Shiranui said."  
Shinpachi opened his mouth to ask another question, when the sound of the speaker sounded.

„Train departing to Tokyo-Shibuya will shortly depart. Passengers traveling to Tokyo are kindly requested to-"

Sano and Shinpachi didn't bother listening longer and hoped on the crowded train. In the department they were in, they saw no free seat and didn't bother looking for one. They had strong legs, they could stand. And in case they wanted to sit down, neither of them had problems with sitting on the floor. Given that was possible, with the people pressing so tightly against each other. Shinpachi and Sano pushed themselves into a quiet corner at the window. At least they had somewhere to look.  
Shinpachi spoke up the same moment the train moved. „Sano?"  
Sano turned to look at his friend, when he noticed he actually had to sink his gaze a little to be able to look into Shinpachi's eyes.  
„Did you shrink?" He asked before he thought and Shinpachi blushed promptly.  
„No!" His friend shot him an embarassed glare. „You grew actually."  
„Oh." Sano, his own cheeks slowly gaining an embarassed color, went back to staring out of the window. Shinpachi coughed, but Sano didn't look back at him, sparing himself and his friend the embarassment.

„I wanted to ask you...about Shiranui. Will the two of you continue to date?"

Sano's gaze fixed itself on an oil stain on the window. „We broke up." He said silently.  
„You did." Shinpachi didn't sound surprised at all. „May I ask why?"  
Sano thought about the answer to that. The train passed some old storage facilities and Sano thought of the old warehouse, when he suddenly spotted it: A lone figure atop of one of the higher buildings, long purple hair flying wildly around the wind. He was close enough for his features to be distinguished, but Sano thought that he didn't need to be. He would have recognized that person from ten miles away.

It was Shiranui.

A tan hand lifted itself and crimson eyes locked with his.

Sano was sure Shiranui saw him, even through the glass, even through the glass of the passing train, their link surpassing such material affects. For a moment their eyes met and Sano lifted his hand in a bye.

He remembered Shinpachi's question and knew the only answer he could give to that.

„It was just better that way."

„You're not for the last time in Kyoto." Even though Sano could feel his friend right beside him, his voice sounded very far away. „You'll see each other again."  
Sano thought about that.  
„Perhaps in a next life, Shinpachi."  
The building disappeared behind the tunnel and the tall figure with it. No more crimson eyes and wavy purple hair. Sano lowered his hand and sad, amber eyes turned to look at Shinpachi.  
„We said our sayonara, for this lifetime."

Shinpachi looked thoughtfull when he nodded and averted his gaze to the ground.

„Well...I know you loved him. I'm sorry that you had to break up, but...I can't say I'm sad about that."  
Sano didn't reply, so Shinpachi continued.  
„I haven't been entirely honest to you, Sano."  
Sano still didn't say anything and Shinpachi kept his gaze at the ground.  
„I didn't think I would ever tell you, but perhaps I should. You should know it."  
Shinpachi still didn't look at Sano, so he couldn't have seen the start of a smile forming on the lips of his friend.  
„You know I've never liked Shiranui and that's mainly cause I was jealous of him." Shinpachi gulped in unsureness, but the next words were steady as he spoke them. „I have been in love with you since I first saw you. As I asked you whether you were gay was because I was hoping I might have a chance dating you."  
„Shinpachi..."  
Shinpachi didn't let him even start the sentence. „I'm sorry for not telling you earlier and I understand if you are angry, but our friendship-"  
Sano knew what his friend was thinking and where he was heading with his words, years of expierience creating in him an incredible understanding of the man in front of him, so he interrupted his friend, before he reached a bad conclusion.  
„Shinpachi!"  
Shinpachi shut up, but didn't look up.

„Shinpachi, look at me."

Slowly the brownhaired head raised and unsure azure blue eyes locked with Sano's. For a moment they went wide with surprise, probably upon seeing the smile on the handsom face.  
Then Sano said two words.  
„I know. I've known for years."  
Surprise went over to shock and Shinpachi asked in a startled voice, azure eyes wide. „You knew? How?"

Sano looked away, fixing his eyes on the spring sky, that was the same shade as Shinpachi's eyes.

„It wasn't hard to understand that your anger as I mentioned Shiranui's name was in fact jealousy. After I realized that, I stoped mentioning him at all." He looked into Shinpachi's eyes again and noted that his eyes were a bit bluer than the sky. „I thought about talking it over with you, but I didn't know how. I was happy with Shiranui and wouldn't be breaking up with him only to make you happy. Nothing would change. And then I thought that maybe you would me more comfortable if you didn't know I suspected anything. So I never said anything. But fact is...I like you too. I had a crush on you since the freshman year. However, I didn't know how you felt and then Shiranui came along and I kinda settled for the one who I knew was available." He paused. „I'm sorry too. I should have talked to you about it."

Slowly the shock on the handsom face faded and got replaced with a smile.

„You like me?"

Sano returned the smile. „A lot."

Shinpachi shifted his position and suddenly Sano was very aware of how close they were standing. He could feel Shinpachi's breath on his face, the intense heat his friend's body produced and also the midsection pressed tightly against Sano's. And from the feel of it, both of their pants were becoming mildly uncomfortable. Sano was actually glad that tight jeans were slowly getting out of fashion. It would save him a few embarassing moments.

„So..." Shinpachi spoke, his voice sounding husky. „Would you date me?"

Sano smirked and instead of words, he let his actions speak for himself, as he closed the distance between them in a soft kiss.

Shinpachi's lips were rough and a bit chapped, but his mouth was incredibly hot and wet and produced wonderfull noises as Sano's tongue swept through it. His pants got a lot tighter than before too.

So yeah, he was heartbroken over his break-up, but that didn't mean that he couldn't enjoy whatever life, or karma, ot whatever cosmic might was directing his life, threw at him. And here he was, Shinpachi, his friend, his secret crush, his life-savior and anchor, melting in his arms and kissing him back like there was no tomorrow. He would be a fool not to size this oportunity.  
Neither of them cared that they were on a crowded train, with all the people staring at them as they kissed and neither did they care about the journey they had ahead of them. Nothing mattered, but the kiss they shared and the many they knew that would follow them, wherever it was their joined paths took them.

ox*xox-*-xox*xox-*-xox*xox-*-xox*xox-*-xox*xo

Before I entirely finish this shot with a 'R&R!', there are a few things I should clear out, before I'll have to answer the same questions thrice.

I know I made their high school life actually four years long instead of three. It just works better for me that way, I blame it on the school system I grew up with. Let's just pretend that there was this reform later that made the high school three years long, yes? Besides: Fanfiction, right?

Them starting to call each other by their given names after the first conversation. I know that the Japanese people aren't so benevolent with their names like western people, but this isn't supposed to be a historical exkursion through Japan of the 80ies. This is a Hakuoki AU fanfiction and in Hakuoki, they call each other Shinpachi and Sano. And I think that most of my readers can relate to the significance of the gesture.

The Star Trek pun. In the original series, there's a character named Spock, I'm sure all of you have heard of him, at some point in time. He's my second favorite character, right after McCoy, but that's not important right now. He's an alien from the planet Vulcan, and Vulcans are touch-telepaths. And they have pointed ears. I figure, the show was popular back then and the Next generation just started airing, so I guess that a teenager would associate telepathy with Spock. Feel free to throw rocks at me, if you find the pun annoying. I don't know what hit me either.

Also, if you're not familiar with cocktails – both Long Island Iced Tea and Long Beach belong to the cathegory of long drinks known as Pick-me-ups (or killer cups). They contain vodka, rum, gin, tequila and limes. Long Beach is made with cranberry juice, Long Island with Coke. Drink a few cups and you can dial the ambulance for accute alcohol poisoning. If you'll be able to find the phone right next to you.

And. There was actually supposed to be a gang war in this, but after seeing the length (which is exceeds the length of Tango towards destruction, which untill recently I considered the pinacle of my work, in the word and page count AND beats the length of my barely finished bachelor degree work by FAR) of this shot, I decided to leave it out. It wasn't as important anyway. It's purpose was more to show the strength of Sano's and Shiranui's relationship and to provide a sorta conclusion to this chapter of Sano's and Shinpachi's lives, maybe provide a chance to leave. But since the mentioned chapter of Shinpachi's and Sano's life (namely their time in the gang) wasn't as written out, I thought it for unnecessary to provide you with a conclusion for it. You can consider there was a gang-war and that it ended well enough, with nobody dead, but the gangs dissolved. Set it directly before the Kondou-talk scene.

I think that does it for the endnotes.

R&R! 


	12. 12: Rear guard

**Rating**: Younger teens, from 14 up.  
**Warnings**: kissing between males, slight angst, might contain mild spoilers for the episodes mentioned below.  
**Summary**: _05: Sanosuke and Shinpachi step forward and face their future._

Notes  
I know, it has been a long time, since I last updated and the chapter isn't even that long. But. I had alot to do in February and in the first half of March and then I just needed a break. Needed to get my mind off the constancies and duties in my life and focus on something else. I made two amvs, two chibi-stories, gone shopping and copied some literature for my MA thesis. Two days ago, I got this urge, an inspiration, if you want, to write this shot and so, here I am. I just finished it and rather like it. It got inspired by a conversation between me and **tokio_fujita** and many other things. I hope you all will like it as much as I am proud of it.

Set during Koufu, 2nd half of episode 14 and most of episode 15. 

**Rear guard**  
_#12. A good lie is easier to believe than the truth._

_„I will not retreat."  
„Wait a sec there! Are you serious about figthing with our current numbers?"  
„Are you scared?"_

Shinpachi couldn't believe the nerve of that guy!

It was just after the strategical meeting between the highest ranking members and he was still trying to calm down. He needed his focus in battle, he needed to concentrate on the matters at hand, he knew all that, but he still couldn't help it, as he clenched his hand into a fist hard enough for his fingernails to bore themselves into the skin on his palm even through the layer of leather on his hands, his entire form trembling in rage.

How dare he?

_„Nagakura-kun, do you fight only battles you know you can win?"_

How dare that man call him a coward?

„Being upset about it, won't make it go away." A calm and deep voice from beside him spoke and Shinpachi turned to see his friend approach him with long, sure, soldier-like strides. Sano looked like always: calm, collected, calculating, understanding and just simply _knowing_ what to do, or say. Somehow it pissed Shinpachi off. The sureness he couldn't feel, the calmness he couldn't understand...Sano's no-nonsense attitude could be really annoying at times.  
Shinpachi gritted his teeth. „I know, damnit." He answered as his friend came to stand right beside him. „I know it won't change his mind, or make the unnecessary death of dozens of soldiers better, but can't he see he's sending us to death? I don't mind dieing, but I refuse to die in vain, chasing for someone else's dream! A dream that's been lost long ago!" Sano didn't say anything, just took Shinpachi's hands in his. „And when I do, when I tell him what I think about his mindless, fucked-up, suicidal plan, he calls me a coward! Because I refuse to lead my men to death for someone's wishful thinking! He called me a coward! A fucking COWARD!"  
„Shinpachi..." Sano tried to reason with him, but Shinpachi didn't want to hear it. He was absolutely livid. He yanked his hands free and seized Sano by the coat, pulling his lover forward.  
„No one calls me a coward." He snarled in a deathly whisper, while amber eyes just stared at him intently.

Finally Shinpachi seemed to realize what he was doing and let Sano go with a sigh.

„Sorry. I don't know what came over me."

Sano straightened his coat and Shinpachi saw him chew back a biting response. He supressed the urge to kick the nearby stone. Sano didn't deserve this from him. His friend only wanted to help. Shinpachi was actually surprised, that he didn't already have his head nailed to the nearest tree. That was what Sano usually did to him, when Shinpachi let his anger out on his lover. Then they would fight and attempt to punch the living daylights out of each other, untill all anger poured out and they were too exhausted to get upset. And then they would talk and think about how to solve the problem without any bloodshed. But now they didn't have the time to fight each other. Not with the upcoming battle lingering over them like a sword of vengence. So they both held the tension back, to the point where Shinpachi almost pitied their enemies. Almost.

He was torn out of his musings by the mildly sardonic voice of his lover.

„There goes my self-sacrificing effort."  
„Huh?"

Sano sighed.

„I managed to calm you down enough for you to be civil just a few hours ago. And now you're out for blood again. Sheesh, I have never worked so hard in my life as now. It's even worse than the mess after the Abura-Kouji incident. Making you civil again is a task of monumental proportions. If I don't get a raise soon, I quit this job."  
Amber eyes glinted dangerously and Shinpachi's hand went to scratch the back of his head. He had to look away, the tension and guilt for upsetting his lover like that unbearable.

„Sorry..."

There was a heavy sigh and the shifting of fabric and suddenly something impossibly warm tugging on his arm, before gently covering his hands.

„Your hands are stone cold again." Sano spoke, and then there was heat.  
Shinpachi turned in surprise, only to see his hands underneath Sano's shirt, pressing against the warm belly, the ever-present bandages soft beneath his calloused fingers. As usually, Sano was warm as a heart and Shinpachi couldn't but lean into the heat.  
„Why are you so obsessed with keeping my hands warm?" Shinpachi wondered out loud. It wasn't like it would lessen his anger, after all.  
„Why are you so obsessed with being pissed at Kondo-san?" Sano threw back at him.  
Shinpachi looked at his friend and their eyes met again.  
„Because he pisses me off."  
Sano sighed but otherwise didn't reply. For a while they were silent, neither of them really knowing what to say, ignoring the impact the truth of those word had, untill Sano spoke again, his voice slightly defeated.  
„It hasn't been always like this."  
Shinpachi looked to the ground. „But it's not a recent developement either. You heard how he talks. And it's not exactly coinciding with the way I think." He snorted. „Never did actually, in the first place."  
Underneath the shirt, Sano rubbed his hands reassuringly, before he spoke silently.  
„I know, Shin. I know."

Upon hearing that nickname, Shinpachi faltered.

He could count the times Sano had called him Shin on one hand, recalling the details of each of them very vividly. It made him feel unsettled. Sano rarely called him Shin. Already calling him by his first name, so intimately without a honorific was, even for the nonchalant and outward Sano, a sign of how very close they were. Sure, most of the people around him called Shinpachi by his first name, but hearing it from Sano always felt more intimate than from anyone else. Thus calling Shinpachi by an even less formal name, was reserved only for the deepest and most intimate moments they spent together, when things were bad, the times were desperate and they needed to feel that even if everything else faded away, even if the entire world shattered and the ground beneath their feet fell apart, they would have each other left. When Sano called him Shin, it was always a promise, an assurance, like a shelter from the storm that was about to come. It never failed to make Shinpachi feel safe and loved, both of which quickly became rare phenomena for the times they lived in.

He caught himself wondering what price they would have to pay for it.

The answer didn't keep him waiting for long. Just a few hours later, when they were surrounded by fire, noise and death, Shinpachi knew that the price for the feeling of safety and love has gotten very high. The amazing body-heat, the smell of sandal-wood, musk and sea and hearing the husky baritone speaking to him in a low whisper from right besides him, or guarding his back, had always been very reassuring to Shinpachi. A sense of safety spread through him and he felt like he could achieve the impossible, with his friend just right there, having his back. He didn't have to worry about a surprise attack, when he knew, Sano was there. The proud spear-wielder would take care of it and Shinpachi could concentrate on the task at hand. That was probably why he fell in love with his friend in the first place. Sano wasn't someone Shinpachi needed to protect, in an addition to the mountain of his worries. Sano could take care of himself and support Shinpachi in everything. Shinpachi returned this support and helped the passionate red-head whenever there was a need to, but he never really had to worry about Sano. He knew that the warrior was more than capable of dealing with his issues on his own and Shinpachi let him do just that, but still stayed ready, in case Sano would need him, would ask for his assistance. There was a deep trust in their relationship that went beyond everything that Shinpachi had ever expierienced. What was more, he could rely on Sano. He knew that if he needed to, Shinpachi could depend on his friend in everything. He could probably stake his own life on the red-head and Sano wouldn't disappoint him.

They were partners, after all.

They held to each other in everything that crossed them.

In everything.

As Shinpachi blocked another blow from the swords of the Rasetsu that surrounded them, suddenly a question arose deep inside of him.

Really in everything?

Shinpachi blocked another blow and pierced his sword right through the left side of his oponent's chest and the Rasetsu fell to the ground as red eyes glowed for one last time.  
Shinpachi stared at the body for a small moment as a trail of thoughts flashed through his mind, before he turned to block the attack of another oponent.

Why was he even doing this?  
Leading his men to a fight he barely believed in?  
Why was he following the orders of someone who wanted to be his master, a master he didn't choose?

Because he was a samurai?

No.  
That hadn't been his desire and as far as he could tell, it wasn't the desire of his men. At least not such a great desire to be worth dieing for.

Maybe he wasn't made of the same stuff samurai were made of.

Yes.  
That was something he had felt long ago. What Kondo-san had been chasing his entire life, Shinpachi wasn't sure he himself had ever wanted.

Their paths were different.

And it was time to grow up and face what he so convenieintly refused to face untill now.

Untill now Shinpachi had been feeling well with Kondo-san, felt right serving the Shinsengumi, but maybe it had been just the comfort and the regular pay speaking and making him close his eyes over their differences. That hadn't been honest, neither to himself, neither to Sano, neither to Kondo-san, nor to everyone else.

It wasn't right like this.

And so there was only one right thing Shinpachi could do.

And the only question he found asking himself, as he defeated yet another fake demon with a stab of his sword was, whether Sano would have his back in this. 

ox*xo

That question didn't leave him alone even after the battle was over, nor after they moved to the hatamoto residence, or as everyone sympathized with Kondo-san and helped him licking his wounded pride. It occupied Shinpachi more than it should have and it woke the need in him to rethink everything. And so one night, when the sky was clear and he attained good sake, Shinpachi snuck out to do just that – drink good sake, watch the stars and think.  
And as he sat there, on a veranda in a secluded part of the mansion, drinking good sake and watching the stars of Edo, he remembered.  
He remembered the nights in the capital city, when the worries plaguing him now, were nothing but flies, the nights of bright stars, sweet, exquisite drinks and love so gentle and kind, yet stormy and passionate, that no lesser man would get jealous of everything he had.  
And Shinpachi found that, at that time, a time that seemed so long ago, he had been right: The stars were brighter in Kyoto than in Edo. And he said that as the Edo boy he was, the city kid his lover sometimes teased him to be, when they were alone and no one heard their bickering, that was really just a foreplay to what was about to come.

That had been everything to Shinpachi.

It had meant the world to be with that person and he would have done everything for it to remain.

And he realized that it was time to let go.

„You're leaving, aren't you?"

At the sound of the voice, Shinpachi looked up to see the person he had been just thinking of, standing a few feet away, regarding him with sad, amber eyes, a small knowing smile playing on his lips.  
Shinpachi never knew what to think of Sano's smile. It was beautiful, sure, but on the other hand, it always seemed unbelievably sad.  
His lover approached him and sat down next to him while Shinpachi just watched the man.

Harada Sanosuke.

Beautiful, handsom, gorgeous Harada Sanosuke.

Smart, witty, strong, brave Harada Sanosuke.

Harada Sanosuke, who was in spite of his low upbringing smart enough to be the advisor of the captain. Harada Sanosuke, whom even the most strict vice trusted as much, as to make him always the rear guard, the last line of defense, the unpenetraneable wall to guard them when everything failed.

The proud spear-wielder Harada Sanosuke.

His beloved Sano.

„I won't ask you to come with me." Shinpachi knew he would miss his friend, but he couldn't ask of Sano to abandon his life, his friends, his hard-earned position, just because Shinpachi didn't feel well around Kondo-san anymore. Sano looked at him with a question in his eyes, probably asking himself whether this was the end of them, if that was how Shinpachi meant his words. But this wasn't how Shinpachi wanted them to part. To be honest Shinpachi didn't want them to part at all, but...

He looked towards the skies again.

„I mean, what would the Shinsengumi be without their rear guard, the most important man in battle? The unit without their leader? Or Kondo-san without his advisor? Or Hijikata-san without his right hand? And I? I would understand if you stayed, but...but I wouldn't mind if you joined me."

But it wasn't his decision to make.

„And you can't stay."

It sounded like a statement and a question at the same time and, even though he knew that Sano understood and accepted his decision to leave, Shinpachi felt, he needed to explain it. He owed at least that much to his friend, who had always been so much more to him. A partner. A lover. His _comrade_.  
„Things would get ugly if I did." The memories of the recent events and the battle of Koufu flashed through Shinpachi's mind and he knew it was true, painfull as it was. He averted his gaze from the skies to the ground and continued. „You heard them and you saw it. I and Kondo-san are simply too different to get along. I have known that for years. I followed him and Hijikata-san, because I liked them, because I admired their courage and resolve. I want to keep it that way." He realized that with a start and had to smile. Yes. He wanted his memories of Hijikata-san and Kondo-san be pleasent and not tinted with anger, shame and regret.

„You still respect them. And that's why you're leaving."

Of course Sano understood and translated into a single sentence what Shinpachi was trying to say with so many words. He had always been like that. Looking beneath the surface, seeing the line leading from one point to another straighter than anyone else. Maybe that's why he always had a solution to everything. It made him a good advisor. And so he surely knew what had to be done now.

„The pot will overflow if a single drop will drop. I don't want us to part on bad terms with each other. Neither Hijikata-san nor Kondo-san deserve that."

He finally looked at Sano and found sad amber eyes, now worried, still watching him.

„Has anyone ever told you that you have a heart of gold, Shinpachi?"

Shinpachi snorted.  
„You sound like that's a bad thing."  
„It's just rare nowadays."  
„But that doesn't make it a bad thing."  
„No." Sano looked away. „It's just that I fear someone will use it against you, one day."  
Shinpachi laid his hand on Sano's and amber eyes looked up again, meeting his saphires. The warm sunrise meeting the ocean's cold depths. The golden Sun lighting up the azure skies. Day meeting night. Fire meeting water. A heavenly battle. And then the peace of a new day.  
Shinpachi shook his head a little to regain control over his thoughts. Then, he smiled a small smile. Sano was right. He was still an airhead and the world they lived in gave birth to a lot of people that wouldn't hesitate to take advantage of that. Shinpachi admitted to himself, that he still needed his friend.

„When that happens, I'm counting on you to be there and help me."

It wasn't a demand. It wasn't even a request. It didn't have half of the resolve of a question. It was just a tiny sliver of hope, a chance that his friend would stay with him. Support him and rely on him, like Shinpachi supported and relied on his friend. His lover and partner. His comrade.

Sano's lips quirked defeatedly a little smirk.

„Save your sorry ass out of the sling, huh?"

„Well," Shinpachi shook his shoulders, not able to stop his own smirk from forming on his lips. „You _are_ the rear guard."  
For several moments a stunned silence responded to Shinpachi's words, and Shinpachi seriously thought he had finally gotten himself killed with his thoughtless words, when suddenly Sano threw his head back and laughed. It was a deep, resonating, infectious laughter, one that any man would laugh once he heard a good joke, joyfull, happy and free, lifting the tension and sadness from his shoulders and soon Shinpachi was laughing too, laughing his worries and sorrows away.  
„YOU BASTARD!" Sano hollered between laughs, while Shinpachi just shook. „I'm trying to cheer you up and you're being an ass!"  
„You were asking for it! I can't let a comment like that slide!" Shinpachi shouted in defense and met Sano's sparkling eyes. Sparkling amber eyes, shimmering like the mighty Sun itself.

And before they knew it, their lips were touching in a clumsy attempt of a kiss.

Well, it wasn't easy to kiss, while your entire body was shaking with laughter, trying to supress chuckles behind closed lips, but still wanting to open up for the one you loved more than life itself.

Somehow, between their teeth clashing and their lips snorting out spit in the last remains of their previous outburst, they managed.

And as their mouths finally locked, in a bond that was beyond everything physical, Shinpachi knew, that wherever he went, Sano would be there, like a steady rock amidst a lawa flow.

ox*xo-OMAKE-ox*xo

Everyone was glad that Kondo-san was back.

Really everyone.

Starting from Hijikata-san, ending with Sano, everyone.

Of course, Shinpachi was glad too.

It wasn't that he hated Kondo-san, it was quite the contrary. He respected the man and he wanted to part his ways with him while he still did. And he hoped that Kondo-san would understand that. Sano had already pointed out to him, that with the rules the Shinsengumi were responsible to and things being the way they were, Kondo-san might not show as much understanding as he usually did, accepting the truth of his reason and freeing him from his service, but Shinpachi had to try.

So as everyone surrounded their captain with a happy look on their faces, glad an relieved that their commander was doing well, Shinpachi made his way through the crowd with serious azure eyes.

„Kondou-san!" he called and the last crowd of spectators stepped aside to give him a clear sight of the man, who had been his friend for a very long time. „I'd like to have a word with you, is that alright?" He used a formal phrase to show his resolve. Shinpachi rarely spoke the formal language he had been taught since he could hold a short boken, but this time he wanted everything cleared out and final, without any possibbilities of return. A final line.  
„What's wrong, Nagakura-kun? You sound so formal."  
He approached Kondo-san with sure steps, not faltering in his decision.  
„I have some private issues I want to discuss. Let's go somewhere else." He heard how serious his voice was and he hoped no one understood it like he held a grudge against Kondo-san. Shinpachi valued that man like a brother.  
He felt a burning, amber gaze on him, but he didn't turn to meet it with his own. Sano never gave him a yes, never told him in actual words, that he would accompany him and Shinpachi knew that Sano would be deciding untill the last possible moment, weighing his options carefully and with wisdom that not many men had, just for his decision to be the right one. Shinpachi didn't want to influence that.  
So, without any other word, he turned around and lead Kondo-san to the privacy of the mansion, feeling everyone's eyes on him, in the busy courtyard. He didn't hear as much as he felt the steps that followed them, in a sure soldier-like stride and even if he didn't have any kind of assurance, that it was the one, he wanted by his side the most in this life, even if he couldn't hear the following conversation, he felt his spirits lifted, and his resolve strenghtened with the presence guarding his back.

„You too, Harada?"

Hijikata-san asked, as Sano reached him with that sure, slow stride. Of course he had known. Hijikata-san prided himself with always knowing what was going on within the hearts of his men, even if their thoughts remained a mystery. His friend then, a man he had trusted with his back and with the back of the entire organization so many times, stopped and looked at him with impossibly gentle eyes. He had a look, that had been often a support to everyone who approached him to ask his advice, an advice that Hijikata-san himself had often found seeking and it never let him down.

„Yeah. If that's what Shinpachi wants, I'll probably go with him."

And that was just that, Sano thought. He would follow Shinpachi everywhere, far beyond where Enma waited, far into the darkest pits of hell and back, because he knew, he understood, that Shinpachi needed him just as much as he needed Shinpachi. There was no hiding it, no denying this one, simple truth. No running away from emotions as limitless as the sky of Shinpachi's azure blue eyes.

No leaving behind.

And so he stepped forward to follow the retreating back of his friend.

ox*xo*ox*-*-END-*-*xo*ox*xo

So, I hope, you liked it.  
If you have any questions regarding this, PM me, comment, or contact me in any way that I supposedly won't find creepy.  
I'm not sure when I can post the next shot, since I have some work to do till the start of May, but I think, I should be able to finish the next „kiss" before the end of April. I hope, at least.

That's all, folks! For now.

R&R!

Mana 


	13. 03: Embracing life

**Rating**: 14/15 of age for the themes, but no graphic scenes appear  
**Warnings**: It starrs Shiranui, so it should be obvious. Blood, drinking blood, killing, themes of life and death...(It sounds like a massacre, but it's not, I swear)

Disclaimer: _I do not own Hakuoki, or any of it's characters. The creators do. My muse owns the idea of the fic, myself the work and the time I put into writing it. Credit me at least those, ok?_

Author's notes

No, I actually don't have the time to write this. Yes, I should be working on something else, namely my thesis. I really love this challenge, don't I?

Set during the early Meiji Restoration, during Shinpachi's time under the protection of Matsumae in Edo. The historical facts as they appear in the fic are checked and in a large quantity taken from _shinsengumi-no-makoto net_.  
Also, this fic points back to several previous chapters of the challenge, namely „Meet me there", „Rear guard" and „Wearing the attire". Most of the early Meiji chapters will do that, so if you haven't read the Hekketsu-roku chapters, or have forgotten the details, at least scroll over them again. It gives a nice whole, when you do, however, it is not recquired in order to understand the chapter. There will be one more Hekketsu-roku chapter, but I haven't started writing it yet and since my time is limited now, I decided to work on those chapters I have at least written a line in. Once I have the time I'll write it, prioriticised.

**Embracing life**  
_#03. a deal is a deal._

Everyone had hoped, that after the war ended, things would go back to how they had been before.

What foolish naiveté that had been! A wish of an infant, that didn't know anything about the roughness of the world outside, sheltered and spoiled by his parents, cherished and protected, loved...and yet so naive.

So much like Shinpachi had once been, Sano mused.

But to be fair, everyone had been upset when after the war, Choshuu suddenly changed their policy. Even though it shouldn't have come as a surprise. During the early years, before the war broke out, there had been rumors about different factions within the clan, but they never got confirmed.  
And after everything settled down, after the countless casualties and the endless rivers of blood of the ones that had fallen, after everything was done and over with, that faction won on power and turned everything around 180.  
The Bakufu followers were in prison, or under protection of their clans, if those had sided with Sacho and foreigners were streaming into the land.

If Sano wasn't so exhausted, he would have rebelled. He would have stood up and spoken about treason and death, demanded punishment and vengence, but he didn't. He was too exhausted to even feel angry, so he left the issue to others. Not that there were many of people who felt that way. And those that felt like that, were either in prison, or under the strict orders to shut up and follow. Or proclaimed dead.

Sano sighed.

He was so exhausted.

It was still in the middle of the day, the Sun stood high in the sky and descended only slowly to the west and kept robbing him off his energy, his life force, his willpower...his everything.  
He should have never agreed.  
He should have never let himself be presuaded into drinking the ochimizu.  
He should have just died and been over with it.

Instead he was now seeing these days of change, days of destruction, days that trampled everything he had once admired and fought for.  
And to make it worse, his comrades, the only survivors of the war, were all in prison. Saito was in prison. _Saito_ was in prison. Saito who had once helped him a lot. Saito who had always cared about them. Saito who did nothing wrong, except of choosing to side with his comrades.  
Shimada was in prison. Shimada, who had once saved Shinpachi's life. Shimada, who had been nothing else than a friend to them. Shimada, with his huge body, but with even a bigger heart. Shimada, their friend.  
And Shinpachi. Shinpachi wasn't in prison. Shinpachi, was under the protection of the Matsumae clan and ordered to stay out of trouble. Which was not only a task of monumental proportions, as trouble seemed to be Shinpachi's _imina_, but also one, that the warrior with the piercing eyes hated with his entire being. He hated the fact that he was safe, while his friends suffered. His two best friends.  
And maybe more than that, he hated the fact that he could barely see Sano.  
It was progressively difficult to move around during the day, with the half of the city recognizing him as 'one of the enemies', and it was dangerous during the night. He got already attacked twice, when he went to see his lover. Not that Shinpachi couldn't take care of himself, but Sano had it in his nature to worry about the ones he loved. Especially if they had been attacked twice in a week. In sneak attacks. Sneak attacks, that Sano was supposed to take care of. It was his job, damnit...or rather, it had been his job. He was dead, after all. He wasn't supposed to work.

He was so exhausted...

There was the sound of footsteps outside and suddenly the door slid open, to reveal the light of the day and a man in his early thirties, with brown hair and sparkling blue eyes.  
Shinpachi was panting like he'd ran the entire way from the city to this small hut in the outskirts of Edo...or Tokyo, as the new government called it.  
Sano wasn't surprised to see his friend. Shinpachi sometimes felt the need to check on him even during the day, see if his lover didn't need anything. Anything red and coppery, Sano added in his mind.

Sano sighed, feeling even more exhausted.

„Shinpachi." He acknowledged his friend with a nod.  
„Sano!" Shinpachi slid the door closed and approached him. „I came to check on you and it looks like I did good. You're supposed to be resting."  
„I'm too exhausted to rest." Sano answered simply and Shinpachi looked at him with sad saphire eyes, before he sat down next to him onto the matt, leaning himself against the wall, just as his lover.  
„How are you?"  
„Exhausted."  
Sano heard Shinpachi next to him sigh. „I'm sorry. Perhaps it wasn't such a good idea, as I initially thought."  
Shinpachi sounded so sad and so full of regrett, that Sano begun to feel bad himself. He turned his head to meet Shinpachi's eyes in reassurence.  
„You did what you thought was best. There's nothing wrong with that. And besides, I agreed to drink ochimizu. I am the one responsible."  
Shinpachi smiled a sad smile. „You always say that, Sano. You always want to take all of the responsibility on yourself."  
Sano would have replied something along the lines of „A man has to do what a man should", but then he noticed a red stain on Shinpachi's headband, that had been hidden by the dark hair untill now, and his heightened senses picked up a familiar smell, that sparked an animalistic instinct in Sano's gut, he managed to supress somehow.

„Is that blood?"  
Shinpachi smirked, but it had not a bit of happiness.  
„Figures that you'd notice. Yeah." He raised his left hand and took his armpad off. Sano's breath picked up. There, across Shinpachi's left forearm, was a giant gash. „I got attacked, not far from here. I think he was waiting for me."  
„Waiting for you."  
„Yeah."  
„Someone was waiting for you not far from here."  
„Yeah."

As their eyes met, Sano knew they had both the same thought.

„Do you think we were found out?"  
„I don't know. Maybe." Then Shinpachi looked away, hesitating for a moment, before speaking again. „Do you remember Suzuki-kun? Suzuki Mikisaburo? Ito-san's younger brother? Well, I ran across of him today. He greeted me politely, but I could see in his eyes, that secretly he wanted to kill me. He also didn't seem surprised to see me, like he'd known all along I would be going down that street today. I didn't know what to think of it."  
„Is it possible that he knows?"  
„I'm not sure. But I don't think we're safe here anymore."

Silence settled between them after this, both of them overthinking what it would mean, if anyone found out, that former rear guard of the fearsom Shinsengumi, Harada Sanosuke was alive.

„You should get that treated." Sano sounded, as he concluded, that he could meditate on the matter later. Now there were more important things to deal with, like Shinpachi's injury. Least it got infected and then Sano would be dieing alone. That, and the smell of blood was slowly getting to him.  
Shinpachi wordlessly extended his injured arm towards him.  
„Saliva is supposed to be a good desinfectant."  
Sano gave him a disgusted look and Shinpachi sighed heavily.  
„Sano, no matter how much you hate it, you need it. Take it. I don't mind."  
Sano stared at the bleeding wound, feeling slightly dizzy, but drawn to the sweet coppery smell.  
He gritted his teeth.  
„It's just so...disgusting, if I think about it. So abominable." He spat out.  
Their eyes met, defiant amber with sharp saphire, and their looks fought a fierce battle, neither willing to give in.  
„Being upset about it, won't make it go away." Shinpachi spoke to him the same words that Sano once used to make him see the situation with cool rationality. He hated it. He hated how the tables turned and now Shinpachi had all the arguments and Sano just had to listen and do what was the best in his condition. But what he hated the most was, that Shinpachi was right. Even though Sano was supposed to be the smart one and Shinpachi the thickhead. Maybe he was just being too much of a moralist, because even though he needed to drink the blood, it still didn't change the fact, that the entire concept was simply sick.  
His thoughts had to reflect in his eyes, because Shinpachi suddenly sounded, speaking in a voice that could have been described as reassuring. „If it helps, you can think of it as a price you have to pay for surviving the war. All of us who had chosen the wrong side and survived, had to pay a price. Some with their freedom, either in confinement of their clans, under constant attacks, verbal and physical, or in the dark hopelessness of military prison...and some bearing a curse, untill the end of their days, drinking blood instead of living from their own. In a way, each of us is cursed."  
Sano contemplated Shinpachi's words, as he gazed into his lover's eyes, searching for something in the saphire depths, before finally sighing in defeat.  
And then, without another word, he bent down and placed his lips onto the rough skin of Shinpachi's arm, accepting the essence of life.

ox*xo

The expected troubles, that the encounter with Suzuki-kun would unevitably bring, struck down upon them mere two days laer and in a form, that convinced them more than everything else, that they had to leave the city in a short span of time.

As the previous ones, it had been a sneak attack, but this time, the target was not Shinpachi, but Sano. He had been resting, exceptionally, being too tired to meditate, too tired to think about his current life and the dull flow of his days, the current way of his existence, or the unbearable brighteness of the Sun. He was sleeping a restless sleep, full of strange images his mind played him over and over, images of fire, destruction, blood, red, black and white, when he suddenly woke up. He had exactly second to think about what had woken him, before he rolled aside, barely avoiding the sword that was supposed to pierce right through his heart. He jumped to his feet, grasping his sword, that he always kept within his reach, tightly, cursing the loss of his spear for the upteenth time. The long weapon gave him a sort of comfort that the curved blade could never provide, even if he, contrary to popular belief, had mastered the way of the sword a long time ago. Admittedly, his style wasn't as polished as Shinpachi's, but it was good enough to defend himself against lawless ronin, or bandits, like the three that surrounded him now. He smirked coldly. Suzuki-kun should know better than that.

However the smile got wiped from his face, when the three men mirrored his smirk and sheathed their blades, pulling out guns instead and aimed their long shafts right at his head. Sano gritted his teeth. A gun like that had almost killed him.

No, he corrected himself.

A gun like that had killed him.

And suddenly he knew, that this was it. These were the last moments of his life. When Shinpachi came next time through that door, he would find only dust in the place where Harada Sanosuke had once stood. And if he was honest with himself, wasn't it better this way? Wasn't he already a long way past his time?

Sano lowered his blade and straightened himself, looking death straight into the eyes, accepting his fate.

Three shots sounded.

Blood.

Pain.

Screams.

And then silence.

Emptiness.

Calmness.

The silent steps so loud against the old, wooden floor.

Disrupting.

Arrogant.

Cheeky.

Smirking, laughing at him and his fate.

„Aren't you a bit too eager to die, pretty boy? And after you've just gotten better too."

Sano wasn't surprised. How could he be? After all, Shiranui Kyou had always been someone for flashy entrances, that showed off every bit of his skill, looking for all the world like a god that stood over everything, that could control fate and laugh at how poorly the useless humans struggled in her grasp.

Sano looked at the three dead bodies in front of him.

Not this time either, then.

The smell of blood reached him and he felt the urge building up deep inside of him, so he turned away, averting his attention to the demon.

„What do you want, Shiranui?"

The demon pulled his weapon back into the holster and approached him.

„I came to make sure you haven't forgotten about the deal we had. Seems good I did."  
„Deal?" Sano sighed exhaustedly.  
„Yeah. Grave for China."  
Sano looked at the demon blankly. It had been on his deathbed, when he made that half-joke, one, last moment of humanity, before turning into a living corpse, the fleeting dream of a journey to the west. He hadn't gotten the impression, that the demon had meant it either.  
„And not to mention, that you still owe me."  
Sano raised an eyebrow.  
„You haven't paid me back for nursing you for two days. I was the one who pulled you away from Enma's gates for long enough to see your love. And, though indirectly, saved your life with that. Those are already three things you owe me for. Four if we count this mess in too. And trust me, you don't want to die indebted to me."  
Sano sighed again. Of course demons would have controll over such a human weakness as death. Sano asked himself what demons didn't have control over.

He looked to the dead bodies again, the three men that came to kill him, but had gotten killed instead. Fate's twisted sense of humor, or just the gods amusing themselves with their toys?

The urge grew stronger as the smell of blood continued to spread through the room and Sano closed his eyes, trying to concentrate on something else.

The warmth of the last rays of the setting Sun.

The chirping of the cicades, as the evening slowly approached.

The scent of flowers, right in front of the old, run down hut.

Life was everywhere, even in the last moments of light, as the day came to an end.

A scream of anguish tore through his throat as the urge became overwhelming, as he lost his inner battle and he felt sheer pain burn his hair to white and bloothirst paint his eyes a glowing red.  
His knees bent beneath him, unable to support the mass of turmoil, and he clutched at his sides, willing the tremble to stop shaking his body in a undignified pile of death. The coldness he felt was so harsh, harsher than the Winters in the capital had been, harsher than the coldness of death embracing him in the last moments of his life and the bitter taste of death was lingering in his mouth.

He felt warmth nearby and the sweet scent of life reached his nostrils, tickled his senses and urged him to follow it, but he forced it back, his mind understanding what it meant, knowing that it was wrong and depraved.

But the scent got closer, it was so sweet and so warm and so full of life, like the petal of the first sakura tree to bloom in the early morning rays and he couldn't but lean into the beconing warmth as it engulfed him whole.

Slowly his senses came back, as sweet replaced bitter and cold replaced warmth, insanity and madness ebbed away and made place for mind and reason. He felt warmth of an embrace around him and the softness of skin against his lips. He was breathing heavily, but strength returned to him rapidly, like he was bathing in the water of life.  
And then he understood.  
Shiranui was giving him his blood.  
Realizing this fact with sheer horror, he tried to tear himself away, but a firm hand held him steadily in place, untill he abandoned the futile struggle and accepted the gift.

Only several moments later did Shiranui let him go, after the demon was sure, that he had gotten enough of what he needed to survive.

When Sano raised his head to look at the man he considered his friend, his eyes were clear and he felt stronger than all of the past days, or had it been weeks?, combined. He noticed that the warm rays of the scorching Sun were replaced by the cool, soothing light of the moon and the cicadas were chirping even louder than before, celebrating the fragrance of the night.

He suddenly asked himself how long had it been that he'd last been out.

The scent of blood was still lingering in the air, but it didn't urge him anymore.

„Come on. You need fresh air."

Sano nodded and let himself be helped up and escorted outside. There he sat down on the stairs and gazed towards the moon and the billion of stars and remembered.

He remembered the nights of passion and love, of sweet sake and bright stars, full moons and new moons, whispered promises in the darkness of the room around them...  
He remembered blue eyes watching his every move in silent worship, while calloused yet gentle hands made every fiber in his body sing in sensational pleasure, his deepest, darkest desires coming true...  
He remembered the feeling of being alive, the feeling of truly living and breathing and loving with all the power and might the gods could only bless him with.  
He remembered life, amidst the chaos of death.

„You look horrible."

Sano opened his eyes to see Shinpachi standing in front of him.

He had been so deep in thoughts, remembering his previous life, that he even failed to hear Shinpachi approach. Or had he gotten so used to the presence of his lover, that he felt like it belonged right there, next to him?

„You have blood on your lips."  
„Shiranui gave me some."  
„Shiranui?"

A noise from inside of the small house disrupted them and Shinpachi already made a move to dart in, but Sano stopped him.

„Don't. It's not a nice sight."  
Shinpachi didn't listen as he freed himself out of his grasp and stormed into the hut. Then he abruptly halted and for several moments, the only sound in the woods was the chirping of the cicadas. Then a low growl, that was no doubt Shinpachi speaking to Shiranui. Sano blocked their conversation out. He didn't need to hear neither Shinpachi's jealous attacks, nor Shiranui explaining what happened. One he didn't want to hear, the latter he didn't need to relive again.  
The gentle light of the moon was soothing against his skin and he leaned into it, he closing his eyes and listening as the nature spoke to him with the voices of the night.

Heavy footsteps tore through the peace as they pounded against the old wood in a soldier-like stride and then the firm presence of his lover, like a steady rock, was beside him and amber eyes opened to gaze into saphire pools.  
„What happened?" Shinpachi asked definitely and Sano honored the straight question with a precise answer of his own.  
„We have to leave."  
Shinpachi sat down next to him, but didn't reply, like he just needed to confirm something he had already known.  
„I got attacked." Sano spoke, explaining everything. „They were three with guns." He now turned fully to face his lover, the eyes of the color of the mighty Sun piercing through azure depths of the ocean. „We're not safe anymore, Shinpachi."

Before Shinpachi could reply anything, a voice from beside them spoke. „That's right. Especially not if pretty boy here decides it's better to kick it."  
Sano saw the muscles at Shinpachi's jaw twitch a little as they pulled when he was about to gritt his teeth, a telltale sign of annoyance, as Sano had come to learn. He would have bet his sword, his only remaining weapon, that the hands of his lover were getting cold again.  
„Shiranui." Shinpachi spoke. „Do me a favor and shut up."  
„Is that a way how you talk to the man that just saved your lover?"  
Shinpachi gritted his teeth again, this time more visibly.  
„Get lost."  
„If that's your wish, fine." Shiranui said in a tone that could have been annoyed, or mocking. „I'm sure that you aren't curious about how I could get the both of you ot of here, then, right?"  
Now, that got Shinpachi's full attention.  
„What?"  
Crimson eyes bore themselves through him.  
„Isn't that what you are thinking off? How to get out of here with Harada. If you just packed and went back to the domain, it would probably prove problematic to explain why you dragged a person along that's supposed to be dead."  
Sano fixed Shinpachi with a raised eyebrow. „He has a point, you know."

Shinpachi's shoulder heaved with defeat as he finally looked at Shiranui without that raging jealousy in his eyes.

„Alright, alright. What's this awesome plan you suppose you have?"

ox*xo

The plan was actually very simple.

Shiranui would get Sano out of the city and in a few days, they would meet with Shinpachi at the borders of the town. Untill then Shinpachi would conclude all of his unsolved business and get done everything he needed to, to be able to leave the city. And while he did that, Sano and Shiranui would settle the own business they had going on. And then they could go on their grand journey to the west. But not before Sano and Shinpachi would do the things they had to do, a small wish they once made together and didn't want to let go.

And then Sano would say goodbye, leaving and wondering if he would ever come back.

He hoped he would.

But as a Rasetsu, whose life force burned albeit stronger, but also faster than a humans, there was no guarantee he would come to see the days of return, when home and love would be just a shore away. Was it death, or a rebirth waiting for him in the western lands of the setting Sun? His heart was telling him, that Shiranui would never let him die, but his mind was arguing, why would the demon need him to live. Sano, who had always prefered to listen to his mind, chose to believe his heart, this time.

He believed in it, because he had to.

Even if his heart had once, a long time ago, betrayed him, bringing him ache, pain and loneliness. Since then he relied mostly on his mind and opened his heart only rarely. But maybe it was time to leave it all behind, take a dare again and challenge life. Maybe he will die. And maybe he'll be reborn.

And then he'll come home and face Shinpachi as an equal in life and live his remaining days in love, by the side of the one man for whom he gave up and regainged again everything.

The thought made him laugh.

But nonetheless, he still waited that night for the whisper of a chilly breeze between the leaves of the tall and mysterious trees, to come and swirl the depths of his future anew. And so, as Shiranui arrived with the breeze carrying his fragrance, Sano stepped out, into the arms of danger.

ox*xo-oxo-*-OMAKE-*-oxo-ox*xo

It was the evening of a peacefull day when Nagakura Shinpachi rode out of one of the gates that surrounded the city of Edo, newly called Tokio. It had been six days since Sano left the town and now he would be joining him, heading onto a new path that unfolded before them. The gentle carress of the breeze brought a poem to his mind he had read long ago and he smiled as it reminded him of his lover.

His eyes settled onto the road ahead and on the horizon he picked out the silhouettes of two riders, their shapes blending into the light of the Sun and then reapearing again in sharp shadowy shapes.

He headed that way.

As he came near, the shadows became clearer and stood out more, as they grew stronger against the light of the late Sun and the lone person raised his hand in greeting. It could have been just the trick of the light, but as the face of his lover became clear, even against the light, Shinpachi still asked.  
„Where's that jackass?"  
Sano closed his eyes and shook his head slightly over the swordsman antics, but a smile was quirking his lips.  
„He thought it was safer you two didn't meet. And besides, you need a horse and he would never let you ride behind him." With that Sano handed him the reins to a beautifull, white horse.  
When he swung himself into the saddle, he noticed what was hidden from the angle of his sight untill then.  
„You have a new spear."  
Sano glanced at the weapon attached to the saddle and nodded.  
„From Shiranui. He said I couldn't go to China without any decent weapon."  
Shinpachi had to reluctantly agree with the purple haired menace and took a closer look of the weapon and had to admit, that it was beautifull. It was made of a wood that was a shade darker than the previous one Sano had and the blade seemed to be made of silver. It glinted in the light sharply and dangerously and Shinpachi was sure, that this weapon was out for blood.  
„Will it be alright?"  
„Yeah. Shiranui said, that it had been in their weaponry for centuries. No one was going to miss it."  
„That's not what I meant."  
Sano smiled crookedly and his hand went to carress the dark wood.  
„It has a soul that aches for blood. It's perfect."  
Their eyes met and Shinpachi searched for something hidden deep behind the fire of the amber gaze, untill he finally nodded.  
„Alright then. Just, among that ache, don't forget what peace feels like."  
„I think that's what I'm supposed to learn, wielding this weapon."

With those mysterious words the topic was closed and they aligned their horses next to each other, one white, the other a dusty black.

„So, where to, Sano?" Shinpachi asked, while a grinn started spreading across his face, features lifting at the essence of freedom lingering in the air.  
„Whichever way the wind blows." Sano answered him with a smile and eyes sparkling in the same color as the setting Sun. Then he swung the reins and with a sharp call, he bid his horse forward, towards the Sun.

x*o*x*o*-*x*-*o*xox*xo-oxo-*-*-oxo-ox*xox*o*-*x*-*o*x*o*x

Notes  
The imina is a formal middle name in the late Bakumatsu period. In earlier times it had been „the true name". Japanese people believed, as many other cultures, that when someone knew your real name, he had unmeasurable power over you – the power to will you do as he wanted, the power to curse you, or the power to kill you. In the modern times, people probably stopped believing in this superstition, but kept the imina out of tradition as a formal name.

In history, Nagakura Shinpachi had really run across Suzuki Mikisaburo during his stay under the Matsumae protection in Edo. Soon after that, several attacks upon his person happened and he stoped feeling safe, so he left Edo and went to the clan domain in Hokkaido. I have changed it a little, so that the attacks appeared before that (I have taken this liberty purely for the purpose to make the conversation sound better), but at the same time I have hinted that Suzuki knew about Nagakura's stay in Edo. You can take it he had seen him somewhere one day, fleetingly. It has never been confirmed that Suzuki was behind these attacks and I'm not going to dwelve into that. I just thought it was an interesting coincidence I could use to give them both a reason to leave. So Shiranui just came on time, providing a good route.

Just the plan wouldn't work in reality, I know. Yes, I'm pretty aware that it's utter crap. Shiranui could have just transported the both of the to Iyo (similary as he did in 4). Or Sano could have just changed his name and they could have left together. And for nothing in the plan do they need Shiranui for. Everything they could have done alone too. If you think about it logically, either way, the plan doesn't work. But since I couldn't come up with anything smarter, you'll have to bear with me. Unfortunately, I'm not Sano. Gomen na?

One more thing and then I'll shut up for now. I don't know if there was a way to attach a spear (or rather, typologically it's a lance – spear is the shorter weapon, lance the longer and NO, it's not reduced to the Middle Ages) to the saddle of a horse in the early Meiji aera. However, I don't see why it should be a problem to find a way, if there wasn't one. The only argument I find is, that it would have been too heavy (which is a reason why it can NOT be thrown, contrary to what the anime has showed us. The centre of gravity of a lance does not allow throwing) and too long for a horse to carry it. However, I needed them to ride a horse. Theoretically, they could walk to Iyo Matsuyama, but practically, it's too long. Back then most of the soldiers were riding horses (again, contrary to what the anime shows us). Rant end.  
The chapter where Sano gets his new spear lance is also in plan, by the way.

Thanks for reading and R&R, please!


	14. 17: PRICE III: At beginning of spring

**Rating**: 15+, I'd say.  
**Warnings**: comatose states, angst, Shiranui, but generally, I think this qualifies as somewhat of fluff? 

Disclaimer:_ I do not own Hakuoki, or any of it's characters. The creators do. My muse owns the idea of the fic, myself the work and the time I put into writing it. Credit me at least those, ok? _

Author's notes

Yay for PRICE III! I suddenly felt the urge to write this chapter and so I did. I rather like how it turned out. Might be the best chapter so far, but you tell me that. *hint* ^_~

Sano wakes up from the coma and struggles to regain what he and Shinpachi had.

**PRICE III: At the beginning of spring**  
_#17. a wise person can hear profit in the wind._

It had been ten days since Sano's accident, Shinpachi counted. Ten days Shinpachi had been going to the hospital every afternoon to check how his boyfriend was doing. And ten days he was nursing the growing hope that Sano would wake up. The doctors were positive that should happen any day now and Shinpachi was waiting. Every afternoon, he would leave the school and go directly to the hospital, where he would sit next to Sano's bed untill the closing hours, hold the gentle hand, or do the leftover work. Sometimes he would talk. Talk about his day, about the work, about Hijikata, about his problems, about the students, about the newest gossip, or about anything that crossed his mind.  
Today he was talking about his homeroom class and how something on Saito bothered him, when a knock sounded.  
He turned around just to see a tan face with sharp features and purple locks poke in. He frowned as soon as he spotted it. Somehow he had managed to avoid that person over the past days (which probably had been the result of mutual efforts), but now Shiranui seemed to be looking for him. That sly policeman seemed to understand that after everything that happened, the least Shinpachi had to do with him, the better it was for them both and reduced his hospital visits to different hours of the day. That he was visiting the hospital every day, Shinpachi knew only from what the nurses told him. That, and the fact that there was always a fresh bouquet of flowers on Sano's nightstand. Granted, Shiranui was a great help. He did everything to cover the truth about the 'accident' up and excused the lack of enthusiasm with the murder case he was working on, which had priority over a 'simple accident'. And surely had better chances earning him that 'Chief Inspector' he was oh-so longing for.  
Shinpachi remembered the conversation they had last time they had run across each other, a few days ago. Shiranui had told him very elaborately about the consequences such a lie would have, if the truth ever came out and Shinpachi had been close to begging the inspector not to tell anyone.

_„Do you even know what it would do to Sano if everyone knew what he did?"  
„It would be actually better than what it would do to him, when it came out that he had lied to everyone."  
„No one knows about it, Shiranui, just you and me."  
„If anyone with a smidgen of intuitive feeling would take a closer look into the files, he would start investigating. There are a few details, that anyone who knows me well enough, would immediately know that I skipped investigating them deliberately. I'm just thanking whatever higher powers for the whim they had, giving us that murder case. It's keeping everyone busy and helped me close Harada's case as an accident. Of course, your false testimony helped loads too, but the problem is that if I took the trouble of asking any of your colleagues, I would know it's false. My point is, that the entire lie could crumble within the span of a few hours if anyone opened the folder, if by a mere accident. It would cost me my carreer and you two would have to deal with a thorough investigation and a prosecution for lieing to the state. No, don't misunderstand me. I promised I would keep silent and cover for you, but I have a condition. Something to assure me it's well damn worth it."  
„Alright. What do you want?"  
„Take care of him."  
„What...?"  
„Take care of him. What? Surprised? Did you think I would ask you to clear the way for me? I admit, that I wouldn't be opposed to it, if our situation was different, but fact is, that I and Harada never had a future together. We're too different and too alike at the same time for us to last. And besides, even though we were close, he never depended on me as much as he depended on you. Harada doesn't say it, but he needs you. He needs you close, because when you aren't, his world crumbles slowly apart. Either as a friend, or as a lover, it doesn't matter how, but he simply needs to know you're there. He was at the complete bottom as he broke up with you and it was probably the fact that he lost you, that made him do this shit. He thought he can't go back, and in his head he probably equaled it with a final 'it's over for good'. I'm sure you noticed his tendency to overreact. He changed barely in this. Fact is, as he is now, only you can help him. So that's what I'm asking of you. If you assure me that you will take it on you and get him better, no matter what it takes, I'll keep my yap shut about everything, no matter the cost. Fair is fair."  
„I...I have to say I'm surprised. I'm not sure what to say."  
„Just say you'll do everything. That will be enough."  
„I will. I swear."_

It made Shinpachi think.

Surely Shiranui would know how Sano felt about his greatest rival in love, just as Shinpachi had always known how strongly Sano felt for Shiranui. So if Shiranui said, that Sano needed Shinpachi, there had to be some truth to it. Just the though that he had the power to cause such strong emotional outbursts in a person, that always struggled to control himself, made his heart clench. If he thought about it, he was the only one who had that power. Sano never yelled at Hijikata-san, or at any of the students (sure, he sometimes threw chalk at them, but that was more annoyance than an emotional outburst speaking), he was always calm and polite and everyone saw him as an older brother, who would always give them a good advice. Everyone went for an advice to Sano and Shinpachi couldn't but wonder who did Sano turn to with his problems. Shinpachi knew first hand that it wasn't him. But then again, Shinpachi had always tried to be there for Sano, when he felt that his boyfriend needed him. And maybe that was it. He was there, so Sano didn't need to talk. He just leaned on Shinpachi and took what strength he needed for him to fix himself.

And suddenly it was gone.

And Sano had self-destructed.

Wasn't it proof enough, that Shinpachi was a vital consistence of Sano's life? More important than Shiranui, more important than Sano's parents, more important than anyone else?

And Shiranui knew and acknowledged this.  
He deliberately let go of Sano, so that his beloved could be happy.

It was then that Shinpachi realized how much Shiranui loved Sano and how very much he cared. He had been avoiding the inspector since then even more than he already did. The knowledge of the extent of his rival's feelings, made him unable to confront the other male.

So Shiranui did it for him.

Apparently there was something urgent that needed consulting with Shinpachi, because otherwise he wouldn't show his face in the hospital now. Shiranui avoided him as much as Shinpachi avoided Shiranui.

„Let's have coffee." Were the only words he said to him.

Shinpachi hesitated and looked at Sano, then back to Shiranui.

„He won't wake up while you're away."

Shinpachi still hesitated.

„I'll treat you."

Finally, Shinpachi sighed in defeat, admitting to himself, that he couldn't avoid Shiranui forever. So, he stood up and followed the officer to the nearest coffee machine.

x*x

Both holding a steaming plastic cup in their hands, they sat down onto the nearest chairs, in an empty hallway stinking of chemicals.

Shinpachi spoke first.

„So. What is there you couldn't tell me in Sano's room?"  
„Chill." Shiranui growled as he took a sip of the steaming liquid. „I just thought we both could use something, that at least pretended to contain coffeeine. And besides, I don't like to talk about persons, that are in the same room, in third person. Even if they can't hear me."  
„So you want to talk about Sano."  
Shiranui almost made an ironic comment on Nagakura's deduction skills, but he held it back. Now was not the time.  
„I've been thinking whether to tell you this, or not, but I have the feeling, that if I don't, you two are going to be talking past each other."  
Shinpachi sipped on his coffee, as he watched the inspector. That sounded at least, like it could be of interest to Shinpachi.  
Shiranui took a gulp of the hot liquid and then stared into the remains, like he was arranging his thoughts. Then those crimson eyes looked at him and he finally spoke.

„On the day I stayed at Harada's over the night..." Shinpachi tensed at the wording, that became the semantic to 'the day I slept with Sano', but other than that, he didn't do anything. Shiranui was being unusually thoughtfull and it seemed like he wanted to talk to Shinpachi about something serious. He wouldn't spoil it by being a drama queen over nothing. „He had told me about your break-up. He told me in detail what had happened and that he over-reacted."

Shinpachi gritted his teeth. Yeah, he remembered what happened, like it had been yesterday. It had been horrible and the pain of remembering wasn't any less, than it had been at that moment. 'It's over!' Sano's words still resonated through his head. Why was Shiranui telling him that now? Why was that guy so keen on making him remember?

He felt Shiranui's look on him, but he didn't turn to meet it. He didn't expect the next words, that passed the inspector's lips.

„He also told me, that he regretted it and that he wanted you back."

Shinpachi's head snapped to Shiranui at that instant.

„What?"

Sano did? But then why did he...when Shinpachi...and the accident...

Shiranui seemed to be reading his scattered thoughts, because after he took another sip of the black liquid, he said: „Harada also said, that he felt like having this small break up. He said he needed to sort out his feelings, but I think he was just being stubborn. You know how proud he was...how proud he still is. He probably didn't know how to approach you, without loosing a great deal of his pride, even though it was what he wanted to do the most."  
Shinpachi snorted. „He had always been extremely thick-headed. Always ready to break through a wall with his head." He sighed. „He and his fucking temper."  
„Yeah." Shiranui agreed. „But isn't that one of the reasons, why we love him so?"  
Shinpachi didn't answer, just smiled into himself.  
„What I'm trying to say is," Shiranui continued, „that Harada wants you back badly, but he doesn't know how to tell you that. And before humiliating himself in front of you, he'd rather die."  
„He's a piece of work, isn't he?" Shinpachi's voice was unexpectedly fond and Shiranui looked at him with slight surprise in his eyes, but then a gentle smirk settled onto his face too.  
„Yeah, he is."  
„It'll be tough."  
„Yeah."  
„But it's worth it. Sano's worth it."  
„I'm glad to hear you think that way."  
„And besides, Sano learns from his mistakes." Shinpachi looked at Shiranui. „Maybe this will be a good lecture for him. And I'm still there to help him. I promised I would, after all."

Shiranui nodded, a hint of a smile gracing his face.

Then, with a sudden movement, th eofficer downed the rest of the now cold, bitter liquid and rose.

„I have some work to do. See ya 'round." And with slow, casual steps, he walked away, while Shinpachi watched him leave.

Slowly, Shinpachi noted, he was beginning to understand, why Sano had fallen for that guy. 

ox*xo

Three days later, Sano woke up.

It had happened during lunchbreak, that Shiranui called him and toold him the news. It had been like a wave of relief crashed over Shinpachi and he hadn't been able to stop the relieved sob from escaping him. He was also farely sure that it hadn't been the only sob that escaped him, but Shiranui's voice sounded over the phone suspiciously trembling too, so he actually didn't mind for once. He gave a whore shit who in the lunchroom saw his outbreak when everyboby had looked at him like he had finally gone mad. He gave word to the school broadcast and by the time of the afternoon homeroom class, the whole school was cheering. A smiling Hijikata sent him off early again, after giving him the best wishes for Sano and Shinpachi hurried to the hospital, grinning like a psycho on his entire way.

He arrived around half past six, only to find Shiranui still sitting next to Sano's bed, fingers barely touching the warm hand that laid on the pristine sheets, unfocused, crimson eyes staring into nowhere.

Shinpachi gently tapped the doorframe and watched as the officer startled into consciousness again. He frowned into himself. Shiranui dropping his guard down like that was rare. Something had to be bothering the male.

Shinpachi mentally slapped himself. Why the hell was it bothering him?

„Shiranui." He said as he entered the room as sat down on the other spare chair in the room. „You're still here?"  
„I closed that murder case today, so I had a bit more time. Besides, nothing's waiting for me at home. So I thought that I could as well stay here untill you came."  
Shinpachi nodded and then finally looked at Sano. The man was sleeping, his chest slowly rising and falling in a steady rhythm.  
„He fell asleep shortly after I called you. The doctors say it's normal for patients who have just woken from a coma to be up for just a few minutes. He'll be awake for a longer time tomorrow."  
Shinpachi nodded again, his eyes never leaving the figure on the bed. Sano looked so peacefull and calm, like an innocent child, that had just fallen asleep. For a moment Shinpachi found it hard to believe that he was the cause of all the trouble they went through in the past weeks. The attempt, the coma, everything. And now, after weeks of agony (that Shinpachi only now realized how painfull they had been), Sano was back. Albeit sleeping peacefully, but still back. And suddenly Shinpachi found himself wondering how an awake Sano had been. The doctors had been kind enough to explain to him, what waking from a coma brought with itself, raging from weakness and confusion to disorientation and disability, but somehow he had never tried to bring these attributes in relation to Sano. And he wondered...

„How was it?"

It seemed that Shiranui had a similar trail of thoughts as him, because he replied immediately, like he'd just been waiting for that question.  
„Horrible. He was so weak and confused, could barely speak..." Shiranui trailed off and a sudden understanding of the man in front of him washed through Shinpachi. For a split moment it felt like he and Shiranui were linked on a level that he never expierienced with anyone and he understood the officer completely. The pain of the past weeks, then seeing the one the demon-eyed male loved so dearly in such a weak state...It hurt Shiranui to even think about it, much less talk. Their feelings were so much alike...How come that Shinpachi never noticed? But as suddenly as it came, the link was gone and Shiranui was changing the topic, his voice steady and strong as ever. „I told him that you'd be coming over later today. You wanna know what he replied?" Shiranui continued without waiting for an answer. „He asked why you would want to do that, you broke up with him, after all. He was confused and it wasn't the defiant type of pretending to be confused – He was completely honest about it."

Shinpachi moved from the chair to the bed, sitting in front of Shiranui, facing the demon eyed male, not liking what he heard.

„What are you trying to say?"

Shiranui sighed. „The doctor wanted to talk with you about this, but I guess I can at least prepare you. It's pretty harsh to hear."

Shinpachi's abdominal muscles tightened in nervosity as he heared that. If Shiranui was feeling so mercifull towards the one he hated the most, then things had to be really bad.  
„After waking from a coma, the patients have many motoric functions disrupted. They don't remember how to walk, or even how to swallow. Of course the brain is also affected for resting so long in such a deep state. The recent memories are gone and they aren't conscious of what they're saying. What you think, you say. He'll be much like a child, that needs to be taken care of, in the first days. And as such a child he will probably say something that might hurt, or upset you. I have to ask you, if you're still intending to keep your promise."  
Sharp crimson eyes met deep azure and Shinpachi found himself caught in that intense, demanding stare. Finally, he nodded. „I am. I'll take care of him, even if it's the last thing I'll do."  
„Good." The intensity ebbed a little away and something unusual flashed through Shiranui's eyes, but it was gone too quick for Shinpachi to distinguish it's nature. „The doctors said, that Harada should be fine in a few days, consciousness and sense of thought included. The motoric functions will need a few weeks of rehabilitation, but he should be fine, eventually. Though, he might predict rain with his legs."

Shinpachi couldn't but snort.

„He'll be a royal pain about it."

Shiranui smirked.

„Well, I won't be the one dealing with it."

„Jackass."

Shiranui's face turned serious again.  
„Resolve your issues, as soon as possible. He needs you. But he's stubborn enough not to see it."  
Shinpachi sighed. „He had always been a thickhead and a hothead. It's a pain sometimes, but after beeing for twenty years by his side, I have learned how to accept and deal with it." He turned towards the figure laying on the white clinic sheets, the steady rising and falling of the chest still there. „The problem is, how to get Sano to accept it." 

ox*xo

The next day Shinpachi had arrived at a time when Sano was awake.

But before he could go say „Hi" to his friend, the doctor caught him and updated Shinpachi about his friend's condition. Basically he told him the same things that Shiranui already had talked to him about, just with more medical terminology and detailed descriptions. Finally the doctor told him, that Sano was progressing well, and that at the end of the week, they want to send him to rehabilitation. Then that guy asked him what he was still doing here and go see his lover.

Most of the medical stuff guessed the character of the relationship between him and Sano after the first three days and Shinpachi was surprised to find out that no one cared. They updated him about the medical condition of his lover, like they would update any part of the family. When he asked one of the nurses why they would do that without needing lots of convincing, she just replied, that times are changing and they are a modern hospital.

Shinpachi shrugged and accepted the reason, without further prying.

After the doctor let him go, Shinpachi hurried to Sano's room. There was no telling how much longer Sano would be awake this time and Shinpachi wanted to tell him at least a „welcome back", to let his lover know, he was still there for him.

However, as he arrived in front of Sano's room, something stopped his hand in mid-air to the handle. The words that Shiranui told him yesterday swirled in his mind and made him clutch at the envelope with the 'get well card' and the three pages long letter, he had brought Sano, to show him that he still cared.  
What if Sano said something that would hurt him?  
What if he didn't want Shinpachi around?  
What if he thought they had to hate each other?

Shinpachi shook his head to clear it.  
It was nothing he wasn't prepared for, so why was he suddenly worried about it? Sano would soon get better and think straighter and they could solve everything. It didn't matter what he said now, in confusion and disorientation.

Then why was he still hesitating?

And suddenly it came to Shinpachi, like a strike of lightning.

He was scared.

Scared of seeing his lower weak, confused and disoriented.  
Scared of seeing the strong man in such a poor state.  
Scared of Sano being helpless.

Scared of the past, that was till there, hiding in the shadows, waiting for the right moment when it could haunt them.

Shinpachi frowned.

He would be damned if he let his fear take the upper hand and prevent him from helping the one he loved more than his own life.

He pushed the handle down and with a deep breath he entered the room.

The room was as always – white and clean. The sunblinds were letting in a bit more light than usually and the rhytmical, beeping sounds were unchanged. The smell of chemicals and medicaments was weaker, because one of the windows was wide open, letting the fresh air inside.  
Shiranui was sitting on the usual chair, facing the bed, talking silently.  
And on the bed, a pale, thin figure was sitting, leaning heavily into the cushions, listening to the officer.

When Shinpachi entered the room, both pairs of eyes turned to him and the was looking into tired, amber hues. It felt like forever since he'd looked into those eyes and now he couldn't tear his gaze away. It felt so good, so very good to be gazing into those familiar hues and yet, at the same time it broke his heart apart, when he remebered the fire, the life, the determination and the sheer power that used to reside in those orbs.

„Shin...pachi?" a weak voice rhasped confusedly and Shinpachi, torn back to reality, gulped, his throat suddenly feeling very dry.

„Hi." He said with a smile, he hoped didn't look too nervous and entered the room. „I came to see how you were." He got a confused look as an answer and it made him clutch at the letter in his pocket. „I..." he hesitated, „I brought you this." Finally he pulled out the get well card and set it onto the nightstand. Sano still didn't say anything and the sharp paper edge of the envelope dug into Shinpachi's hand. He kicked himself invardly and told himself to get it together. Finally, with a small breath he sat down onto the remaining chair.  
Sano still eyed him with that tired, confused look and Shinpachi prepared himself for everything. Whatever 'everything' was.  
And then Sano uttered a single word. „Why?"  
Shinpachi gulped again, his throat not only feeling drier than earlier, but also a lot tighter.  
„Because I wanted to know how you are. I do care about you, you know."  
„Why?"

_Because I love you._

That would have been the truthfull answer to that question, but those tired, confused, amber eyes were tearing Shinpachi's heart apart and even though he ached to tell his love about his true feelings, just pour it all out of him, he knew he couldn't. Sano was still weak and confused and in no shape to be mending Shinpachi's broken heart. So, he swallowed hard and bit back the words, he wanted to say, opting to counter the question with a simple:

„Why not?"

Apparently that had been the wrong thing to say and Shinpachi regretted it instantly.  
A skinny hand went to carress the forehead creased in thought and Sano looked more confused that he'd already been.

„We broke up..." came a small mumble and Shinpachi reacted on instinct.

With one fluid motion he grasped Sano's hand and moved to sit on the bed, right next to his lover, pressing their tights together in assuring contact, and leaned forward, looking right into those tired eyes.

„Yeah, we did." Shinpachi admitted and squeezed the warm hand, feeling every single bone underneath the thin layer of skin, mentally noting that he needed to look for some recipes with high nutritional value. „But that...that doesn't mean that I don't care, or don't want to stay with you." He hesitated for a moment, deciding whether now wasn't the right time to say it, after all. And he came to the conclusion, that maybe it was. „Or that I don't love you." Something akin to recognition flashed through the eyes of the color of the setting Sun and it made Shinpachi steadier in his resolve. „I love you, Sano and I'm going to help you through this, I promise."

For a breath of a moment, a small instant, the tiredness and confusion disapperead, the amber gaze sparked and his beloved Sano was looking at him, like he'd never been away.

It sent a shot straight through Shinpachi's heart and in that single moment, he knew, that they were going to make it, come what may.

However the moment disappeared as fast as it came and the pale face contorted in pain, the skinny hand clutching at the red, unwashed strands.

„My head hurts." Sano said in a pained voice and Shinpachi pulled away a little.  
„That's understandable. You've been in a coma for two weeks and you've woken up just yesterday. Of course you feel weak and confused. You need to rest and recover." Slowly he saw Sano's features relax, as he talked and he couldn't hold himself back anymore. He leaned forward again and planted a gentle kiss into the mess that once had been beautifull ruby hair. „Rest now." He told his lover gently. „I'll be here tomorrow." The lids grew heavy as amber eyes gave away to tiredness. „And once you get better, we'll talk about this." With that he squeezed the warm hand once more and watched as Sano drifted off, into a peacefull sleep.

It wasn't untill several moments later, that he realized that Shiranui was still in the room and watching him intently.

Shinpachi felt the heat rise into his face involuntarily and he coughed to hide his embarassment.

„Come on, let's get out of here and let him rest."  
With that he stood up and hurried out, where he quickly managed to get his flush under control, while Shiranui followed him. He heard the door close gently and turned to the demon-eyed male, but whatever smalltalk he was about to start died in his throat as he saw the way those crimson orbs looked at him. It was an intense stare, that held something sad and perhaps content, maybe a bit like admitting defeat. Shinpachi never saw Shiranui so open.  
Before he could say anything, the officer spoke, his voice steady as ever.  
„I get it now."  
Shinpachi was about to ask what it was that Shiranui got, but the officer was again faster.  
„I could never be what you are to him."  
With that sentence the look changed into a sharp crimson fire again and with one last acknowledging nod, Shiranui turned around and walked away, leaving a confused Shinpachi standing alone in the empty hall of the dark hospital. 

ox*xo

Sano was getting steadily better day by day and as prophecised by the doctor, started his rehab by the end of the week. Shinpachi had been there every day to help Sano with whatever he needed, so he was there to see every improvement his love made and it made him immensely proud. Sano was very strong. And Shinpachi admired his lover for it. After everything that Sano had been through, that red-headed epitome of resolve always found the strength to stand up and move on.

Their relationship was deepening again and even though they hadn't talked about everything yet, Shinpachi had a good feeling about it.

So today, as he walked into the room with a cheerfull „Yo, I've brought you that yukata and I have a surprise" he didn't expect Sano to look at him like the male was thinking if he could kill Shinpachi with his IV needle.

It made Shinpachi stop dead in his tracks and clutch at the bouquet of flowers hidden behind his back. He had seen the red carnations today and had immediately decided to buy them for Sano. They were the redhead's favorite flowers, after all. He thought he could pleasently surprise Sano, but now, as he saw that look, he wasn't so sure anymore.

„Hey. Did something happen?"  
Sano shook his head and looked away. „No, nothing."  
Shinpachi thought about prying, but decided against it. „I brought you that yukata and the other things you asked for." He said instead and approached the bed.  
Sano nodded and took the bag from Shinpachi, but other than that, didn't say anything.  
„Uhm..." Shinpachi started and recieved a sharp glare. „Did I do something?"  
„No." was the short answer and Sano opened the bag to rumage through it.  
„Ah."  
Terse silence settled between them, before Shinpachi gathered all of his courage and spoke again.  
„I..." another sharp glare. „I got you something."

He pulled out the flowers from behind his back and handed them to Sano, watching his love intently.

For a split moment something like a smile flashed through Sano's face as he accpeted the flowers.

„Thank you. You didn't have to." Then he pulled out the card. And Shinpachi stiffened. He had written that in a spontanous moment, without thinking and he wasn't sure how Sano would react to what was written there. He had kept it there, because he thought it was a good idea, but now he found, that he wasn't prepared for how Sano might react.  
He watched Sano read the short message and Shinpachi subconsciously held his breath.  
But Sano didn't say anything, just stared at the card. And stared. And stared.  
Finally his amber eyes shifted to Shinpachi and the male felt his heart race. Sano's look was unreadable.  
„What's this?"  
Shinpachi gulped. „A card?"  
„No shit Sherlock. I can see that. I meant what this was supposed to mean." With that he turned the card so that Shinpachi could read the short message.

_'Get well soon. I love you, Shinpachi. P.S.: I thought I could move in with you for some time, to help you with everything untill you recover?'_

Shinpachi felt his face heat up.

„If I remember correctly, the entire issue of you moving in with me, was one of the things that caused this mess in the first place."

Sano was frowning and Shinpachi could tell, that his love was angry. And the worst thing was, that he even had reason to be.

Shinpachi gulped. „Yeah, I know. But now's different."  
Sano raised an eyebrow and Shinpachi saw the upset look in those expressive eyes. „How so?"  
„Wel..." Shinpachi sat down, on the chair next to the bed. „You've just been through a horrible crash." For some reason Sano flinched at the mention of that 'accident'. Shinpachi put that away for later and continued. „You've just started your rehabilitation. I know, the doctor said you'll be fine soon, but I would...I would feel better if there was someone with you, at least for the first few weeks. Help you with the chores and with the work around the house, or be there, when you get suddenly tired, or if your legs don't listen to you. The doctor thinks it's a good idea."  
Sano averted his look, to gaze out of the window. „And what makes you think that you're the best choice in this matter?"  
Shinpachi shrugged, also looking out of the window. It was a clear, late winter day. „Who else is there? And besides," he continued quickly, before Sano could state the obvious. Besides, he had the feeling, that Shiranui wouldn't agree to do it. Something about their recent talks made him believe that. „If you aren't comfortable around me anymore, I can sleep on the couch."  
He felt Sano's eyes on him, but he didn't look at the red-head.  
„I understand, if my offer upsets you. Hell, I would probably feel the same way, if I had been through the shit you've been through." Finally he looked at Sano, only to find his love's eyes cast down, unfocused look staring at the white sheets.  
„You don't understand anything." Sano whispered, but Shinpachi ignored it.  
„But truth is, you need help."  
Sano snorted. „And you're the best man for that task, huh? Gods, sometimes you're still the same, arrogant brat, you-"  
Shinpachi interrupted him, not wanting to hear it. Not after the past weeks, not after everything he'd faced, just for Sano's sake. „Sano, I just want to help you! You've been through a horrible accident-"

„It wasn't an accident!"

The sudden outburst didn't surprise Shinpachi as much, as the words did.

And suddenly he understood.

This was the reason why Sano was so upset.

He remembered the 'accident' and probably everything that preceeded it.

Since when? For how long did he remeber now? How long was he keeping this bottled up, not able to talk to anyone about it? Thinking that no one knew, knowing that it was better that way and understanding not to speak about it?

Defiant amber eyes were staring at him, shining suspiciously in the light of the late afternoon, daring him to ask.  
Shinpachi closed his eyes, accepting the truth. He'd been pushing it away for a while now, but it came back at him: They needed to talk seriously.

So he said the only thing, he could.

„I know."

Amber eyes blinked in surprise.

„You know?"

Shinpachi nodded.

„Yeah."

„How?"

And so Shinpachi told Sano everything. How Shiranui had asked him about his scar, how Shinpachi remembered that Sano had secured the seatbelt, and how they worked together to keep the entire thing a secret.

„It's closed now, so we're safe." He finished and looked deep into Sano's eyes. „That I did that, doesn't mean I approve of your actions, however." Only now that he'd got it from his chest, did Shinpachi notice how betrayed and upset he felt. Untill now, Sano's condition was of the utmost importance to him and everything else was minor, but now, that Sano was getting better, they could no longer push the issue away. If their relationship was supposed to work again, it was time to do something for it. „As I heard what happened, I thought my heart would stop. Our argument that morning wasn't important. It wasn't important that you hated me. I just wanted you to live. And then I learned, that you had...that you had wanted to leave me. Just like that, without even as much as a bye." He remebered how much that knowledge had hurt. How much it still hurt. And he couldn't stop his next words that came out in a low whisper. „You broke your promise." He didn't mean to make it sound as accusingly as it came out, but he couldn't stop it. „You promised you would never do something like that again and yet you did." He realized that his own eyes were getting wet, so he blinked a few times. „Did you really think I hated you? Did you really think I could hate you, just like that? Or leave you forever? Don't you know anything about me?"

Finally he looked at Sano.

But what he saw, made all of the anger, disappointment and betrayal pour out of him and his breath catch in his throat.

Sano's face was contorted, a hand was covering his lips, his shoulders were quaking and his eyes were wet.

And with a start Shinpachi realized, that he'd never seen Sano cry.

Sano never cried. Sano didn't cry when his mother told him to die, he didn't cry when Shinpachi tried to steal from him, he didn't cry when Shinpachi found him in a dark alley, next to the old, used up phone booth, sitting on the dirty ground in a bloodstained shirt, or even sometime after that. Crying was something that Sano just...didn't.

Or did he?

In the darkness of him room, when no one could see?  
Locked into some empty storage room, in an old warehouse, where no one could hear?  
How many times had Sano hidden his pain, without telling anyone, without telling Shinpachi how miserable he was?  
How many feelings were bottled up in that deep, large heart, full of gentleness and kindness?  
How many pain had this man to endure, before it broke him?

The answer to that was in front of him, in the wet amber eyes, the shaking shoulders and in two broken words that passed the sensual lips, before the voice once so strong, broke into helpless sobs.

„I'm sorry."

The broken sound tore Shinpachi out of his freeze and before either of them could fully realize what they were doing, they laid in each other's arms, in a tight embrace and Sano was sobbing into his shoulder, while Shinpachi's own tears were dripping into ruby hair.

„I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry..." Sano kept chanting and all Shinpachi could do, was rub the strong back and whisper soothing words into the red mess, that smelled like sandal-wood. „I was just so hurt and all I could think of was how I hurt and disappointed you and how I used Shiranui and how everything was fucked up." Sano said in a single breath, as he tried to talk between the sobs racking his body. „I thought about how to mend it, how to get you back, but then I thought that maybe you're better off without me and I felt so useless..." he sobbed some more while Shinpachi kept rubbing his back. „And then there was that wall, the ample was green, no one was near and then I just heard what Ito-senpai said to me last time that I, that I..." the clutch on Shinpachi's back was almost painfull, as the sharp nails dug into the shirt and the skin beneath it, but he didn't say anything, just held Sano. „And then I just...I didn't know what I was doing, but then I was already crashing into the wall and I couldn't stop it, I just couldn't!"

Shinpachi closed his eyes, Sano's feelings going straight through his heart.

„It's my fault too." He said, his voice rough. „I should have done something the last time. I should have pushed you into therapy, or something. I shouldn't have assumed that you were fine. It's just that you seemed fine and to be dealing with it and happy. I didn't want to ruin that. I was just...afraid that I'd lose you, even as a friend. I should have helped you, instead of giving into fear...but I didn't."

„I wouldn't have listened." Came from beside him in a silent voice.  
Shinpachi turned to look into eyes of gold and his hand went to carress the wet cheek, wiping the salty trail away. Sano closed his eyes and leaned into the gentle touch, as he sighed silently, calming down.

„I have never seen you cry."

What else was there to say, after all?

Sano's warm hand went to rest on his.

„You were the last person I wanted to see me this weak."

And then, a moment later, before they even knew what they were doing and who they were, their lips met in a single, gentle, chaste kiss.

It couldn't have been more than a few moments, but it felt like eternity.

It seemed to be so long ago, that they last kissed like this and Shinpachi promised himself, that when everything was mended, when they were alright again, he would kiss Sano everyday this way.

When they broke, both of them had an unsure look on their faces, but a bare hint of a smile was carressing their swollen lips.

„So." Shinpachi spoke, breaking his hold on Sano, as he reached for the card and showed it to his friend. „How about it? Are we going to fix this, or not?"  
Sano took the card and read it again.  
„I'll think about it, alright? I want to get better and I want to fix this, but I don't want to rush things. I want to make it right this time."  
Shinpachi nodded. „Alright. I promise not to push you into anything. Take your time. After all, it's still weeks, untill they let you out."

Sano groaned. „I wish they already would."  
Shinpachi chuckled. „Oh, me too. I don't think I can stand anymore questions from your students about when is their favorite teacher coming back."  
It was Sano's turn to chuckle. „Aw, they miss me. I'm touched."  
„I swear, you class has syndroms of accute withdrawal. They keep giving me these looks, like I am entirely responsible, that they're keeping you here for so long."  
It brought a tiny smile onto Sano's face. „Tell them I'll do my best. And tell them, to do that too. I'm looking forward to reading their PE results of the semester."  
Shinpachi had to laugh. „You bastard! Even with two broken legs, you're such a slave-driver!"  
„My legs are healing just fine, thank you very much. And it's also no reason for the students to be slacking off."  
Sano smiled as that got another laugh out of Shinpachi.

Things were getting better. 

ox*xo

And so they were.

In the next days, Sano made great progress at the rehabilitaton that he even surprised the doctors. They were considering to give him crutches and allow him to move around for a few minutes every day, soon. Hearing that, made Shinpachi even prouder of his friend. Focusing on the task at hand, distracted Sano from dark looming thoughts, but whenever the rehab was over for the day and Shinpachi came over, they would cover one of their unsolved issues. After all, there weren't many things to amuse yourself with in a hospital, besides thinking and talking, so they did just that: Thought things over and talked.

Sometimes they would talk about the school and Shinpachi updated Sano on the gossip he was behind with and Sano would more often than not, give him a message to deliver to his class. But mostly they would talk about the troubles in their relationship and get the untold things into the open. After 20 years they had finally realized, that keeping the problems to yourself, was not good.

However, it was mostly Sano, that talked about what was bothering him, Shinpachi reflected. And that was not only because it was Sano, who had the most to say. Untill now, Shinpachi had always avoided talking about his feelings, even thought he knew it was unfair towards his lover. But thing was, that he had never been comfortable talking about his feelings.  
Maybe because he prefered to show them.  
He had always been an open person, who followed his heart and acted upon how he felt at a given moment, but talking...sharing his personal thoughts and the deepest cores of his soul with someone...just thinking about it always caused a nervous tightening in his gut.

He wondered why it was like that, but he didn't come to an answer.

But he figured, he owed it to Sano. After all, his friend had already told him so much, and Shinpachi in turn, had told Sano so little.

And then there was that letter.

The letter he had written when Sano had woken up and the feelings in Shinpachi's heart had been too overwhleming to give vent to all of them, so he poured them into a letter. First he had wanted to throw it away, but as he re-read it later, he was surprised at how deep and honest it felt. It had been then, that he decided to give it to Sano, at some point. It conveyed his feelings better, than any other words could.  
But the time never seemed right.  
First, Sano was recovering, then his friend had been an even greater mess than Shinpachi and then he just, as Shinpachi admitted to himself, chickened out. But maybe now the time came. But then again, wasn't it a bit cowardly, to be writing a letter, instead of saying it, while standing face to face with that person?  
But that might have been just another excuse.

So, as Shinpachi went to the hospital that day, he was still struggling with himself.

Sano was still at the rehabilitation and Shinpachi decided to go and see with his own eyes how his lover was doing. Maybe seeing Sano fighting to overcome himself, would give him enough courage.

When he was within hearing range, his ears picked up the groans of pain.

„I'm surprised, that you can raise your legs at this point, Harada-san. The progress you make, is nothing short of amazing."  
„Well, Oishi-san," Shinpachi heard the strained voice of his friend say, „I aim to please."  
A light chuckle sounded from behind the door. „That's good to know, but first of all, do it for yourself."

Shinpachi knocked gently onto the door and entered.

„Hello, good afternoon." He said and took a look around the room. Sano was at the end of the parallel bars, holding himself upright with his hands, while the doctor stood in front of him, holding a pad, obviously taking notes about the condition of the patient. Shinpachi almost grinned. That the himself doctor was here, personally overseeing his patient could only mean two things: Either things were very bad, or extremely good. And judging from the light faces and the smiles, the latter was the case. As he entered, they both looked at him surprisedly and Shinpachi explained. „Sorry for disturbing, but you weren't in your room and when I asked, the nurse said you were still here. And then I thought, I'd go and see that great progress, you're said to be making, with my own eyes."  
The doctor nodded. „I didn't realize it was already this late." He turned to Sano. „I think we should finish for today, Harada-san." Sano nodded and while the nurse helped him into the wheelchair, the doctor looked at Shinpachi again, the smile still on his face. „To answer your inquiry, as you see, your friend is doing great. If this keeps up, he might be able to walk on his own two legs, in two weeks."

Shinpachi's face broke into a splitting grinn. „That's great to hear! The schoolboard has already been asking if Harada-sensei will be able to return in time with the start of the new semester."  
„If he keeps making steady progress like this, I don't see anything, that speaks against it. He'll have to keep it light, however." He turned to Sano again. „If I remember correctly, you teach PE, right?"  
Sano, already seated in his wheelchair, nodded. „Yes, PE and japanese history."  
„PE shouldn't be a problem. In fact, many sportsmen, who had an injury, that disabled them to pursue professional carreers, took on the profession of PE teachers, or trainers. However, you have to take it easy and not move much around in the first weeks. You'll have to regain your muscles and stamina gradualy. An abrupt change in pace would cause greater damage to your legs, than the accident did."  
Sano nodded again. „I'll keep that in mind."  
The doctor smiled. „Other than that, you'll be more or less free to move around as much as you like."

Sano smiled. „That's great to hear."

„The nurse will take you back to your room. See you tomorrow. Nagakura-san." With that the doctor nodded in greeting to Shinpachi and left.

The nurse accompanied them back to the room and then parted with them, to return to her work.

With the talk to the doctor, Shinpachi had for a moment forgotten about his nervosity, but now, that he was alone with Sano, his previous insecurity and doubts came back.

Apparently, Sano noticed this, because after Shinpachi had helped him onto the bed, and covered him, he asked:  
„Is something bothering you?"  
Shinpachi startled and looked at Sano with a look like a child caught by stealing a cookie from the cupboard. Realizing this, he quickly looked away.  
„It's...nothing."  
Sano raised a sceptic eyebrow at him.  
Shinpachi sighed. „I'm just thinking about something."  
For some reason, this made Sano chuckle and Shinpachi raised a questioning eyebrow.  
„Nothing," Sano waved of, „You just reminded me of something I once thought."  
The other eyebrow joined the first one.  
Sano smiled. „I thought, that your brain was too small to be able to think."  
Shinpachi's face turned into mock growl instantly. „You bastard!"  
Sano laughed. „What? You're such an airhead sometimes...can't I even make fun of you, anymore?"  
Shinpachi smiled and sat down onto the bed. „You can do anything you like with me, Sano."  
Their eyes met and for a while silence reigned the room, before Shinpachi spoke again.  
„I was just deciding about something."  
„Will you tell me what?" Sano asked, with a silent voice. It was only then, that Shinpachi realized, how tired Sano looked. His eyelids were heavy, dropping every second, and they were clouded and halfway into the land of dreams. He couldn't but think how adorable Sano looked right now.  
Shinpachi smiled. „Later." He took the covers and pulled them higher, then adjusted the pillow into a more comfortable position. „Rest now. You had a hard day."  
„Hmm..." Sano hummed in agreement, as his eyes slid close. But before his lover drifted of completely, he managed to mutter a half-conscious „We promised we'd talk more about our feelings, though..."

And with that, Sano was out.

Shinpachi pulled out the envelope and stared at it, for a while.

Yeah, they promised.

He laid the paper onto Sano's nightstand and with a last carress on the soft cheek, he exited the room silently. 

ox*xo

In the next days, Shinpachi's visits became less frequent.

It was only a few more days to the final exams and the events, that accompanied the end of the term were also coming up. In short, the next time Shinpachi was able to visit Sano, was after a busy Friday, that covered the end of an even busier week.

He was surprised to find Sano standing next to the open window.

„You're standing!"

Sano turned to him, golden eyes twinkling, but other than that, his face was serious.

„Yeah."

Shinpachi didn't even notice the serious expression in the joy of seeing his lover able to stand without help, and he hurried to stand next to him and just stare at the wonder.

„That's great! God, Sano, that's...I'm so happy!"

A small smile spread for a minute on Sano's features.

„Yeah, it is." Then his friend turned to look out of the window again. „The sakuras started to bloom today."  
Shinpachi smiled. „Yeah, I noticed. I'll buy some fresh sakura tea, soon." Suddenly he reached out and before Sano could realize it, a pink flower was sticking out of the red hair.  
The bewildered look Sano gave him, made Shinpachi burst out laughing.  
„Sorry, I just had to!"  
Sano pulled the small flower out of his hair and watched as it spread out on his palm.  
„I thought I'd bring an air of spring into your room." Shinpachi grinned from ear to ear and Sano's smile spread a little, as he twirled the flower between his fingers.

Suddenly, the handsom face turned serious again.

„I've read your letter."

A sudden wave of nausea washed over Shinpachi.

He had almost forgotten about the writing he left days ago in Sano's room. His doubts and his insecurity, along with the nervous tightening in his gut, came back full blow and Sano's unreadable face wasn't really helping in resolving them.

„It really touched me."

Well, that was nice, but in Sano's language, it could mean anything.

That was, when those sunlit eyes looked into his and Shinpachi couldn't count the emotions they reflected: Sadness and regrett, but also love and greatfullness.

„Why didn't you ever tell me?"

Shinpachi looked away. „I didn't know how."

Sano already opened his mouth to say something, but Shinpachi interrupted him.

„And I want you to know, that it doesn't change our agreement. I don't want you to feel, like I'm pushing you into something."

A warm hand covered his and golden sunshine met the azure of the skies.

„I thought about your proposal. About moving in."

Shinpachi's throat felt very, very dry.

„I accept."

In spite of everything, it surprised Shinpachi.

„Really?"

„Yeah."

Sano looked out of the window again, eyes staring far away.

„You're right – I need help. And not only with moving around the house and doing chores. It'd be for the best, and I think for the best of the both of us, if you moved in. We need to fix this. And the best way to achieve that, is getting used to each other again. See if it'd work."

See if it would work.

Those words sounded too fatalistic to Shinpachi's liking.

„And then?" Shinpachi couldn't but ask, voice full of insecurity.

Sano looked at him again, his eyes of the same light as ever. Shinpachi gulped.

„Then...then we'll see."

Shinpachi nodded.

He supposed it was fair enough, since Sano himself didn't seem to know what would be. Neither of them was a prophet, neither of them could tell what the future brought, but...in the light of the early spring and the smell of sakuras in the room, Shinpachi felt a beginning. The beginning of what, he didn't know, but it was still a start. And he realized, that it depended entirely on them, what they would make out of it.

He smiled.

Whatever will be, will be.

And they'd face it together. 

ox*xo-oxo-*-OMAKE-*-oxo-ox*xo

It was the beautifull morning of the 1st of April and everything was full of life.

The birds were chirping, the sakuras were in full bloom and the scent of flowers was lingering in the spring air, when the students of Hakuoki High were eargerly waiting for the next term to start.

Alright, maybe not so eagerly.

Yawning and stretching, they were trying to shake off the remains of the sleep, at least untill they sunk into their chair, at their tables, where they could catch the sleep, they didn't have last night. After all, who would want to sleep, if he could play video games, or meet with his girlfriend?

The vice-director was prolonging his speech and no one wanted to really listen to it. Hijikata-san would no doubt repeat himself more than enough times, during the semester.

No one noticed the red car, parked behind the school, or the two persons, who were sitting in it.

„Are you sure, this is alright?" the redhead asked and blue eyes smiled at him.  
„Positive. I haven't been gambling since...well, since probably ages ago, so I've got the money. You don't have to pay me back anything, Sano. After all, it was kinda my fault too that you wrecked your car."  
Sano smiled.  
„Thanks, Shin. It means a lot."  
Shinpachi smiled back.  
„You're welcome. Besides, the mechanic was so exited that I got a Ferrari Monsa into his service, that he lowered the price to a half."  
Sano chuckled.

„So." Shinpachi spoke and azure eyes sparked. „Ready to walk out and shock them to death, Harada-sensei?"

Sano smirked. „Hell, yeah."

„Then let's go."

Shinpachi already made a move to get out of the car, but Sano stopped him.

„But first, I need to give you something."

With that said, he reached into his case and retrieved a set of keys and held up one of them.

„Untill now, you only had the reserve key, to the front door of the house." He switched to the next key. „This is from the back door." Then he switched again. „This for the garage and this one for the basement." He said, showing him also the last key.

The he handed them to Shinpachi. „They're yours."

Shinpachi took the keys and regarded them with a serious look, as they laid in his open palm. Then he looked at Sano and nodded.

„Thank you. It means a lot."

He understood the gesture, he knew what Sano wanted to express and he valued it all the more.

„I have to thank you, Shinpachi." Sano said and looked deep into his eyes, look full of honesty. „Without you, I would have never been able to recover so fast." He never broke the look as he talked, not once, and Shinpachi's love to this man in front of him, grew with every word that was spoken. „I want to make this work, Shinpachi. I don't want to lose you again, just because of my idiocy."  
Shinpachi returned the steady gaze with one of his own. „And I don't want to lose you because of my ignorance."

They smiled at each other.

„It's probably time to go."  
„Wouldn't want to make them wait for too long, right?"

With that said, they stepped out into the fresh air of the spring morning.

x*o*x*o*-*x*-*o*xox*xo-oxo-*-*-oxo-ox*xox*o*-*x*-*o*x*o*x

Notes  
Yes, you guessed it: I have never been on a rehabilitation. I have no idea how things work there. I also have no idea how long such a business usually takes, but I needed to make it quick. After Sano woke up, I needed him to recover fast. The coma heals the major injuries, but your muscles deteriorate. I wanted to write something more realistic, than the usual „wakes up from a coma and is up and jumping again", but I also didn't wanted it to drag on for too long. Besides, I think it's entirely dependant on the person, how fast he recovers...right?

Also, you might have noticed, that towards the end, I haven't mentioned Shiranui. This was intentional. In the first part, I wanted to focus on Shiranui and Shinpachi and their 'relationship'. In the second part, I focused on the main relationship of this challenge, namely Sano and Shinpachi. Shiranui cleared the way and it wasn't necessary to put him into the rest of the chapter.

One more thing: The letter.  
No, I haven't written it. I might, but that's not sure yet. You can take it, that he wrote every feeling, every thought about everything that happened since that Christmas down. And it was the thing, that gave Sano the last necessary push, to accept Shinpachi's offer and let him move in.  
And yes, with the omake I want to say, that thay moved in together permanently.

Other than that, this chapter has turned out entirely the way I wanted it and that's a great feeling...however, that doesn't mean it's good. I'll need you to tell me that. R&R?

Last, but not least, thank you everyone for your kind reviews and the feedback. This chapter is entirely dedicated to you, my reviewers and commenters. I love you all.

manaika 


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